It's In The Sauce!

Time Waits For No One

Posted on April 8, 2016 by Patti Fralix

This has been a different week for me. So different, I forgot to write my weekly Blog Post! It was only when Katy, who posts them for me, sent me an early morning text yesterday on my regular posting day, stating, “No Blog Post today?” I immediately knew why I had forgotten. It was due to Virginia, our 3 (soon to be 4) year old granddaughter, who has been with us all week.

Virginia changed our schedule this week in a major way. I had forgotten how children do that. Although I see them frequently, it is often when I am not having to squeeze work and other commitments around their schedule. I see our grandchildren at least once a month, although they live (and always have) 6.5 – 7.0 hours drive away from us. A little bit more about that later. (Our daughter married a Georgia boy, and Georgia boys don’t leave Georgia! Think ahead, Moms, when you let your daughters go to college in another state! Just kidding, I am so thankful for our son-in-law, so the fact that it isn’t possible to see the grandchildren on a drop-in basis, is a small price to pay for the good man and father that he is.)

Having Virginia in Raleigh this week for what turned out to be a busy week for me reminded me of what many parents deal with every day, juggling jobs, children, community and church commitments, and many other priorities. I am in awe of parents of young children today, and how they do it all. It wasn’t so difficult when my husband and I were we raising our two girls. He and I both had very busy careers, including in his case lots of out of town and out of country traveling. But I don’t think kids were as busy then. I don’t remember every day after school filled to the brim with activities, having to figure out carpool and child care for all of that. Although I did not have to juggle those things this week, while I was trying to get healthy meals, naps, and play times in around my other priorities,I thought of the children’s regular schedules at home many times and wondered how our daughter and son-in-law get it all done.

Nor have I often enough remembered how precious these young years are. The facial expressions of wonder, surprise, and unbridled delight are a source of constant enjoyment. I had also forgotten the lack of filters in young children, resulting in Virginia saying, “Nana, your bottom is big!” I had to laugh, and agree with her! I had forgotten how the hugs and kisses come out of the blue, and yes, the temper tantrums that come from nowhere also. It has all been a lesson in the here and now, recognizing that time waits for no one, that these years pass all too quickly. So quickly that her older sisters are now 9 and 11..

Which brings me to “seeing these granddaughters no less than once a month” in what is now 11 years. When Mary Grace was born in 2005, I made the decision that I would see her no less than once a month, and I am grateful to have been able to keep that commitment. At the time I did not even think about how long I would continue the once a month visits. Elsie came along in 2007, and Virginia in 2012, and I committed to myself to continue the monthly visits as long as I can, or as long as it is meaningful to them. For I know it will always be meaningful to me. It has allowed me to really watch them grow and develop through all of the stages. But I know that they will at some age outgrow wanting to see their Nana as much.

Or, if Virginia keeps telling me how big my bottom is, I may stop the visits sooner! No, a better plan is to lose the weight which I recently found! I think I have a new incentive to do so.

I, whose tag line is, “Inspiring Positive Change in Work, Life, and Family” am now inspired by a soon to be 4 year old!

Posted in Relationships | 1 Comment

Life is about Winning and Losing

Posted on March 31, 2016 by Patti Fralix

I love college basketball, especially at this time of the year. And especially this year, when my team, Virginia, a #1 seed, had a chance to make it to the Final Four. But they didn’t. Something happened to them in the last half of the game against Syracuse, a #10 seed. Early in the game Virginia was ahead by 16 points, but that changed quickly in the second half of the game, and Virginia lost. The fact that Virginia has never won a NCAA championship, and that they had a good chance this year, made the loss more painful.

In an earlier game, the Sweet 16 game that put Virginia in the Elite 8, Iowa State played Virginia, and lost. I was so struck by how well Iowa State played until the very end, that I started an article titled, “What I Love About Basketball/They Don’t Quit!” Iowa State played hard and fast until the very end. You could see the determination in their faces. They were not going to give up. They lost, but not because they conceded early by assuming they were going to lose. They gave it their all until the very end. In a later game, UNC vs. Notre Dame, Notre Dame also had the “fire in the belly” until the very end. UNC won that game, but Notre Dame played hard until the very end.

Now, I have never played basketball, so I am not really qualified to judge what any team should have done differently to win. I am sure that will be analyzed by many others. But I am an observer of life, and this is not really about basketball. It is about life.

