It's In The Sauce!

Fall Forward

Posted on September 1, 2022 by Patti Fralix

Fall has not technically arrived yet, although in some ways it feels like it since Starbucks has released its every year eagerly awaited Pumpkin drinks. With this weekend being the last holiday of the summer season and most students already back in school, it will soon be time to get into a Fall mindset. Also, once Labor Day weekend has passed, there are only a few weeks until several holidays are upon us. September allows us to ease into all of that while enjoying the beauty of the Fall foliage. What can we do to prepare for the busyness that will soon be upon us?

Let’s ease into fall. Let’s give ourselves the time and space to relax and enjoy the beauty all around us before we prepare for winter. Even so, there are some things that we can do and do leisurely. We can make lists of the things we want to accomplish in September. If I do not write it down, it often does not get done. I sometimes think I can keep enough in my head, but that does not work as well as making a list, making sure to check it often, and crossing off tasks once they are completed. It is so easy for the days, months, and even years to slip away, and for us to not have a good sense of what was accomplished. Let’s change that in September. Now, for some specifics.

We can begin to change out our clothes, putting away the summer clothes that will not be needed for a while. In doing so, we should decide what we did not wear enough to justify keeping, repair what needs to be repaired, and inventory what we need before doing any shopping. It is possible that we already have enough clothes that we do not need to purchase any more. Once we are in stores, however, if we have not inventoried our clothes, we can forget what we have.

Daughter Tara planted these beautiful flowers in our flower boxes.

Another worthwhile task is to clean out our kitchen cabinets, getting rid of what we do not use, or that we have too much of. I am not a good example of this. I have so many multiples of kitchen items and have a hard time letting go of any. I actually do use a lot of what I have, but not nearly as much as my cabinets house. Bowls are a good example. I have more bowls than I could use if I entertained weekly or even daily, and of course, I don’t do either! I have some bowls that I have never used, yet I have given them prime real estate, and continue to pile more things in the cabinets around them. It is time to purge.

NCSU’s Howling Cows coming in to be fed.

There is also the issue of linen closets. I have bed and bath linens that I never use yet keep stacked in closets. We, all of us, really only need two sets of bed linens per bed and two sets of bath linens per person. Since we have family that lives out of town and comes to visit several times a year, I need to keep more bath linens for those times, but not all that I have. Some of our excess comes from beach property we no longer own, so it is time to let go of those.

Our family enjoying ice cream at NCSU’s Howling Cow Dairy Education and Creamery.

A worthwhile task for me is to clean out my attics. I do not know most of what is really stored in them, but it is time to find out. Now, this will be emotional, and harder for me than cleaning out the kitchen cabinets and linen closets. I know there will be items from our children’s early years there in them that I do not want to part with, and that the almost 45 and 47-year-old “children” do not want. Not the Madame Alexander dolls, not the schoolwork papers, not the toys. Some of you have already been through this, and I should have as well. Any words of wisdom that you have for this will be appreciated.

Well, if I do all of this in September, September will not be relaxing at all! I am tired just thinking about it!

How about you? What do you want your September to include? At the end of the month, what would you like to have done? What will success feel like and look like for you?

Posted in change, gratitude, life | Tagged change, cleaning out, excess, fall, Fall busyness, Fall Forward, family, Fralix, holidays, Labor Day, life, make a list, Patti Fralix, starbucks, The Fralix Group, time and space to relax, what will success feel like to you? | 1 Comment

Kindness Matters

Posted on August 25, 2022 by Patti Fralix

The importance of kindness has been a common theme lately, probably since Covid. While kindness has always been important, I think it has become more so recently. There are signs of the focus on kindness everywhere. Examples are signs on restaurant doors, kindness written on t-shirts of servers in restaurants, and many other examples of this. I wonder, do we have a similar definition of kindness? Do most of us place the same priority on kindness as others? Important questions.

Our kind server at Rusty Hooks Restaurant in Southport. All of the staff wear these shirts, with the Rusty Hooks logo on the back.

I googled “kindness,” and found this definition: “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” It was also stated that kindness is more than being nice. While I would not have thought of “friendly” and “kindness” as the same, I can understand the connection, and I do believe that being generous and considerate are examples of kindness. There are many other examples. Other words used to describe kindness are compassion, courtesy, concern, gentleness, goodness, gracious, helpfulness, loving, neighborly, patience, thoughtfulness, understanding, and unselfishness. There are many other words used for kindness also.

It isn’t just about us, it is also about others.

