It's In The Sauce!

Love is Action

Posted on May 29, 2026 by Patti Fralix

My heart is broken. My dear first cousin, Mason Peay, passed away on Tuesday, May 26th at the young age of 63. Mason had a major stroke one week before. Although the doctors and nurses at Carilion Roanoke Memorial Hospital gave him excellent care, his body was already so debilitated that he could not recover.

It became the responsibility of another first cousin, Paula, who you see above in a photo of Mason and her in their younger years, and me to agree to the removal of life support and let Mason die peacefully. He had a respiratory arrest the day before and in the absence of a Do Not Resuscitate order, was intubated. Tests verified that he was brain dead, and the doctors said there was no hope of recovery. Making the decision to withdraw life support from Mason was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.

Although Mason and I were first cousins, he was more like a brother to me in my younger years. My aunt and uncle, Mason’s parents, took me in several times in my teenage years, helping my mother when she needed it. Mason and his older brother Barry Jr. were like siblings to me during that time. Barry Jr. passed away at the young age of 40. Uncle Barry and aunt Evelyn, Mason’s parents, are both deceased.

Mason never married and had no children. But he was by no means alone in the world. Mason had several wonderful friends, friends who he was closer to than many family members are to their relatives. Mason’s friends showed him love in action, as he did to them. In fact, this blog post is not just about Mason’s death, it is about love in action.

Various health conditions, and other problems as well, kept Mason immobilized for much of the past several years. That was clear to his friends, who were often there when he needed them to be. It should have been clear to me. Mason lived in Roanoke,Virginia, only three hours away from me. I could have been there more often than I was. Oh, I swooped in at times, both physically and on the phone. (Read my August 17, 2024 blog post, “Paying it Forward,” on Fralix Group.com about one of those times.) But I did not do all that I could. I am remorseful and sad about that. It is too late now to show Mason love in action. But it is not too late for me to show love in action to others. Nor is it too late for you.

I hope that you are thinking of someone other than Mason as you read this, someone in your circle that you need to show more love in action. For these experiences we have about knowing when we could do better should not to be wasted.

Yes, I feel guilty about not doing more for Mason the past couple of years. I know nothing I do now can change that, including sharing this in a blog post. Only if and when I use this experience for good, reaching out to others in their times of need, will I have learned the lessons I need to learn.

This blog post is the first of three about this experience with Mason as he made his transition from life to death. The other two posts will follow soon.

I will appreciate your prayers for me as I process the grief of this loss.

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7 Years of Sobriety

Posted on May 7, 2026 by Patti Fralix

On May 7, 2019, I took my last drink of alcohol. At the time, I had not made the decision to never drink alcohol again. I just decided that I needed to take a break. While I hoped that I was not an alcoholic, I knew that I was drinking too much. I also decided that the alcohol could be the main reason that I was unable to lose the weight I wanted to lose. So, on that fateful evening, I decided to change my mantra from, “I am not giving up my Chardonnay.” My mantra became, ‘Well, I have tried everything else, and nothing else is working, so I will see if eliminating alcohol will work.” It did. I lost 50 pounds. What I also lost was my compulsion, or addiction, to alcohol.

I was shocked that I was able to eliminate my almost nightly glasses (2 or 3, usually) of Chardonnay, so effortlessly. Drinking had become a habit, and I did not know if it had become an addiction. I would not have been surprised to have needed help with this decision, such as AA. While I would have taken advantage of that resource if I thought I needed it, I didn’t.

Although friends and family continued their social drinking, I just stopped. The longer I was away from drinking, the better I felt. While I had not known that I did not feel as good as I could, I realized soon that I was sleeping better, thinking better, and (my friend said) behaving better. (I decided to not tell my friend that she might also benefit from making the same decision! We all have to find our own way with this decision.)

As the days and months passed, I decided that this change would be a lifetime change. I knew that with alcoholism so prevalent in my family, and with my addictive tendencies, I was playing with fire drinking alcohol. While I was able to stop at that point effortlessly, there might come a time when I couldn’t.

The weight loss of 50 pounds was not just a result of no alcohol, I also (finally) got serious about Weight Watchers. While I have found some of that lost weight. (10 pounds,) I am, for the most part, ok with that. I am a lifetime Weight Watchers member and attend at least monthly meetings to maintain that status. If I gave up sugar, I could lose those 10 pounds. That is a decision I am contemplating.

Today is my 7th anniversary of being sober. Although I do not like that term, “being sober,” that is the common reference of the decision to eliminate alcohol.

