It's In The Sauce!

Who Are Your People?

Posted on March 3, 2017 by Patti Fralix

It should come as no surprise to anyone that communicating effectively with different types of people is hard work. Although we know this, too often we fail to pay enough attention to this fact. We talk too much in our own style, even when others don’t understand our language. We fail to listen enough, spending too much time talking. We do not ask enough questions, not questions that justify our own opinions, but questions to understand the opinions and positions of others.

We forget, if we ever even knew, that the purpose of communication is not to talk! Nor is the purpose of communication to listen, as important as listening is. The purpose of communication is also not to convince the other person that we are right. If we approach communication with any of these assumptions, we are not communicating effectively. If not these, then what is the purpose of communication?

The purpose of communication is to reach mutual understanding. Reaching mutual understanding does not include reaching agreement, although that may happen. Reaching mutual understanding is a higher level of communication than reaching agreement. Think about it. Even if the other person does not agree with us, if we both feel understood, we can build upon that, and may be able to find some areas upon which to agree.

Communicating effectively is much easier to talk about than to do. However, it is much easier to describe what ineffective communication looks like than to describe effective communication. This is in part due to the differences in personality that affect how we communicate. With that as a complicating factor, it is still important enough that we do our best. The following tips can be helpful.

When communicating, and before we speak, we should be very clear about our desired result of the communication in which we are about to engage. Whenever possible, our desired result of the communication should be the same as the purpose of communication, which is to reach mutual understanding. When we have this as our goal, we will be a better communicator.

Another desired result of communication can be to have a better relationship with the other person. Also, we may have as a goal to expert our position power. And, we may just be needing to clarify expectations. There are other possibilities as well. These mentioned have very different desired results, or goals, and they require different approaches to be successful.

Regardless of one’s desired result of the communication or the personality of the other person, avoid “why” questions, for they can make the other person feel the need to justify or defend. Use of “what” and “how” can result in same or similar information, without the risk of emotional feelings that can inhibit effective communication.

Be cognizant of the dominant communication style of the other person, especially related to whether the person is more of a direct or indirect communicator, and communicate in that style, regardless of your dominant style. The difference in these two styles is significant. Direct communicators use less words, the words are more definitive, and the talk is “bottom line” oriented. Indirect communicators use “qualifiers,” words that usually “soften” what is being said, which when heard by a direct communicator, can sound unclear, not definitive enough, and even, “wishy washy.”

Another important point is to listen well, and clarify what was heard. Listening well includes using all of our verbal and non verbal skills. If there is a disconnect between what one hears and what one sees, that should be addressed, in a non threatening manner.

These few points about communicating effectively, when used consistently, will make one a better communicator. It is important to remember, however, that we are only one part of the communication dynamic. We can employ all of these communication tips, and still fail to communicate effectively with some people. When that happens, it may be about them. We can only control what and how we communicate, not the other person. I saw a quote recently that reflects this.

“You will be too much for some people. Those aren’t your people.”

Posted in Relationships | Tagged friends, friendships, relationships | Leave a comment

Service Before Sales

Posted on February 22, 2017 by Patti Fralix

The most important thing in retail is sales. Or is it? If sales are insufficient, a company goes out of business. So yes, sales are very important, even critical to a company’s success. But too much focus on sales, or having a sales focus that is ineffective, will not accomplish the desired results. And what are the desired result of sales, other than the obvious, to keep the company financially healthy and in business by selling enough product?

Regardless of the product, the main desired result of sales is loyal fans. And I am a loyal fan of Fatou Barry, my Sisley expert at Saks Fifth Avenue in NYC. It is probably more because of Fatou than any other factor that I am loyal to the Sisley brand. (The lovely lady in the photo above is Fatou.)

I discovered the Sisley skin care and makeup brand at Canyon Ranch in Tucson, Arizona years ago, and have been a loyal fan of the brand since. Prior to using Sisley products, I was a Clinique and Lancôme customer. Now, did you catch the word switch? I have been a loyal fan of Sisley, whereas I was a customer of Clinique and Lancôme. There is a major difference in this distinction.

