An Amazing Week

Posted on September 7, 2025 by Patti Fralix

In my last published blog, I discussed how we still have time to accomplish our goals in 2025. But that is only true if we set goals! I mentioned that if we set and accomplish just one goal a week, in the eighteen weeks remaining in 2025, we will be closer to being the person that we want to be. I committed to doing just that, setting and meeting just one new goal each week. Although this week is almost over, (and what a week it has been!) here goes!

My goal for this week is to publish my blog (itsinthesauce.com) weekly through the remainder of 2025. I have become complacent about posting a blog in the past few months, and want to change that. I published my first blog in January of 2015. I don’t know that I ever committed to posting weekly, but many months I did post weekly. In the past year my posting has become sporadic. Posting a blog has become a chore for me. The reason isn’t because I no longer like to write, and hopefully have my writing inspire others. I need to decide if posting a blog is still a part of my business plan, or not. If it is, it needs to be done consistently. If it isn’t, I need to let it go. Letting things go is difficult for me, but I need to make this decision, and follow through. These weeks between now and the end of the year will solidify my decision. I honestly do not know what my decision will be, but I am glad that I am making a decision about it..

This first week of September 2025 has presented me with significant challenges, all related to vehicles. Mike and I were at our daughter’s in Ga for Labor Day, and left there to come home on Tuesday. My 2021 Honda, which only has 77,000 miles on it, decided to need a transmission replaced that day! We did not know that until the noise got very loud en route. There were no warning signs at all, just a noise that was not specific enough for two people that we had check it along the way to diagnose. One of those two people was at the Honda dealership in Florence, SC, and he did say he thought it was the transmission. He suggested we drive on home and not get stuck in Florence for several days having that problem fixed!

All along the way, I was on the phone with my car expert, Josh, at Champs Performance Plus in Creedmoor, NC. He and I agreed that I would keep driving and get as far as I could. It was scary, but we made it to his car repair business, and left the Honda there for him to fix. He provided us a loaner car, which was a 2010 Honda Element with more than 148,000 miles on it.

Thankfully, when I bought my Honda I purchased an extended warranty. I do not usually buy extended warranties, but I did this time, and I am so glad that I did, for transmission replacement is covered by the warranty. But dealing with an extended warranty situation takes longer than it should to get the work approved and completed. But that was worth the wait.

Mike and I already had a week’s get-a-way planned to Williamsburg, Va. The Honda repair was not finished when we were to leave so Josh told us to take the loaner car for our trip. We packed the car Friday morning and headed to Williamsburg. All was well, until it wasn’t.

We had been driving almost three hours and were ten minutes from our destination when the loaner car just quit! Flashing lights came on and we lost all power. We were driving in the middle of a country road, with no businesses around, and not even a safe place to pull off the road. But we had to pull off the road, or we would have been sitting in the middle of the highway, stopped. So I pulled off the road.

What did I do next? I called Josh, of course.

Stay tuned. The rest of this story will be told in next week’s blog.

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Goodbye to Summer

Posted on August 31, 2025 by Patti Fralix

It is hard to believe that summer has come and gone. Although summer technically ends on September 22nd, Labor Day marks the unofficial end to summer. Where did it go? I know it is because of my age that time seems to fly by, but it seems to do so much faster each season. Now we need to soon prepare for Christmas, with several other holidays in-between. It wears me out to even think of it.

How is 2025 going for you? Is this year what you planned for it to be back in January? If not, there is still time, although not much. If there are personal and/or professional goals that you want to achieve, you still have time. But only if you focus, and get started. This message is for me as much as for you. Per usual, I write what I need to live. Time passes, and more quickly as the years go by. How we choose to spend our time matters.

Let’s think analytically about this. Beginning tomorrow, we have eighteen weeks left in this year. We can make a decision about one goal we will meet each week in what remains of this year. If we are productive, we can accomplish so much. Those eighteen weeks will pass whether or not we accomplish our goals. Do we want to look back on these weeks and regret that we wasted our time? Or, do we want to be proud that we accomplished goals that move us forward, that help us be the person we want to be?

I am making a commitment to myself to do what I just suggested. Beginning September 1, I will set one goal each week for the remainder of the year.. And since it is not enough to just set the goals, I will also do my very best to accomplish each goal. Will this be easy with everything else going on during this busy time of the year? No, of course not, But is it doable? Yes, of course.

How about you? Will you join me? Will you focus on yourself as much as you focus on everything and everyone else? Will you make yourself a priority?

I would love to hear from you about your commitment to yourself. But as much as I would love to hear from you about this, it isn’t really important that you tell me what you decide to do. But it is very important that you tell yourself.