Life is about winning and losing. Some say that we learn more from losing than winning. It has also been said that we only need to get up one more time than we fall to win. How we handle defeat, whether it energizes us to work harder to win, or whether we quit, has a lot to do with long term success.

But what is winning, and what is losing? While there are many definitions of these two words, the definition I propose for this discussion is: Winning is accomplishing your goals, to have the life that is most meaningful to you. Losing is falling short of that.

To win in anything requires confidence, competence, and commitment. There are many behaviors, skills, and activities involved in these three areas, and a weakness in any of the three usually results in more losing than winning.

Confidence involves the steady belief that winning is not just possible, but likely. Confidence is different than arrogance. Confidence involves humility, but also drive. Those who forge ahead toward their goals with confidence are more focused on their own movement than what others are doing. Their goal is not to beat others at the game, but to win their own game.

Competence involves having and using the knowledge, skills, and behaviors necessary for success, and continually upgrading those to stay in the game. It requires changing as the marketplace changes, letting go of what isn’t working, making room for what will. It involves course corrections, being agile, quick, and focused.

Commitment involves staying power, such as the fire in the belly shown by players in any game who, although they know there is no way to win statistically, give it their all until the last play of the game. Commitment involves tenacity, finding a way to go around the barriers that must be removed for success to occur. It is more than a plan, a goal, or a resolution. Commitment often includes having a structure or a process in place that improves the probability of success, especially for some people. One example of this, for me, is Weight Watchers. Every time I have followed the WW plan, I have successfully lost and maintained the weight. Yet when I delude myself into thinking I no longer need to do the boring work of counting points, I have slipped right back into the behaviors that cause the weight gain. I am at that point again, so earlier this week I rejoined WW. So yes, commitment includes doing the boring work necessary for success, whatever that is. All jobs involve some boring work, and having a system in place to assure that such gets done consistently is important.

Winning is not a straight trajectory. What we consider winning at some times in our lives is not the same thing at other times. One example of this is full employment and retirement. Even the most work focused of us decide to scale back on paid work in our later years, although what is considered “later years” varies. Those who lose in that life transition are those who try to hold on to the life that has passed, failing to enjoy the new. Being able to enjoy all that retirement affords us requires that we have had the confidence, competence, and commitment to plan for that time in our lives, especially in the areas of relationships and finances.

It is time to take inventory. It is too easy to think of winning and losing in sports, and fail to evaluate where we are in relationship to winning at the game of our life. Don’t let that happen to you. Exude confidence, competence, and commitment in what matters most to you.

In the meantime, on to the Final Four!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged basketball, final four, game, life, losing, NCAA basketball, Virginia, winning | Leave a comment

Social Media/ the Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Posted on March 24, 2016 by Patti Fralix

I am struggling with some things related to social media. It occurs to me that others might have some of the same challenges. When I am troubled by something, I write. I am troubled tonight (again) about the profanity on social media. I am also troubled about the negativity, anger, and extreme opinions of some things posted. Let me be clear about this. I am fine with others posting whatever they want to even when I do not agree with those opinions or language. After all, in our country, we do have freedom of speech as a right. What concerns me, however, is that others might perceive me as agreeing with those positions just by the fact that I am a “friend.” This is mainly an issue with Facebook. Now, I know not to “like” a comment that I do not agree with, or one that does not represent me well. I do not share articles or posts that I do not agree with. For I know that “we are known by the company we keep.” I guess it is that “company that we keep” part that really concerns me.

A few disclaimers. I have never (to my recollection, at least) invited anyone to be my friend on FB. I have, however, accepted most people who have requested that I be their friend. Those few that I have not accepted are ones who I can’t identify a connection with, or in a rare case or two, those who I chose not to for concern about their potential postings. I have never de friended anyone, and do not even know how to do that. I never want to offend anyone by defriending them, although I have been told that there is a way to do this without the person knowing they have been defriended. (I obviously need some social media training!)

I have never posted any negative response to another’s post, regardless of how much I disagree with it. (I have been very tempted to do so a few times with younger relatives who I think should know better, but I have not!) Nor have I posted my strong opinions (and I do have them!) about some of the same subjects some other people rant and rave about. My reason for this is simple. Life is too short and people are too important for me to willingly choose to offend anyone just because I have an opinion, regardless of how strongly I feel about it, and especially if I feel strongly about it! To me this is not being cowardly or disingenuous. I prefer to think it is just being tactful and kind.