Sisley is an excellent brand. It is not uncommon for someone I do not know to comment on my skin, and ask what skin care and makeup products I use. Now, I am always surprised by this, since I pay very little attention to my skin care regime and use very little makeup. I have finally come to the realization that the Sisley brand gets the credit, not me. The products are superior. They are also expensive. And there are some Sisley products I do not use, for I will not pay what some of them cost. There is a limit, like the price limit I have on shoes. I am, however, loyal to the Sisley brand. But as much as I love the Sisley brand, it is Fatou’s service that has kept me loyal to Sisley for at least the past seven years.

I was in NYC last week and went into Saks, but not for skin care products or makeup. I had planned to not even stop by the Sisley counter since I did not need anything, and I was in a hurry. But Fatou saw me from across the store, and called me over. I went over to speak, and told her that I did not need anything. She quickly said, “I know you don’t need anything, you just bought what you needed recently, but I have something for you.” She then quickly pulled together a lovely bag and box of wonderful samples for me. Fatou often gives me samples when I make a purchase. And the samples she gave me made me feel like a very valued customer. And not just that she gave them to me, but the way she did so, calling me over and not even trying to make a sale. This experience reinforced one of my core beliefs about customer service. The magic of customer service is service before sales.

In most cases, if we serve the customer well, the sales will follow. Serving the customer well is what Fatou knows all about. The reason I didn’t need any product when I went into Saks in NYC last week is because Fatou keeps up with my purchases and what I need. A few weeks ago, she called me at just the right time, and I ordered several items that I “needed,” but likely would not have ordered had she not called! This is a great example of not just service and sales, but service before sales. Fatou has a system to know what I order, when it needs to be reordered, and connects with me to make it easy for me to place the order. And remember, she is in NYC and I am in NC!

Although there is a Saks in my home city, and I do shop there, I do not have a product representative, Sisley or otherwise, that pays attention to me, calls me when it is time for me to reorder, or in any way makes me feel special. Fatou does. Service before sales. Fatou will get my business every time.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged customer service, new york city, sales, Sisley | 2 Comments

Love Your Customers

Posted on February 15, 2017 by Patti Fralix

While many of us just celebrated Valentine’s Day with our special person, did you spend any time thinking about how you and your business shows love to your customers? Or do you provide exceptional service all year long, like one of my favorite restaurants?

Manhattan is an area that my husband Mike’s business takes him to several times a year. When it is possible, I accompany him. We often stay in the same geographical area, in Midtown, from 54th street to 57th street, at or near Avenue of the Americas. There are a couple of restaurants in that area that we enjoy. One of those is the Wayfarer. The Wayfarer is on West 57^th street at 6^th Avenue.

We went to the Wayfarer a couple of days ago, and were greeted by the manager, David Monroy, as regulars. While it is not uncommon to be greeted in that manner by our local Raleigh Cheers, Sawmill Tap Room, it is quite another thing to be treated as and to feel like a regular in Manhattan! But thanks to David Monroy, that is what we experienced.

I have written about the excellent service we received at the Wayfarer Restaurant once previously, but that article was about the excellent service of a waiter, not a manager. I should have written about David Monroy (whose photo accompanies this article) before, for he provided a level of service in a previous visit that was exceptional. As one who is passionate about customer service, it isn’t easy to “Wow” me. But that time, and this, I was.

In a previous visit, I had the Lobster Roll, which was delicious, and which I was looking forward to enjoying again, only to find that it was no longer on the menu. I mentioned my disappointment about the lobster roll to the manager, David Monroy, when he came over to greet us, not expecting anything from my comment. But Mr. Monroy quickly offered to see if the kitchen could prepare the lobster roll for me, even though it was no longer on the menu. He did, they did, and the lobster roll, while different that the previous one, was delicious. Service beyond expectation.

