This thought came to me today as I was feeling disappointed in someone. I remembered a very good friend, in fact, one of my BFFs, who told me a story many years ago about her husband, who was also a very close friend of mine. He is gone now, having passed away in 2012. Those who loved him still miss him immensely. As Judy tells the story, her yard work helper replied to her fussing about her husband Bryan, and said, “Miss Judy, Mr. Bryan is doing da best he can, da best he can, Miss Judy!” If you could hear the dialect in which this was spoken, you would understand how precious this statement was! I have thought of that comment many times, and today was one of those. It helps me to understand others when I am feeling disappointed.

Are you ever disappointed in others? Do you sometimes feel that you are not getting the understanding or support (whatever that is to you) from some close friends or family members? Do you sometimes think other people are not reaching out to you in ways you need them to?

I do. One of those times was today. And just when I was about to wallow around in my pity party, that comment about “Mr. Bryan doing da best he can!” came to mind.  Then I realized that most of us are doing the best we can. Even when we disappoint others, we are usually still doing the best we can. If we could do better, we would. Of course, there are some people who are so selfish or so self-absorbed that they fail to reach out to others when they could or should, but I do not believe that this is the majority of people.

I know that some of my expectations are not realistic. The bar is high with me. Even though I know this, I still end up being disappointed too often. If most people are doing the best they can, and my needs or expectations are not being met, I need to change, not the other people; me. What can I change, or should I change?

I can change my perspective on the situations. I can be grateful for what I do receive from others, focusing on the positive. Or I can change my expectations, which is an adult thing to do if I am disappointed in others very often. My expectations may not be realistic. I can realize that others are doing the best that they can and that if they could do more or better, they would.

There is one other option. I can change my friends. This is not as easy if it is family, although we can distance ourselves from family and minimize their impact on us. This is the more drastic choice, and should not be chosen lightly. But it may be a choice that some make, especially if one thinks they have more invested in the relationship than the return warrants. But before we choose this option, we need to be very sure we are willing to let the relationship go. Relationships matter and should be protected at all costs, when possible.

Are we willing to admit that sometimes we have unrealistic expectations of others? Are we able to admit that sometimes our perspective is not the correct one? Are we willing to admit that we may be the one who needs to change?

Are we able to accept that most people are doing the best they can?