An exercise that is sometimes recommended for increased self-awareness is to fast forward to our eulogy. What would others say about us? While we still have time, we might choose to improve in areas where we think we need improvement. Kindness might be one of those.

Years ago, I needed improvement in the area of kindness. I was sometimes described as “intimidating.” I do not see “intimidating” on the list of kindness behaviors! I decided to improve in the areas that others saw as negative, and that gave the impression that I was intimidating. While I am sure that there are times that I revert to being intimidating, I do not think it is common behavior.

I have had several expressions of kindness given to me lately. One was just last night at a restaurant we go to fairly often, Sawmill Tap Room. I had ordered a salad and did not finish it, so I asked for a “to go” box. The waiter brought me some extra salad dressing and a “go” cup of iced tea. That is an example of kindness. He didn’t have to, but he had a giving spirit.

Also, a friend sent me a gift of a journal, lovely napkins, and a Starbucks gift card, with a sweet note, as appreciation for something I did for her. In all of the years that I have known her, she has always given a gift of appreciation for anything done for her. I wish I could say the same.

Another friend recently gave me a gift of my favorite tea, which is Harrods from London. This was not found in a local store. She had to take her time to order it, and have it shipped. Since tea is my drink of choice, and Harrods is my favorite, this was so much appreciated.

A card I will keep and treasure forever.

I felt like Cinderella recently when I was given a very special gift of a pair of shoes. Someone I have known for many years, who has become a friend recently, knew that I wanted those shoes, and that I had decided that they were not affordable for me at this time. She wrote me the sweetest note about how much she appreciated me throughout the years, and said, “with this gift, allow me to show my appreciation.” Wow! I was so touched by her act of generosity and kindness. I believe that this totally selfless gift is one of the best examples of kindness ever shown to me. I want to consider how I can pay it forward.

One way in which we can all show kindness to others is through tipping more than is considered “required.” While tipping may be controversial, it is a part of our American culture, and has become expected. Since staff in restaurants are often working without enough help, those of us benefiting from their service can show our appreciation by tipping more than we would otherwise. Yes, money is tight for many of us, but if we can afford to eat out, we should show some kindness to those who are serving us. How much more, you might ask? That is a personal decision. Just more.

All gifts of kindness are not tangible gifts. How we treat others is also how we show kindness. Or not.

Here are a few ways to show kindness. Let’s give others a pass, and not wear our feelings on our shoulders. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is forget slights, manage our expectations, and appreciate others for who they are, ignoring when they disappoint us. This is hard for me, but that means it is something I need to work on.

Let me end this focus on kindness by thanking my readers for your support. I write what I think is needed, for me and others. I so appreciate others reading my musings.

Posted in gratitude, Relationships, service | Tagged be kind, compassion, concern, considerate, courtesy, customer service, family, Fralix, friendly, friends, generous, gentleness, gifts, goodness, gracious, helpfulness, intangible, kindness, kindness matters, life, love others, loving, matters, neighborly, nice, patience, Patti Fralix, relationships, tangible, The Fralix Group, thoughtfulness, understanding, unselfishness | Leave a comment

What To Do When Disappointment Sets In

Posted on August 18, 2022 by Patti Fralix

Sometimes life gives us more disappointment than we are almost able to bear. Of course, there is plenty of joy also, and I do not ever forget that. That fact does not help, however, when I am having a pity party. I had one of those days this week, not helped at all by a gloomy weather day. Since I am by nature an optimistic person, those days do not throw me very often. This week, however, it did. I had a hard time pulling myself out of it. The purpose of sharing this with my readers is not to garner sympathy, but to relay what helped me get through it.

First of all, what does not help? When I am down, it does not help me for friends to try to help me focus on the positive. I know the positive. Nor does it help me for others to point out that this will pass, for I know that also, of course. It does not help me for others to tell funny stories or talk about what is going on with them. If I have been open enough to bear my heart with you, be caring enough to hang in there and do just a couple of simple things.

My beverage of choice is half-and-half iced tea.

Ask me, “How can I help?” And listen to my answer. Be willing to stay in conversation with me unless you have an urgent need to be elsewhere. Don’t be prescriptive and tell me what I need to do to pull myself out of it. Please, I ask my friends to be able to walk through this with me. If you are truly my friend, you know I will not stay down long. Longer this time than most times, but still not long.

A good and nutritious meal nourishes me holistically.