I have been very impressed by David Monroy, for he exhibits the best of what management is all about, both for the customer, as well as for the staff. The examples I have just mentioned are evidence of his focus on the customer, even customers like us who are irregular patrons and virtually unimportant. It goes without saying that if David Monroy values us as customers, he probably treats all customers well. That is important, but it is even more important how a manager treats the staff, for the staff is the most important customer of the manager. The “paying” customer is the most important customer of the staff, and when the manager treats the staff well, it is more likely that they will treat the (paying) customer well. While a customer, I have paid attention to how David Monroy treats the staff.

It is often the non-verbal behavior that speaks volumes. Does there seem to be a comfortable relationship between the manager and the staff? Do the staff asks for the manager’s assistance, or is he/she even available for such? Is the manager on the floor, where the action is, or in his/her office, removed from the customer experience? All of these variables reflect the importance the business places on “management by walking around.” The fact that David Monroy has been present every time we have been to the restaurant, and we have been there at different times, reflects to me that he, and his bosses, place a high priority on management’s presence and availability to the staff. I have also noticed that there seems to be a comfortable relationship between David and the staff. And in the lobster roll experience, he stated he would “see if the kitchen could prepare it for me,” not “tell them to.” All of this makes it much more likely that the staff feel well cared for, and that they place a high priority on serving the customer well.

Even though Mike and I aren’t famous, although at the Wayfarer we are made to feel like we are, the restaurant does have some famous (and some might say “infamous!”) customers. The previous night, the cast members of Saturday Night Live, including Alex Baldwin, were at the Wayfarer until the wee hours of the morning after their show.

It is a pleasure to recommend the Wayfarer Restaurant, and David Monroy, manager, and to consider this our “Cheers” in midtown Manhattan.

And remember, love your customers!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged business, customer service, Wayfarer Manhattan | 1 Comment

Relationships That Last a Lifetime

Posted on February 10, 2017 by Patti Fralix

When I think of being 65 years old, I am amazed. How did I get here so fast? Those reading this who are near my age or older know exactly what I mean. Younger readers may think they understand, but really can’t. There is something about aging that must be lived to be understood. While I am amazed at being this age, I am also grateful for the gift of age. We all know some people who did not make it to this age. Both my mother and my maternal grandmother died at 64. I worried about that in my 64^th year. My father-in-law, who is 93, said the same thing about living past the ages of his siblings when they died. Perhaps this fear of not living longer than our siblings, parents, or other relatives is universal.

Being grateful for aging is not just about the years in our lives, but the life in our years. It is our relationships and our experiences that create the tapestry of our lives. As I think of this, several experiences and relationships come to mind.

Mike and I will celebrate our 33^rd anniversary this April. There are many wonderful memories of those years. (And to be honest, a few not so wonderful, as many people can say!) One of our regular experiences through the years has been the Wilson Cotillion. Mike and I have been a part of this group longer than we have been married, forming the Wilson Cotillion in 1983 with 12 other couples. 34 years later, although we moved from Wilson to Raleigh in 1988, we still go back for the events of the Cotillion. (The photo accompanying this article is from our most recent dance at the end of January.) Just like everything else in life, the group has changed through the years. Some of the original members have died, some have moved, and some have divorced. The same is true for members who have joined since the group’s inception. There have been many additions to the group. But although the group has changed, our commitment to it hasn’t. We enjoy remaining connected to the people and the events. There are several couples in the Cotillion who we consider close friends, and spend time with several times a year, separate from the Cotillion events.

There are other people from our early years together that Mike and I remain connected to, and some of those are more family than friends. We have been together during the early years of our marriages, the marriages of our children, and the births of our grandchildren. Our times together have filled our lives with memories that have carried us through tough times, including the deaths of some of these dear friends. It is true what we have heard for years, that when we are no longer physically present, it is our memories and photos that will remain. We have remained connected to these friends although there are several states between us.

I wonder if the commitment to relationships and shared history is as strong in younger people as it is with many in my generation, especially when there is physical distance that makes it difficult to stay connected. These relationships are not Facebook friends. While I enjoy my Facebook friends, many of those connections are not friends at the same level of those I mentioned. Staying connected to Facebook friends is much easier than staying connected to friends who live several states away. There is a different level of commitment to relationships that require we do something more than click on a device and post (usually) only the good stuff about our lives.

