I saw a commercial recently in which the comment was made, “Focus on what you can control; everything else is just noise.” I think it was an ad for Truist. And it is so true! I have thought a lot about the comment since I saw the ad. It reminded me of the very popular book by Mel Robbins that I read, “Let Them.” That book is about control, specifically knowing what you can control and not trying to control what, or who, you can’t control. So, a blog post has been forming in me.

I have long spoken and written about control and change, and I get new lessons about these almost daily. But I am a slow learner. I still try to control things and people that I can’t control. I know very well that the only person I can control is me, and that is a full time job. That knowledge does not stop me from trying to control some other people, specifically my husband (sorry, Mike!) and situations. Perhaps you can benefit from my musings on this.

What I Can Control: I can control myself, and my own behavior. If I spend enough time on this, there will not be time left over for me to try to control others! I can control my own behavior, and should. I can control what I think about myself. I can control what I do, and don’t do, with others. I can control what I do to avoid trying to control others. I can live the Serenity Prayer, especially the parts about accepting the things I can’t control, and the courage to change the things I can.

What I Can’t Control: Other people. Oh, I can try to control others, but it does not work. In fact, as Mel Robbins’ points out in her aforementioned book, when I try to control others, it usually backfires. I can’t control what others think of me. I can’t control much of what happens to me, although I do have some responsibility for what happens to me by the actions I take.

If I can’t be the person I want and need to be when I am with some people, I need to have the courage to be okay with not being with those people. I need to be able to say goodbye to the people who detract from me being able to be my best self. That will benefit not just me, but them as well. Remember the phrase, “Friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Friends serve different purposes in our lives, and when that purpose has been served and no longer applies, we need to be able to let them go and move on. I am not good about this. I try to hold on forever.

There are so many things outside of our control. One of those is how long we live. Oh, of course we can have healthy habits and that does have something to do with our morbidity and mortality. But there is a large amount of other stuff that is beyond our control, or even our influence. I am sad today. I learned a couple of days ago that a friend we knew from traveling to St Maarten passed away this week from colon cancer. Trish died much too young. She was a wonderful, positive, engaging person, and I will miss her. We had lots of good times in St Maarten together, and some not so good.Trish and John and Mike and I lived through Hurricane Irma in St Maarten in 2017.

Why was Trish’s life cut short and not mine? That is a question that I cannot answer. But I do know that it is my responsibility to be the best person that I can be, and that is a full time job. It is my responsibility to treasure this life that I have, to not take it for granted, and to live a life that honors those who are no longer with us.

How about you? Are you who you want to be? I know that I am not, at least not totally. You and I should not wait to change what we want to change. Life is precious, and sometimes shorter than we think it will be.