Wasting My Time and Money

I have had several situations occur recently that have wasted my time and money. All of these have occurred with me as a customer. Customer service has long been a passion of mine, so as a customer concerned about my time and money being wasted, I implore us to refuse to accept poor service.

The first situation occurred with the purchase of a new refrigerator and ice maker for our beach rental condo. Our nine-year-old refrigerator and ice maker died at the end of August. (We could discuss why an appliance would not last more than nine years, but that can be the subject of another blog.)

I purchased a new refrigerator and ice maker August 31st and it was delivered a couple of days later. The ice maker was defective. The store offered to replace the ice maker and refrigerator, and scheduled the delivery. Since we do not live in the area, we had to make a special trip to accept the delivery, which wasted our time and money. The delivery was scheduled for September 15th.

We have thirty days from the order date to purchase an extended warranty. Although I am not a fan of extended warranties, since our previous refrigerator only lasted nine years, we may purchase the extended warranty. It occurred to me that we only have about fifteen days from the delivery of the (hopefully) working appliance, not thirty, to purchase the extended warranty. Since the first fifteen days of this time period were “used up” by replacing the defective appliance,and since this was outside of our control, it seemed that the order date could be adjusted by the store.

I called the corporate office of the appliance, and spent twenty minutes of my time trying to have this problem rectified in our favor. All that did was waste more of our time (and since time is money, our money) since the answer was “no.” So, the customer is at the disadvantage.

Another situation occurred when I went shopping on Saturday for a few items that I needed. Unfortunately, many other people also went shopping on Saturday. When I finished locating my items, I went to checkout. At least half of the checkout registers were not staffed, and the checkout line wrapped around the store twice. So, my time was wasted waiting in a very long line. I can hear you thinking that the store cannot find enough people that want to work. I consider this management’s problem. Managers need to find creative ways to entice people who need jobs to want to work in their stores. Not doing so is wasting the time (and money) of customers. This is a similar problem to that of the restaurant that half of its tables “closed” to customers because they do not have enough servers. Again, management’s problem. Why should customers have to wait thirty minutes or more to be seated and served, wasting their time, because the restaurant is understaffed?

I did not name the places of business in these situations, since these problems occur in many places of business. My purpose is not to give negative information about particular stores. I am asking customers to refuse to accept poor service, especially poor service that wastes our time and money.

My fifty-seven year friend Judy was wise beyond her years. I remember her saying many years ago, “Waste my food, waste my money, but do not waste my time.” For time is a non-renewable resource. Once lost, time cannot be replaced. If we need more money and we have more time, we can make more money. But once lost, time cannot be replaced.

Think about how often our time and money is wasted, and the real cost of that. Refuse to accept it. Let’s give our time and money to businesses that deserve it.

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Enjoying Change

It is human nature to resist change, especially change that we do not feel in charge of or do not intentionally create. It is easier to stay in a rut than branch out and embrace change. I know some of you are thinking, “I like change.” If that is true about you, you are in the minority. Again, unless you feel that you are in charge of the change.

I was thinking about this today while enjoying cooler days of September. While I love summer, I also love each season, and the changes they bring. Well, I don’t love January and February, but I do enjoy the other months! As I was thinking about enjoying the change of the seasons, I began to wonder why the change of the seasons is often met with excitement, while change in general can be difficult for us. Something to ponder.

Why do I enjoy the change of the seasons? Each season has its beauty. The beauty of Fall may be the most splendid, with the leaves changing colors in such a magnificent manner. While Spring and Summer have blooming trees and flowers, many of which are beautiful, such as Crepe Myrtles and flowering fruit trees, I don’t think anything can compare to Fall’s beauty, especially in the southeast, which is the only part of the country that I have lived in. Just spend some time in the mountains of North Carolina in the Fall, and you will be awestruck.

I used to work with a consultant, Marilyn Moats Kennedy, who had a catchy phrase: ‘The only one who really likes change is a wet baby!”

The tag line for my business, the Fralix Group, Inc. is “Inspiring positive change in work, life, and family”. Please note the “positive” part of this. All change is certainly not positive. And change for change’s sake isn’t sufficient. But when change is positive, even if it is initially difficult, it can be life changing in a good way.