Do you know what you need the most from your friends and loved ones when you are feeling depleted? It is important to know what we need and to be able to ask for it if it is not offered, recognizing that in the asking, the other person may get defensive. We need to know ourselves well enough to be able to gauge how honest we can be about these things with others. With some people, we can have an open conversation that is safe, and yet not be able to have these conversations with others. What we do not need is to get into a conflict when we are trying to get support.

A good resource for us is Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages. When we need something from others, we should remember their dominant love language, or we may ask for it in a way that will assure we will not get what we need.

This love message from my 10-year-old granddaughter, Virginia, was left in my car by her, where it now stays so I can see it often.

What helped me to pull myself out of this mood this week? Getting busy physically, and getting out of my head. Also, thinking about how I could help others, and reaching out to them. Doing something for someone else always helps me focus less on myself. I needed to focus less on myself to get through that day. I walked some and read some. No, the problems creating the disappointments did not magically disappear, but my mood lifted, and I was able to deal with them in a healthier way.

An observation, not about this day of mine this week, but a general observation. I have noticed that many people are more self-absorbed lately than ever before. There does not seem to be enough caring about what other people are going through. Not enough tangible ways that people are reaching out and helping others in need. I am sure this is true about me as well as others. I think we need to be aware of this and find ways to begin to come together more. Let’s not blame it on our divisive political climate, for that is too easy. If we show more caring to others, it is possible there will be less division in general.

Of course, the birth of our latest grandchild, Hayden Elise, daughter of our youngest daughter, Chatham, and son-in-law, Johnathan, was a bright spot in the week.

I care less about your political party affiliation than I do your human affiliation. Let’s reach out and touch someone in a manner that is most meaningful to them. If we don’t know how, we can begin with a conversation and see where it takes us.

Posted in conflict, family, life, Relationships | Tagged change, disappointment, empathy, empathy not sympathy, family, Fralix, friends, how to help, life, optimistic, Patti Fralix, pity party, relationships, The Fralix Group, what you need | Leave a comment

Stay In Your Own Lane

Posted on August 13, 2022 by Patti Fralix

Given the stressors many people are experiencing these days, the potential for conflict between people is ever-present. Even with good intentions, it is easy to get into conflict with others. We need to be careful to not involve ourselves in disagreements when we are not directly involved, not when we are bystanders with an opinion about what is going on or being said. I am reminded of the quote, “Stay in Your Own Lane.” Other ways to word this are, “Not My Pig, Not My Farm.” Also, “Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys.”

A dear speaker friend, Elizabeth Jeffries, made the following statement many years ago, about the responsibility of speakers. “As a speaker, my responsibility is to comfort the disturbed, and disturb the comforted.” Most likely my readers fall into one of these categories, either needing to be disturbed or needing to be comforted. Hopefully, the ideas below will be helpful.

When hearing a conversation/conflict between others, stay out of it if it doesn’t concern you. This includes keeping your opinion to yourself unless someone asks your opinion, then be very careful how you word your answer. It does not matter how strongly you feel about what is being said, if you are not a part of the conversation, stay out of it.

2. If you observe a conflict between two people, stay out of it. If you jump into it, you can be assumed to be taking sides, which is not a place you want to be.

3. If you ask someone’s opinion, listen to their answer without reacting, getting defensive, or aggressive. Even when you are hearing something that you do not agree with or that is hurtful. If you asked their opinion and they give you an answer, you do damage when you exhibit these behaviors. You do not have to agree with them, and their opinion may in fact be wrong. But that is not the point. The point is you asked, and they answered. Assume they are honestly answering your question, with no agenda other than that.

The Crepe Myrtles are gorgeous in Raleigh, prettier than I think they have ever been. Or am I seeing them through different eyes?

4. When having a disagreement with another person, keep your cool and act like a reasonable adult. Do not create a scene. It matters not if you think you are justified in your behavior. Act like an adult in control of your behavior.

5. Do your very best to not feel or act defensively. Remember Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements. Agreement #2 is: “Don’t Take Anything Personally.” Agreement #3 is: “Don’t Make Assumptions.” Living by these 2 agreements can keep us out of a lot of trouble.

6. Regardless of who is most in the wrong when a conflict has occurred, the responsibility to make peace falls on the one who is able to. Even if she is the one who has been wronged. Even when what was done or said is not fair. Even when every fiber in you wants to hold on to it. Even when you know you will not soon forget the hurt. Even when doing so gives you no guarantee of being able to repair the damage that was done. Relationships are complex and complicated. People are at different stages of emotional maturity and mental stability. If you are able to reach out and begin to repair the damage, do it. Just because you can. Because everyone can’t.

