Optimism Is a Choice

Posted on October 12, 2023 by Patti Fralix
If we do this, Optimism will come naturally.

The words, “Optimism Is a Choice” were said by Queen Raina of Jordan on the Today Show recently. She connected this to Values, and talked about the importance of the Values parents instill in their children affecting their choices related to many things, including technology. The Values affect whether or not healthy habits are developed. While I believe this is true and applaud Queen Raina’s focus on the connection of Values to Habits, I find Optimism is a subject much broader, and worthy of discussion in and of itself.

It is hard to be optimistic with so many world problems facing us, the most recent being the tragedy in Israel. It would be irresponsible to fail to acknowledge this. While we grieve this tragedy and should do anything we can to show our support for Israel, we should not allow current events to weaken our resolve to be optimistic. It is likely that with all the complexities of our world, we can expect that serious problems will always be with us. In spite of this, we can still be optimistic.

Mike and I had the pleasure of celebrating the 93rd birthday with dear family/friend Cokee (daughter Tara’s chosen name for him when she was little) Davis in Alabama October 6th. He faces each day with a peaceful spirit.

What is Optimism? The dictionary definitions are consistent. Wikipedia’s definition is: “An attitude reflecting a belief or hope that the outcome of some specific endeavor, or outcomes in general, will be positive, favorable.”  Another way to say this is they “expect the best.” Optimists believe good things will happen, by their own efforts and hard work, and that they will accomplish their desired goals. Optimists are sometimes thought of as having rose-colored glasses. To some, they are not realistic. But true optimists are not unrealistic, they just see the world in a positive light and believe that good will prevail.

Pessimism is the opposite of optimism. Pessimism is believing that the worst will happen. Pessimists lack hope and confidence in the future.

Optimism and Pessimism can be thought of on a scale, and many, and maybe even most, people are not one or the other all the time. But we do have a tendency for one or the other and are more one or the other in general much of the time.

Choose Optimism.

Given the choice, which would you rather be?  Would you rather believe in the innate goodness of life, believing that good things will happen and that you can work to make that so? Or would you rather be skeptical, failing to see that you have the ability to make good things happen, believing that you are at the mercy of external forces, and that if good things happen, they are random, and not likely to be repeated?     

Back to the title for a moment. Optimism is a choice. Even if we are more driven to skepticism, we can choose to change that. We can decide to look for the good, expecting good things to happen. When good things don’t happen, when we fail, we can dust ourselves off, pick ourselves up, and commit to meeting the future with a positive outlook and even harder work. Why would we choose to do otherwise?

Optimism is a choice. Choosing Optimism reflects a belief not just in the innate goodness of life and others. It reflects our belief in ourselves. Belief in ourselves as capable and worthy.  Belief is reflective of confidence, not arrogance. Confident Optimism.

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Living A Large Life

Posted on October 5, 2023 by Patti Fralix
(L to R) Patti, Mike, Brenda, and Bruce on one of our trips. (I think, in St. Maarten.)

I did not plan to write this. I did not want to write it. It is too close to last week’s blog. But after tonight, I had to. Having dinner tonight in Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville connected some dots and I had no choice but to write it.

I lost a friend last week, and we celebrated her life yesterday with food, fellowship, and friends galore. My friend, Brenda Schell, lost her battle with ALS, and we lost a friend who lived a large life. As I sat in Margaritaville in downtown Atlanta, I was struck by the loss of Jimmy Buffet, and the similarity between Jimmy Buffet and Brenda. The connection was so strong that I have to share their message.

I did not know Jimmy Buffet, but I loved his music and his zest for life. More than the empires he created, more than his wealth, more than his fame. Jimmy Buffet was always smiling or laughing. When his music played, regardless of what I was doing, I wanted to sing and dance. Jimmy Buffet had that effect on many people.

Brenda Schell was not as famous as Jimmy Buffet, but she had a similar effect on people. Brenda lived LARGE. People loved her. She made whatever was going on ten times better. She loved life and lived like she did. Brenda loved to travel, and she and I traveled to Italy with a group of women friends. Brenda and her husband Bruce and Mike and I had some wonderful times traveling together. We also traveled with a couple’s group. These trips took us from Italy to St. Maarten, New Orleans to Key West, and Cancun to Casa de Campo. There are so many great memories from those trips.

