Minding Our Manners

Posted on November 22, 2023 by Patti Fralix

It is Thanksgiving week, and most of us are in the throes of preparing food, readying our homes, and getting ready to welcome, or be welcomed, into the homes of family and friends. While this can be a joyous time, it can also be stressful. Now, I know that I do not need to tell you that!

I think we can use a reminder about being a good guest and/or a good host. At least, I can use a reminder! As I have mentioned in my blogs before, I write what I need to remember, and am honored when my words are meaningful to others.

A few of Mike and my 65 turkey plates! 

Most likely we can all remember when someone said something at family events such as Thanksgiving that hurt our feelings, and we have not forgotten those words. And memories of them come back in full force when we are going to be with the ones who uttered those words.

Our two youngest granddaughters, Virginia holding Hayden, at Holden Beach, NC at our 2022 Thanksgiving gathering. 

While it may be hard to do so, I encourage us to put those words and those hurts behind us and commit to enjoying our time together with family.  Most of us will be gathering without some of our loved ones who used to be with us, and we should honor their memory by making this time together a time of joy.  

Our family’s Thanksgiving gathering no longer has Dad Fralix (L) and Uncle Barry (R) with us. This was during our 2017 Thanksgiving gathering. 

Mike and I hosted our family’s Thanksgiving gathering in Raleigh for most of the past thirty-five years, until 2022. We no longer have our home in Raleigh that can accommodate our large family. Last year we went to the beach, and this year we will be gathering in Maryland.  

Let there be Peace and Love during our holidays.

Let’s remember how much effort and work goes into making a Thanksgiving gathering happen. The planning, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, and all of the other necessary tasks, do not happen without the Herculean effort of many people, especially the hosts. Not to mention the costs. And this is true even if all contribute. Shame on us if we fail to honor the gift of hosting a gathering that brings family together.

This year, let there be no family drama!

Some of us will not be gathering with family, but will be sharing the Thanksgiving table with friends, which is now being called Friendsgiving, instead of Thanksgiving. Regardless of whether our table is filled with family and/or friends, the message is the same. We should be gracious. We should be on our best behavior. We should want others to be glad we gathered with them for this important event. We shouldn’t do or say anything that can detract from the importance of gathering together and being thankful for all of our blessings.

I needed this. Hopefully, it benefits you as well.

Happy Thanksgiving. And let’s not forget to reach out and help others who are in need.

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Celebrating Mike

Posted on November 16, 2023 by Patti Fralix
June 2016 at the Red Eye Grill in NYC. My favorite photo of Mike.

Mike reached a major milestone last week when he turned 70 years of age. Since I married a younger man, I had my 70th birthday two years ago, and I will soon be 72. Mike and I are both grateful for the blessing of aging, having friends and family who did not live into their 70’s. We know first-hand the gift of living long enough to have a variety of aches and pains, for which we are more than grateful.

Mike at his birthday dinner in St. Mary’s. 

On Saturday, November 4th, Mike and I were at granddaughter Virginia’s gymnastics meet in Florida. For Mike’s birthday dinner in St. Marys, GA on Sunday, November 5th, daughter Tara and SIL Stephen prepared a delicious low country boil. Mike’s favorite dessert, German Chocolate Cake, was served for dessert. The following Saturday, November 11th, I prepared a family dinner in Durham, and daughter Chatham provided another German Chocolate Cake. I dared not even try to record the number of Weight Watchers points I had in the amount of cake I ate!

Mike celebrating his birthday in 2015 at the Biltmore in Asheville, NC.

While I took a photo of Mike in GA on his Birthday, that was the only photo I took of him and others at the two birthday dinners. I totally forgot to take any other photos. I suppose I was so busy preparing and serving the dinner in Durham that I did not remember to take photos.

Mike’s birthday celebration in 2017 at friend MoMo’s.

I usually always take photos when the family is together. I started that many years ago when my beloved cousin, Barry, passed away from a heart attack at 40 years of age. Thankfully, I had photos of him from a family baby shower, or we would not have had any recent photos of him. When that happened and I realized how precious those photos would always be, I vowed to always take photos of loved ones when we were gathered, and I usually have done so. Unfortunately, most of the photos are on my iPhone and are not printed.

My dear cousin, Barry Peay, who passed away at the young age of 40. His death is why I am passionate about taking photos. 

