It's In The Sauce!

Speaking Truth to Power

Posted on September 8, 2016 by Patti Fralix

Some will remember Anita Hill’s sexual harassment case against Supreme Court Justice nominee Clarence Thomas in the early 1990’s. I certainly do. That was around the same time that I was precipitously fired. I had been hired to make massive change in a very traditional and bureaucratic organization. The changes included changes in power. Once the shock of my termination was gone and the dust settled, it was clear to me that speaking truth to power was the “why” of my termination. I had several “speaking truth to power” situations. The one that I did not survive related to a male in a high level position who harassed women in positions of less power. I never questioned if addressing this problem through the proper channels was the right thing to do, and I knew very well the risks involved. Could I ever prove the real reasons for my termination? No, but that did not change my reality.

In my situation, I was encouraged by several people to sue the organization for unlawful termination, specifically gender discrimination. My response was, “Anita Hill has a much stronger case than me, and she isn’t doing so well!” Also, I knew that legally the CEO was within his rights due to NC being an employment-at-will state, especially for people in upper management positions. So we came to an agreement on terms, and I moved on. Anita Hill moved on as well, and wrote a book about her experience with Clarence Thomas, entitled, aptly so, Speaking Truth to Power.

Now almost twenty-five years later, we have harassment cases, sexual and otherwise, still being litigated. One recent high profile case is that of Bill Cosby, a case which will likely be litigated for years. Then there is the high profile case that recently occurred and was quickly settled out of court for $20 million! Gretchen Carlson’s speaking truth to power netted her $20 million in a suit against Roger Ailes, Fox News Chairman, for sexual harassment. She also received an apology from Fox News, Ailes’ and her employer when the harassment occurred, and the one who will pay for the settlement.

Harassment of any type is illegal in the U.S. Unfortunately, the fact that it is illegal has not eradicated it, especially with people in high positions harassing people in other positions. The harassment usually occurs by men in positions of power against usually (but not always) women. Too often the risks associated with pursuing these cases either through a company’s internal resources such as human resources or externally through the legal system are too great for some people. There is also the “blame the victim” mentality on the part of some people, and the belief that one should just turn their heads to these things and move on. Donald Trump, the male U.S. presidential nominee, said if such happened to his daughter, he hoped she would “just switch jobs, or even careers.” How simplistic (and sad) of an answer to what is often a very complex situation.

And to be “fair” and non political, it should be mentioned that Bill Clinton had a sexual relationship with a White House Intern when he was president, but that fails the test of the legal definition of sexual harassment, since by all indications it was consensual. The fact that it wasn’t legally sexual harassment in no way excuses Bill Clinton’s behavior. He was obviously in a position of power over the intern, and used that power inappropriately.

“Hats off” to Gretchen Carlson for speaking truth to power, and for being very smart as to what she did to prove her allegations. It is quite possible that this large monetary settlement will deter some from treating others less than respectfully in the workplace. It is also possible that this case will even change some of the power dynamics between those in positions of power and those with little or no position power.

The power, and the obligation, that we all have is to speak the truth, wherever that falls, and to be willing and able to suffer through the predictable conflicts that ensue. Saying that, however, does not change the fact that for various reasons, some people will not be able to do so. They need the Anita Hills and Gretchen Carlsons to have their backs.

Progress is being made, but still with gender and power differences. Yes, Gretchen Carlson received a good settlement from Fox News, $20 million. However, Roger Ailes, the perpetrator, received a better settlement, $40 million, from Fox News, for exiting the company as requested soon after the story broke.

Yes, some good change. But not enough.

Posted in Leadership, Relationships | Tagged business blog, justice, power, truth | Leave a comment

Running Out of Time

Posted on September 1, 2016 by Patti Fralix

When we are young, we rarely think about running out of time. Now that I am soon to be 65, I think of that a lot. Perhaps it is the mounds of Medicare info that has been flooding my mailbox the past few months. Maybe it is having to check the last box on various forms, the 62 and older line. Or maybe it is seeing our grandchildren grown up so fast. It really is all those things. But it is more than those. It really isn’t about being almost 65. It is about running out of time, regardless of our age. We have always known that disease and death are no respecter of age. While we may think about our mortality more as we age, we can run out of time at any age.