I wish you well on your journey.

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Givers, Takers, and In-Betweens

Posted on August 26, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Do you consider yourself a giver, one who is thoughtful? Or do you even think about this at all? Perhaps you know that you are not as thoughtful as you could be. It is hard to admit, even to ourselves, that we should be more giving, reaching out to others in helpful ways. In fact, we may not focus on others at all, being more self absorbed.

Or are we a taker, expecting others to give to us, but not showing concern for the needs of others? While it is hard to admit this ourselves, we should be able to admit it to ourselves. It is not possible to change what we refuse to admit, and if we know we are a taker, we should want to change this. Life is hard enough when we are considerate of the needs of others. If we are more of a taker than a giver, our relationships suffer.

Perhaps we do not think of ourselves as a taker, yet know that we are not really a giver. We may be in the in-between category of giving and taking. If it is convenient for us, we give, yet we really do not focus on doing for others. If we really admit to ourselves our weaknesses, we know that we only give when it is convenient for us to do so, not really focused on others’ needs.

By the way, if we only give to others when they ask, are we really a giver? While it is good to give to another when they ask for something they need, that is not as “giving” oriented as being aware of the needs of others and offering what we can to help.

The reason for this post is because I have several recent examples of giving. These are examples of people who had no reason to give to me, but did so anyway. While I will not identify these people, I want to recognize their giving spirit.

I recently purchased an item from the antiques and gifts shop in Southport, where I have been a vendor for many years. The item is a gift for someone else, and it was a decent price, even before the owner of the item gave me a $10 discount. The next time I saw the vendor, she asked if I had purchased the item, and I told her that I had. She reached into her pocket and brought out $10 and gave it to me. She said, “I want to give you a better discount than I gave you.” Now, that is a giving spirit. She had nothing to gain from giving me a bigger discount, yet she thought she should, so she did.

Another example. A friend knew of a need that I had, and not because I asked for her help, for I would not have thought to do so. But she knew, and offered to help. I did not ask for her help, she offered. This is a true giving spirit, to offer help. While it is good to give when asked, it is better to be aware of the needs of another, and to offer assistance.

A third example is someone who gives me many items to sell in my antiques and gifts business, and does not want any compensation from the sale of those items. She gives because she likes to give, not to benefit monetarily in any way. She doesn’t even expect me to pick the items up. She spends her time and effort to bring me those items.

We can give in many ways. While some needs are financial, there are ways we can give to others that do not involve money at all. We can give of our time. We can give of our knowledge. We can give of our heart. We can be a listening ear to someone who just needs companionship.

We can be thoughtful in the gifts that we give to others, choosing gifts that will be meaningful to them. While it is certainly true that gifts are some people’s love language, that is not true for all. To some, having to select gifts for others is a burdensome task. Even so, it is important for us all to be mindful of the likes of others, and select gifts that others will enjoy.

The best gifts of all come from our heart, a heart that is focused on others more than ourselves. One of my best examples of a gift from the heart is this note my then eleven-year-old granddaughter Virginia wrote and the blanket she designed and created for me Christmas 2022.

We should all be as kind and generous as Virginia. The world needs us to be.

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Facing Our Fears

Posted on July 31, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Fear is a powerful emotion. We all have fears, and how we deal with them can determine whether we conquer them, or they conquer us. Sometimes the fear is of the unknown. Sometimes we fear failure. Sometimes we fear success.

I have had an unusual fear this week, fear of a fox! Mike and I downsized a couple of years ago and now live in a 55 and older neighborhood of 1300 homes. It is a beautiful neighborhood, with lots of walking trails and wooded areas. It seems that we now have a fox lurking around, evading all attempts to catch him. He has attacked several people and animals. I do not want to be one of his victims!

When I first heard of the fox a couple of days ago, I considered not taking my daily walk. I walk right near where the fox has been seen and has attacked people and animals. But after considering that for a short period of time, I decided that would not be facing my fear.

Not taking my daily walk would be like not taking my daily medicine. It is the only exercise I get. My daily walk is for my mental and emotional health as well as my physical health. Yes, I could miss a few days and not take my walk while the fox is hopefully being caught and thus poses no danger. But I did not want to. I know that once I get out of the groove of my daily walk, it will be too easy to let it slide, fox or not.

I decided to take a walking stick with me for protection against the fox on my walks. That was a suggestion made by some neighbors. Since we have an (unused) walking stick, I decided to put it to good use. For the past two days, I have walked accompanied by a walking stick. I have chatted with the law enforcement professionals as I passed the areas where they have been looking for the fox (I guess and hope that there is only one fox!) I have had no sightings of the fox. And, it is apparently still on the loose.