I don’t necessarily think I am as careful about these things in face to face conversation as I am with the written word. I know I have crossed over the line with my strong opinions in conversation. I regret those. Some of those conversations have caused misunderstandings and hurt, and when I have known about that, I have apologized and done what I could to repair those relationships. As hard as that can be, it is much harder when those thoughts are put in writing, and especially when they are on social media for all the world to see.

Most of what I read on social media is positive and helpful. Most of my FB friends are people who share the same values as me, although not necessarily the same opinions, which is absolutely fine. I learn from divergent opinions when those opinions are presented in a positive, professional, and kind manner. Facebook and Twitter are wonderful modes of transmission of useful, helpful, and inspiring information. That is the good.

But there is the dark side, the bad and the ugly. I do not (usually) use profanity, and certainly not in everyday language, and am tired of others who do use profanity in everyday language, both from platforms and in writing. Can we not express ourselves well without profanity? If not, what does that say about us? And why so much negativity? Have we lost all of our filters and all civility?

I realize that in this post I may have done the very thing I have avoided doing, offending others. I hope not. If I have, however, I hope that you do not feel that I have personalized it, that I have not told you personally and all of your contacts how wrong I think you are. For after all, who really wants to hear that?

Posted in Relationships | Tagged Facebook, relationships, social media | Leave a comment

Be A Customer Advocate

Posted on March 18, 2016 by Patti Fralix

An experience with a sales associate in a store in Alabama last week impressed upon me the need for a customer advocate. I was reminded of my health care background, and the role of a patient advocate. When I experienced the care and consideration of this sales associate, I was immediately taken back, and felt just as cared for as patient advocates care for patients. Why not have customer advocates, regardless of whether the term “advocate” is used? For it is the behavior that is important, not the title.

I was in a lovely and large gift shop, Magnolias in Pell City. I had gone in with a friend, not expecting to find what I needed, which was a book for a soon to arrive grandchild of another friend. The organizer of the shower suggested that the guests bring a book for the baby instead of a card, which I thought was a great idea. I knew which book I wanted to give, one that I had read to my granddaughters many times, Good Night Moon. Now this is a popular book, but I had no hopes that this gift shop would have baby books, much less that it would have this particular book. To my surprise, the shop had quite a good selection of baby books, but not Good Night Moon. I decided to ask the sales associate if perhaps they did have the book, just not on the shelf, but in the back in stock. I was not surprised to hear, no they didn’t. She then added, “But I know that book, it is one of my favorites, and you can get it at Walmart; I saw it there the other day!” She seemed genuinely happy to be able to provide that information. And I was genuinely happy, for it is the book I wanted, and Walmart was just a mile away. I thanked the customer advocate (previously called the sales associate) and went to Walmart and purchased the book. But not before telling her how valuable she had been to me, for she cared more about meeting the customer need than selling one of the store’s books.

Now, if you have your store manager or store owner hat on, you may be thinking the customer advocate/sales associate was not protecting the store’s profits, for she lost the store a sale. Yes, she did lose the store a sale, but she gained a loyal fan/customer, which can translate into more future sales. And not just that, but I want to make her and the store famous, giving this example of a sales associate caring more about the customer’s needs than the short term profit of the store. Can you imagine how much better the long term profits of a store can be when the staff have this mentality and behave in this manner?

I regret that I have misplaced the business card of the customer advocate/sales associate, and thus cannot name her, and give her the credit that she is due. And I am not concerned that the store manager would have any concern about her actions, for when I mentioned what I planned to do, she was not just ok with it, but excited about it! That told me that the culture of the store is to meet customer needs, and she had done that, so she was not at all worried about what management would think about her actions.

Now, what about you and your sales associates? Are you more focused on meeting customer needs, or do short term profits drive your behavior?