I don’t understand this aging thing, really. My mother and her mother both died at 64 years of age. Since I am now 64, I have had them on my mind a lot. I am reminded of my father-in-law who is soon to be 93. He talks about when he passed his 87^th birthday, and he had then lived longer than his parents or any of his siblings. With my 65^th birthday just three months away, I can identify. But even though this is on my mind a lot, there are other things on my mind about this as well.

I am thinking about a close friend who is in his mid 40’s whose cancer is growing, hoping that he can get treatment to arrest the growths, and hopefully a cure. He has teenage children who still need their dad, and a mother who does not need to suffer the loss of a son after losing her husband a few short years ago. We are praying for a miracle.

The death of a musician friend is also on my mind. Mike and I have followed Jack Shepherd around St. Maarten for 16 years. Mike sent him a Facebook message to let him know that we are in St. Maarten, only to have someone reply that Jack passed away last October. Jack was only 60 years old when cancer stopped his music.

I also think about how careless I can be with my health, and know that those who do not have good health would give almost anything to have good health to care for. I remember when my mother died in 1998, vowing to exercise consistently to take good care of myself. That resolve did not last, and here I am struggling again with exercising and weight control, feeling guilty that with my good health, I take it for granted.

Thoughts of my career are also heavy on my mind. I am in a stage where I know I need to refocus my career. I think a lot about my passion to inspire positive change in work, life, and family, and know that I need to accelerate that, before my time runs out. As Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

While I know that our time on earth is limited, regardless of the number of years we are privileged to live, I am not doing enough to act on that knowledge. Perhaps you can identify.

Whether our life includes one more year, many more years, or no more years, we do have now. What will we do with the time we have?

Posted in life | Tagged dying, living, time | Leave a comment

WOW Customer Experiences!

Posted on August 25, 2016 by Patti Fralix

Different customers want and expect different things from the businesses they support. While there are certain variables that most customers consider important, there is also great variety in this issue of customer satisfaction. It just makes sense that since there are so many different types of people, there are different ways that those different people will feel valued by a business. There is a considerable amount of research about customer satisfaction. There are some “givens” about customer satisfaction, and there are ways a business can differentiate itself, especially with its most important customers. And yes, some customers of a business are more important than others. The only qualification I make to this statement is that if you are a business providing a necessary service, such as a hospital, all customers should be considered as important as any other, although that just isn’t how it plays out in the real world. But the focus of this article is business in general, so I will not make any more comments about that here. That can be the subject for another article.

Most customers expect value, and it is the customer’s definition of value that is most important, not the definition of value held by the business. Most customers expect timely response, especially when they encounter a problem. Most customers expect quality, and the cost/quality relationship is extremely important. Sometimes it is possible to provide more quality than the customer is willing or able to afford. While this is not an all inclusive list of general customer expectations, it is a sufficient list to now discuss the differentiators in customer service. For such, I have three recent examples.

Mike and I are in Sint Maarten on our annual vacation. We have been coming to this same property for 16 years. It is almost like our second home. And we are not unusual in this thinking. I was walking this am with a woman who has been coming here for 38 years! And she described her feelings about this place exactly the same way as we do, a second home. Why?

There is very little turnover of staff here, and as such, we were greeted like family by several people when we arrived. Contrast that to arriving at a new location where you know no one, or a familiar location that can’t keep staff. You can feel the difference. This home away from home is the Royal Islander. If you look at it on line, you might not be as impressed as you would expect from my information. But believe me, it is much nicer than it presents on line. You can’t always judge a book by its cover.