I do have many boxes of photos of family and experiences through the years. I recently culled those, got rid of all negatives, for I have never had reprints made from negatives, and also threw away duplicates. I also put aside some photos to give to others when we are together during the holidays. I realize that those boxes of photos will not be as valuable to others as they are to me and that many of them may end up in a landfill. But I will leave that for others to deal with, hoping that there will be some of the photos that will be kept and permanent memories that will be treasured.

You and I know that when we are no longer around, all our loved ones will have to remember us by are their memories of us and photos. I vow to remember to take photos when I am with loved ones and to share those with others in meaningful ways.

Happy Birthday, Mike.

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Memories and Traditions

Posted on November 10, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Since moving last January, I am still trying to find some things. With two major holidays soon upon us, Thanksgiving and Christmas, I am struggling to locate some of the items for those two holidays. We have two storage sheds and I put many boxes in one of those when we moved. While I tried to think through what I would need when and where, at this point, I am not sure that I did a very good job of that. I brought several boxes home from the storage sheds and have been going through them preparing for a couple of special events this weekend.

I have not located all of the Thanksgiving plates, although I have/had 65 of them, in several different patterns. I have found enough, however, for we will not even be celebrating Thanksgiving here this year. We will be with some of our family in Maryland this year, and since I have not been asked to bring my turkey plates, I will assume they are not needed! I am using them when we are home, however, including for the two dinners we have scheduled this weekend. More about those dinners in next week’s blog.

A treasure indeed. Our neice Taylor, who is also our Goddaughter, made this for me many years ago. She is now making memories with her precious family.
I wish this had a date on it! Mary Grace is now 18 years old and in college at UGA. She is majoring in Journalism, and headed to Oxford for a study abroad program in the spring. 

I have located everything I need for our use for the next couple of weeks. I also found some precious treasures, the photos of which are in this blog. Although I have culled some items in our move, thankfully I did not cull these treasures. These are irreplaceable. Hopefully, you have some treasures like these and enjoy going down memory lane when you see them.

Indeed it is! Sentiments of granddaughter Elsie. 
And how I love to cook with these sweet grandchildren! 
I love these pilgrims, gifts from daughter Tara 

Memories and Traditions. Once time has passed, our memories are all that we have. Our memories are most meaningful because of our traditions. Although it is possible to hold too tightly to traditions and thus not make room for new experiences, it is our traditions that ground us. May we hold on to those traditions that are most meaningful to us and those we love and be willing to let those that have become traditions that no longer serve us go.

Some of Fall’s beauty.

I think it is possible that traditions and memories are not as important to the younger generations. Until they no longer have them. It behooves those of us who find the value in these to do our best to keep them alive.

What do you think about this? Are memories and traditions worth keeping alive?

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The Season of Thanksgiving

Posted on November 2, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Although we should be thankful at all times, November is the month that we normally celebrate Thanksgiving, and not just turkey day. When November dawns, I am in the mood to celebrate my blessings. I also begin to prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday. Those who have followed me for a while know that my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I celebrate it for the entire month of November. I do not do anything for Christmas, other than shopping, until December 1. The Thanksgiving holiday, soon followed by my birthday, gives me ample reason to celebrate in November, and the month of December is time enough to celebrate the secular meaning of Christmas.

While our Thanksgiving holiday has changed in the past couple of years, and I miss some of how our family used to celebrate this holiday, I still love Thanksgiving. This holiday of family, food, and fellowship provides wonderful memories. My goal this year is to not gain any weight from all of the wonderful food!

But Thanksgiving is more than turkey and all of the other delicious food. It should be a time that we focus on our blessings. And regardless of our problems, and we all have them, we still have plenty to celebrate. If we need a reminder, we only have to think of Ukraine, Israel, Gaza, and many other areas with serious problems around the world. If we have food and shelter, we have much for which to be grateful.

There can be drama with family!

How about you? What are your blessings? Do you focus enough on them, or do you spend more time obsessing over your problems? In this season of Thanksgiving, what can you do to change that?

This reminder really isn’t for you at all. It is for me. If it benefits you also, I am thankful.

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Use What You Have

Posted on October 26, 2023 by Patti Fralix
Walking to the shops in Philadelphia I passed some beautiful settings.  

The words of a favorite writer, Brianna Wiest, were on my mind today while I was shopping in downtown Philadelphia. I had just heard her utter these words, “Start Where You Are, Use What You Have, and Do What You Can” on a podcast while I was walking. Her “Use What You Have” words kept me from making a few purchases today that I might otherwise have made. Most of these purchases would have been small ones, but small ones add up over time. As I struggled with my decision about one of these, I made another decision. That decision will help me in more ways than saving money.

