I continue to be amazed at how things change as time goes by. This time of the year as I turn another year older, thankfully, I am especially mindful of this. Even when we bemoan the fact of aging, we know the only alternative to aging, even with its aches and pains, is death, and most chose life over death. Even so, we often resist the changes that come with aging, and not just those changes we experience in our bodies. Thanksgiving has just passed in the United States, and Christmas and other holidays are around the bend, Some of the changes I have experienced relate to this time of the year.

If you have known me long, you have heard me talk and write about our family’s Thanksgiving traditions. Mike and I hosted our extended family’s Thanksgivings for thirty-five years. What began as ten to twelve of us grew to sixty-five of us. As our celebrations grew, so did my collection of china Turkey plates, crystal, and silver. Our home in Raleigh was able to seat all sixty-five, and I enjoyed preparing the tables more than the food. We are a family of cooks, and our meals began on Wednesday morning and ended on Friday night.

Mike and I hosting the Thanksgiving feasts ended three years ago when we downsized and no longer had the space. The elder cousins took up the mantle and now plan our celebrations. Two of the last three years we travelled to the beach and one year we went to the mountains. Paper and plastic have replaced china turkey plates, but the food is just as delicious. I am sure that most of the family enjoy dish duty much more now! Our most recent Thanksgiving we were in Oak Island, NC, and there were 42 of us. The elder cousins are doing a phenomenal job keeping our tradition alive, and I am gradually letting go of our earlier tradition, including the turkey plates.

Christmas is only two weeks away, and given the proximity of Thanksgiving to Christmas this year and our traveling schedule, I, for the first time ever, seriously considered not putting up a Christmas tree. Last year I broke with tradition and had our first artificial tree. That was a hard change for me to make, since in earlier years we had as many as five live trees! But once I made the change, and especially this year when it was so easy to get the tree out of storage and avoid the tree lots and all of that effort, I was so glad that we had made the change. And although we do not have much time to enjoy the tree this year, I decided I had to have a tree. While I said it was so our youngest grandchildren who live near us would be able to enjoy the tree, I know it is really me that wants to enjoy it. I am not ready to give up this tradition yet. But I am letting go of hosting parties, since the effort involved is more than I am able to exert.

As I ruminate over how our traditions have changed, I am mindful of how change changes us. Some of the changes are indeed losses, and we need to be able to grieve those before we are able to let them go and enjoy what changes replace them. Some of the changes are indeed gains, and if we are able to grasp those for what benefits they give us, we can move forward without regret.

It is easy to resist change, yet we cannot truly avoid changing and changes. Change is a necessary part of life. When we resist change, we are trying to hold on to what was, failing to accept what is. While our past slips out of our hands, we have the choice to grab onto the new with all of its benefits, and yes, also with its losses. We also have the choice to try to hold on to what we had, thinking we can keep things like they were, which never works.

What changes are you experiencing? Are you accepting those gracefully? If so, you can eventually enjoy the benefits of your new reality. The other choice we have is to bemoan our new reality, and become bitter trying to hold on to what was. What do you choose?

I choose paper and plastic over china. The alternative could be not gathering with family at all, and that would be a much greater loss.