A New Year Awaits

Posted on December 29, 2023 by Patti Fralix
Make time for people and experiences.

Hard though it is to believe, here comes a new year. In just a few days, 2023 will be history, and 2024 will be on the horizon. What shall we make of this new year?

Information in this 2006 book is still timely.

It is time to review the goals we set for 2023, evaluate our progress, and where we fell short. That is an important step before determining our focus for the new year. Each year does not stand on its own. One year flows into the next. If we are not careful, we can set the same goals each year, and never accomplish them.

This message to keep moving forward is powerful. 

How did you do with the goals you set for 2023? Take a long hard look at yourself and be honest about your progress or lack thereof. This does not mean that you should be harsh with yourself, just honest. If you have not been successful with what you planned to accomplish, determine why. What did you do, or not do, that kept you from successfully accomplishing your goals? On the other hand, perhaps you have been successful? How did that happen? What worked for you?

Or you may be in the group of people who failed to even set goals. If this is the case, we should agree that our failure is in not setting goals. We can’t be successful in this if we fail to even set goals.

Once we have reviewed our progress in goal setting in 2023, we can then decide what we want from 2024, and set goals to accomplish those things. What changes do we want to make? What will it take for us to feel successful at the end of 2024?

In one respect, a year is a very long time. In another, a year passes so quickly. Our lives are getting shorter by the minute. Time is our most important resource. We can make our time fruitful, or waste it.

What shall it be for me and you in 2024? Are we going to take the time to plan what we want from this next year, so that it is possible that we can accomplish it? Or will we squander our time, wondering where the year went when it is over?

You will make your own decisions about this, as will I. Let’s just hope that this time next year we can be proud of our decisions.   

Have a safe and happy New Year!

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Gifts of the Season

Posted on December 21, 2023 by Patti Fralix

This is the time of year that many of us are knee-deep in gifts, at least material gifts. Even those who complain about all of the materialism of the season find themselves buying and wrapping a few gifts. I love gift buying, although I don’t particularly enjoy the wrapping. I enjoy picking out and purchasing gifts with the receiver in mind, hopefully buying what others will enjoy receiving.

Our Christmas tree full of memories.

While I also enjoy receiving gifts, especially if the gift(s) are obviously chosen especially for me, I love giving most of all. The cost of the gift does not matter to me. I am just as thankful about receiving a gift that was chosen just for me, even if the cost of the gift was nominal, as I am receiving an expensive gift. What matters most is the fact that the giver thought about what I would enjoy receiving. While I am sure I do not always hit this mark, I do my best to consider what the receiver will enjoy more than what is on sale or easiest to find.

One of our annual family ornaments. A tradition Mike started in 1984.

Gifts are one of my love languages. This does not mean that I am materialistic. It is more about the sentimentality and thought than it is about the value of the gift (WikiHow.) This love language is considered the most misunderstood of all five of the love languages. The other love languages are quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. There is a free online quiz that can help one identify one’s love language.

Gifts of cards from friends near and far.

If gifts are not your love language, it may be difficult for you to understand the importance of tangible gifts to the one to whom gifts are important. Regardless, spend some time thinking of those who you plan to buy gifts for, and determine what they would likely most enjoy receiving. While it is easy to give money and gift cards, and those are fine presents for some people, they are not the best presents for others. Giving experiences as gifts has become popular, and while those are good gifts for people who love experiences and do not prefer something tangible, they are not the best gifts for everyone.

A gift given many years ago by my friend of 56 years, Judy.

If this information is overwhelming, it is likely that gifts are not your love language! If you spend some time thinking about the likes and preferences of those for whom you are buying a gift, it will be easier for you to select gifts that will be most enjoyed by others. 

Mike also started our collection of White House ornaments many years ago.

Gifts for others is only one focus of gifts, especially at this time of the year, and not the most important.  I hope we are also knee-deep in the real gift of Christmas, the gift of Christ. While I recognize that not all readers consider this perspective important, I must be true to my belief that Christ is the real meaning of Christmas. While I fail quite often in living this truth, it is my failure, not that of Christ.

A gift I bought this year. Not that we needed any more ornaments!