Our plan should be to live every minute to it’s fullest. 

The message from Jimmy Buffet and Brenda Schell is clear. Live a LARGE life. Enjoy every day. Do not waste even a minute complaining. Be happy.  Make everyone around you feel good. Give life your full attention.

We only have this very minute. Nothing else is a guarantee. So, let’s live LARGE!

For one day you will be gone. And none of what you accumulated will go with you. One day your friends will be left with only memories of you. If you lived LARGE, those memories will live forever in the hearts of those you leave behind.  

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A Thoughtful and Sad Week

Posted on September 28, 2023 by Patti Fralix
Memories of Uncle Barry and Bryan Townsend make my heart smile!

The last week of September is one that I do not look forward to, at least in recent years. This is the week that we celebrate the birthdays, lives, and deaths of two of my favorite men, father surrogate Uncle Barry, and best friend for many years, Bryan Townsend. Let me tell you a little bit about these two wonderful men.

At First Watch with Uncle Barry near his home in Suffolk, Va., on one of my frequent visits to be with him as he went through chemotherapy and radiation. I treasure those times and him so much. 

Uncle Barry was my most constant father figure. He was married to my mother’s oldest sister, Aunt Evelyn, whom we called Bebo. Aunt Bebo and Uncle Barry raised me for many years, filling in when my mother needed them to. My mother passed away in 1998 at the young age of 64. Aunt Bebo followed close behind, in 2003. Uncle Barry lived for many more years, passing away in 2021 at almost 91 years of age. Our family had the honor of celebrating holidays with him, traveling with him, and in many other ways including him in our activities. Unlike my mother and aunt, Uncle Barry enjoyed being at the center of family activities. We cooked together, watched Sunday night and Monday night football together, and sang together as we traveled. Uncle Barry was “a piece of work!” I had to remind him many times to watch his mouth when the grandchildren were around. He did not put on airs for anyone. There was no one like him, and I miss him immensely. This Friday, September 29th is Uncle Barry’s birthday, and we will keep his memory close to our hearts, not just on his birthday, but forever.

Bryan Townsend was a professional speaker and writer in his last career; one of the very best of both. His messages live on in his writings and tapes. 

Bryan Townsend and his wife Judy have been my best friends for many years. One of the “funnies” I tell is that I acquired Bryan and Judy from my first husband, and when we divorced, they kept me! The truth is, they (well, Bryan!) would have kept both of us, but it did not work out that way. When Mike and I married, Bryan and Judy embraced him, and we spent many wonderful times together. But not enough, for Bryan died much too soon at 64 years of age in 2012. Bryan’s death hit all of us so hard, but none more so than his wife Judy, and precious children, Jim, Lee, and Patti Anne, and his mother, Idell. Bryan’s death left a void that will never be filled. But his life also left a legacy of honor, love, and laughter. Bryan’s birthday is September 28th, which is also the anniversary of his death. Although “officially” Bryan died on September 29th, Judy believes he died on September 28th, when his organs shut down and he was no longer alive other than by artificial means. It is hard to believe that it has been 11 years since Bryan passed away, but his memory lives on in so many ways.

So, on September 28th and September 29th, the lives of these two special men will be celebrated in spirit, as memories of times with them flood my mind. I will try to remember the good times. I will try to not focus too much on the fact that we only have them now in spirit. I will remember the gifts their lives gave us.           

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Working Hard on Ourselves

Posted on September 21, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Jim Rohn, one of my heroes, said many years ago, “Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.” This relates to personal development. It means reading books that expand our minds, attending seminars that help us grow, and working with mentors and coaches who help us push us through our limitations. While Jim Rohn is no longer with us, his legacy lives on. I hope the same is true for us.

How many of us go through our days just getting by, doing what we have always done? How few of us even think of our legacy? We will all have one, it just may not be the one we wanted to leave, if we even thought about this at all. Well, we may have thought about it, but are not doing enough to make our legacy what we want it to be.