Do I miss Chardonnay, Appletinis, and Lemon Drop Martinis? Not often, but sometimes. Drinking for me was a social thing, as it is for many people. When I am sitting in a bar with others in my family and friend circle, I do miss the social aspect of drinking. I do not enjoy the bar environment for that reason, and do not go to bars often. But since this is my decision and not anyone else’s until and if they decide to make this change, I do find myself in drinking environments occasionally. While I am not really tempted to drink alcohol again even in those environments, I do not enjoy being there.

Perhaps my comments about this have stirred something in you. It may be your drinking, or it may be something else for you. If there is something you can eliminate from your life to be your best, perhaps my story can encourage you to do so. Change isn’t easy. But once we make a change and get on the other side of it, it gets easier.

I wish you well in your journey.

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The Next Step We Take

Posted on April 30, 2026 by Patti Fralix

When I walk, which I try to do as many days as possible, I listen to podcasts. I often hear something that I want to remember, and stop and make a note of it. This morning while thinking of this post, I looked at my podcasts notes, and this thought spoke to me. The entire note is: “It isn’t the last step you took, it is the next step you take.” This thought has many applications. I will list a few.

’It isn’t the last step you took, it is the next step you take” makes me think of the ten (small, but still 10!) cookies I ate yesterday. Yes, ten! Now those ten cookies were not all eaten at one time, they were eaten at three different times during the day. But I ate ten cookies when I should have only eaten two or three. I am a sweet-a-holic. I sometimes think that I need to stop eating sweets altogether. As I was putting the last three cookies in my mouth last night, I was able to stop myself at three, although I wanted more. I considered that a victory! The real victory will be if I do not have any cookies today.

I find that several times a month I eat too many sweets. While I am doing so, I tell myself that I will finish what I am eating, then the next day get serious again about my healthy eating plan. I am usually able to do that. I weigh most every day, and stay within two pounds of my goal weight. But I am still at least five pounds heavier than I want to be. I know the problem with sweets contributes to that five pounds.

Now, eating too many sweets may not be your challenge. But I imagine you have one. This quote, “It isn’t the last step you took, it is the next step you take” is about change. We all have things we want to change. We know that to change something, we have to change our behavior. And behavior change is the hardest change to make. Usually the obstacle we face when attempting to change is ourself.

The butterfly is a symbol of change. AI (which is an example of change) says the butterfly embodies rebirth and the ability to embrace change. Another AI resource lists the following 7 Steps to Change Your Life: 1. Stop making Excuses. 2. Set Goals. 3. Create a Routine. 4. Hold Yourself Accountable. 5. Track Your Progress. 6. Failure is Integral to Success. 7. Exercise.

When I started my Leadership Development business in the early ‘90’s I decided that my mission was, and still is: “To Inspire Positive Change.” I knew that the only way to live my mission was to be the change I wanted to see in others. Some days I succeed, and some days I fail. (Think eating 10 cookies!) I am encouraged by #6 in the 7 Steps to Change Your Life,” Failure is Integral to Success.”

While reading this post, I believe there are some thoughts that you have, and the thoughts are about you, not what I am sharing. What is the next step you need to take? Not, what is the last step you took, for that is over. It is too late for woulda, shoulda, coulda.

But it is not too late for the next step.

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Inspiring Positive Change®

Posted on March 31, 2026 by Patti Fralix

Do you ever think about your impact on others? Is it normally positive? Do you help others, or are you one who is more for self? Do you inspire others to be their best? When given the opportunity, do you gladly teach others what you know, or expect them to get it on their own? If those who know you best were asked if you inspire them, or if your behavior with them is negative, what do you think they would say about your impact on them?

I am feeling guilty writing this, for I know I am (once again) writing about what I need to learn. While there are a couple of people who come to mind that would honor me by saying I have inspired them, there are just as many who would state that my behavior with them is more negative than positive. How about you?

Having a positive impact on others is one of our greatest opportunities. We never know what other people are dealing with. We may be the one person who lifts another up when she/he is going through a difficult time. We may also have the opposite effect on that person.

This really isn’t complicated, although it isn’t always easy. How do we assure that our influence on others is positive? One of the most important ways we do this is by how we communicate.

Our tone of voice is either warm and engaging, or harsh and demeaning. Of course, there are gradations of these, and we can be somewhere in-between these two extremes. While we may not be warm and engaging, we may take comfort in the fact that at least we aren’t harsh and demeaning. But that is a false comfort, for we should expect no less from ourselves than to be warm and engaging with all others. We should strive to lift others up, not to bring them down.