This applies to relationships as well as other things.

A delicious Cappuccino at Jubala in Lafayette Village in Raleigh.

Where are you in this? Are you comforted by the points made, or are you disturbed by them? Do you think that if you model this behavior, you might have less conflict with others?

As often happens, I write for myself as much as for others. This one certainly falls in that category.

Posted in change, conflict, Relationships | Tagged asking for opinions then listen, avoiding conflict, be careful, causing conflict, change, comfort the disturbed, conflict, defensiveness, disagreements, disturb the comforted, Don Miguel Ruiz, Fralix, Not my circus not my monkeys, Patti Fralix, relationships, Stay In Your Own Lane, stay out of it, stress, stressors, The Four Agreements, The Fralix Group | 2 Comments

The Leaders of A Pack

Posted on August 4, 2022 by Patti Fralix

“You do a lot more good as the leader of a pack than you do as a lone wolf.” These words were spoken by Dr. Jason Bull on one of the last shows of this series, Bull. I have been catching up on Bull episodes while helping a friend recover from surgery. Unfortunately, Bull ended with the last season, which I regret, since I love the show. I missed most of the last season, so I am playing catch up.

What does this quote mean? What is the difference between the leader of a pack and a lone wolf? Well, hopefully, you know, and hopefully you find yourself as the leader of a pack and not a lone wolf. When Bull made this statement, he had been operating as a lone wolf, making unilateral decisions that affected others without getting their involvement or buy-in. Sure, he could do that, for he was the BOSS, the owner of the firm. But in doing so he ran off his star staff person, who was as important to the firm and its work, if not more so, than Bull. Some of you know what I mean, for you have worked with (“with” is a better word than “for,” although lone wolfs would think and would say, “worked for me.”)

And it probably never will be the same again!

In case you haven’t noticed, staff have had the upper hand since COVID. There are staff shortages everywhere, and that is affecting how we live and what we are able to buy, get, and have. It behooves management to do everything they can to keep the staff they do have happy. I am hearing too many disgruntled people who are at the verge of quitting, and unnecessarily so. Not because of money, not even because of lack of opportunity, not even because they do not like the work. What they do not like, in fact, abhor, is the politics! What is “politics,” you might ask? Haven’t we always had politics at work? What is different now?

“Politics” includes not involving staff in decision making, such as changing rules and policies without involving them, or worse yet, without even letting them know until they get caught in the change! “Politics” is not letting the staff know how important they are to the business, and how much the company and management appreciate them, that they are the necessary component of the company being able to stay in business. There is so much more, but that may suffice for now.

If you are in management, take heed. Don’t be foolish and let another staff person walk out the door for something you have the control to change. Understand that they can do without you, but you cannot do without them.

If you are staff, give management and the company the opportunity to change what they need to change, before you take your toys elsewhere, thinking the grass will be greener elsewhere; it often isn’t. Don’t be impulsive. Show respect. The same is true for management.

In spite of everything that bothers us, we need to enjoy the natural beauty all around us.

Someone wise (attributed to President Theodore Roosevelt) once said, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”

Show how much you care.

Posted in conflict, gratitude, Leadership | Tagged boss, Bull, change, customer service, Fralix, greed, lone wolf, Management, manager, Patti Fralix, relationships, shortstaffed, staff are imporant, teamwork, The Fralix Group, The Leaders of A Pack, treat staff well | Leave a comment

Southern Hospitality

Posted on July 29, 2022 by Patti Fralix

Nothing represents southern hospitality more than food and fellowship. I have had a lot of both lately. As I thought about this week’s blog, it occurred to me that we all may need a reminder of the importance of reaching out and touching others with food and other ways we show neighbors and friends that we care.

One of the lovely tables at the baby shower.

Chatham, Johnathan, and Drew will soon welcome baby Hayden Elise.

Our family has had two events recently. The first was a baby shower hosted by my cousin Paula and her daughter Bridget for our youngest daughter, Chatham. Chatham and family, including husband Johnathan and son, Drew will welcome baby girl, Hayden Elise, to the family the week of August 15^th. Paula and Bridget hosted a lovely shower with delicious food. While it would have been acceptable to some to have Costco hors d’oeuvres and pastries for the shower, Paula and Bridget (with the assistance of sous chefs friend Beth and our granddaughter, Mary Grace) prepared a lovely dinner. The star of the dinner was a delicious Ritz Cracker Chicken Casserole. I made a Ritz Cracker Chicken Casserole many years ago, but lost track of the recipe. While this is probably not the exact same recipe I had years ago, it is similar. I am so glad this recipe was resurrected by the shower hosts. Do give this recipe a try, and you will be glad that you did.