This was on the wall in the hospital where my husband recovered from a reverse total shoulder replacement. I think it is appropriate for more than just physical healing.

It is soon to be the end of another year, and many of us have probably not been working on ourselves harder than we have on our jobs and other priorities. But it isn’t too late to start. We have a quarter of the year, three months, to make significant progress. But where and how to start?

One option is to consider whether our habits are those of which we are proud. Our habits have everything to do with our behavior in general. It does no good to read books, attend seminars, and/or work with coaches or mentors if we fail to do the work on ourselves, to put what we read about and hear about into action.

If worrying is one of your habits, commit to changing that! Be like my Grandma Grace who used to say, “I don’t borrow trouble!”

One example. One of my habits relates to my sugar addiction. Yes, it is an addiction. I can call it whatever I want, but when I keep eating sugary foods even when I know I am meeting an emotional need, not a physical one, it is an addiction. Consequently, I have regained ten pounds of the fifty-seven pounds I lost. I am not happy or proud of this and plan to get back in control of this, and now. Yes, even though we are about to enter the time of the year when sugary foods abound.

Another of my habits is not walking consistently. Walking is my exercise of choice. Although I know my emotional health and physical health depend on me walking consistently, one of my habits is to get distracted by other “priorities” and fail to be consistent with those habits that I know are most important. This has something to do with my ten-pound weight gain.

This has nothing at all to do with Habits! But it is a lovely photo of our granddaughter Elsie and her boyfriend Will at their recent high school homecoming. 

Enough about my habits. How about yours? Do your habits help you live the life you are proudest of? If “yes,” good for you! Just keep up the good work. But be aware. Boredom can set in, other priorities can take hold, or you can just forget to stay consistent, and before you know it, you can develop unhealthy habits, those that do not serve you well.

Join me in the commitment to work harder on ourselves than we do on our jobs or anything else. We have three months left in 2023 to make significant progress. Then we can start off a new year happy with who we are.

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The Importance of Information

Posted on September 14, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Most would agree that time is our most valuable resource. Once time has passed, we cannot get it back. As I age, I am so much more aware of the importance of making every minute count. That makes the subject of this post very important.

So much time is wasted due to incomplete and/or inaccurate information. I had a situation occur this week that is a great example of that. The details aren’t important, and if I were to even begin to recount them, I would get mad all over again, and that would just waste more time! So, I will turn this into a positive experience and discuss the ways in which we can avoid wasting time in this manner.

First, we need to be clear about what information other people need to have and deliver that in a manner that can best be heard. One example is if we have a family member having surgery, who do we need to make aware of this? While it is fine to deliver non-sensitive information via social media, that should not be the manner in which we tell our closest relatives, such as children. Just because it might be quicker and easier for us to just put up a post and hit “send,” we should be more considerate than that.

When we are giving information to others, we should consider what details are important to communicate. Although I said I was not going to discuss the details of the recent experience I referenced above, a specific example can help us better understand the key points. The experience I referenced involved a dental procedure that included more than one appointment, and several people involved in trying to decide how and when to schedule the first of those were either unaware of or failed to communicate the next steps. The next steps became very important due to other priorities and schedule conflicts of both the patient and the dental practice. At least two hours of several people’s time was wasted due to incomplete and inaccurate information. This was a completely avoidable problem.

Even when time is wasted, its lessons are not.

It is the responsibility of the person “in charge” of the situation to ensure complete and accurate information is provided. It is also important for all of us to consider what information is important, and to make sure we ask good questions. Gone are the days when doctors and other health care providers were expected to be the “know it all and not to be questioned experts.” Lay people need to take responsibility for their own health and make sure they question what isn’t clear. However, in some cases, and medical and dental procedures often fall in this category, we do not know what we do not know!

When it becomes clear that incomplete and/or inaccurate information is involved, the person with the greatest emotional maturity needs to make sure the communication stays positive and focused on the delivery of accurate and complete information. Focusing on what all need to know, and delivering such in a positive and professional manner, should remain the priority. If fault finding becomes involved, more time is wasted, and for no good outcome.

In honor of 9/11, may we all treasure time, for we never know when there will be no more time for us.