Now, granted, fear of a fox is an unusual fear, and one I hope is rectified soon. But that is not the only fear that I face. As scary as the fear of the fox is, the other fears are even worse. And they cannot be controlled by a walking stick.

I fear aging, and the potential health issues that too often accompany aging. I fear death, especially after losing a friend to colon cancer at the young age of 61 last week. I fear dementia, and losing the person I am to my family and friends, becoming someone no one wants to be around.

I fear losing frequent contact with my family and friends as their lives change, and there isn’t the same ability to be a part of their lives. I fear losing my strength, especially in my hands due to arthritis, and no longer being able to cook and do other things that I enjoy. I fear losing my eyesight to wet macular degeneration, having had well controlled dry macular degeneration for several years.

I have another fear, one that is perhaps the scariest of all. I fear losing my purpose, no longer sure “what I am supposed to do with my one wild and precious life.” (From the poem “The Summer Day” by Mary Oliver.) How I answer this question will determine how I deal with success and failure in this part of my life.

How about you? Have you seen any foxes, or other dangerous animals? Likely not. How about your fears; do you have any? Are you satisfied with your life as it is, or do you want more? What do you want more of? Do you want more money? If so, if you have more time, you can make more money. Money is a commodity, and although at times it may be in short supply, that can be rectified. The same isn’t true about time.

Time is a non-renewable resource. When time is gone, it is gone forever. That makes our quest for what money can’t buy more important than what money can buy.

Let’s fear what is worthy of our fear. Let’s fear our failure to be our best, and to live our best life. Let’s get busy, for time waits for no one.

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Focusing on What I Can Control

Posted on July 25, 2025 by Patti Fralix

I saw a commercial recently in which the comment was made, “Focus on what you can control; everything else is just noise.” I think it was an ad for Truist. And it is so true! I have thought a lot about the comment since I saw the ad. It reminded me of the very popular book by Mel Robbins that I read, “Let Them.” That book is about control, specifically knowing what you can control and not trying to control what, or who, you can’t control. So, a blog post has been forming in me.

I have long spoken and written about control and change, and I get new lessons about these almost daily. But I am a slow learner. I still try to control things and people that I can’t control. I know very well that the only person I can control is me, and that is a full time job. That knowledge does not stop me from trying to control some other people, specifically my husband (sorry, Mike!) and situations. Perhaps you can benefit from my musings on this.

What I Can Control: I can control myself, and my own behavior. If I spend enough time on this, there will not be time left over for me to try to control others! I can control my own behavior, and should. I can control what I think about myself. I can control what I do, and don’t do, with others. I can control what I do to avoid trying to control others. I can live the Serenity Prayer, especially the parts about accepting the things I can’t control, and the courage to change the things I can.

What I Can’t Control: Other people. Oh, I can try to control others, but it does not work. In fact, as Mel Robbins’ points out in her aforementioned book, when I try to control others, it usually backfires. I can’t control what others think of me. I can’t control much of what happens to me, although I do have some responsibility for what happens to me by the actions I take.

If I can’t be the person I want and need to be when I am with some people, I need to have the courage to be okay with not being with those people. I need to be able to say goodbye to the people who detract from me being able to be my best self. That will benefit not just me, but them as well. Remember the phrase, “Friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” Friends serve different purposes in our lives, and when that purpose has been served and no longer applies, we need to be able to let them go and move on. I am not good about this. I try to hold on forever.

There are so many things outside of our control. One of those is how long we live. Oh, of course we can have healthy habits and that does have something to do with our morbidity and mortality. But there is a large amount of other stuff that is beyond our control, or even our influence. I am sad today. I learned a couple of days ago that a friend we knew from traveling to St Maarten passed away this week from colon cancer. Trish died much too young. She was a wonderful, positive, engaging person, and I will miss her. We had lots of good times in St Maarten together, and some not so good.Trish and John and Mike and I lived through Hurricane Irma in St Maarten in 2017.

Why was Trish’s life cut short and not mine? That is a question that I cannot answer. But I do know that it is my responsibility to be the best person that I can be, and that is a full time job. It is my responsibility to treasure this life that I have, to not take it for granted, and to live a life that honors those who are no longer with us.

Trish has her hand on my shoulder, and her husband John is behind her, The other couple is Renee and Michael .

How about you? Are you who you want to be? I know that I am not, at least not totally. You and I should not wait to change what we want to change. Life is precious, and sometimes shorter than we think it will be.

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2025 is Half Over!