I think of our downsizing as a good example of this. While I certainly still miss, and always will, the beauty and space of our home that we built, remodeled, and lived in for almost thirty-five years, there are several things that I enjoy more about our current home. Our current home is actually a rental, and I like not having to worry about upkeep, either the responsibility for it or the cost of it. It is less than one-half of the space we had, and it is so much easier to maintain, clean, and even enjoy. I like knowing that we live in most of the space, and that there aren’t but a couple of rooms that we rarely occupy. I like being able to park in front of our garage door and walk into our home from the garage easily and quickly, instead of going through several rooms to live in a couple of rooms, rarely spending any time in probably three-fourths of the space. While this change was initially very difficult, even heart breaking, I am able to now see the positive in this change, and no longer actively grieve for what is past. Our home that was so hard to leave nurtured our family for many years, and then it was time for us to leave and create a new home. This has been a major change, and I am now able to accept that it was the right change for us at this time in our lives.

We can enjoy change, and we can even embrace it. We can manage change, hopefully reducing the negative impacts of change we do not want. We can also resist change. But what we cannot do is stop change. Change happens whether it happens to us or with us. We are either moving forward or going backwards. What we cannot do is stay the same.

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Labor Day and the End of Summer

My friend Lisa at Sunset Beach

A recent trip to Pete Dye Resort at Myrtle Beach

The end of August heralds the end of summer for all practical purposes. Most school age children are back in school. Labor Day weekend marks the last beach holiday until next Memorial Day. Once Labor Day passes, we get into fast forward mode preparing for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, as well as other celebrations including Kwanzaa and Hanukkah. It tires me to even think about it! But there s something else worth thinking about.

With only four months left in 2024, it is important to review our goals/plans for this year and see where we are. If our analysis finds that we have not accomplished what we had planned to, if we get busy, we can still make progress. After all, is our life not as important as decorating and celebrating holidays? I think so. No, I more than think so, I know so. Let’s think about a simple process for goal setting.

Think about the end of December, 2024. What are four major priorities that you want to accomplish between now and then? Not ten, just four. Think about this as one per month. Then divide the months into four weeks, and decide what activity can be done that week to accomplish that month’s goals. Now, do the work. It can be this simple. Go back and review your goals/plans that you set at the beginning of the year and determine if any of those can realistically be accomplished by the end of the year.

This is a very “left-brain” approach to goal setting and accomplishment. It is not my natural tendency to think in this manner. But I have learned that I have to have a manageable process in order to be successful in this, and this works for me.

Now, I will go and work on mine. Good luck to you, and have a safe and enjoyable Labor Day.

What We Think and Do We Become!

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The Space Between Knowing and Doing

I heard this phrase, The Space Between Knowing and Doing, in the past few days, and I am not sure where I heard it.  But it resonated with me so much that I want to pen some thoughts about it.

We can all think of examples of this. The ones that come to mind for me include exercising consistently and eating what I know I should eat to stay healthy and within my WeightWatchers plan. There are days that I stay on track with both of these, such as today, and days I don’t, which includes too many days lately. The difference is not in knowing, but in doing. How can I have more days of knowing and doing? Well, that is not complicated, but it isn’t easy. I know what to do, even when I am not doing it. If it was easy, it would not get star billing in this blog.

But enough about me. How are you with this dichotomy between knowing and doing? Your challenge may not be weight control and exercise. It might be too much alcohol, which in my humble opinion, is any alcohol at all. But that may be too severe for you.  You know how much is too much for you. But knowing and doing in this area may be your challenge. If it is, when will you get in control of it?

To get in control we first of all have to be willing to do so.  It will never work for someone else to want us to be in control of whatever is controlling us. As adults, we must face the facts and be willing to do the work.

What do you Know? What are you willing to Do?

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Paying It Forward

Last week I had the privilege of helping a cousin pack up and move from his antebellum home in Virginia, a home he has loved, and grieved leaving. I can identify. My cousin Mason is my beloved and deceased Uncle Barry’s son. He lived alone and had little social support. He is not healthy, including having congestive heart failure. When I spoke with him a few weeks ago and heard that he was moving, he was so short of breath that he could hardly speak. I decided to do what I could to help. I traveled to his home three hours away in Virginia on two separate occasions over two weeks, managing his move.