Bridget’s artistic ability resulted in beautiful touches at the shower.

You might want to double this recipe, and share it with a friend or neighbor!

The other event has been the surgery and recovery of good family friend Maureen, known to us as MoMo. MoMo had a rotator cuff repair a week ago, and I have been her main caretaker. What that means is I have prepared her meals and have been her “wheels” while she has been unable to drive. She and I have both enjoyed the time this has given us to be together without all of the rushings around that seems to take so much of our time. MoMo requested the Ritz Cracker Chicken Casserole recipe for one of her meals. We have also enjoyed BLTs with fresh tomatoes and maple bacon on sourdough bread for several days for lunch.

This recipe, from my favorite cookbook, Even More Special, the Junior League of Durham and Orange Counties of Durham, NC cookbook, is the best recipe for Asparagus.

One of MoMo’s neighbors brought her (us!) delicious spaghetti, salad, and mini chocolate chip banana muffins one evening. That was such a lovely gesture. I think many of us have gotten away from reaching out to our neighbors and friends when they have health issues or surgery, and I encourage us to get back to that. We should not be too busy to do so. Some of MoMo’s other friends brought her lunch of BLTs one day, (that is where our idea of having BLTs for lunch came from!) and other friends took her out for dinner once she was ready to venture out. These acts of hospitality mean so much when we are unable to cook and care for ourselves.

Apologies extended, if needed, to others outside of the South, for referring to these acts of kindness as “southern hospitality.” There are certainly many people outside of the South who show acts of kindness referred to here as “southern hospitality.” I will grant those people the designation of southerners, without the negative baggage that goes with it!

Bless Your Heart!

Posted in family, gratitude, service | Tagged Bless Your Heart, family, food, food and fellowship, Fralix, friends, gratitude, hospitality, Hugs, life, Patti Fralix, reach out to neighbors and friends, relationships, Ritz Cracker Chicken Casserole, Southern Hospitality, taking care of our neighbors, The Fralix Group | 4 Comments

A Cause Greater Than Oneself

Posted on July 23, 2022 by Patti Fralix

While cleaning out recently, I rediscovered Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning. Although I have rarely reread books, I decided this one should be. I wasn’t exactly sure what message I needed to find in rereading this book, but I have learned to follow the path, and see where it leads.

Hopefully, you are familiar with Frankl’s story. He was a long-time prisoner in horrific concentration camps, whose father, mother, brother, and wife, all of his family but his sister, perished in the camps. He consistently suffered from hunger, cold, and brutality, yet he found life worth preserving, not choosing suicide as many others did.

I am in awe of Frankl’s ability to find meaning in such dire circumstances in the concentration camps. Frankl was able to find moments of comfort through images of loved ones, by religion, and even by the comfort of nature, such as trees or sunsets. But those alone were not sufficient for Frankl to find meaning in his suffering. Frankl found that he was able to survive in spite of extreme indignities by finding meaning in his suffering, often quoting Nietzsche, “He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how.” Frankl believed in existentialism, the central theme of which is: “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and dying.” Each person must find that purpose for himself, and must accept the responsibility to live his/her life consistent with that purpose.

I didn’t read much to laugh about in Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning, but plenty to think, cry, and cheer about.

If Frankl, in spite of, or maybe because of, his extreme and brutal treatment and suffering was able to find meaning in those experiences, why not us? As bad as we think we have it or had it, our experiences cannot begin to compare.

Most of us will never have problems the magnitude of Frankl’s, yet at times we do have problems that shake us at the core. How do we find meaning in our circumstances? How do we find the purpose in our suffering and live our lives consistent with that purpose?

Two periods in history of unthinkable discrimination were aimed at Jews and Blacks.

I am not sure that I know. But I am sure Frankl’s message is timely for me at this point in my life. I will follow the path and see where it leads.