Posted on June 30, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Hard as it is to believe, this year is half over. Technically, it is half over tomorrow, but that is close enough for us to discuss it! I do not know about you, but I am amazed at how time is flying by. Given this, our time on this earth is getting shorter. Not to be morbid, but to accept that whatever we want to do, we need to be well on our way to doing it.

Where should we go from here? Not literally, but figuratively. If we accept that we have less time in front of us than we do behind us, what do we need to do with this knowledge? Well, first of all, I need to clarify that not all of us have less time in front of us than behind us. I hope our dear grandchildren have more time in front of them than behind them. Their ages, which range from almost 3 years of age to twenty years of age means that if they are fortunate enough to have an average life span, they do have lots of years left. So I am not referring to them. I am not referring to anyone in particular. I am simply recognizing that life is speeding by, and we need to get busy living our priorities while we still have time. While we do not know the length of our life, the older we are, the less time we will likley have to do what is important to us.

Perhaps you are familiar with the late poet Mary Oliver’s quote, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Now that is a powerful question. Just think about that for a moment. I hope you have an answer to that question for yourself. It really doesn’t matter if others know your answer, but it matters quite a lot that you have an answer to that question for yourself.

Assuming you have an answer to the question about what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life, how are you doing with that? Are you making progress? Or are you going through your days, weeks, and months without giving any thought, or action, to what you say you really want?

With one half of 2025 left, it is time for all of us who say we want something more than what we have to get busy making that happen. I am not referring to us saying we want material things. Some may, but that is not my focus in this discussion. My focus with this question is what meaning we want our life to have. How do we want to be remembered? What do we want our legacy to be? We will all leave a legacy, just what do we want ours to be?

I recognize that some of us may know what we want from our wild and precious life, yet know we are not living it. I can identify with that. But I also know it is not too late for us to change whatever we need to change to live the life we want to live.

Until we have taken our last breath, it is not too late. What we need to accept is that we do not know when that last breath will be taken, So if this is really important to us, we need to act. Now. While there is still time.

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Granddaughter Elsie’s High School Graduation

Posted on June 4, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Our granddaughter Elsie graduated from high school on May 23, 2025. She will attend college at the University of South Carolina, where she will study to become a nurse. Elsie plans to continue her education post undergraduate to become a nurse practitioner. The years have passed so quickly. I am amazed that Elsie is now eighteen years old, and will leave home soon to begin her life as an adult.

I found a letter Elsie wrote about me when she was ten years old. It is on my pattifralix.com website. We do not always know what words others hear that make an impression on them. I will always treasure Elsie’s written words.

I have (of course!) been going down memory lane as we have celebrated this milestone with Elsie. I found some photos of Elsie at different stages that I cherish.

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My Six-Year Anniversary

Posted on May 7, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Today is my six-year anniversary of not drinking alcohol. After enjoying wine and an occasional Lemon Drop Martini since I was in my mid twenties, I decided on May 7, 2019, when I was 67 years old, that enough was enough. I gave up alcohol. As the weeks and months of not drinking alcohol became years, I decided that this change will be permanent. It took awhile, but I no longer miss it.

My initial reason to stop drinking alcohol was to lose weight. I had been trying to lose weight, and had not been able to. I had  been on Weight Watchers for years, but had not really worked the plan. I wish I had the money I spent on Weight Watchers during those years! I would lose ten pounds, and gain it back. The amount of weight that I wanted to lose was in the ten to twenty pound range. When I hit 159 pounds, I decided something else was necessary to lose the weight. Although I had often said, “I am not giving up my Chardonnay,” for whatever reason, on May 7, 2019, I decided to give up my Chardonnay.

In the next few months, I lost 57 pounds. Of course, removing alcohol from my life was not the only change that I made to lose the weight, and it certainly did not account for me losing 57 pounds. But it was a major part of it. And more importantly, removing alcohol from my life made my life so much better in several ways.

I was mainly a social drinker. I often had a glass or two (or three) of wine in the evenings while cooking. I would drink when out with friends. What became an occasional drink or two of wine mainly on the weekends gradually became more of a daily habit. I knew that was not healthy, but habits are easy to make and hard to break. Although I tried to cut back, again mainly to lose weight, I found that hard to do. So I decided to stop completely.

When I stopped drinking, I did not make a decision that this change would be permanent. In fact, I think if I had thought initially that I would not drink wine or a Lemon Drop Martini ever again, I don’t know if I would have stopped. That might have felt too severe. But the longer I was not drinking, the better I felt. And I sometimes acted better! I Know I slept better. I also had more energy overall. I also no longer had to worry if I had said or done something I should not have said or done, at least while under the influence of alcohol.