You might wonder why I consider this a privilege. Why would I think that standing on my feet for many days, going through a lifetime of someone’s possessions, packing some, throwing out more, and donating the rest would be a privilege? I consider it a privilege simply because I was able to help someone who really needed help, without an expectation of anything in return. I was able to get outside of myself for a week and give selflessly to another, for no reason other than I could, and if I could, I should. So, I did.

I do not mention this in a prideful manner, but in a humble one.  It was humbling for me to be able to give of my time and of myself. While I was physically exhausted for days and am still recovering, the exhaustion I feel will dissipate and I will be left with wonderful memories. Memories of getting outside of myself and helping someone who truly needed help. I have not done enough of this. While I do not like to think of myself as selfish, I can’t recall ever before giving of myself in this manner. Oh sure, I have helped others in small ways, but never as much as I could have or should have.

In some ways, I was paying it forward. I had lots of help packing up and cleaning out our home of thirty-five years a year and a half ago.  Although I thought I did, I probably did not really appreciate what others gave to me when they helped with our move. After this recent experience, I have a much greater appreciation for others’ gift of time and sweat equity.   

Mason wanted to pay me for my help, but I would not let him. His heartfelt appreciation was more than enough “pay.” I just asked him to “pay it forward, in whatever way he can whenever he can.

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If I Owe You an Apology, I apologize!

We should know if we owe someone an apology! An apology given after the words, “If I Owe You an Apology” is not an apology at all. Don’t qualify your apology, just apologize!  And do not say, “That was not my intent.” Your intent is irrelevant. Your intent matters only to you. The other person judges you based on their perception of your behavior.  This is so simple, yet people frequently wallow around in their apologies and their intent and make matters worse!

We too often want to prove our point and do not want to feel that we are wrong. When we use phrases like those above, we only make matters worse. Just apologize and keep your intent to yourself!

Communicating effectively is simple, yet not easy. I could say a lot more about this, but I think I will just let those points sink in, and make this my shortest blog ever.

Enough said.

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Summer is Slipping Away

It isn’t just the summer that is slipping away. Months and years are passing so quickly. Perhaps it is time to focus on what you want your next few years to include, while there is still time. Maybe it is time to decide what behaviors we want in change in ourselves.

With August soon to arrive, the summer of 2024 is almost a wrap. Has this summer been a good one for you? Is there something you wanted to do this summer that you haven’t yet done? If so, it is time to get busy on that before the summer slips away.

I want more kindness in my life. I want to be kinder, and I want to surround myself with people who are kind. I also want more patience. I want to exhibit more patience, and I want others to be more patient with me. Even in the best of times, life can be difficult. We only need to open our eyes to the struggles some others have to really appreciate what we have.

I have had an experience in the past few days that highlights the importance of both kindness and patience.  Life can be so difficult at times that it is easy for our patience to wear thin and our behavior to be less than kind. We are so often in a hurry that our temper gets short when we have delays, especially delays that are unnecessary.

Those who know me can attest to the fact that I am usually in a hurry, even if there is no need to rush. Given this, when I encounter delays, especially those that make no sense, I can react. When this happens, kindness is not what the other person usually sees in me. I decided to work on this and improve in this area.

I was in Virginia helping a relative clean out and pack up for a move. I went to a storage facility to see a unit he is considering renting. I booked a reservation for this by phone. When I arrived at the facility at 1:40pm, there was a sign on the door that read “the office is closed every day from 1-2pm,” and there was another sign that read “I will return at 2:05pm.” This facility was a fifteen-minute drive from my cousin who I was helping’s home. I was short on time with all that needed to be done before leaving later in the afternoon to make the three-hour drive home. This delay would affect how much I was able to get done.

I was not happy about what I considered a lapse in customer service. Why was this information not provided to me when I booked the reservation? This was a systems lapse, and reinforced my philosophy, “People don’t fail, systems do.”  

I had a choice to make. Regardless of what I thought about the lapse in customer service, regardless of how much the problem delayed what I needed to get done, I had a choice to make. I could get angry and let the staff person know what I thought about their lapse in customer service! Or I could accept the delay, be kind to the staff person, and patiently do what I came there to do. I made the latter choice. This is not how my nature wanted to behave, but for whatever reason, I decided I would exhibit patience and kindness. I felt good about my behavior, so good that I think I will behave better in other interactions. Not all interactions most likely, but more!

Lacking patience and not being kind may not be your challenge. You may already have those mastered. But there might be other behavior changes you need to make to be a better person.  I don’t know what those are, but you do.