We have the opportunity to bring out the best in others, to inspire their best. How we interact with others is one way we do this. We can inspire positive change in others just by how we communicate with them. While tone of voice is important, there are other variables that are also important.

The words we use matter. If our words are aggressive, they will not create a positive interaction. One example of aggressive words can be “always and never.” These words are often accompanied by “you,” such as, “You always,” or “You never.” We know this isn’t really true, for no one “always” or “never” does something. These words are usually said in an exaggerated tone of voice.

The best communication style to use with another person is assertive, not aggressive. There is a major difference in assertive and aggressive.

I will leave this discussion where it is, before it seems like a theoretical discussion. Suffice it to say that we should strive to create a positive interaction with others. When we do, we have an opportunity to inspire positive change in others.

Interestingly enough, we also inspire positive change in ourselves.

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Programming Our Mind For Action

Posted on February 27, 2026 by Patti Fralix

2026 is in full swing, and if you haven’t done so already, it is time. Time to decide what you want this year to be for you. One process, or model, that can help is to program your mind. This programming has three parts: Verbalizing, Visualizing, and Managing Feelings and Emotions.

It is important to write it down. Whatever we want to do, we need to commit that to the written word. And while writing can certainly be done on the computer or IPad, some believe that it is best to write this manually, that it will be retained better if it is written in long hand.

There is a 10-step process for programming our mind. This process is:

Identify your goal.
Attach a picture of the goal, so there is a visual.
Understand your “why.” Why do you want this goal?
Be clear about how this will benefit you.
Will this help others?
Is this goal right legally and morally?
List the advantages.
What is necessary for you to reach your goal?
What is the date of your intended completion of the goal?
Identify action steps and dates for goal completion.

One action step that may be necessary is to understand what is getting in your way. What keeps you from being who you want to be? What are you about to give up on that may just need more focus and time? Do you need to change your approach to be successful? If what you have been doing hasn’t worked, it is time to change your approach.

Robert Greenleaf’s words in the Servant Leader can inspire us to action.

“If you want to have an impact, if you aspire to make a difference, then you had better start doing it. Nothing is worse than wasting your life in the false comfort of inaction.”

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Getting Things Done During Weather Disruptions

Posted on January 31, 2026 by Patti Fralix

In North Carolina we have had two significant weather disruptions in the past week. The first was last weekend, when many in our area were sequestered in their homes over the weekend due to extremely cold weather, snow, sleet and ice. Although power outages were anticipated, thankfully, we did not have any power outages in our area. What we did have was the need to stay indoors and wait for the temperature to rise enough to melt the ice so that driving conditions were safe. Schools were closed, which did not affect me and my husband, but certainly did affect many parents and children. Most people heeded the warnings to stay put. Stay put, and do what?

Since we had plenty of notice of the expected weather disruptions, I had made sure to have enough food to cook if we had power, and enough food that did not require cooking if we lost power. I had books to read. I kept my devices fully charged and had an external device to charge the devices if we lost power. I had flashlights, batteries, and candles. I filled the bathtub with water that could be used to flush the toilets, and I had bought water and ice. I was ready!

I also had plenty of things that I could do to stay busy, although some of those things are not what I wanted to do. In the category of “things I could do that I did not want to do” was clean the house, clean out a closet, and polish silver frames. I did all of those things, although the cleaning I did was not cleaning of the entire house. I also rearranged some decorative items.

I enjoyed the opportunity to get some things done that I had put off doing. I decided that being productive was more important to me than having down time and doing things that were more enjoyable, such as reading. I knew that I would feel better if this time was spent doing things that are hard to find the time to do when life is “normal.”

Our second weather disruption was this weekend. In the Raleigh/Durham area where we live, we waited two days for what was expected to be a snow accumulation of 3-6 inches, and all we received (as of now) is a sprinkling of snow. Thankfully, again, we had no power outages. What we have had is businesses closed and many people waiting on snow that did not appear. While I am grateful for safety and am certainly not complaining about another couple of days of “down time,” I do regret that businesses lost revenue at a time when sales are usually slow already. While some parts of our state and other states did have lots of snow, many of us waited for snow that failed to appear.

This weekend I spent all of my time in the kitchen, cooking. I was reminded of Covid, when I did the same. I made Chicken Pot Pies, Beef Pot Pies, and Aggression Cookies. I even braved the frigid temperature and some snow on driveways to take one of my neighbors some cookies. This particular neighbor brought us a pumpkin loaf when we moved in a couple of years ago, and I will always remember her thoughtfulness.