Think about it. And do not just think about it, do something about it. Be a customer advocate. Long term profits will be the result.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged business blog, customer advocate, customer service, good customer service, Leadership | Leave a comment

Hospitality in the Deep South

Posted on March 11, 2016 by Patti Fralix

I feel like I am living (really visiting) in another time, and I guess I am. I have been in Alabama for a week, for two separate events with long term friends. One was the baby shower for a friend’s first grandchild, and the other was to help a friend with surgery and recovery. These special friends live an hour apart, so I was able to go back and forth and be with them and be a part of both. These wonderful experiences (wonderful for me to be a part of, although not necessarily wonderful for my friend having surgery)! showed the contrast between daily life in more northern states and in the Deep South.

We all know that Alabama is in the south. I also live in the south, but in a more northern southern state, North Carolina. I am convinced the farther south we go, things are very different. And in this recent experience of mine, different in a positive way.

I arrived in Alabama on Friday night. I met my friend Judy, who was having a total knee replacement a few days later, and some of her family (who are my chosen family) and friends at a restaurant. The weekend started with the birthday dinner celebration of Judy’s son-in-law, Justin. There were 15 of us, and we had a good time of food, fellowship, and celebration. This was the first of three celebrations of this family this weekend.

Speaking of celebrations, the baby shower for my friend Pam’s granddaughter, was a major celebration, with 80-100 people who came to shower the parents, Allison and Seth. I was privileged to be one of the hosts. It was a lovely event, with delicious and beautiful food, and many extra touches. Many of us remarked that the master hostess, Katy, did such an amazing job with this event that she should be an event planner! (You can see more about this beautiful shower at everydayliving.me.) After the shower I was able to spend some quality time with Pam and her family (who are also my chosen family), time catching up on life and each other. Our time together was too short, for Judy’s surgery was calling. But not before two other family celebrations.

Early Saturday morning, Judy and I headed out early to drop her precious pet (Mikey, a Maltese) off at the groomers, then to coffee, and then for a mani-pedi, which was “necessary” before she had knee surgery. We then went shopping for necessities for the party Saturday evening at her house for her grandson Cody’s 16^th birthday, and also for another party on Sunday for her son Lee’s 40^th birthday. A great time was had by all at both parties!!

Judy is known by many as the party mother and grandmother, the one who always has time to play with the kids, (of all ages)! and she did not disappoint this weekend. Instead of resting for her impending surgery, or doing things for herself that were relaxing, she (as is her norm) hosted 2 parties in three days and entertained others.

Once the partying was over, it was time for Judy’s total knee replacement. She and I arrived at the hospital @ 5am. I was to be her nurse for a few days, which I wanted to be, so her adult children could work. Once I went back to North Carolina, it would be her family and local friends who would be the caregivers.

While riding to the hospital Judy gave me a list of 13 friends and family, most to text and some to call, to give them an update on her condition. Her instructions were specific. Some could be notified in a group text, a couple were to be sent individual texts, and some were to be called. The fact that even at the time of surgery, hospitality was at the forefront of Judy’s mind. She was more concerned that each person being notified have their preferred method of communication than the efficiency of notifying all at the same time in the same manner.

Thankfully, the surgery was uneventful, then came the in hospital recovery. Several friends came to the hospital to visit, and being of the same hospitable nature, brought candy, flowers, and some items Judy needed. One friend brought several bags of chocolates, plenty for Judy, and also some for the staff. There were many calls and texts, a caregiver tree (my term), and a schedule for meals to be provided when Judy went home for recovery.

Some readers will question the appropriateness of visiting friends in the hospital, thinking that the patient needs rest more than company. But not Judy. Friends showing their hospitality in this manner is more important to her than resting. As another friend of mine often says, “We can sleep when we are dead!”

Some will be surprised at the caregiver tree, and perhaps also meals being provided by friends. While these are both done in other areas than the Deep South, especially in situations of major illness and death, I think it is rare to have these loving touches provided when the surgical event is a common surgery. I believe it is the Deep South that holds on to these traditions more than in any other parts of the country. It is also more common in the Deep South for face to face conversation to be more common than excessive use of technology, including TV, mobile phones, etc. In fact, in the 7 days I was in Alabama I rarely watched or listened to the news, whereas in my normal days I am a news junkie. And I had more one on one conversations than I remember having in many years. In our daily life in North Carolina most people are on their technology more than making human connection. (With a couple of exceptions. My husband and I have some friends we visit with a couple of times a year. When we are all together the conversation flows, the TV is off, and we are perfectly fine doing nothing other than eating and talking!)