Our church, Trinity Baptist in Raleigh, had its Christmas Cantata last Sunday, and it was spectacular. Our pastor, Dr. Jeff Roberts, ended the celebration with these words:

“Don’t celebrate Christmas and miss Christ.”   

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Words that Matter

Posted on December 13, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Most likely you do not have time to read a long-winded blog. Nor do I have time to write one. I suppose others are experiencing the same, and that is why I have seen so many sayings online lately instead of articles. I thought I would use this space to share some of them with you in photo form.

Choose one or two of the sayings that speak to your heart and figure out what messages they are sending you. Then decide what to do about them.  

Amid this season’s busyness, let’s commit to enjoying life, in honor of those who no longer have that privilege.

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A New Christmas Tradition

Posted on December 7, 2023 by Patti Fralix

I thought this might be the second year that I would not put up a Christmas tree. Last year we were in the middle of packing to move a few days after the new year. It made no sense to try to decorate for Christmas. So, for the first time ever, we did not have a Christmas tree in our home. That was hard, after some years of having five trees. This year, I was just tired, and not in the mood. Also, putting up a tree this year was more complicated than usual. There were several reasons for this.

With Mike’s recent shoulder surgery, he would not be able to help. Actually, my Christmas tree helper for years has been our friend MoMo, who also recently had shoulder surgery, and would not be able to help. We have always had a live tree, and I would not be able to manage it by myself. Also, I wasn’t sure where all of the Christmas decorations were since we moved. I knew some were in storage in our new home and some were in our storage shed. I dreaded going through both areas. I knew I needed to cull some of the decorations, yet I dreaded even beginning that process.  

A Christmas treasure made for me many years ago by a chosen “Mother”, Shirshee Davis.

Another reason I considered not putting up a tree was that we would be gone all but 10 days of December, so it seemed foolish to go to all of the trouble for only ten days. Then I remembered that many other years, even when we had more than one tree, we were gone as much as we will be this year. I was concerned, however, about leaving a live tree up when we would not be home to care for it. But again, this was the same situation in previous years.

I considered a small tabletop tree yet discounted that as a not very attractive choice. How would I decide which few ornaments to use? Also, I didn’t have a good location for a tabletop tree.

I had not decided what to do about this Christmas tree dilemma when I went into the Habitat for Humanity store in Southport last weekend and saw the perfect (not live) tree. I have always resisted an artificial tree. But if I was going to have a tree this year, it would need to be an artificial one, since I had no one to help me with a live tree. This tree was beautiful, and just reached out and grabbed me! It is now up and fully decorated, and I love it! I have been told by many people that once I have an artificial tree, I will never go back to a live tree, and I can see why that is.

I only hesitated for a few minutes about whether to get rid of the tree stands and lights that I will not need this year and may not ever need them again. I know that if I ever need those, I can buy new ones. So, I cleaned those out of the closest, took them to Habitat, and enjoyed knowing that someone else who needed them would have them.

Good reminders at any time of the year, and especially at this time of the year. 

Of course, the artificial tree does not smell like a fresh live tree. But there is a spray for that, which can easily be used if the lack of fresh tree smell bothers me. But I doubt that I will even think of that in the few days that the tree and I are together!

Our other Christmas decorations are minimal, since we do not have the space that we had previously. I have begun to part with some of our decorations, since I do not foresee ever being able to use all of them again. Our memories and our photos will keep our previous Christmas holidays close to our hearts.

I have often spoken about and written about Change. Speaking about Change and writing about it is easier than living it. But living it is more authentic. Even when comparing live and artificial Christmas trees.             

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Grateful, Thankful, and Blessed

Posted on November 29, 2023 by Patti Fralix
A photo on my birthday at the Angus Barn in 2020. One of my favorite photos.

Having just finished our Thanksgiving holiday, thankfulness is on my mind. A large portion of our extended family gathered at Deep Creek, Maryland, this year for our holiday. There were about thirty-five of us. We cooked, ate, cleaned up, and talked, and enjoyed each other’s company. We know that we are blessed to be able to be together, and never take that for granted. We were too busy to take many photos, and some of those who agreed to a photo being taken asked that they not see it on the blog! So, I am honoring that request.

Granddaughter Elsie (16) holding granddaughter Hayden (15 mos.) 