If you follow my blog, you may have noticed that I have not posted a blog all month. I have not decided what to do about this blog. While I enjoy writing and sharing my musings with others, I have not decided how long I will continue the blog. But I decided that I am not quite ready to quit. My first blog was published January 2015, and for most of this time, I posted weekly, or at least a couple of times a month. That changed when my very able assistant, Gina, was no longer able to help me with the technical aspects of the blog. I have struggled since then. I have had to learn how to post on WordPress, including how to post photos. It has been a struggle. But I have a hard time letting go of this. You may know from earlier posts that I have a hard time letting go of anything! So why should the blog be any different?

Well, this is the last day of January, and my pride would not let me have a month go by without posting a blog. Although I started this blog post last week, I am only now finishing it.

I am looking for a sign to know what to do about whether to continue the blog, or not. I would love to hear from you about this decision.

Stay safe, warm, and productive!

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2025 is a Wrap

Posted on December 31, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Another year is in the history books, or technically, is about to be. How has 2025 been for you? While there isn’t much we can do on this very last day of the year, it is good to do a review as we begin 2026.

I have had a lot of time on my hands these past two weeks. While I had planned to be traveling, not thinking that I would be home much, that did not turn out to be the case at all. You may recall that I did not put up a Christmas tree for this reason. Life changed on us, and Mike and I both had a bad case of Pneumonia. So, for the first time ever, I was not able to travel to see our GA grandchildren on Christmas. Nor did I see much of our grandchildren who live ten minutes from us, since they, as well as we, were sick. It has been quite an unusual Christmas. Thankfully, we seem to all be well for the moment, and will be with our local grandchildren and celebrate Christmas on New Year’s Day, and will fly to GA on Sunday to celebrate Christmas with our family there. So we ended up putting up a (tabletop) tree after all. But more about that later.

With excess time on my hands, I have been doing some cleaning out of files. I came upon some important things to think about. As we end this year, perhaps these will be meaningful to you.

From a book I read long ago, It’s Not About the Coffee, a few thoughts.

What keeps you/me from having passion, purpose, and persistence in my/our life and work?
What am I about to give up on that may need a little more commitment, time, or persistence?
Have I/you reached an impasse when we need to change our approach?
We should use our principles to lead us to our next action.

If we want to have an impact, if we aspire to make a difference, then we better start doing it. Nothing is worse than wasting our life in the false comfort of inaction. This is from a book by Robert Greenleaf, The Servant Leader.

Important thoughts to think about on this very last day of 2025. While it is too late to do much about this year that is about to be a wrap, we have an entire new year to be all that we want to be, and do all that we want to do. If we start, and work through our goals, that is.

What is my goal? What is my one overarching goal for 2026? Why do I want it? How will I, and others, benefit if I accomplish it? How can I reach my goal? What is my date of intended completion? What are the action steps necessary to accomplish this goal? To be successful with this I must write it all down. Trying to keep it in my head will not work. I must commit this to writing. More about that in future posts.

Now, about our 2025 Christmas tree. When my local family (specifically MoMo and Lolly) knew that Mike and I would be in town for Christmas after all, and we did not have a Christmas tree, they brought us one! Lolly said It was MoMo’s idea, but she was in Canada for the holiday. So she enlisted Lolly to get us a tree. Lolly showed up at our front door with a partially decorated tabletop tree! It was beautiful, and still is!! I am so thankful for their thoughtfulness. I thoroughly enjoyed completing decorating the tree, and have so enjoyed having it as a bright spot while Mike and I recovered.

We also had food sent to us by daughters Tara and Chatham, and Lolly. Lolly also went to the grocery store and brought us food to keep us nourished, and sent plates of her Christmas meal to us. These gifts of time, food, and our Christmas tree made an otherwise difficult situation manageable. While being sick at Christmas was not what we had planned, when others reached out and took care of us, we felt the spirit of Christmas in tangible ways.

Goodbye to 2025, and hello to 2026. May all of your dreams come true.

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A Different Christmas

Posted on December 12, 2025 by Patti Fralix

I never thought I would be the one to say this, but I am not putting up a Christmas tree this year. There were years that I had five trees, and many other Christmas decorations. This year, there will not even be one. I struggled with this decision, but finally decided that it makes no sense to put a tree up when we are not home to enjoy it but a few days.