What are the insights from these few days and these times with special friends? There are several. Life seems to be slower in the Deep South, with personal relationships a priority, and actions that reflect such. There is often more human connection and less technology. Time with family and friends is a priority. Celebrations are common, and they are often at home, with home cooked food. While the baby shower was in rented space, the space was a beautiful antebellum home! The celebrations are often multigenerational. There were children of all ages in all of these celebrations mentioned. I don’t recall attending any events in the Deep South that did not include children, while I have attended many events in other areas that were adults only. I am not judging this difference of multigenerational or adults only events, just noting a difference. There are some functions that should be adults only, but children learn valuable lessons when they are able to co mingle with adults other than their parents. I propose that the adults learn valuable lessons also!

Perhaps the most valuable lesson from these few days with long term friends is the reinforcement of relationships that span the ages, and how they are a significant part of nurturing and nourishing us.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged baby shower, family, friends, hospitality, hospitality in the south, relationships | Leave a comment

We are Experiencing Higher than Normal Call Volume at this Time!

Posted on March 3, 2016 by Patti Fralix

phone-illustration-ringing-off-the-hook
You know that when you call a business and you hear those words, you might as well get a cup of coffee and sit down with a magazine with your phone on speaker phone, for you will be waiting quite awhile for a live person to answer. Your only hope is that you have the time to wait, and that the music being blasted while you wait is your genre! I have called several businesses lately, and have been on hold for an average of 15 minutes each time. I am amazed that companies allow this customer service nightmare to exist, and that it is many companies, not just an occasional one. There are simple solutions to this problem, but obviously many companies are not aware of the solutions, or think they are saving money by not employing these solutions.

The first, most important, and obvious solution is to have enough staff to answer the customers’ calls. Surely management knows that people do not have the time to call unless they really need something, and that most people can’t or won’t stay on the line for 15 plus minuets to have their issue addressed. Do decision makers of these companies not know that the customer can take her business elsewhere, and that it is easier to keep loyal customers loyal than it is to get or keep new customers? If so, why would they not hire enough staff to nurture their customers? After all, telephone customer service reps are some of the lower paid staff of any business, which is not necessarily what should be, for these are the people that can turn around an angry customer, solve their problem, and keep them loyal. That is a small price to pay for loyalty. And do I need to point out that if the customer service rep has a comparable language and overall attitude to that of the majority of the company’s customers, that this is preferable to having those calls outsourced to another country?! Please tell me that this is obvious!

Another obvious solution is to have the technology that routes the calls to the most appropriate person efficiently, including having a voice mail system that works for those customers willing to leave a message and have their calls returned. The outbound message on the voice mail should clearly state when the caller can expect the call to be returned, and the next business day (or later!) isn’t acceptable to most people. Again, remember, people do not call unless they need something, and they are usually not wanting to wait more than a few minutes to talk to a live person. When calls are not returned in a timey manner, the trust of the customer is damaged, and they will not easily leave messages again.

Another obvious solution to this problem is to make less mistakes and make sure your written communication is clear, so customers do not need to call you! And do not misinterpret this as forcing or even encouraging the customer to go on line to record their problem, for a large percentage of customers do not want to do that and will not. And yes, I know the Millennials may prefer to do their business on line instead of calling, but they are not the only customers! Is it not obvious that when you have a live and friendly person to solve your problem, that such is often preferable to a machine? Has high tech/high touch been totally forgotten? In case it has, what high tech/high touch means is that with greater technology, there is a greater need for human connection. Why waste those opportunities?

On a positive note, while on hold yesterday for 20 minutes, (when calling a doctor’s office, of all places!) the voice prompt did give the option to mute the music. Thank goodness! That is the first and only time I have been given that option, and I loved it!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged business, business blog, customer service | Leave a comment

Please Come Back!

Posted on February 25, 2016 by Patti Fralix

It was a busy morning, made even more so by having to FedEx a Visa application for my husband while on the way out of town. While he was in Walgreens having a passport photo taken to accompany the application, I went into the FedEx store next door to begin the paperwork processing, thinking that doing so would expedite the process. I was wrong. But what began as a frustrating delay ended as a “WOW” customer experience.