If home is filled with too much stuff, it can lose its serenity.

The decision whether to purchase a box of English Breakfast Tea, was my greatest challenge while shopping today. It was only a $15 decision, at least on the surface. But taken in the larger context, it was a much bigger and potentially at least, more expensive decision. I decided that there was absolutely no reason to buy any more tea since I have plenty in my cupboard at home. So why was I tempted? Because I convinced myself that this particular tea was superior. I have no idea whether it is or not. But I did do a taste test. I ordered a glass of the tea and thoroughly enjoyed it. That almost convinced me to purchase it. But I didn’t. I told myself that it would be foolish to purchase more tea when I have plenty. With one caveat. I decided to go home and taste test the English Breakfast tea in my cupboard, and get rid of any that does not taste as good as that which I wanted to buy.

I don’t think I am quite ready for this drastic of an approach!

That same decision also helped me to not even be tempted to buy any of the other items I saw while shopping, other than a book. Yes, I have plenty of books, and since I bought a new one, when I get home, I will need to get rid of at least one book, since I have also decided that before I bring anything more in, at least an equal amount must go out. I am still trying to reduce the number and amount of my belongings, and this is one way to do so.

My “Use What You Have” plan really went into effect last week when I decided to not immediately replace a moisturizer/serum that I am out of and use some of the other like products I have. This is a difficult one for me since I am convinced that the product I just finished using is the main reason my complexion is in the good condition that it is. I actually have people make positive comments about my skin fairly often, and I attribute that to this particular product. But I decided that I should at least test this and try to use the other similar product that I have and see if there is a noticeable difference. It has been too easy for me to purchase what I want, failing to inventory what I already have. I am trying to change that.

I think it is time for me to reread my book! Still available on Amazon.

Will these choices result in significantly more money in my pocket? Probably not. But I know that these changes will ultimately result in me making bigger changes, which over time, will result in changes I know I need to make. I will keep you posted.

Are there any similar changes that you want to make?

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Touching People’s Hearts

Posted on October 18, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Reba McEntire told a contestant on The Voice, “We are put on this earth to touch people’s hearts.” I don’t think she was just referring to musicians. I think we are all put on this earth to touch people’s hearts. The question is, do we touch hearts in a positive way or a negative way?

Are you a positive influence? If those who know you were asked this question, would they say, “Yes?” Do you touch hearts in a positive way? If so, your power of attraction is positive.

Or are you more likely to touch hearts in a negative way? Instead of thoughts of you bringing a smile to others, do thoughts of you bring a negative impression? Is your energy more negative than positive? Do you take the air out of a room instead of filling it with positive emotion?

Life is short, much too short to not touch hearts in a positive manner. Let’s make this our goal, to touch hearts in a positive manner. Some of us need to get to work on this.

Will you join me?

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Optimism Is a Choice

Posted on October 12, 2023 by Patti Fralix
If we do this, Optimism will come naturally.

The words, “Optimism Is a Choice” were said by Queen Raina of Jordan on the Today Show recently. She connected this to Values, and talked about the importance of the Values parents instill in their children affecting their choices related to many things, including technology. The Values affect whether or not healthy habits are developed. While I believe this is true and applaud Queen Raina’s focus on the connection of Values to Habits, I find Optimism is a subject much broader, and worthy of discussion in and of itself.

It is hard to be optimistic with so many world problems facing us, the most recent being the tragedy in Israel. It would be irresponsible to fail to acknowledge this. While we grieve this tragedy and should do anything we can to show our support for Israel, we should not allow current events to weaken our resolve to be optimistic. It is likely that with all the complexities of our world, we can expect that serious problems will always be with us. In spite of this, we can still be optimistic.

Mike and I had the pleasure of celebrating the 93rd birthday with dear family/friend Cokee (daughter Tara’s chosen name for him when she was little) Davis in Alabama October 6th. He faces each day with a peaceful spirit.

What is Optimism? The dictionary definitions are consistent. Wikipedia’s definition is: “An attitude reflecting a belief or hope that the outcome of some specific endeavor, or outcomes in general, will be positive, favorable.”  Another way to say this is they “expect the best.” Optimists believe good things will happen, by their own efforts and hard work, and that they will accomplish their desired goals. Optimists are sometimes thought of as having rose-colored glasses. To some, they are not realistic. But true optimists are not unrealistic, they just see the world in a positive light and believe that good will prevail.