Do close relationships matter? Aren’t we so busy that we should just accept that there are friends at different times in our lives, and as those times change, our relationships do as well? This is true to a point. It is true that it isn’t possible or even desirable to stay connected at the same level with all the people in the different stages of our lives. It is fine to let some relationships go. It is also true that we need to treasure the relationships that sustain us.

My latest book, A Year in the Life of a Recovering Spendaholic, is soon to be released. The book is a journal of my yearlong journey of changing my spendaholic behavior, a journey that occurred more than ten years ago. My friends who are family (as well as family!) will find themselves within the pages. As I recently reread the book during its editing stage, I was reminded of the value of these relationships. During that year’s journey, I connected to the importance of relationships, and my struggles with food and money.

I will likely always love beautiful things, and will continue to be challenged with purchasing more than I need, for this is about “recovering,” not being “recovered.” I am very clear, however, about the importance of “things” compared to the importance of relationships. In fact, there is no comparison.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged friendship, lifelong friends, relationships | 2 Comments

Changing Ourselves, Not Others

Posted on February 3, 2017 by Patti Fralix

With a new year well underway, it is time to take stock of how it is going. How are your New Year’s resolutions? Have you kept your commitments to yourself? I need to be honest; mine aren’t going so well. The weight is still not in control, and I haven’t done much to change that. But it is still early in the year, and I can course correct. I hope that you are happy with your progress, and if not, that you will do something now to change that.

Change is constant, and lately, it is accelerated. We can certainly look at our elected officials if we need an example of massive change. We are living in an unpredictable world, and the ambiguity grows every day. Much of what is happening in our political arena we have little to no control over. But even so, many people are trying to convince others that their choices are the right ones. If this is something you have been doing, how is it going for you? Do you have any converts? Only time will tell if we are making the right decisions for the best of our country, and for our country’s place in the world. In the meantime, perhaps we should let others be who they are, and work on ourselves a little more. If we can’t change others or the external circumstances, perhaps we should let all of that go and work on ourselves.

There is an organization I just recently heard of (thank you niece Lisa!) dedicated to helping others have respectful conversations. The organization is the Red Boot Coalition, and its mission is: “By engaging in honest sharing and compassionate listening, inspired by the Red Boot Eleven Steps, we create places where people feel safe, connected and loved.” Those are powerful words, “feeling safe, connected, and loved.” I encourage you to google the Red Boot Coalition, and you will find much information about their work. What you will NOT find is any mention of changing others. There are three things we can do if we want to feel connected with and valued by others, and none of them are about changing others. Our relationship with others changes when we change, not when they change.

The first change we can make within ourselves is to listen more and better. When we choose to listen more compassionately to others, it just makes sense that they will respond in kind and listen more compassionately to us. If we want to be heard more, we should listen more. Too often we spend so much time talking that we can’t be heard.

The second change we can make is to ask more and better questions. These are not, however, questions that interrogate. A friend of mine has a saying that she uses about asking questions. “Asking questions is the lowest level of communication.” What she is referring to is asking questions that feel like an interrogation, which are not questions to reach understanding. Asking questions that help us reach mutual understanding should be our goal. And reaching mutual understanding is not the same thing as agreement. We do not need agreement to feel valued, but we do need to feel understood.

The third change we can make is to communicate with others based upon their dominant communication style, not ours. Doing so may result in us changing how we say what we say. If we are too direct with someone who is more of an indirect communicator, we can too easily close them down. Also, if we communicate indirectly with a direct communicator, we may not be understood at all. This is a great application of the difference in the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule. The Golden Rule is “Do unto others as you want done unto you.” The Platinum Rule is “Treat others the way they want to be treated.” (Credit to Dr.Tony Alessandra.) In a world of greater diversity, the Platinum Rule serves us better.

This approach, changing ourselves, is not as easy as just saying what we think, without regard for how the other person can best hear it. It is, however, the best way for us to “create places where people feel safe, connected, and loved.” Thank you for this insight, Red Boot Coalition.

February is the Love month. I want to spend more time showing love in my communication with others. Will you join me?