As is often the case, when we are in a hurry, everyone else seems to be in slow motion. There were three people ahead of me in line being waited upon by one FedEx staff member, and one man being helped by another who was trying to locate a package for him that no one could find. To their credit, the FedEx staff members stayed calm and focused on the person before them, seeming unaware of the others of us needing assistance. I wasn’t sure if I could start addressing the envelope, therefore saving time while I waited my turn, or if that needed to be done by it being typed in. When I could get the attention of the staff member, I asked him that question, and was told (of course) that he would need to type it in. So I waited for what seemed like forever, although it was probably no more than ten minutes, which is a long time when you are in a hurry. When my turn finally came, I made the comment to the FedEx man that they needed more help, to which he replied, “It is always this way.” He said it as matter of fact, not seeming to complain, just agreeing with me. My point was not to complain, but to recognize that the two of them were doing their best to serve the customers, but it was taking longer than most people would probably prefer. I also made a mental note to avoid this particular FedEx store when I am in a hurry, which is always! But I had changed my mind about that by the time I left.

What made the difference? The service. For I noticed several things while waiting. I noticed that the staff did not get frustrated; they handled each customer as the only one that mattered when the customer was in front of them. They were pleasant and competent, and even efficient. But the real difference in this experience and so many others I have had was what was said when I was leaving. As I said, “Thank you” and gathered my belongings, the FedEx staff member smiled and said, “Please come back!” And it was obvious that he meant it. He did not say, as so many do, “Have a nice day,” which is not nearly as effective in showing appreciation for the customer’s business as, “Please come back.” In fact, when teaching customer service, I recommend that the words, “have a nice day” not even be used, for they do not really connect the customer to the business. These words are especially ineffective when they are used at the end of the day, which is often the case! Other words that can be used effectively are, “We appreciate your business,” or “I look forward to seeing you next time.” And of course there are others. These statements show the customer that he is valued by the business.

Let me end by saying, “I appreciate you!” I appreciate that you take the time to read my comments, and give me feedback. After all, the only business that any of us is really in is the relationship business. And FedEx knows this, for when I googled them to make sure I was recording the name correctly, the first thing I saw was the words, “Come and visit us today.”

A visit, not a transaction. FedEx knows the difference.

Posted in Relationships | Tagged business, business blog, customer service, Fed Ex, good customer service, relationships | 2 Comments

Who You Are Speaks So Loudly I Can’t Hear What You Say!

Posted on February 18, 2016 by Patti Fralix

Communication is one of our greatest challenges. Not that we aren’t talking a lot, but is our spoken message consistent with our behavior? If there is dissonance in what we say and what we do, others judge us on our walk, not our talk. Our current political candidates could learn a lesson from this, but to do so would require that they stop much of their rhetoric, and that is unlikely to happen. And this is true of the candidates of both parties. November can’t come too soon.

But it is too easy to focus on others, and fail to look at ourselves. So, let’s change that, and look within.

Do you ever think when you begin your day, “What message am I going to deliver to those with whom I come in contact with today?” You probably don’t even think about delivering a message, unless you happen to be making a speech. But we are delivering messages all day long, whether we do so verbally, or non verbally. There are three messages I encourage us to always deliver, regardless of our circumstances or schedule. The three messages are confidence, competence, and commitment. The order of how those are listed is intentional.

Confidence is exhibited by our appearance, our language, and our overall behavior. Think of someone who displays confidence. And please, do not confuse confidence with arrogance, for they are polar opposites. The person who is confident has an air of being comfortable in her or his own skin, not needing to shout to be heard. You can tell if one feels confident by whether or not she has good posture, makes good eye contact with others, and engages with others easily and comfortably. The person who is confident has no need to take up all of the air space, he can listen as well as talk. He is also good at drawing out the opinion of others, and does not put down the thoughts or opinions of others. He can laugh at himself, allowing others to see his vulnerabilities, while not using those as excuses for poor performance.

Competence is usually related to our technical or professional skills. To be competent requires that while we may not be an expert in all areas of our specialty, we have a core set of skills, and that we are committed to staying current in our field. And if your field of work is the home and family, that requires competence as well. People who are competent get their work done on time, or if they can’t, such is communicated to those whom such work affects. While competence does relate to technical and professional arenas, there is human competence as well. People who don’t play well in the sandbox with others lack human competence, and that has derailed more people than the lack of technical or professional skills. While on the area of human competence, it is important to note that how one manages conflict is a competence issue. The issue of managing conflict is so important that it deserves a blog post of its own.

