Do you know what are your non-negotiable needs? These are needs that must be met for you to feel and act most confident and effective.

I am sure that you know the difference in needs and wants. I am also sure that you realize that needs are the deeper of the two. While we may have strong wants, wants are still not as important as needs. Unfortunately, too many people spend so much time getting their wants met that their needs can’t be met. For example, if I want new shoes and have no money to buy them and purchase them with a credit card, my need for financial stability may not be met. While I have satisfied my immediate want for new shoes, I have sacrificed my need for financial stability.

There is a simple quiz below that you can answer to understand more about your non-negotiable needs. The quiz asks you to decide which of four possible answers is most true and which is least true for you. Once you take the quiz, decide if you’re getting those non-negotiable needs met most of the time. If you are, you can feel and act confident, regardless of all that is going on around you. If you aren’t, you should identify why not, and work hard to remedy that.

Confidence has two parts: self-esteem and self-confidence. Self-esteem is the deeper of the two and comes from belief in ourselves at the core, belief that we are worthy. Healthy self-esteem is developed as a child, from the nurturing we receive from our parents or other caretakers. If we fail to get good and consistent nurturing as a child, we struggle as an adult, regardless of our accomplishments. Self-esteem is not directly related to external variables such as accomplishments. If we lack healthy self-esteem, it is necessary to build this through therapy. This is not quick or easy but can be done with time, commitment, and a good therapist.

Self-confidence is directly related to achievement and accomplishment. Self-confidence is the more external of the two and will change as our circumstances change. It can be helpful to work with a therapist if we are having confidence issues, although these are more situational and do not always require such assistance.

My focus in this blog is on Confidence for a reason. Given our ongoing challenges as a society, there are many opportunities for us to struggle with Confidence issues. We need to take ownership of this issue and do all that we can to be our best, which requires that we feel and act confident. Identifying our nonnegotiable needs is a good place to start.