Posted in life, Relationships | Tagged change, love, Red Boot Coalition, relationships | Leave a comment

Surround Yourself with Loyal Friends

Posted on January 25, 2017 by Patti Fralix

We have a new President. There has been much in the news in the past few months about our election, the candidates, and the different opinions about what’s best for our country. Then in November, the electorate voted, and on January 20^th Donald Trump became the 45^th President of the United States. Some people are very happy about that, and others are not. We will likely hear and read about these different opinions for years to come. That is not the focus of this post. This is about a letter the Bush twins, Jenna and Barbara Bush, wrote to the Obama girls, Sasha and Malia, as they were preparing to leave the White House that would soon be occupied by the new first family.

The message that resonated the most with me from the letter the Bush twins wrote to Sasha and Malia Obama is the title of this post: Surround Yourself with Loyal Friends. This is a timeless message, a message worth as much to all of us as it is to those who have occupied or will occupy the White House. I have thought about this message on different levels since I heard it.

First there is the issue of who is a friend, really? Without getting out the dictionary, we should all be able to provide a common definition of a friend. While there are many characteristics of a friend, one of my requirements when I think of a friend is that it is someone who has our best at heart. It is someone we make time for. It is someone with whom we share common interests and values.

Adults have different types of relationships, and these can sometimes be confused as friendships. While on one level social acquaintances can become friends, there is a difference in these “friendships” and true friendships. The difference is somewhat like the Facebook friends. While I have some true friends who are also Facebook friends, many of my Facebook friends are more social friends and business friends than personal friends. While I value these Facebook friends, they are not the ones I trust to be vulnerable with, nor who I will call in the middle of the night if my heart is hurting. You understand the difference. While all friends are valuable, they serve different needs.

Another distinction. If the social relationship, “friendship,” is a result of business connections, these may not be friendships in the truest sense of the word. This does not mean that times spent with these people aren’t fun, for they certainly can be. It is, however, important to keep the distinctions clear. If the only times we talk to these friends is when we are together for a business function or an extension of a business function, while these may be social friends, they may not qualify for friendship of a deeper level. If we expect more from these relationships, we may be disappointed. These may not pass the “having our best at heart” criteria.

The issue of loyalty is a big issue in friendship. I have known of several friendships, some deep and long standing, that have been split apart by the violation of the loyalty principle. In each case, there has been the issue of jealousy and/or competition, which is a direct violation of loyalty. Can we be loyal to one of whom we are jealous or feel competitive? My experience is, no. I have seen too many relationships severed due to this issue.

Then there is the issue of openness and honesty. It is hard to imagine having a true friend with whom one can’t be open and honest, regardless of the circumstance. This often involves conflict. While it is true that different personalities deal with conflict differently, when there is a foundation of trust in the relationship, conflict can be managed, not avoided. If the relationship does not involve openness and honesty within a framework of trust and loyalty, it is best to not assume that one can be totally vulnerable or open with the other person.

“Surround Yourselves with Loyal Friends” is a message worth remembering, and not just for Sasha and Malia.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged friendship, loyalty | Leave a comment

How Could It Be, Another Weather Disruption?!

Posted on January 17, 2017 by Patti Fralix

Just a week after the weather disruption I wrote about a couple of days ago, here we are dealing with another one. While last week’s disruption involved warmth of a roaring fire, good food, and time to leisurely clean out closets, this one brings uncertainty and fear. Mike and I are in an airplane circling over Steamboat Springs, Colorado, unable to land due to fog. The pilot says we have enough fuel to circle overhead for up to thirty minutes, then if the fog doesn’t clear, we will divert to Denver. To complicate things even more, Tara and Stephen and the girls are on another AA flight, theirs from Jacksonville, Florida, due into Steamboat Springs about the same time ours. I suppose they are also circling, their pilot dealing with the same options.

When I am troubled, I write. So, I decided the best way to deal with my fear is to write. And of course, trust and hope for a happy outcome for all of us, with only a flight delay the result. In the meantime, I will write.