When we arrived in our unit, we had flowers and champagne from our favorite jeweler on the island, Ron of Joe’s Jewelry in Philipsburg. We have shopped with Ron for all of these 16 years, and we found him by chance. While we are not big spenders on jewelry (my Mike would disagree with this statement!) we always buy some jewelry, and always from Ron. While we have bought jewelry from a couple of other stores when Ron did not have what we were looking for, (and it is usually a particular designer, not a certain piece of jewelry) we always go to Ron first, and judge all others by him. I could talk more about Ron and the difference I find in his level of service, but that would take too much time. Suffice it to say, Ron and Joe’s Jewelry store on Sint Maarten sets the bar high on service. And lest you wonder, this is the first time in 16 years that we have received anything tangible such as flowers and champagne. Ron did invite us to dinner with his family once years ago. But dinner and flowers and Champagne aside, my customer satisfaction and loyalty cannot be bought, so those are just “thank you’s” for being a long time loyal customer, not a guarantee of future business. I remain a loyal customer of Ron’s and Joe’s Jewelry because they continue to deliver not just great jewelry at great prices, but exceptional service. If Ron isn’t there when you go, ask for Harry (who just happens to be the manager) or anyone else. You will be treated like family.

One final example. Mike and I went to a restaurant yesterday that we have been to before, Bistro de la Mer, in Marigot, the French side of the island. I was “wowed” by the action of our server. We ordered our meal, and she asked if we wanted water. Mike rarely drinks water, but I do, so I said, “Yes, tap water.” The water in Sint Maarten is fine to drink, and I do not like to pay for water that can be free. Well, this restaurant only provides water for purchase, so I said, “No thank you.” It is hot and humid in Sint Maarten, so it is good to drink water. A few minutes after serving us our drinks, the server came by with a large cup of ice for me and said, “This is extra ice for your drink.” My drink did not need extra ice. I realized immediately that she found a way around their system to give me water! The ice melted quickly, and I had more free water to drink than I needed! All businesses should be so fortunate to have staff care enough about the customer and find ways to go around their system to not just satisfy, but WOW, their customers. While the food was excellent, I expect that, and willingly pay for it. The service in general is good, and I expect that. What differentiated this experience was the action of the server. She provided an experience that I did not expect, but will always remember. She set the bar high for other experiences. I regret that I did not ask for her name.

How does your business and staff compare to these examples?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged customer service | Leave a comment

Relationship Management

Posted on August 17, 2016 by Patti Fralix

All of us are in the business of relationship management, whether we think of it that way or not. This is true on a professional as well as personal level. On a personal level we have relationships with our family and friends to manage. On a professional level we have the relationships with our customers and clients, staff, and vendors to manage.

While the word, “manage,” might surprise you when thinking of relationships with family and friends, in this context don’t think of managing as a business activity, but as something that requires time, attention, and forethought. It is not uncommon for otherwise successful people to manage their relationships with their professional connections better than they do the ones with their family and friends. To be truly successful requires having healthy and meaningful relationships with all of our connections, and our personal connections should be considered our most important connections. You have most likely heard the adage, “On their deathbed most people don’t wish they had spent more time at the office.” When time is running out, most people wish they had spent more time with their loved ones. But the time spent with loved ones should be good times, not times filled with conflict. How to do that is the million-dollar question. The thoughts I have about this come from experience as much as any knowledge learned from school or other resources.

In both types of connections, professional as well as personal, communicate from your dominant role. If your focus is your teenager, don’t even use the word, “relationship,” for what teenager wants to even think about having a relationship with their parent?! While some of this depends on the teenager’s age, the relationship that a parent of a teenager who will soon be leaving home should have is one of interdependence. Too many conflicts with teenagers occur because the parent is too dominant, playing an independent role, and forcing the teenager into a dependent role.

With an adult child, the role of the parent and adult child is one of independence. Unnecessary conflicts occur when the parent of an adult child communicates with or places the adult (child) in a dependent role, as happens when the parent tells the adult child what to do or how to act. I learned this valuable lesson the hard way recently. This is an example of, “Stay in your own lane!” Regardless of your good intent, avoid reverting back to a dominant parent role with your adult children.

It is also important to understand and communicate with others based upon their dominant personality, not yours. If the other person is usually assertive to aggressive, be assertive (not aggressive) with them, for if you are less assertive or aggressive, neither will work. On the other hand, if you are too direct with a less assertive person, they may misunderstand you entirely. You do not have to have a personality profile of the others to understand their dominant personality. Pay attention to their language, especially how direct or indirect are their words, and how definitively, or not, they speak, and match their language.