I am also grateful, thankful, and blessed today, for it is my 72nd birthday! As hard as it is to believe, I am this age and do not complain about living this long. My mother passed away at sixty-four years of age in 1998 and I am always mindful of that on this day. I am also mindful of the gift of good health and am well aware that good health can change at any time. This cold that I have, my sore left hip, and my arthritis in my hands are reminders that I am alive, and that as I age, there will be some aches and pains.

Beverly Martin (L) and one of her granddaughters, (and our niece) Alison. 

I spent the last couple of days putting away Thanksgiving decorations and occasionally wondered if the effort to decorate for Thanksgiving was worth it, since we had very little company, unlike past years. Yet in spite of the work, when I saw the pilgrims, turkeys, and other fall decorations, and remembered what they all represent, I was glad to have made the effort.

Butter Pecan Bread, a recipe given me by a customer, Patrice Thompson, at the Northrop Antiques Mall. 
A birthday cake I made for daughter Tara. 

Unlike many people, I do not begin any Christmas decorating until at least December 1. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, then soon after Thanksgiving comes my birthday. So, celebrating these two events is my focus until December. In a couple of days, I will begin getting ready for Christmas. We will be spending Christmas in GA with daughter Tara and family, so I will not decorate as much as I normally do. While I used to not understand people who did not put up a Christmas tree, the older I am, the more I do understand that! In years past, I had as many as five large trees, but those days have passed. The best I will be able to do is decorate one tree this year. I need to cull some of our decorations, since I do not plan to ever need all that we have again. But those of you who have been with me for a while know how hard it is for me to let go of things that involve traditions and memories. I am working on it, but I am not there yet.

My sister-in-law, Dianne, provided this cake to celebrate all of the recent birthdays of those in attendance at our Thanksgiving gathering. 

I hope that you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, and that you are looking forward to a joyful and peace-filled Christmas. Let’s feel grateful, thankful, and blessed.

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Minding Our Manners

Posted on November 22, 2023 by Patti Fralix

It is Thanksgiving week, and most of us are in the throes of preparing food, readying our homes, and getting ready to welcome, or be welcomed, into the homes of family and friends. While this can be a joyous time, it can also be stressful. Now, I know that I do not need to tell you that!

I think we can use a reminder about being a good guest and/or a good host. At least, I can use a reminder! As I have mentioned in my blogs before, I write what I need to remember, and am honored when my words are meaningful to others.

A few of Mike and my 65 turkey plates! 

Most likely we can all remember when someone said something at family events such as Thanksgiving that hurt our feelings, and we have not forgotten those words. And memories of them come back in full force when we are going to be with the ones who uttered those words.

Our two youngest granddaughters, Virginia holding Hayden, at Holden Beach, NC at our 2022 Thanksgiving gathering. 

While it may be hard to do so, I encourage us to put those words and those hurts behind us and commit to enjoying our time together with family.  Most of us will be gathering without some of our loved ones who used to be with us, and we should honor their memory by making this time together a time of joy.  

Our family’s Thanksgiving gathering no longer has Dad Fralix (L) and Uncle Barry (R) with us. This was during our 2017 Thanksgiving gathering. 

Mike and I hosted our family’s Thanksgiving gathering in Raleigh for most of the past thirty-five years, until 2022. We no longer have our home in Raleigh that can accommodate our large family. Last year we went to the beach, and this year we will be gathering in Maryland.  

Let there be Peace and Love during our holidays.

Let’s remember how much effort and work goes into making a Thanksgiving gathering happen. The planning, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, and all of the other necessary tasks, do not happen without the Herculean effort of many people, especially the hosts. Not to mention the costs. And this is true even if all contribute. Shame on us if we fail to honor the gift of hosting a gathering that brings family together.

This year, let there be no family drama!

Some of us will not be gathering with family, but will be sharing the Thanksgiving table with friends, which is now being called Friendsgiving, instead of Thanksgiving. Regardless of whether our table is filled with family and/or friends, the message is the same. We should be gracious. We should be on our best behavior. We should want others to be glad we gathered with them for this important event. We shouldn’t do or say anything that can detract from the importance of gathering together and being thankful for all of our blessings.

I needed this. Hopefully, it benefits you as well.

Happy Thanksgiving. And let’s not forget to reach out and help others who are in need.