I feel guilty about the times I voiced my opinion to others who made the same decision, expressing that I did not understand how someone would not put up a Christmas tree. The ones who were expressing that they were not going to have a christmas tree were older, as I am. They were not expecting any children in to visit. Some had a table top tree. I thought of having a tabletop tree, but decided that such would not be a good use of funds, since we still would not be home enough to enjoy the tree.

A couple of years ago we bought our first artificial tree, and it is 8’ tall. While that was a hard decision to make, to change from a live tree to an artificial one, it was the right decision to make. It is so much easier to pack up the artificial tree at the end of the season, and take it out at the beginning of the next season. Even so, it did not seem the thing to do this year.

We have many tree decorations, having collected them through the years. There are so many that we cannot use them all on one large tree. I need to go through them and decide which ones to keep, which one to give to our children and grandchildren (understanding that they may not want any of them!) and what to do with the rest. Just thinking about this process wears me out!

This really isn’t about Christmas, it is about Change. There are other possessions that I need to view in the same way. I have so many dishes, and we rarely entertain, and when we do, such as at Thanksgiving, I have dishes for that holiday. I need to choose which dishes to keep, and get rid of the others. This is easier for me to write about than to do. I love China, Crystal, and Silver, and do not really want to part with any of it. But I really need to. My cabinets are full of items I will likely never use.

There is also the issue of casserole dishes, serving bowls, and cooking utensils. I have entirely too many of all of these. I have bought them through the years as I found them and loved them, at a time when we were living a very different lifestyle, especially entertaining. We are no longer living that lifestyle and will never again, so it is time to accept that and rid ourselves of the excess.

Change isn’t easy. But when we allow ourselves to let go of what we no longer need (if we ever needed it!) we may be amazed at how much lighter we feel.

Are there things you are holding onto that you no longer use or need? Can you give yourself permission to let go? I recommend it, recognizing that my journey in this is by no means complete.

Happy Holiday to you and yours. We know the season is about more than trees, ornaments, and gifts. Other than the gift of Jesus.

Jesus is the reason for the season.

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Truisms

Posted on November 16, 2025 by Patti Fralix

“No matter how good or bad things are, they are never permanent. Nothing stays the same, no matter how much you want it to.” That is why it is so important to live in the present, not grieving for the past, or overly anticipating the future. This truism is not intended to be morbid, just reality. We should give thanks for our blessings, and learn from our problems.

“If we have a big enough ‘Why,’ and the ‘What’ and ‘How,’ we can manage most any challenge. “This might be hard to wrap our heads around without a concrete example. My “Why” for eliminating alcohol from my life in 2019 was to lose weight. I did that, and as that change became a part of me, I not only lost weight (50 pounds,) I felt better. My “What” for that change became more than weight loss; it became to be healthier overall. My “How” was to eliminate all alcohol from my life. That decision was the absolute right one for me in 2019, and it remains so six and a half years later. While at times it has not been an easy change, since alcohol use is very prevalent in our society, my ‘Why,’ ‘What,’ and ‘How’ have remained clear.

“One Decision Can Change Your Life.” If there is anything holding us back from living our best life, we need to have the courage to make a change. This change may ultimately be a positive one, although it may not feel that way initially. It is sometimes so much easier to keep on keeping on, even when doing so is wearing us out. The example of this that comes to mind for me is my husband and my decision to sell our home and downsize in early 2023. We were not clear about our next steps, but we know it was time to take that initial first step. The house and property was too large for us to keep up. We were (and now, are even more so!) aging, and needed to simplify our lives. While we are still not clear on our next steps, we know that first step was the right one. Our lives are simpler, with less house stress. We moved into a much smaller home in a 55 and older neighborhood. While there are some things about our current home and neighborhood that I do not like, I do like the ease and simplicity of it.

“Nothing stays the same, no matter how much we want it to.” “If we have a big enough ‘Why,’ and the ‘What’ and ‘How,’ we can manage most any challenge.” “One decision can change our lives.” Think on these truisms. Think on them as they apply to you and your life, and have the courage to move in the direction they lead you. Don’t try to figure it all out before you move forward. Just take the next first step.

Enjoy this upcoming last week before the Thanksgiving rush, and protect your energy level. Remember, it isn’t as much about the food that is on the table as it is about those loved ones with whom we gather.

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Think On These Things

Posted on November 9, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Sometimes the well is dry. No words will come. I am having one of those days. So, it is hard for me to attempt to inspire anyone with my words. When I have these times, which thankfully isn’t often, I look to the words of others to inspire me. I will show those words in pictures. I hope that you enjoy them.