How about getting started working on what improvements you want to make? This last month of summer 2024 can be the time that you master a behavior change that you want/need to make.

I would love to hear about your success.

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What Will It Take?

These are difficult times. The division in our country is getting worse. We had an assassination attempt on past president, Donald Trump, last weekend. While the assassination attempt was not successful, Donald Trump was injured, and three other people were as well, and one of those lost his life. Regardless of what we believe politically, regardless of who we prefer to be in the White House as President in January of 2025, we need to do our part to stop the madness before it destroys our democracy. But how do we do that? Where do we start?

We can start by being on our best behavior. We can be respectful. We can refuse to engage in telling lies, exaggerating, or casting disbursement on either party or presidential candidate. We can be sure about our facts, or as sure as possible, and not allow the spin doctors to change our thinking. We can read everything we can find from reputable sources, and judge for ourselves where the truth is. We can let our values guide us.

How do we know who and what to trust? How do we reconcile the fact that people who were so opposed to a candidate, saying terrible things about his character, behavior, and motivations, turn and now support him without reservation? We hear “That’s just politics.” Maybe so, but how do we trust the character, behavior, and motivations of those turncoats?

How do we know who to believe? How do we know how much of what is reported is really true?

My comments are not aimed at any particular political party. They really aren’t aimed at any politician. They are aimed at all of us, us individually, as Americans. For this is really as much of an individual problem as it is a systemic problem. Also, the problem isn’t new. In fact, I was reminded by someone just today about how these same problems have been around for many years.  While I know that is true, am I wrong to believe that the problems are worse now? Or do they just seem worse because we have a twenty-four-hour news cycle that keeps them in front of us? I honestly do not know. What I do know is that we could self-destruct if things don’t change.

So, what can we concerned citizens do about any of this? I made a few suggestions above. In addition to those, I suggest we engage in dialogue with those we trust. Instead of avoiding a discussion of politics, I suggest we openly discuss our differences and attempt to find common ground. We might just learn something from others in the process.

What we should not do is make unilateral statements against politicians, assuming we know who is telling the truth and who can be trusted, and why “our” candidate is the best candidate. We should listen more than we talk. We should take the high road when others are not as good at discussing these issues as I recommend we be.

If we put ourselves in the position to learn something from others, we just might find some room for movement in our staunch positions. We just might find common ground.

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We Really Don’t Need Much

Our family was together in Hilton Head last week for our annual family vacation, or at least, some of us were. This was an unusual year in that different schedule conflicts kept some away. I know that is bound to happen as the grandchildren age and have activities that conflict with the family vacation. So, this year our three youngest grandchildren were with us for some of the time, and the two oldest were not able to make it at all. In years past not only were all of the grandchildren present, but they also had friends join us. While it was a different year, we enjoyed the time together that we had.  

When traveling and staying in condos, I am always struck by how differently we live when at home. The difference was especially graphic this year for me. I think this has something to do with me going through a major downsizing in the past couple of years, and still trying to reconcile the possessions I need, and those that I can do without. While I realize that there is a difference between what we want to live within our own homes, and what we are willing to do without when staying in rental property, perhaps we need to pay attention to those things that we really don’t “need.”

I usually carry many more kitchen items than I took this year. While we usually have more people and cook more than I knew we would this year, I am still surprised that I did not feel the need to carry lots of kitchen stuff with me. I usually take my good knives, griddle, special mixing bowls, and various other items. I left all of that at home this year. And I did not miss any of it. I did cook one dinner meal and had everything I needed to do so, although I was worried initially that I might not. I made a chicken casserole and took spices for that with me, realizing that there was no need to buy those spices.

The kitchen was equipped with only one casserole dish, which was all that I needed. I probably have ten at home. While there really wasn’t a mixing bowl per se, there was a glass salad bowl, which sufficed fine as a mixing bowl. There was only one measuring cup, a one cup, and I use at least three when I am cooking at home. One was sufficient.

Thankfully, there was a cream pitcher, which I prefer to have, and I often find is missing in a rental. There was a large frying pan, and a small one, which was more than enough. There were two saucepans, which was enough. There was only one pan suitable for roasting vegetables, but one was enough. There were no baking pans at all, and I think there should have been at least a muffin tin, although we did not need it. In fact, there wasn’t any kitchen item that we needed that wasn’t stocked.  