Pessimism is the opposite of optimism. Pessimism is believing that the worst will happen. Pessimists lack hope and confidence in the future.

Optimism and Pessimism can be thought of on a scale, and many, and maybe even most, people are not one or the other all the time. But we do have a tendency for one or the other and are more one or the other in general much of the time.

Choose Optimism.

Given the choice, which would you rather be?  Would you rather believe in the innate goodness of life, believing that good things will happen and that you can work to make that so? Or would you rather be skeptical, failing to see that you have the ability to make good things happen, believing that you are at the mercy of external forces, and that if good things happen, they are random, and not likely to be repeated?     

Back to the title for a moment. Optimism is a choice. Even if we are more driven to skepticism, we can choose to change that. We can decide to look for the good, expecting good things to happen. When good things don’t happen, when we fail, we can dust ourselves off, pick ourselves up, and commit to meeting the future with a positive outlook and even harder work. Why would we choose to do otherwise?

Optimism is a choice. Choosing Optimism reflects a belief not just in the innate goodness of life and others. It reflects our belief in ourselves. Belief in ourselves as capable and worthy.  Belief is reflective of confidence, not arrogance. Confident Optimism.

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Living A Large Life

Posted on October 5, 2023 by Patti Fralix
(L to R) Patti, Mike, Brenda, and Bruce on one of our trips. (I think, in St. Maarten.)

I did not plan to write this. I did not want to write it. It is too close to last week’s blog. But after tonight, I had to. Having dinner tonight in Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville connected some dots and I had no choice but to write it.

I lost a friend last week, and we celebrated her life yesterday with food, fellowship, and friends galore. My friend, Brenda Schell, lost her battle with ALS, and we lost a friend who lived a large life. As I sat in Margaritaville in downtown Atlanta, I was struck by the loss of Jimmy Buffet, and the similarity between Jimmy Buffet and Brenda. The connection was so strong that I have to share their message.

I did not know Jimmy Buffet, but I loved his music and his zest for life. More than the empires he created, more than his wealth, more than his fame. Jimmy Buffet was always smiling or laughing. When his music played, regardless of what I was doing, I wanted to sing and dance. Jimmy Buffet had that effect on many people.

Brenda Schell was not as famous as Jimmy Buffet, but she had a similar effect on people. Brenda lived LARGE. People loved her. She made whatever was going on ten times better. She loved life and lived like she did. Brenda loved to travel, and she and I traveled to Italy with a group of women friends. Brenda and her husband Bruce and Mike and I had some wonderful times traveling together. We also traveled with a couple’s group. These trips took us from Italy to St. Maarten, New Orleans to Key West, and Cancun to Casa de Campo. There are so many great memories from those trips.

Our plan should be to live every minute to it’s fullest. 

The message from Jimmy Buffet and Brenda Schell is clear. Live a LARGE life. Enjoy every day. Do not waste even a minute complaining. Be happy.  Make everyone around you feel good. Give life your full attention.

We only have this very minute. Nothing else is a guarantee. So, let’s live LARGE!

For one day you will be gone. And none of what you accumulated will go with you. One day your friends will be left with only memories of you. If you lived LARGE, those memories will live forever in the hearts of those you leave behind.  

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A Thoughtful and Sad Week

Posted on September 28, 2023 by Patti Fralix
Memories of Uncle Barry and Bryan Townsend make my heart smile!

The last week of September is one that I do not look forward to, at least in recent years. This is the week that we celebrate the birthdays, lives, and deaths of two of my favorite men, father surrogate Uncle Barry, and best friend for many years, Bryan Townsend. Let me tell you a little bit about these two wonderful men.

At First Watch with Uncle Barry near his home in Suffolk, Va., on one of my frequent visits to be with him as he went through chemotherapy and radiation. I treasure those times and him so much. 

