This blog was initially to be a call to action for managers. The reason for this is that I have heard too many stories lately of intimidating managers making inappropriate comments to staff. Comments that belittle staff and place them in uncomfortable positions. I will write a longer blog on exactly that at some point, but I decided to shift the focus in this blog somewhat and speak to all of us, for we can make inappropriate comments without even meaning to. Some of those comments are not just inappropriate, they are hurtful. We should all be careful about how we say what we say and stay in our own lane. You might ask, “What exactly does staying in our own lane mean?”
What we say and do in relationship with others matters a lot!
Staying in our own lane first of all means to mind our own business. I know you have heard what is often said, “If you aren’t involved, stay out of it.” Also, “If you aren’t part of the solution, don’t be part of the problem.” One of the problems with this is that some people love to meddle, and keep things stirred up. Others can try to drag us into things that we have no business getting into. We need to be smarter and better than getting caught up in that.
While this is true, it is not a license to offend others.
One way for us to stay out of trouble is to remember our role. For example, as a Nana who loves her grandchildren, I sometimes forget my role! If I am not careful, I put my opinion in where it is not wanted or needed with my adult children. (Well, even if I think my opinion is needed, if I forget that I am the grandparent and not the parent, I can cause unnecessary conflict!) Our adult children often need our approval, never our criticism. If we remember how hard it is to balance kids and their schedules, meals, work, and other priorities, we will help where we can, praise as often as we can, and avoid any behavior or words that can be hurtful.
With friends, we should remember that our appropriate role is usually one of support, not Director. Sometimes we get hooked thinking our friends want our opinion when they really just want to vent and want our approval, and they do not want us to tell them what to do. The same can be true for our spouse.
There is a caveat to all of this. If we think others we care about are struggling and need our help, we may need to intervene, but how we do that is so important. Certainly, if someone’s behavior is problematic to the point of potential or actual abuse, we need to get involved. But that is not usually the case when we get into trouble with others. We often get into trouble with others when we let our personalities dominate and fail to factor in the other person’s personality and communication style.
Cappuccino keeps me calm and helps me to behave better!
We all have opinions, and some of us are good about how we voice those opinions to others. Some of us need to improve in this area. Some of us need to work on staying in our own lane.
How successful are you at staying in your own lane? I need to work on this. Once again, I am writing what I need to learn.
Patti Fralix inspires positive change in work, life, and family through Speaking, Consulting, and Coaching in three specialty areas: Leadership, Managing Differences, and Customer Service. Her leadership firm, The Fralix Group, Inc., has been helping clients achieve practical and tangible results for twenty-two years.
It's In The Sauce! 
Staying In Our Own Lane!
This blog was initially to be a call to action for managers. The reason for this is that I have heard too many stories lately of intimidating managers making inappropriate comments to staff. Comments that belittle staff and place them in uncomfortable positions. I will write a longer blog on exactly that at some point, but I decided to shift the focus in this blog somewhat and speak to all of us, for we can make inappropriate comments without even meaning to. Some of those comments are not just inappropriate, they are hurtful. We should all be careful about how we say what we say and stay in our own lane. You might ask, “What exactly does staying in our own lane mean?”
Staying in our own lane first of all means to mind our own business. I know you have heard what is often said, “If you aren’t involved, stay out of it.” Also, “If you aren’t part of the solution, don’t be part of the problem.” One of the problems with this is that some people love to meddle, and keep things stirred up. Others can try to drag us into things that we have no business getting into. We need to be smarter and better than getting caught up in that.
One way for us to stay out of trouble is to remember our role. For example, as a Nana who loves her grandchildren, I sometimes forget my role! If I am not careful, I put my opinion in where it is not wanted or needed with my adult children. (Well, even if I think my opinion is needed, if I forget that I am the grandparent and not the parent, I can cause unnecessary conflict!) Our adult children often need our approval, never our criticism. If we remember how hard it is to balance kids and their schedules, meals, work, and other priorities, we will help where we can, praise as often as we can, and avoid any behavior or words that can be hurtful.
With friends, we should remember that our appropriate role is usually one of support, not Director. Sometimes we get hooked thinking our friends want our opinion when they really just want to vent and want our approval, and they do not want us to tell them what to do. The same can be true for our spouse.
There is a caveat to all of this. If we think others we care about are struggling and need our help, we may need to intervene, but how we do that is so important. Certainly, if someone’s behavior is problematic to the point of potential or actual abuse, we need to get involved. But that is not usually the case when we get into trouble with others. We often get into trouble with others when we let our personalities dominate and fail to factor in the other person’s personality and communication style.
We all have opinions, and some of us are good about how we voice those opinions to others. Some of us need to improve in this area. Some of us need to work on staying in our own lane.
How successful are you at staying in your own lane? I need to work on this. Once again, I am writing what I need to learn.
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About Patti Fralix
Patti Fralix inspires positive change in work, life, and family through Speaking, Consulting, and Coaching in three specialty areas: Leadership, Managing Differences, and Customer Service. Her leadership firm, The Fralix Group, Inc., has been helping clients achieve practical and tangible results for twenty-two years.