While on this flight I just finished reading the powerful book, When Breath Becomes Air. Read it. Had I not just finished it, I might be even more frightened. Knowing how safe air travel is, I truly am trusting a good outcome for us on these flights, but the unknown is still scary. The author of When Breath Becomes Air faced a much greater fear, that of losing all he cared about: his family, his avocation, his life, to lung cancer when he was at the height of his career.

When we feel most out of control is when we feel most vulnerable and afraid. While the reality is that there is much in life that we can’t control, too often we go about our daily lives’ assuming we have forever. Otherwise, we would spend our time more mindfully, engage more often with those we love and less with work, and better prepare for our financial future. But perhaps because of our resilient natures and overall optimism, too often we let time pass by, and wonder where it went.

This post isn’t about travel disruption, that is only the current life lesson. This is about how precious, and tenuous, our lives are.

Thirty minutes is soon up, and no recent update from the pilot. It seems that we may be headed to Denver. If so, I will be glad, and not complain one bit. All I care about at this point is all of us landing safely, regardless of where.

When you read this, (I am an optimist!) you will know that we landed safely. And I imagine where we landed will not matter to you either.

Posted in life | Tagged family, vacation, weather delay, weather interruption | 2 Comments

The Gift of a Weather Interruption

Posted on January 13, 2017 by Patti Fralix

There are times that show us that we are not in control. We had one of those these past few days with a weather inspired staycation. Regardless of what we had planned for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, many of us were iced in, and all plans that involved driving were put on hold for many people. We knew for days that snow and ice were coming, and that due to the plunging temperatures, it would be with us for a few days. We did not receive as much snow as predicted, but the ice was treacherous. There were some people who did navigate the snow and ice and went about their normal routines due to their jobs requiring such. I am thankful for the nurses, firefighters, and others who leave their families and forge on to their places of work while others of us are granted the gift of an unplanned few days at home. They make it possible for others to get the help and assistance needed by risking their own safety and comfort.

Since we knew in advance that the weather would likely keep many inside for a few days, the grocery stores had the expected run on milk and bread, which were the main items I purchased. With a freezer full of food, there was plenty to cook, although I did not plan what I would cook, nor inventory needed ingredients. The turkey and turkey carcasses from Thanksgiving were just waiting to be made into a soup and pot pie. I found myself getting creative a few times, and enjoyed the results. The pot pie recipe called for leeks and turnips, and I had neither, but I did have spinach and peas, and they provided the color, and for me, a better taste than turnips. The pie crust I wanted to make required lard, which I did not have, so I googled pastry made with butter, and found an easy recipe for that, with a cooking tip I will use in other recipes. The tip is to freeze the butter, then grate it, which made it much easier to cut into the flour than chopped butter. What did we ever do before google?!

I was surprised that I lost two pounds while eating such good food, and attribute that to not eating fast food, as well as being mindful of what I did eat. My New Year’s commitment to lose weight is proceeding well, thankfully. From previous experience, I know that one of the hardest aspects of losing weight is just getting started, and I have started. I am not being aggressive with this weight loss plan, being happy with a one to two-pound loss per week.

When I wasn’t cooking, I was cleaning out closets that sorely needed the attention. Had I not had this weather interruption, the closets would have waited for the attention, for who knows how long. It was therapeutic to be able to spend the time on that task.

Cooking and cleaning were possible and even enjoyable because we did not lose power. We also kept fires burning with the firewood provided by our son-in-law from their large tree downed in the recent weather disruption of Hurricane Matthew.

In addition to being able to slow down and spend time cooking and cleaning due to our weather challenges, there were lessons learned that I hope will stay with me now that our schedules have returned to normal.

The first lesson is to go with the flow. When life interrupts us, if we can just move with it and not fight it, it often provides some needed benefits. The gift of time to cook nurturing and healthy food and to clean out closets provided an opportunity to do needed chores in a leisurely manner. It was indeed a gift.

The second lesson is to be resourceful and creative when you realize that you do not have what you need. This involved substituting similar items for missing ingredients when cooking. I found that olive oil can be substituted for other oil in making Nana Bread (our grandchildren’s name for my friendship bread) and there were no negative results. The bread rose the same and tasted the same.