There were plenty of plates, bowls, cups, and glasses. There was a pitcher, which we did not use. I had brought my tea pitcher with me. There were ample mixing spoons, although not nearly as many as I have at home. There was ample flatware.

There were two dish towels, but no cotton dishcloth, only a sponge. That was what I missed the most from my own kitchen. I prefer a cotton dishcloth.  

I realized that I took too many clothes. I found that I repeated what I wore, probably only wearing three different outfits the entire week, the ones that are most comfortable!  I do the same thing at home.

I need to cull my kitchen cabinets and greatly reduce the number of same items that I own, such as casserole dishes. I also need to do the same thing in my drawers and closet and get rid of the clothes that I am not wearing. Why have clogged cabinets and drawers of items that I am not using?

I have noticed some changes since we returned from vacation. I had planned to buy a couple of new clothes items but have not done so. I have consciously decided that if I only wear the same few things, why buy more? Another change. I also walked away from some dishes that I found on sale and loved, realizing that I should not bring any more dishes into our space unless and until I get rid of lots of what I have that I am not using.

I think I am ready to get rid of unnecessary duplicates, even of items that I love. If we have more than we can use, why do we keep it all? Just because we bought it, paid perhaps too much for it, and still find it beautiful?

My cabinets, drawers, and closets are stuffed so full that I can’t easily get to what I want to use. Thus, having so much that I can’t use what I have means I have less than I would if I had less and yet could easily use what I have!

I know that you have no idea what this is all about! Or do you? Are there some changes that you also need to make?   

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Be the Change

One of my heroes is Gandhi.  One of my favorite quotes from Gandhi is “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” This quote speaks volumes to me.  The tagline for my business of more than thirty years is “Inspiring Positive Change in Work, Life, and Family.” “Work, Life, and Family” kind of covers everything, don’t you think?!  It’s quite ambitious, but it‘s exactly what I care about.

Work without family is empty. Life without work or family can be meaningless. And family, as important as it is, does not exist without work by someone in something. Speaking of “work,” do not think of work as only work outside the home for pay. To me, there are three important types of work.

The most commonly thought of definition of work is what can be called “Market Work, which is work for pay outside the home. In most families, at least up to the age of retirement, someone in the family is doing Market Work, and in many cases, both adults in the family (when there are two) are doing Market Work, full-time or part-time. It is Market Work that pays for the things needed and desired by those in the family. Thinking of “work” as only “Market Work,” however, is short-sighted.

The second category of work is “Family Work.” In every family, there are things that need to get done for the family to function. Included in this are activities such as cooking, cleaning, and in many families, parenting. Family Work is every bit as important (and some would say, more important) as “Market Work,” regardless of who does it, even though it isn’t usually financially compensated.

The third type of work in my philosophy of work is “Volunteer Work.” Volunteer Work includes community service such as charitable organizations, church work, and any other service work for which one isn’t financially compensated, such as PTA service. While it may not be common to think of Volunteer Work as “work,” when one thinks of it in this manner, it puts it at the same level of importance as “Market Work.” There are many in our communities who would not be served if there weren’t volunteers who give their time and talents to meet those needs.

While there are many possible examples of “Positive Change in Work, Life, and Family,” I will mention only one. Too often we compartmentalize our life, paying too much attention to one part of our life while ignoring the other parts. At times, this is normal and good. An example is when children are small, many families choose (when the choice is possible) for someone to be home doing full-time family work. Another example is in retirement when Volunteer Work is a major priority for some people. These choices should not be judged good or bad if they meet the needs of the people involved, even when their choices or circumstances aren’t ours.

It is too easy, however, for us to remain in the places we have been, to fail to change when change is warranted, even when staying in place is no longer necessary or even good.  For example, when children are of the ages that we do not need to be doing Family Work full-time, we lose something for ourselves when we fail to change.  We also can create unhealthy dependency in the children, and possibly become “helicopter parents.” While our priority has been Family Work, it can now become Market Work, Volunteer Work, or a combination of the two or all three types of work. Thinking about work this way can broaden our opportunities and stimulate our minds.

If we fail to change as our circumstances change, we too often become less than we can otherwise be, and we can fail to fulfill our purpose.

What change do you want to see in the world? What will you change about yourself to be a part of it?

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