Uncle Barry was my most constant father figure. He was married to my mother’s oldest sister, Aunt Evelyn, whom we called Bebo. Aunt Bebo and Uncle Barry raised me for many years, filling in when my mother needed them to. My mother passed away in 1998 at the young age of 64. Aunt Bebo followed close behind, in 2003. Uncle Barry lived for many more years, passing away in 2021 at almost 91 years of age. Our family had the honor of celebrating holidays with him, traveling with him, and in many other ways including him in our activities. Unlike my mother and aunt, Uncle Barry enjoyed being at the center of family activities. We cooked together, watched Sunday night and Monday night football together, and sang together as we traveled. Uncle Barry was “a piece of work!” I had to remind him many times to watch his mouth when the grandchildren were around. He did not put on airs for anyone. There was no one like him, and I miss him immensely. This Friday, September 29th is Uncle Barry’s birthday, and we will keep his memory close to our hearts, not just on his birthday, but forever.

Bryan Townsend was a professional speaker and writer in his last career; one of the very best of both. His messages live on in his writings and tapes. 

Bryan Townsend and his wife Judy have been my best friends for many years. One of the “funnies” I tell is that I acquired Bryan and Judy from my first husband, and when we divorced, they kept me! The truth is, they (well, Bryan!) would have kept both of us, but it did not work out that way. When Mike and I married, Bryan and Judy embraced him, and we spent many wonderful times together. But not enough, for Bryan died much too soon at 64 years of age in 2012. Bryan’s death hit all of us so hard, but none more so than his wife Judy, and precious children, Jim, Lee, and Patti Anne, and his mother, Idell. Bryan’s death left a void that will never be filled. But his life also left a legacy of honor, love, and laughter. Bryan’s birthday is September 28th, which is also the anniversary of his death. Although “officially” Bryan died on September 29th, Judy believes he died on September 28th, when his organs shut down and he was no longer alive other than by artificial means. It is hard to believe that it has been 11 years since Bryan passed away, but his memory lives on in so many ways.

So, on September 28th and September 29th, the lives of these two special men will be celebrated in spirit, as memories of times with them flood my mind. I will try to remember the good times. I will try to not focus too much on the fact that we only have them now in spirit. I will remember the gifts their lives gave us.           

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Working Hard on Ourselves

Posted on September 21, 2023 by Patti Fralix

Jim Rohn, one of my heroes, said many years ago, “Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.” This relates to personal development. It means reading books that expand our minds, attending seminars that help us grow, and working with mentors and coaches who help us push us through our limitations. While Jim Rohn is no longer with us, his legacy lives on. I hope the same is true for us.

How many of us go through our days just getting by, doing what we have always done? How few of us even think of our legacy? We will all have one, it just may not be the one we wanted to leave, if we even thought about this at all. Well, we may have thought about it, but are not doing enough to make our legacy what we want it to be.

This was on the wall in the hospital where my husband recovered from a reverse total shoulder replacement. I think it is appropriate for more than just physical healing.

It is soon to be the end of another year, and many of us have probably not been working on ourselves harder than we have on our jobs and other priorities. But it isn’t too late to start. We have a quarter of the year, three months, to make significant progress. But where and how to start?

One option is to consider whether our habits are those of which we are proud. Our habits have everything to do with our behavior in general. It does no good to read books, attend seminars, and/or work with coaches or mentors if we fail to do the work on ourselves, to put what we read about and hear about into action.

If worrying is one of your habits, commit to changing that! Be like my Grandma Grace who used to say, “I don’t borrow trouble!”

One example. One of my habits relates to my sugar addiction. Yes, it is an addiction. I can call it whatever I want, but when I keep eating sugary foods even when I know I am meeting an emotional need, not a physical one, it is an addiction. Consequently, I have regained ten pounds of the fifty-seven pounds I lost. I am not happy or proud of this and plan to get back in control of this, and now. Yes, even though we are about to enter the time of the year when sugary foods abound.

Another of my habits is not walking consistently. Walking is my exercise of choice. Although I know my emotional health and physical health depend on me walking consistently, one of my habits is to get distracted by other “priorities” and fail to be consistent with those habits that I know are most important. This has something to do with my ten-pound weight gain.

This has nothing at all to do with Habits! But it is a lovely photo of our granddaughter Elsie and her boyfriend Will at their recent high school homecoming. 

Enough about my habits. How about yours? Do your habits help you live the life you are proudest of? If “yes,” good for you! Just keep up the good work. But be aware. Boredom can set in, other priorities can take hold, or you can just forget to stay consistent, and before you know it, you can develop unhealthy habits, those that do not serve you well.

Join me in the commitment to work harder on ourselves than we do on our jobs or anything else. We have three months left in 2023 to make significant progress. Then we can start off a new year happy with who we are.

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