Letting Go

Our home in Raleigh.

This past year has found many of us at home more than ever. While there is always much that can be done at home, many, like me, avoid doing those things. I have never really enjoyed housework and have been fortunate enough to be able to have someone else do that. During this past year with more time than disposable income, I have done more of our housework. I have come face to face with areas of our home that heretofore I had avoided, such as my closet. I have been shocked at what I found.

The changes chronicled in my 2017 book (available on Amazon) prepared me for other changes.

I was not surprised to find too many clothes, shoes, and accessories in my closet. I was not even surprised to find some of those that had never been worn, with tags still on them. But I was surprised at the few clothes and shoes that I wear, and the many that sit unused in the closet collecting dust. I was actually shocked at the sheer volume of unused items taking up space.

My closet tells the tale of my spendaholic behavior!

With all of the time that I have had, why have I neglected to purge those things that I will probably never wear again? Especially those items that I hope to never be able to wear again, because they are a size that I hope that I have left behind permanently.

Thankful for all of our blessings, more than any of our “stuff.”

In the past year, I have spent more money at the tailors than in stores, and not because I have been afraid to frequent stores, or because stores weren’t open some of that time. The reason I have spent so much with tailors is because I had clothes that had to be altered to be able to wear them. Some of the clothes could not be altered, and I consigned those, or gave them away. Even so, I still have too many clothes that need the same attention. Why have I not taken care of that? What is it about stuff; clothes, shoes, accessories, collectibles and many other things that I hold onto? While I do not know “why,” I have long known that I have a problem letting go. Whether the “letting go” is stuff or people, it is very difficult for me to do.

There is fear in letting go.

Mike and I are trying to decide if it is time to sell our home in Raleigh. Well, we know it is (at least, probably) time to sell, but we are struggling with the decision. It is entirely too much home for us at this time in our lives, too much space, too much upkeep, just too much. But it is still a hard decision. While we make the decision, I am taking this time to prepare for selling it, so if/when we do, it will be ready. That involves cleaning out those closets and getting rid of lots of stuff. I am letting this be stage 1 of what I hope will make selling the logical next step. We will see. This is tough. Letting go of clothes and stuff is a miniscule decision compared to letting go of our home that we built, raised our family in, and have lived in for thirty-three years.  


In the past two years I have let go of alcohol, and do not really miss it, at least, not often or much. I have also let go of 57 pounds, and I do not miss those at all.

If walls confine, it is time to let go.

But our home? Now that is a loss of a very different magnitude.    

About Patti Fralix

Patti Fralix inspires positive change in work, life, and family through Speaking, Consulting, and Coaching in three specialty areas: Leadership, Managing Differences, and Customer Service. Her leadership firm, The Fralix Group, Inc., has been helping clients achieve practical and tangible results for twenty-two years.
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2 Responses to Letting Go

  1. Carla Pettis says:

    Oh, Patti! This struck such a chord with me. Both Anthony’s parents passed away within a three week period late in 2020 (not COVID related) and we have been working for weeks on getting things squared away with their home. His mother was a hoarder and would not let anyone throw away ANYTHING – broken or not, it had to stay. It has been frustrating, infuriating, and heartbreaking in equal measure wading through years of accumulated stuff. The local thrift store – bless their hearts, I am not sure if they love us for the abundant “new” merchandise we’re bringing their way – or hate us for dumping it all on them! Remind me from time to time, please, that Lesley will someday have to deal with my stuff. Remind me that it needs to be stuff worth going through!

    • Patti Fralix says:

      Carla, thank you for reminding me that our children will not want to go through all of our stuff, so we should do it now so they do not have to. And they certainly do not want any of it, and I am still holding on to some of their stuff! So sorry about Anthony losing both of his parents, and so close together. Losing our parents, regardless of our age, is a major loss.

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