A third important point is to stay focused on the desired outcome of the communication, and how best to accomplish that. If your desired outcome is to have a better relationship with the other person, walk a mile in their shoes. Spend time thinking of how best to communicate the desired result, and seek mutuality whenever possible. While it is tempting when you believe that you have given more to the relationship and you want to tell them that, be clear about the fact that such a focus will likely not result in a better relationship, but even more conflict. If you are wanting to throw this relationship away because it is no longer worth it to you, if that is your focus, even then you can do so nicely. Why burn bridges? I too understand this on a personal level. And in writing this I am now clear about how to resolve the conflict with this friend and maintain the relationship, and hopefully have the friendship richer.

I write because I need to learn. In so doing, I hope that my learning is also helpful to you.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged conflict, family relationships, friend relationships, how to handle conflict, relationship management, relationships | Leave a comment

Service Recovery

Posted on August 10, 2016 by Patti Fralix

It is my favorite restaurant, and has been for more than 20 years. It is less than ten minutes from our home, and there are many other good to great restaurants in town, but this one has stood the test of time for me. The food is excellent, with many fresh fish choices. The atmosphere is classy casual. The prices are mid level expensive, which makes it a special night out, since we go there when we want to treat ourselves. The service is excellent. Or better said, the service is usually excellent. It wasn’t this night, a couple of weeks ago.

I arrived before my husband and his business colleague, and was seated by the owner. I told him to expect Mike and his guest shortly. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. No server came by, not even to say, “I will be with you in just a minute.” I was in a section that all tables were filled, and there was a server buzzing around, just not connecting to me. After what seemed like twenty minutes, but was likely less than ten, I went to the front, and told the owner that I had not had even as much as a “hello,” much less water or any other service. And I told him that since he had seated me, he knew I had been there for awhile. He was obviously not pleased to hear this information, and said, “Thank you for letting me know.” I knew the problem would quickly be solved. And it was. About the same time that the server appeared, Mike and his guest were led to the table by Steve, the owner. The service quickly changed for the better, and we had a lovely evening. The server never apologized, (and she probably should have;) she just kicked into high gear, and made sure that our experience the rest of the evening was without flaw. We were pleased with the service, food, and the total experience. Service Recovery had occurred.

Customer service is simple, just not easy, especially in restaurants. People expect food quality, a pleasant and clean atmosphere, reasonable prices (reasonable based upon their expectations), efficient and timely responsiveness, and overall (at least) good service. While we differ in our expectations for those different areas of service, at a minimum most people have those service expectations. If there is a lapse in any of those areas, especially in a more expensive restaurant in which the expectations are higher, it is hard to recover. Given that, why was this restaurant able to recover so quickly and well, especially with me, who has higher than average service expectations? There are several reasons why recovery in this situation was not just possible, but quick.

The first answer is in the first sentence of this article. This is my favorite restaurant. I am a loyal fan, and I want them to do well. I have had many other positive experiences. Had these variables not been present, I would likely have responded (or reacted!) differently in this situation.

Then, when I expressed concern about the lack of service, I was not met with defensiveness or inaction. Instead, I was thanked for making them aware of the problem. Then the problem was solved quickly, and in a manner that I, the customer, did not feel that it would be taken out on me since I had complained. Instead, the attitude of the server was pleasant, accommodating, and responsive. It was the best that we can hope for when we know it is not a perfect world. Mistakes will happen, and there are many reasons why. Those do not even matter, at least they do not matter as much as recovery. It would have been nice to have been “comped” something, but we weren’t, and that wasn’t necessary. I am not sure that I would have had any more positive of an experience had that been done.

Customers will usually allow a business to recover, if they do the right things. It isn’t always easy, but it is simple. Especially if you are a loyal fan.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged business blog, customer service, restaurant, service recovery | Leave a comment

Let It Go

Posted on August 5, 2016 by Patti Fralix

What do you do when you can’t resolve conflict? It is a given that we will have conflict. There seems to be more of it lately than ever before. Our current political environment is a great example. I have heard several people bemoan the fact that it is difficult to have a civil conversation about different political views. I can identify. I do not have a good answer for that. I am less concerned about that than I am the everyday conflicts we have with our family, close friends, and important business associates. When those conflicts aren’t resolved, that is serious.