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Celebrating Mike

Posted on November 16, 2023 by Patti Fralix
June 2016 at the Red Eye Grill in NYC. My favorite photo of Mike.

Mike reached a major milestone last week when he turned 70 years of age. Since I married a younger man, I had my 70th birthday two years ago, and I will soon be 72. Mike and I are both grateful for the blessing of aging, having friends and family who did not live into their 70’s. We know first-hand the gift of living long enough to have a variety of aches and pains, for which we are more than grateful.

Mike at his birthday dinner in St. Mary’s. 

On Saturday, November 4th, Mike and I were at granddaughter Virginia’s gymnastics meet in Florida. For Mike’s birthday dinner in St. Marys, GA on Sunday, November 5th, daughter Tara and SIL Stephen prepared a delicious low country boil. Mike’s favorite dessert, German Chocolate Cake, was served for dessert. The following Saturday, November 11th, I prepared a family dinner in Durham, and daughter Chatham provided another German Chocolate Cake. I dared not even try to record the number of Weight Watchers points I had in the amount of cake I ate!

Mike celebrating his birthday in 2015 at the Biltmore in Asheville, NC.

While I took a photo of Mike in GA on his Birthday, that was the only photo I took of him and others at the two birthday dinners. I totally forgot to take any other photos. I suppose I was so busy preparing and serving the dinner in Durham that I did not remember to take photos.

Mike’s birthday celebration in 2017 at friend MoMo’s.

I usually always take photos when the family is together. I started that many years ago when my beloved cousin, Barry, passed away from a heart attack at 40 years of age. Thankfully, I had photos of him from a family baby shower, or we would not have had any recent photos of him. When that happened and I realized how precious those photos would always be, I vowed to always take photos of loved ones when we were gathered, and I usually have done so. Unfortunately, most of the photos are on my iPhone and are not printed.

My dear cousin, Barry Peay, who passed away at the young age of 40. His death is why I am passionate about taking photos. 

I do have many boxes of photos of family and experiences through the years. I recently culled those, got rid of all negatives, for I have never had reprints made from negatives, and also threw away duplicates. I also put aside some photos to give to others when we are together during the holidays. I realize that those boxes of photos will not be as valuable to others as they are to me and that many of them may end up in a landfill. But I will leave that for others to deal with, hoping that there will be some of the photos that will be kept and permanent memories that will be treasured.

You and I know that when we are no longer around, all our loved ones will have to remember us by are their memories of us and photos. I vow to remember to take photos when I am with loved ones and to share those with others in meaningful ways.

Happy Birthday, Mike.

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Memories and Traditions

Posted on November 10, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Since moving last January, I am still trying to find some things. With two major holidays soon upon us, Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am struggling to locate some of the items for those two holidays. We have two storage sheds and I put many boxes in one of those when we moved. While I tried to think through what I would need when and where, at this point, I am not sure that I did a very good job of that. I brought several boxes home from the storage sheds and have been going through them preparing for a couple of special events this weekend.

I have not located all of the Thanksgiving plates, although I have/had 65 of them, in several different patterns. I have found enough, however, for we will not even be celebrating Thanksgiving here this year. We will be with some of our family in Maryland this year, and since I have not been asked to bring my turkey plates, I will assume they are not needed! I am using them when we are home, however, including for the two dinners we have scheduled this weekend. More about those dinners in next week’s blog.

A treasure indeed. Our neice Taylor, who is also our Goddaughter, made this for me many years ago. She is now making memories with her precious family.
I wish this had a date on it! Mary Grace is now 18 years old and in college at UGA. She is majoring in Journalism, and headed to Oxford for a study abroad program in the spring. 

I have located everything I need for our use for the next couple of weeks. I also found some precious treasures, the photos of which are in this blog. Although I have culled some items in our move, thankfully I did not cull these treasures. These are irreplaceable. Hopefully, you have some treasures like these and enjoy going down memory lane when you see them.

Indeed it is! Sentiments of granddaughter Elsie. 
And how I love to cook with these sweet grandchildren! 
I love these pilgrims, gifts from daughter Tara 

Memories and Traditions. Once time has passed, our memories are all that we have. Our memories are most meaningful because of our traditions. Although it is possible to hold too tightly to traditions and thus not make room for new experiences, it is our traditions that ground us. May we hold on to those traditions that are most meaningful to us and those we love and be willing to let those that have become traditions that no longer serve us go.