There are many examples of communication problems, and not all involve the delivery of incomplete and/or inaccurate information. If we all take responsibility for effective communication, our time will be better spent, and our relationships will be improved.

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A Lovely Week in St. Maarten

Posted on September 6, 2023 by Patti Fralix
Our favorite jewelry store, Joe’s, remains #1 on TripAdvisor. General Manager, Harry, on the (L) and Diamond Specialist, Ron, on the (R.) 

Mike and I are having a relaxing and beautiful vacation in St. Maarten. We arrived on 8/26 and are here for two weeks. Our first week was filled with reacquainting ourselves to the island, both the Dutch and French sides. We have enjoyed seeing friends who are usually here when we are and meeting some new friends.

Our spacious condo affords us many luxuries, including a hot tub on the deck, a jacuzzi in the master bathroom, and a large kitchen, that we use only for making coffee and tea! While there are many luxuries, including two unused bedrooms and bathrooms, we have found some things lacking. One of those is the absence of measuring cups and spoons, which are needed for making tea. I brought a teaspoon, thankfully, but it never occurred to me to bring a measuring cup. There is an 8-cup glass measuring cup, but I “need” a 1/3 cup measuring cup for measuring the 2/3 cups of sugar for my tea. There is none! I thought about buying one but decided to “rough it!” It has been easy to use the 8-cup measuring cup for measuring my 6 cups of water for my tea. I have used a coffee mug and guessed at how much is 2/3 cup, and found that it is a close enough measure for my sugar.

A lovely night view of St. Maarten from our balcony.

We are also lacking a tea towel. There are paper towels and a dishcloth, and I have made do with those. I am careful about paper towel usage from an environmental standpoint, so I prefer a cloth dish towel for drying my hands and other items, but again, I have made do.

I am reminded of how many cloth dish towels I have at home and will make a list and bring one next year, along with a plastic 2/3 cup measuring cup, and a teaspoon. My wants/needs really are simple, but tea and coffee are wants that I consider needs. While I have made do without the measuring cup, it is easy enough to pack, and makes my tea easier to make, and provides the exact measurement of sugar to tea.  

When we travel, I am always surprised at the lack of “stuff” cluttering the spaces. That is true here. The rooms are large and appear even larger than they are without all of the knick-knacks that cover our surfaces at home. I do miss family photos, but I can honestly say that I don’t miss anything else.

As usual, I brought entirely too many clothes. I have not repeated wearing any clothing items yet and may not. Nor will I wear everything that I brought. We have a washer and dryer, which I knew we would have. While I considered bringing clothes for one week and wearing them the second week after laundering them, I did not do that. But although I have seen several things I might like to purchase, I know that I have too many clothes here and at home, so I will not purchase any more.  

I am saddened by the death of Jimmy Buffet. As I have watched news clips of him singing in various venues, I have thought about the fact that he did not take anything with him when he died. He undoubtedly had many material possessions, but none of them went with him. That should be a lesson for me.

Having crepes with our new friends, (L) Joan and (R) Betty. 

One of the highlights of this first week has been meeting and getting to know two lovely ladies, Betty and Joan, neighbors and friends in the same condo complex in New Jersey. Betty is the owner of a timeshare week at our same property, and she brought Joan to St. Maarten as a birthday gift. On October 7th, Joan will be 90 years young! I was shocked to hear of Joan’s age, for I would have thought she was closer to 80 years of age than 90. I am reminded of Uncle Barry, who passed away at not quite 91 years of age in the summer of 2021. Joan has the same zest for life that Uncle Barry had. Uncle Barry used to say, “Keep going as long as you can!” I think these two lovely ladies, Betty and Joan, are doing just that.

St. Maarten is a foodie’s paradise. This was one of the international restaurants we enjoyed.

May Mike and I enjoy life long into our later years. Life is our greatest gift, never to be taken for granted.

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Greetings from St. Maarten!

Posted on August 29, 2023 by Patti Fralix
The view from our condo at The Royal Islander in St Maarten.