The third lesson is to find the blessings when things happen that can’t be controlled. Regardless of our plans and planning, life gives us detours and interruptions. This is like going with the flow mentioned previously. Finding the blessings sometimes requires that we dig deep. Our weather interruption was a minor event, so finding the blessings was easy to do. We had very little scheduled that had to be rescheduled. Time to slow down and sit by a warm fire is rare, and being able to do so provided some needed respite from a busy holiday season. Had this weather interruption happened when we had a wedding planned, such as many experienced in the Southeast with Hurricane Matthew in October, I would have had to dig deep to find the blessings in that. But I am sure some did. We are resilient.

Our schedules have now returned to normal. Most of the snow and ice has melted, most people are back at work, and mail delivery has resumed. While cooking for hours and sitting by a warm fire are now memories, I hope the lessons provided by our weather disruption remain front row center in my mind.

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Keeping Our New Year’s Commitments

Posted on January 5, 2017 by Patti Fralix

A New Year, A New Me. Per published research, the three most common areas of New Year’s resolutions are to exercise more, lose weight, and improve overall health and well-being. I was surprised that in a list of twelve resolutions, reducing debt, saving more, or reducing consumption were not mentioned at all, although I was glad to see that spending more time with family and friends was on the list.

Many people have these plans, and some have even begun the process. Others are planning their big focus of personal change to begin the week of January 9^th, some still celebrating New Year’s and not wanting to begin a major change mid-week. Whether your personal change plan begins this week or next is not as important as is having a structured process for your plan.

I have written before about the difference in resolutions, plans, and commitments, stating that commitments are stronger than resolutions or plans, and therefore have a greater potential for success. The words are not just a game of semantics; the distinction is real. However, since many people think in terms of goals, “goals” will be the language used in the remainder of this discussion.

The percentage of people who have written goals has long been recorded, which is 3% of the population, and the percentage hasn’t changed much over the years. The 3% who do have written goals are far more successful financially, and I suspect otherwise, than the other 97%. There is no question that by writing down our commitments, we greatly improve our potential for keeping those commitments. There are many ways to record our commitments, not one right way. I suggest a simple process for doing so.

Many people have three main priority areas, Personal, Family, and Professional. Within these three areas are many areas of focus, such as Health, Spiritual, Financial, Career, Education, Cultural, Physical, and Relationships. There are other areas of focus as well, and even sub groups within each of these areas. While this process can be as specific or as general as desired, the more specific our goals, the easier it is to be clear about them.

One option is to set one overall general goal for 2017 in the three main areas of focus; Personal, Family, and Professional, and then more specific goals in each of those three areas. I will give my three general goals as an example. In the area of Personal, my goal for 2017 is; To Reach and Maintain a Weight of 127 pounds. In the area of Family, my general goal is: To Continue to See our Grandchildren No Less Than Once a Month in 2017. In the area of Professional, my general goal is: To Build My Speaking Business Around It’s in the SAUCE. Now, the only one of these goals that is specific and therefore measurable is the first one, the personal goal. It will be necessary for the sub goals in each of these three areas to be specific and measurable.

For goals to be attainable requires that they have identifiable actions. In the area of my general personal goal that includes: Attending Weekly Weight Watchers Meetings. In the Family area, that includes: Attending the Birthday Celebrations of our Three Grandchildren. In the area of professional, that includes: Marketing SAUCE to Past Clients in the First Quarter of 2017. For each of these, a monthly goal will be set, as well as weekly goals. With this structure, it will be possible to not just establish goals and actions, but also to monitor progress, and revise goals as appropriate.

What has just been discussed is only one possible process for Goals Attainment, which is what’s important. It is one thing to set goals, even specific and measurable ones, it is quite another thing to monitor progress. The most important part of the process, however, is goals attainment. We do not want this to be a writing exercise. We want to achieve our goals.

Enough about me and my goals. What are your 2017 goals? What structure have you chosen to improve the possibility that you will attain your goals?