Commitment is threefold; commitment to oneself, commitment to others, (including God or your higher power) and commitment to our jobs. And do not mistake commitment with workaholism. One can be committed to a job and career without sacrificing personal sanity or family, for if these are out of balance, the stool of self, others and job is missing a couple of legs. People who are committed have a higher calling than the paycheck, and look for ways to improve their workplace and the team. People who are committed have the best interests of the company and its staff in full focus, and do not compromise either for self gain. People of commitment follow through, they do what they say they will do, and what they need to do.

If you know a person of confidence, competence, and commitment, this analysis is a refresher for you, you “get it.” And hopefully, you are looking within, and deciding that you possess confidence, competence, and commitment. If you are looking within, and find that you lack one of these important behaviors, then commit to do all that you can to change that. And start with confidence, for that is the behavior that you will need to assure that competence and commitment are present. It doesn’t usually happen any other way.

Now, back to behavior. Does your behavior represent confidence, competence, and commitment? If not, what are you going to do to change that? And by when? And how?

Posted in Relationships | Tagged business relationships, commitment, communication, competence, confidence, relationships | Leave a comment

Competition-Healthy, or Not?

Posted on February 9, 2016 by Patti Fralix

Our 9 year old granddaughter Elsie is a gymnast. She had a gymnastics meet this past weekend, and did quite well. This was her first meet at Level 4, and we were all (her mother and I, to be exact!) nervous about how she would do. We should not have worried. Elsie received 4 medals! We were so proud. I would have been just as proud if she had come home without any medals. Or would I? At this meet I came face to face with competition, and I am not happy with what it taught me.

I have always prided myself on being non-competitive. And I am, as it relates to me. But I saw a different side of me at this gymnastics competition. I felt competitive for Elsie, wanting her to not be disappointed in her results. And her results were not hers alone, for how she scored had something to do with how the other gymnasts in her group scored. While it is true that in this sport you are competing against yourself, hoping to improve your score in each routine, you are also competing against the other gymnasts in your group, for medals are awarded for those scoring highest in each routine, and awards are given for #s 1-6 in most of the routines, and at least medals for those scoring #s 1-3. Those gymnasts who score within those numbers are awarded a medal. Elsie received 4 medals.

During the routines, I found myself relieved when Elsie had completed her turn, and had not fallen, and/or had an obvious mistake. I was also happy when she scored above 8, knowing that she needed to have at least an 8 in each routine to score at least 32 for the event, which is the magic number needed to qualify for the state competition. (Actually, a 32 in two separate meets is needed, and this was the first of three meets for Elsie.) Once that hurdle was met, my mind then turned to how the other gymnasts were doing, wondering how Elsie’s scores compared to theirs. I am embarrassed to admit that I was somewhat relieved when I saw someone score in the 7’s, thinking at least Elsie isn’t going to be last in the scoring! I was not glad that the ones who scored less than Elsie did so, other than it meant that she would not have the lowest score in her group! I did not think she needed to be the best, I just knew being the “worst” was not desirable!

All the while these thoughts were taking hold, I was also thinking about competition in general, and its negative results, of which I have seen many. Competition in the workplace is rampant, and I have observed it derail many people.

In working with clients, I have differentiated between competition against oneself, which relates to working to improve one’s own results, from competing against others. The first type of competition is the healthiest of the two. Yet most of our American society is geared to competing against others. If you need a current example, our political system gives us one. In all of the gibberish of from the candidates of both major parties, most of the airtime

is spent on how they are better than the other candidates, and that is expressed in very negative language about the other candidates. It is rare for any of the candidates to spend much time discussing their own strengths or their own platform. Most of the time is spent bashing the other candidates. Competition at its unhealthiest.

In many American workplaces we are conflicted about teamwork and competition, expecting them to co-exist and produce great results. While it is certainly true that competition between people in a group can produces great results, we should ask, “At what expense?” There are some people who thrive in a competitive environment, who push themselves harder to win, to be the best, at someone else’s expense, who can’t win unless someone one else loses. Then there are others who are demoralized in this type of an environment, who will never be able to do their best work when in direct competition against others. The best managers know how to navigate these differences. Unfortunately, we have too many managers who fail to navigate these differences.