Mike and I arrived here for our two-week vacation on Saturday. I am always amazed at the beauty all around. From the 37 beaches, (not that we have been to all of them!) to the mountains visible from airport road, to our lovely home away from home large oceanfront condo, beauty surrounds us. As I write this, I am sitting on a chaise lounge on our large wrap-around deck, enjoying the breeze, totally relaxed. This is exactly how vacation is supposed to feel.

Mike and I came to St. Maarten for the first time for a week in mid-December 2000. While we had no plans to do so, we left having purchased two weeks in a 3 bedroom 3 ½ bathroom penthouse condo. The only downside to this was that our fixed time is during hurricane season, the end of August and first of September! We have been fortunate most years in having no weather disruptions, although we were here for Hurricane Irma on September 6, 2017. You can read all about that experience in my blogs posted at that time, and in my book, Changing Me From The Inside Out. I decided that if there is any indication of a hurricane again, I will leave on the next flight out! While our hurricane experience had some valuable lessons to teach us, I do not want to experience another one.

A gift from our favorite jeweler, Ron at Joe’s Jewelry in Philipsburg in St. Maarten. Ron’s gift also included a bottle of Champagne.

Although Mike and I are here alone these two weeks, we have had many family members and friends accompany us through the years. I have been going down memory lane about that, remembering some who are no longer with us other than in spirit. That includes good friends who were more family than friends, Shirshee Davis and Bryan Townsend, as well as Uncle Barry and close friends Anna Upchurch and John Barber. Memories of our times with them here keep them forever with us.

St. Maarten feels like a second home to us. We have our favorite jeweler here, Ron at Joe’s Jewelry in Philipsburg, who is responsible for me loving jewelry. Ron and others greet us each time as if we are family. While Mike and I have traveled a lot and love many places around the world, none feel like home as does St. Maarten. The comfort of going to many of the same places each time we are here, seeing how things have changed and stayed the same, provides a sense of peace.

More to come from beautiful St. Maarten/St. Martin.

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Still In Process

Posted on August 25, 2023 by Patti Fralix

I do not know why I have had, and still have, so much stuff. I am still cleaning out and finding all kinds of things, many of which I do not want to part with. While I haven’t yet conquered the “having too much stuff” demon, I have made a decision about not bringing any more stuff into our home. There is just no room, and we do not need much of what we have. Bear with me as I discuss this in a little more detail.

These random words on a note found yesterday are a message of what I need to change and do.

One of my habits is making notes on random pieces of paper. While cleaning out some tote bags today (of which I have too many!) I found a couple of pieces of paper with notes on them. One of them had these words: “Spending money, time, and energy on things we don’t need.” There is no caption to this, just those words. If those words did have a caption, it could be this: “What is something you want to change?”

The other sentence on this piece of paper is: “Fill up your space as the need arises. Be ok with space being empty.” Wow; powerful. And I believe Heaven sent. This is a message I need at this time in my life.

These notes found yesterday are a message to me of needed behaviors.

The other piece of paper has these words:“ Competencies: Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Self-Motivation, Empathy, and Effective Relationships.” All of these relate to the individual self. The first three; Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Self-Motivation are related to our behavior with ourselves, and the last two, Empathy and Effective Relationships, relate to our behavior with others. All five are necessary behaviors for us to possess to be effective.  

Now, what do the random thoughts on the two pieces of paper have to do with my decision to not bring anything else into our home? The first piece of paper mentioned is obviously a close connection, especially the part about being okay with space being empty. And if I do not spend money, time, and energy on things we don’t need, I will be practicing Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Self-Motivation.

This precious granddaughter, Hayden Elise, turned 1 on August 15th. 

Now, before I make a promise that I can’t keep, I will add one qualifier. I may, note I say “may,” not “will,” bring something into our home, but only if something goes out. Then again, I may not, for what we have is really fine; we do not need anything else.

Have empathy for me on this journey. It is not easy.

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A Few Thoughts

Posted on August 17, 2023 by Patti Fralix

On the drive recently to the mountains to pick up granddaughter Virginia from camp, I listened to Audible. 101 ESSAYS that will CHANGE the way YOU THINK by Brianna Wiest, which I had listened to previously, has some wonderful nuggets of wisdom. I also reviewed notes I had taken previously from some other audiotapes.