One of the reasons we have conflict is due to our different personalities. Because of some of our differences, we view how we manage conflict through different lens. My husband and I are an example of this. Mike is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. We have been together for 33 years, married for 32. In all of those years, I am only aware of three people with whom Mike has had significant overt conflict. Two of those people are aggressive personality types that created the conflicts. (Now I realize that I am prejudiced, but this is a fact!) The third person is passive aggressive. Mike is a problem solver who believes at his core that people are reasonable, and that even if they do not agree with you, they will be able to work through their differences amicably. Not true of some people. In addition to different personalities, there are motives that can affect how some people manage differences and conflict. And then there are some people who just do not like us, for whatever reason. Getting along well with people who do not like us is difficult, especially when circumstances necessitate that we must deal with them.

Then there is the issue of believing we are right and the other person is wrong. Additionally, if there is a power difference, that complicates how we are able, or not, to manage our differences.

Earlier I mentioned “overt” conflict. Overt conflict is conflict which is expressed, not hidden. Overt conflict usually involves direct communication of the differences. There may be anger expressed in overt conflict, but that is not always the case. Covert conflict is hidden, and can be expressed in passive ways. In the case of covert conflict, the person who feels it (and both people really feel it) and yet doesn’t express it often becomes frustrated and even angry, yet does not deal with those feelings in a manner that resolution of the differences can occur.

Regardless of whether the conflict one is experiencing is overt or covert, it is important to decide whether resolution of the conflict is a reasonable goal. There are various reasons why determining that resolution is unlikely is a wise decision. While getting to that decision isn’t easy, when one has reached it, the best option at that point is to Let It Go. Just Let It Go. Recognize that it is not possible or even necessary to work through conflict with all people. Also recognize if you can’t, it is impossible for a healthy and productive relationship to occur. So also let go of the desire for such.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged business blog, conflict, conflict resolution, Frozen, relationships | Leave a comment

Be A Front Row Person!

Posted on July 27, 2016 by Patti Fralix

It was dance rehearsal for our oldest and youngest granddaughters. The rehearsals were at staggered times for the different ages, so my daughter and I were there for the afternoon. We had been sitting and watching for a couple of hours when a young girl, who was probably about six years of age, and her mother came into the auditorium. We were on the second row. The young girl rushed down to the very first row, only to be pulled back by her Mom, who went to a middle row, and said, “Come back here; I’m not a front row person!” I couldn’t help but feel sad for the young girl who was obviously a front row person, but whose zest for that would likely be squelched in various ways. Knowing that her mother was probably her most important role model, her mother’s unwillingness or inability to be a front row person would make it difficult for her daughter to be. What does “being a front row person” really involve, and why is it important?

First of all, it involves confidence. It can also involve arrogance, but it doesn’t have to. Confidence and arrogance are very different. People who are confident can be front row people without expecting the spotlight to be on them. They are fine with being noticed, yet they do not need or demand the attention of others. People who are arrogant tend to need and demand the attention of others. Confident people attract the attention of others; they do not need to demand it. While arrogant front row people attract the attention of others, it is usually negative attention.

Being a confident front row person shows interest in what is going on and in others, both of which are positive behaviors, behaviors which attract others to us. It is reciprocity in action. It also shows positive energy, energy which can be energizing to others, especially those in charge who may subconsciously reflect back positive behaviors.

Being a front who person can be natural or learned behavior. There are individuals who are born front row people, who are not even aware of it, for it is so natural. Then there are others who have learned the steps to be a front row person, knowing it is important, but for whom it is not easy or natural.

Each person knows whether or not he is a front row person in most situations, and is by habit likely to remain in that position. Behavior we adopt becomes second nature to us, and unless there is a strong urge to change, we don’t.

I do hope that it is obvious that sitting in the front row is not the only way to be a front row person. Any behavior or action that involves us showing our confidence and being engaged in what is going on and with others can be front row behaviors. Giving our opinion without being asked is one example. Initiating interaction and conversation with others is another example. Being assertive (not aggressive) is an example, in ways that include not waiting for permission to do something we are skilled to do, even if we haven’t been told to do so. Being an appropriately direct communicator and not hedging what is said, worried about the approval of others, is another example. There are other examples as well. Hopefully the examples given are sufficient to understand this perspective.