At yesterday’s gymnastics meet, I came face to face with how early competition begins, and recognized how it is so ingrained in us before we become adults. It permeates every part of our society, so that we don’t even recognize it’s negative effects.

I want to delve into the research about competition, to better understand how to use competition between people to help individuals improve their own results; not to be the best of the group, but to be their own best self. For, isn’t that the best reward?

Posted in Relationships | Tagged business, business blog, competition, gymnastics | Leave a comment

Attention to Detail

Posted on February 4, 2016 by Patti Fralix

Mike Fralix and Judy Boone

If we aren’t careful, it is easy to miss some important stuff, or at least, some of the stuff that makes our lives richer. I had a few examples of that recently.

Mike and I travelled to Wilson, NC this past weekend for the Wilson Cotillion, an event in it’s 31^st year. We were one of the original 13 couples who started this wonderful event. Although we left Wilson, NC in 1988 when we moved to Raleigh, we have stayed connected to our Wilson Cotillion friends there, and attend the Cotillion events (January Ball and Spring fling) whenever our schedules allow. We also connect with our long time Cotillion friends the Boones and the Barbers (also of the original 13 couples) and our newer friends the Sceeneys and the Thompsons in various places during the year. Our times together are some of our favorite. This year was no exception. After we danced the night away at the Wilson Country Club, we went home to the Boones for the after party, a few hours of sleep, and a delicious brunch the next morning. There are no better hostesses than our friends Judy and Tommy Boone. Wonderful story, but how does this rate to “attention to detail?” I will connect these dots.

Judy Boone remembers that I am allergic to cantaloupe, so her wonderful fruit salad is minus cantaloupe! She remembers that Mike is often on a controlled carb eating plan,and worries about the few small potatoes in her breakfast casserole. She also often has photos of us at a previous fun time together displayed in our bathroom! (Now, how cool is that?!) These attention to details of course make us feel special. I have been told that I am a good hostess, and I think I am, but I can learn some lessons from Judy Boone. She and Tommy enrich our lives.

On the other side of the coin, I sometimes miss some important details. I have a great recent example. Yesterday I picked up two wing chairs from the upholsterer. It was only when I moved the chairs from the van into the house that I realized that although the wing chairs are very similar, the cushions are very different! I was sick, for I am a symmetrical person. I would never have covered those wing chairs in the same fabric to be used together had I noticed the different cushions! But I missed that detail. I had three wing chairs, and paid attention to the fact that these two of the three were closer in height and overall size than the other one, but I totally missed that the cushions were different! Now, what to do? I will probably leave them as they are since a friend of mine who has great attention to detail did not notice the different cushions. Also, life isn’t symmetrical, so this is a good lesson for me. And, they are beautiful. But I am reserving my decision on this, since I still have the other wing chair with the same cushion to one of the two that was recovered, and I can always get more fabric and recover it!

Then, one more example. In an airport club lounge earlier today, I was struck by the beauty of the bathroom hardware. But I was also curious as to why the soap dispenser was manual and the faucet was electronic. I have seen electronic soap dispensers and electronic faucets, and manual soap dispensers and manual faucets, but I haven’t noticed before that one was manual and one was electronic, and I was curious as to the rationale for the difference. Uhm.

Another (painful) example. I completed two nomination forms on line this week, and had to redo both TWICE, for I did not pay enough attention to how to save what I had typed onto the forms! I was so frustrated. This experience was a learning lesson however, for I realized what I need to do differently. Whether or not I will do differently is the question!

I may have another lesson in this, for I am typing this Blog Post while in air, and do not know how to “save it.” I just tried to “save” it, and could not, since I am not “online.” I fear another example of the on line nomination form fiasco! I will know soon how good and intuitive Apple really is!

How about you? Do you notice these variances? Is attention to detail one of your strengths? How do you even know?

We know by understanding ourselves, and by paying attention. In part, this is a personality difference. It relates to, “It’s in the SAUCE!” Some of us by personality are better at attention to detail than others. My Mike has a strength in attention to detail; I do not (obviously.) Mike can tell within a minute the time he will arrive at a destination. If I am within a 30 minute time window, I am happy!

How about you? What is your attention to detail?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged attention to details, details, relationships | Leave a comment