Here are 10 of my favorite Thoughts.

  1. We were born to Actualize our life, not to Analyze it. 
  2. Follow Purpose Passionately.
  3. Choose a Life of No Excuses.
  4. There Are Questions to which Answers May Not Exist.
  5. Just Be a Good Human and Work Hard.
  6. When You Find Yourself Hanging on Too Tight, It’s Time to Let Go.
  7. Common Sense is not always Common Practice.
  8. Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable.
  9. Start Where You Are, Use What You Have, and Do What You Can.
  10. Now is All the Time We Have.

I imagine at least one or two of these thoughts will resonate with you. I know they do with me.  I am determining what they mean for me at this time in my life and am actualizing the insight these nuggets of wisdom provide me.

How about you? Do you find wisdom in these thoughts? If so, where can that wisdom take you?

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The Mountains and Camp Merrie-Woode Are Calling

Posted on August 11, 2023 by Patti Fralix
Virginia and Tara on the porch of VA’s cabin, Avalon.

With temperatures hovering around a hundred degrees in our area for too many days, a trip to the mountains this week was a welcome reprieve. I drove to Sapphire, NC to meet daughter Tara for camp pick-up of granddaughter Virginia at Camp Merrie-Woode. I enjoyed the entire experience, including the five-hour drive up and back listening to an audible tape, time alone with Tara including dinner, and seeing camp through Virginia’s eyes. The weather was perfect, cool, and crisp with no humidity. The majesty of the mountains reminded me of how small we really are, as are our problems. A more frequent trip to the mountains could do wonders for my soul.

Mailbox at Camp Merrie-Woode. Virginia received 28 letters for her 10 days at camp, and more were sent that did not make it before she left!

 Our family knows Camp Merrie-Woode well. Daughter Tara was a camper there when she was about the same age as Virginia (11.) Virginia’s older sister Mary Grace, now in college at UGA, was a camper at Merrie-Woode in 2019. (Before Merrie-Woode, Mary Grace and Elsie went to Camp Seafarer on the coast of NC for several years.)  All three granddaughters, Mary Grace, Elsie, and Virginia were registered for Camp Merrie-Woode in 2020, but COVID intervened. Mary Grace is interested in being a counselor at Merrie-Woode next year, and Virginia wants to return to Camp Merrie-Woode for a longer camp experience.

Nana and VA.

The surrounding areas of Cashiers and Highlands are a shopping mecca, and I allowed time in my travels to browse the shops. I was interested in seeing how items in stores compared to Raleigh and Southport. I was surprised to see puzzles that are priced at $24.95 in my store in Southport and priced at $30 in Highlands! While I enjoyed the shopping experience, I only purchased tea and coffee!

Mary Grace, Virginia, Tara, and Elsie in Mary Grace’s cabin at Camp Merrie-Woode in 2019; Avalon, VA’s cabin this year! 

Camp Merrie-Woode had not changed from what I remembered. It is such a peaceful place, nestled in the mountains, feeling far removed from the hectic lives we too often live. The campers are not allowed to have any devices. Like most children her age, Virginia enjoys her iPad, and whether she brought it was one of Virginia’s first questions of her mother. Tara had brought it, knowing the 6.5-hour drive back home would be a more pleasant experience with the company of the device.

The flowers in the area are beautiful. These were at Cornucopia, the restaurant where Tara and I had dinner the night before camp pick-up. The food was delicious, the service was excellent, and the ambiance warm and inviting. 

One of the highlights of the visit was seeing Tara’s name on the ceiling of her cabin, where it has been since she was a camper there. Mary Grace’s name is on a plaque to be added to her cabin, and Virginia’s name will also be added to that same cabin since she was in the same cabin as Mary Grace.  

Lots of history. 

As one who loves traditions, Camp Merrie-Woode is a tradition that provides continuity in our family. I am still in awe of how fast the years pass, and it was surreal to be at CMW, remembering Tara being there, then her daughters.

Too often our lives are filled with experiences that are transitory. Camp Merrie-Woode has become a permanent part of our family’s history.

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