Some of Fall’s beauty.

I think it is possible that traditions and memories are not as important to the younger generations. Until they no longer have them. It behooves those of us who find the value in these to do our best to keep them alive.

What do you think about this? Are memories and traditions worth keeping alive?

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The Season of Thanksgiving

Posted on November 2, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Although we should be thankful at all times, November is the month that we normally celebrate Thanksgiving, and not just turkey day. When November dawns, I am in the mood to celebrate my blessings. I also begin to prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday. Those who have followed me for a while know that my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I celebrate it for the entire month of November. I do not do anything for Christmas, other than shopping, until December 1. The Thanksgiving holiday, soon followed by my birthday, gives me ample reason to celebrate in November, and the month of December is time enough to celebrate the secular meaning of Christmas.

While our Thanksgiving holiday has changed in the past couple of years, and I miss some of how our family used to celebrate this holiday, I still love Thanksgiving. This holiday of family, food, and fellowship provides wonderful memories. My goal this year is to not gain any weight from all of the wonderful food!

But Thanksgiving is more than turkey and all of the other delicious food. It should be a time that we focus on our blessings. And regardless of our problems, and we all have them, we still have plenty to celebrate. If we need a reminder, we only have to think of Ukraine, Israel, Gaza, and many other areas with serious problems around the world. If we have food and shelter, we have much for which to be grateful.

There can be drama with family!

How about you? What are your blessings? Do you focus enough on them, or do you spend more time obsessing over your problems? In this season of Thanksgiving, what can you do to change that?

This reminder really isn’t for you at all. It is for me. If it benefits you also, I am thankful.

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Use What You Have

Posted on October 26, 2023 by Patti Fralix
Walking to the shops in Philadelphia I passed some beautiful settings.  

The words of a favorite writer, Brianna Wiest, were on my mind today while I was shopping in downtown Philadelphia. I had just heard her utter these words, “Start Where You Are, Use What You Have, and Do What You Can” on a podcast while I was walking. Her “Use What You Have” words kept me from making a few purchases today that I might otherwise have made. Most of these purchases would have been small ones, but small ones add up over time. As I struggled with my decision about one of these, I made another decision. That decision will help me in more ways than saving money.

If home is filled with too much stuff, it can lose its serenity.

The decision whether to purchase a box of English Breakfast Tea, was my greatest challenge while shopping today. It was only a $15 decision, at least on the surface. But taken in the larger context, it was a much bigger and potentially at least, more expensive decision. I decided that there was absolutely no reason to buy any more tea since I have plenty in my cupboard at home. So why was I tempted? Because I convinced myself that this particular tea was superior. I have no idea whether it is or not. But I did do a taste test. I ordered a glass of the tea and thoroughly enjoyed it. That almost convinced me to purchase it. But I didn’t. I told myself that it would be foolish to purchase more tea when I have plenty. With one caveat. I decided to go home and taste test the English Breakfast tea in my cupboard, and get rid of any that does not taste as good as that which I wanted to buy.

I don’t think I am quite ready for this drastic of an approach!

That same decision also helped me to not even be tempted to buy any of the other items I saw while shopping, other than a book. Yes, I have plenty of books, and since I bought a new one, when I get home, I will need to get rid of at least one book, since I have also decided that before I bring anything more in, at least an equal amount must go out. I am still trying to reduce the number and amount of my belongings, and this is one way to do so.

My “Use What You Have” plan really went into effect last week when I decided to not immediately replace a moisturizer/serum that I am out of and use some of the other like products I have. This is a difficult one for me since I am convinced that the product I just finished using is the main reason my complexion is in the good condition that it is. I actually have people make positive comments about my skin fairly often, and I attribute that to this particular product. But I decided that I should at least test this and try to use the other similar product that I have and see if there is a noticeable difference. It has been too easy for me to purchase what I want, failing to inventory what I already have. I am trying to change that.

I think it is time for me to reread my book! Still available on Amazon.

Will these choices result in significantly more money in my pocket? Probably not. But I know that these changes will ultimately result in me making bigger changes, which over time, will result in changes I know I need to make. I will keep you posted.

Are there any similar changes that you want to make?

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