I could say more about this now, but I would risk eyes glazing over and total loss of interest! On the other hand, I may write more about this in upcoming posts in January, hoping in doing so I will help others keep the focus on this subject that can become tiring. It is too easy for the excitement of New Year’s Resolutions to fade away before the end of January.

Hopefully there is enough information in this post for those who are serious about their commitments to get started.

Do not let this early 2017 focus be a New Year’s fad. Our lives are too important.

Posted in family, life, Relationships | Tagged change, goals, new years resolutions | Leave a comment

A New Year Awaits

Posted on December 30, 2016 by Patti Fralix

It happens every year. Another year dawns, and another year passes. At the beginning of a new year many people take stock of what they accomplished, or failed to accomplish, in the year that just passed. They also make what are usually called New Year’s resolutions, often pledging to themselves to improve in some area. With only two days left before 2017 begins, I am focusing on what I call commitments instead of resolutions. Some may think this is just wordsmithing, but to me there is a major difference in resolutions and commitments. The words themselves ring differently to me. A resolution is like a fad, such as the fad of purchasing gym memberships, going to the gym a few times, then quitting. A commitment is more like a promise to oneself, which I find is much harder to break. I am making one large commitment, one promise, to myself for 2017. Before discussing my 2017 commitment, I want to reflect on 2016.

2016 was an ok year for me, on both a personal and professional level. There were some gains, as well as some losses. I regained much of the weight I lost a few years ago. I am unhappy about that, and plan to correct that problem very soon. I have made that promise to myself. I had some great experiences, including being named one of Triangle Business Journal’s 2016 Women in Business honorees, in the Inspiration category. I finally finished my book that has been in process for ten years, and it is in publication now, and will be released in January.

In 2016 I had some wonderful times with family and friends. I was able to keep my almost twelve-year commitment to see our grandchildren no less than once a month, although they live several states away. I have not missed a month since our first granddaughter, Mary Grace, was born almost twelve years ago. My husband and I spent some relaxing time together, including some wonderful travel. I celebrated a friend’s birthday with her on a great trip to NYC. Helping host a baby shower for a friend’s first grandchild gave me a special time with her and other friends who, because of the distance between us, I see too rarely. I finally recovered from an almost two-year bout with Bursitis in both hips, even despite my weight gain. (I certainly hope my hips don’t need this extra weight!) Also, I had another “gain” in 2016, when I became Medicare eligible!

2016 was also a time of loss. I lost a dear friend to cancer, and her death was totally unexpected. She lived in England and I had not seen her for several months. Her illness and death came quickly. The fact that she is gone is still a shock. This loss, as well as the loss of loved ones by others I know, one whose grandson was only in his 20’s, is the reason for my 2017 commitment. The news this week has been consumed by the death of several celebrities, including Carrie Fisher who was only 60 from a heart condition, and her mother, Debbie Reynolds, who died only one day later. This life should not be taken for granted, for death can claim us at any time. Such is the reason for my 2017 commitment.

In 2017 I will live each day mindfully, aware that decisions and choices I make can be life altering, for the good, or not. I am aware that every day I am living my legacy. While my personal life and especially relationships will continue to be a priority, my professional work will be more of a priority than it has been in 2016. Although I am 65, I hope to have ten good work years left. By 75, I will probably be ready to close out the professional part of life, but not until then, assuming I remain healthy. Retirement is not my goal for the next few years, meaningful work is. In 2017 these words will be combined with actionable results. I do believe the words of the person who said, “If work isn’t more fun than work, you’re doing it wrong!”

Mindful living allows us to live and leave a legacy of significance. While it is certainly possible to live a life of significance on a personal level, I want my legacy to also be one of professional significance. While some might say I have done that, I know that my professional work isn’t finished yet.

Welcome to a brand-new year of opportunity. May your 2017 commitments be those that will position you for all that you want your life to be. This life is too precious to be taken for granted. We owe it to ourselves to be our best selves. We also owe it to others, including those who are no longer with us.

Posted in life, Relationships | Tagged Carrie Fisher, new years | Leave a comment