What do you think? Are you a front row person? If not, are you willing to do what it takes to learn to be, and to consistently practice the behaviors?

You never know what might be the positive result for you, and maybe even for others. A six year old girl can be watching and learning from you.

Posted in family, Relationships | Tagged business blog, confidence, relationships | Leave a comment

I Just Want You To Be A Mom!

Posted on July 21, 2016 by Patti Fralix

Where oh’ where does the time go? The words, “I just want you to be a Mom!” were spoken by Mary Grace a few years ago as her mom, our daughter Tara, was being sworn in as a Magistrate Judge. Mary Grace said, “I don’t want you to be a Judge; I just want you to be a Mom!” Her mom became a Judge anyway, and has continued to be a wonderful mom. I was reminded about this today when talking to Tara. 11- year old Mary Grace had major dental surgery, so Tara was home with her and the other two children, 9-year-old Elsie and 4-year-old Virginia. I called Tara to check in on Mary Grace, and Tara was talking about how wonderful are these three children, how much she enjoyed them, and she said, “Being a Mom is the best job of all!” My heart was so touched by her words. They took me back to other words she had said through the years.

Tara grew up with me as a working mother, at a time when working mothers were not common in our social class. I always liked to work, so I was not troubled by the decision to work outside of the home, as are many women. I thought that I balanced my family work with my work outside of the home, not really ever conflicted by the choices I was making. The fact that my husband and I raised two wonderful girls, Tara and Chatham, who both graduated from college with advanced degrees, both whom now have wonderful jobs that pay them well, is a testament to the fact that “it takes a village.” We did not raise these girls by ourselves. Shirshee played a major role in Tara’s life, taking care of her from the time she was 6 weeks old when I returned to work teaching nursing school, until I took her away to North Carolina when Tara was 5 years old. And there was always Lolly, my young cousin, who lived with us and cared for Tara and Chatham as I worked more than “normal” hours. But the fact that our girls have graduated from college and are gainfully employed is not the total story. Who they are separate from their “paying” jobs tell more about their character.

I have always had a passion for women’s work, and the value of women in society. Perhaps that comes form being in the first class of women admitted to undergraduate programs at the University of Virginia. Perhaps it comes from the fact that I was usually in jobs with mainly men, navigating the role of women in traditional bureaucratic organizations. I never had to choose between having a job outside of the home and raising children; I always felt that I could do both.

I will always remember 16 year old Tara’s hands on her hips, announcing,“ I know this is going to disappoint you greatly, Mom, but I have no plans to change the world!”

Sorry, Tara; you are changing the world. You are a wonderful mother, raising children who know they are loved, who know that they are really your first priority. Yes, you are a great lawyer and a great magistrate judge, but more important than those roles, you are a wonderful mother. And Aunt Chatham, you have chosen to not have children of your own, but you are a wonderful aunt. You wore me out last weekend playing with Virginia all afternoon!

Women still have to choose. Many women have to choose family or work, or family and work. Some women can’t choose; their circumstances direct their choices. And this is not whining. Many men would love to have the choice to make, yet society expectations direct their choices.

For Mary Grace, Elsie, and Virginia, I thank your parents, Stephen and Tara. For it isn’t just Tara who makes the children a priority; it is also Stephen. Stephen works unimaginable hours to provide for the family while Tara juggles both work and family.

“Changing the World” happens in various ways.

Posted in family | Tagged business blog, family, mom, relationships, working mothers | Leave a comment

Service

Posted on July 15, 2016 by Patti Fralix

Ok, I admit it; I often lack patience. Anyone who knows me well would attest to this fact. But I think the lack of service that I have experienced lately would test anyone’s patience. Although my good friend MoMo says to just drop it, I can’t. I can’t accept what is less than acceptable service. And neither should you. I have three recent examples. There are more, but these three will suffice to prove the point.