I no longer enjoy sitting in a bar socializing, although I do so occasionally with my husband. I enjoy socializing with friends who are drinking alcohol, and no longer feel different in a negative way. I am different, due to my choice; not better than, just different. When with others who are drinking alcohol, I drink my beverage of choice, iced tea, and enjoy the festivities. I do miss wine tastings, but again, it is my choice to not drink alcohol, and with that decision there are some losses. But the gains are more than worth the few losses. 

It isn’t easy to go against the flow, and I am definitely in the minority by not drinking alcohol. Our society in many ways revolves around alcohol. While there are more people now who are drinking mocktails or non alcoholic drinks than there were six years ago, alcohol is still a major part of our culture. 

I found some of the 57 pounds that I lost, and I am ok with that. I am a lifetime Weight Watchers member, no longer having to pay since I stay below my goal weight. I am healthy, walking at least two miles most days, and have settled at a weight that I can maintain.  

Life is good, without alcohol. 

My Derby Drink is iced tea!
Mike and me celebrating our 41st anniversary on April 28th at Margaux’s Restaurant.
Lunch with long time friends (center) Ruthe Farmer and Shirley Harkey.

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Keeping Faith and Hope Alive

Posted on April 22, 2025 by Patti Fralix

We just finished a week of renewal and hope. People all over the world celebrated Easter, Passover, and the Holy Days.

Cardinal Dolan of New York talked about the Holy season on the Today Show last week. He said most people, even the non-religious, those who attend church only on Easter and Christmas, have faith. He also said many people struggle to have hope, especially at times like we are experiencing now. His comment caused me to think of the difference in these two, faith and hope.

In Hebrews 11:1, the Bible mentions faith as “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” In Matthew 21:22 we are told “whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”

The promises in the Bible about hope speak to the importance of having hope, and that it is hope that is not seen, but is believed. In Romans 15:13 we are told, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Different writings discuss the relationship between faith and hope. It is said that true hope is often rooted in faith. Faith is considered the foundation of hope, and hope is often seen as a consequence of faith. It is not possible to have hope without faith.

If faith is foundational to hope, and more people have faith than hope, how do we increase our ability to have hope? Perhaps we should discuss what hope isn’t to consider this further.

Hope is not wishful thinking. It isn’t positive thinking or optimism. Then what is it?

Hope is expectant, courageous, and patient. Hope is also a source of stability., Hope strengthens us for the challenges we face. All of these seem to depend on someone else, and for the Christian that someone else is God. We also depend on ourselves to have faith and believe, and do our part to live lives worthy of faith and hope.

As I think of faith and hope. It seems that it is hard to separate the two. But there is a distinction between the two that is important. Faith is more of a belief, and hope requires action.

A sad ending to the Holy Days was the passing of Pope Francis on Easter Monday. Even to me as a non-Catholic, Pope Francis was the epitome of one who gave faith and hope to many people, including the disenfranchised. He fought a good fight, and has now finished his race.

How about you and me? Are we living lives of faith and hope?

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An Unstoppable Force

Posted on April 6, 2025 by Patti Fralix

At the beginning of the Duke and Houston Final Four Basketball game Saturday night freshman Cooper Flagg of Duke was mentioned as “an unstoppable force.” I was struck by this reference, and thought about how powerful is the designation of “an unstoppable force.” My mind left the basketball game and traveled to you and me. Are we an unstoppable force? What does it even mean to be an unstoppable force? Let’s break the two words down, and discuss them separately.

One description of unstoppable is “can’t be moved by external forces.” I like to think of “can’t be moved” as “can’t be stopped.” We can think of external forces as anything outside of ourselves. If we are truly unstoppable, we will not allow external forces, regardless of what they are, to stop us from doing what we are attempting to do.

What if the opposition we are dealing with comes from within? That is harder to overcome than opposition from external forces. It is hard to overcome the fight within ourselves. To achieve our potential, we have to believe in ourselves. If our voice from within questions our ability to overcome any obstacles, it will be difficult to do so. We can be our own worst critic.

What does the word “force” mean in “unstoppable force?” You may be thinking of the phrase “may the force be with you.” One definition of force is “strength or energy.” Think of substituting the words strength or energy for force in the sentence with unstoppable. The words “unstoppable strength” or “unstoppable energy” are even clearer and more powerful than “unstoppable force.”

What is required for us to have unstoppable strength or unstoppable energy? Where does that power come from? I am not sure that I know. But I know it when I see it.

I see it in Cooper Flagg. Now I want to see it in us.

P..S. Even the most unstoppable are sometimes stopped. The Duke Blue Devils and Cooper Flag were stopped. They lost the game to Houston.

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