I called the office of an orthopedic surgeon, my husband’s doctor, to schedule an appointment. Instead of a live voice, the message I received was, “Your expected wait time is 18 minutes.” An 18-minute wait to schedule an appointment! To make matters worse, the marketing message that played while I was waiting was all about “how wonderful we are.” Instead of being impressed, I was annoyed. I was thinking, if you are so wonderful and successful, why can’t you afford a minimum wage salary to answer the phone instead of keeping your patients waiting for 18 minutes to schedule an appointment?! How many people have that kind of time to schedule an appointment?

My second example. I called a travel organization I am a member of to book a trip, and the person who answered the phone could not find my account number. It was obvious that the systems of the organization were not working, although my address and phone number were in their system, but not my account number. Instead of making it easy for me, the person told me, “You need to have your account number!” When I replied, “Why do your systems not have my account number linked to my record?” I was disconnected! The disconnection was that the person hung up on me! Amazing. Blame the customer, when the company lacks systems that are integrated. Then, hang up on the customer! I am still reeling from this one.

My third example; Apple. For some unknown reason, my IPhone would not charge. I was going to Verizon, my cell phone carrier, to resolve the problem. A friend convinced me to just call Apple, saying that they are so good with service. Not this time. The message about the wait time did not even give an anticipated wait time, using the word, “extended” to describe the wait time. What does “extended” even mean? And when the phone was finally answered, the person could not solve the problem, and agreed that going to Verizon to fix the problem was a good idea! So much for Apple service.

These are just a few examples. I do not need to mention fast food restaurants, and the lack of service found there. Other than Chick Fil A, which is clearly a cut above other fast food establishments. If Chick Fil A can provide great service, why can’t others?

Are most people too accepting of poor service, having come to expect less than what should be acceptable? I think so. Now, of course there are some examples of excellent service. But not enough. And people have become jaded, having come to expect less than they should from service providers.

But not me. I continue to expect service staff to serve the customer, to do all they can to make it easy for the customer to do business with them. But I fear that it is a losing battle.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged customer service | Leave a comment

Children Grow Up When We’re Not Looking

Posted on July 7, 2016 by Patti Fralix

“Nana, do you want to play with me?” Four- year old Virginia asked the question, and I, of course, said, “Yes, of course I want to play with you!” I lied. I, who prides myself on never lying, lied to my granddaughter Virginia. The truth is, while I love Virginia and her sisters, eleven year- old Mary Grace and nine year-old Elsie, I have never liked to play. Unlike my friend Judy, who will stop what she is doing to play! Judy is lots of fun, as is one of my other friends, MoMo. They are both much more fun than me! I have always been much better at working than playing, as I am sure the grandchildren’s mother and sister can attest.

But play I must, since Virginia is in Raleigh for two weeks at Nana Camp while her sisters are at Camp Seafarer. So I will play, read, take trips to Marbles Museum, Pullen Park, and other local places that are fun, entertaining, and educational for kids. I will do it, and I will enjoy some parts of it, but it is not natural for me. I am much better at cooking with the children, which they all love to do, making pancakes with me being their favorite cooking activity. But I do not consider that playing. Cooking is my realm, and I love to share that with them. But it is different than playing. Cooking is kind of grown-up, even when kids are involved.

Playing includes jumping on the trampoline, which I do, but do not really enjoy. While I am out on the trampoline with Virginia, at 64 years of age, I think of my mother and grandmother, who both died at 64 years of age, and I can’t imagine them jumping on the trampoline. In fact, I do not remember either one of them ever playing with me, or playing at all. I get it. The apple does not fall far from the tree.

Although I do not enjoy playing, I will play these two weeks, and I will be so glad for the memories. For I am so blessed to have these grandchildren, so blessed to be healthy enough to play with them, so blessed in so many ways.

“Nana, where are you,?” Virginia yells.” I am in the laundry room, and in the kitchen, doing chores. Chores that can wait. But playing with Virginia should not wait. These are precious moments, and I do not want to miss them.

So I yell back at her, “I am coming, Virginia! I will be there in just a minute! Put your shoes on, so we can go outside and jump on the trampoline!”

Posted in Relationships | Tagged children, grandchildren | 1 Comment