Posted in gratitude, hope, life | Tagged A cause greater than oneself, existentialism, find moments of comfort, find your message, follow your path, Fralix, life, Patti, Patti Fralix, The Fralix Group, to live is to suffer, Viktor Frankl | Leave a comment

All and Nothing

Posted on July 14, 2022 by Patti Fralix

I spent three days in Atlanta at the Gift Market this week, sourcing items for my antiques and gifts business which is located in Southport, NC. This is a very part-time business, although I have had it for more than thirty years. I decided to go to the market this year to see what’s new, and to gauge what is selling. I was overwhelmed by all that is available. Whether you have a business like this or not, if you can, go to the Atlanta Gift Market once, and see where all the gift shops source their merchandise. You will never want to pay retail ever again.

My book published in 2017 about my year of very limited spending.

The showrooms were full of beautiful items, everything imaginable. Since I have a need for beauty, not just a want, I was in my element. I thoroughly enjoyed the hours spent looking at beautiful items, many of which were also functional. There were items at every price point. I bought from some vendors I have shopped with previously and also bought a couple of new lines.

Some of the treasures in my shop in Southport, NC.

Mike accompanied me to Atlanta, although he did not go to the show. We stayed in a hotel at Centennial Park, which was less than a ten-minute walk to the showrooms. Since I love to walk, I was glad to be able to do so. Although I enjoyed the exercise of the walks to and from the show, I did not enjoy some of the scenery.

One of the many showrooms at the Atlanta Gift Market.

Atlanta is no different than many cities these days, especially these days, with more homeless people than ever before. Although some of those living on the streets seemed to be zoned out, most that I interfaced with were respectful. I only felt afraid once. Some did ask for money, but they did not push when money was not given. My predominant thought about them was “there but for the grace.”

It was impossible for me to miss the juxtaposition of the opulence of many of the showrooms and the lack of even basic human needs being met in the men (all that I saw were men) living on the streets. At times when I was in the Atlanta Gift Market, enjoying the merchandise in the showrooms, the men I saw on the streets flashed through my mind. I even had the occasional thought that the merchandise in the showrooms was so artificial, and the needs of the men on the streets so real.

My favorite book by John Grisham about homelessness.

How are we to deal with the homeless problem? What is the right thing to do about giving money, or not? I am never sure. I did give one man $5 for his assistance with parking, and he remarked, “The homeless have something to offer after all!”

Of the many items for sale at the gift market, I think the two items that were most prevalent are hand towels and candles.

I think it is fine to enjoy the beauty all around us, and all of it certainly is not just found in showrooms. There is plenty of beauty in nature, and we should not be so lost in our devices that we miss it. But while we are enjoying the beauty, we should not lose sight of those we pass who seem to have lost not just the beauty of possessions, but who are living without even the basics of shelter and food. How can we allow basic human needs of some to not be met while so many are living in excess?

The beauty of truth should be a part of making everything around us beautiful.

I do not have the answers to these questions. But asking the questions is a start.

Posted in conflict, gratitude | Tagged All and Nothing, antiques, Atlanta, Atlanta Gift Market, basic needs, Centennial Park, change, Excess and not enough, Fralix, gifts, homelessness, juxtaposition, life, Patti Fralix, relationships, selling, shopping, The Fralix Group | 3 Comments

Are You Happy?

Posted on July 8, 2022 by Patti Fralix

I do not mean are you happy all of the time, for no one is. Are you happy in general? Do you look forward to each new day, and each experience? Are you satisfied with your life? Or are you waiting for something to happen to be happy, whether it be a vacation, retirement, or something else external? If so, it may be time to rethink happiness and decide to be happy now.

It is time to be happy now, regardless, like Jane, a past America’s Got Talent contestant who was featured on the show this week. This show featured past contestants who had made the most impact on the judges. Jane auditioned when she was dealing with Cancer, and stated, “You can’t wait until life is easy to decide that you are going to be happy.” Jane has since died. Jane’s perspective changes something I have often said, “At least it isn’t Cancer.” When facing problems, I have recognized that whatever was happening was not as bad as it could be, by stating, “At least it isn’t Cancer.” Jane’s comment required me to reframe that thinking. Jane had decided to be happy even with Cancer. Had she waited to be happy until she was cancer-free, she would have missed a lot of life. Jane’s example is a powerful one.

I miss my neighbor and walking friend, Laurie, who lived across the street from us in Raleigh, and moved last week. Laurie is the epitome of kindness.

I am reminded of the quote, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” This quote has been attributed to President Abraham Lincoln, who had many problems in life. He obviously also had success as well as hardship, neither of which made him happy or unhappy. Happiness is not determined by external circumstances. Happiness is a decision, one that we make every day, in every situation. We choose to be happy, or not, regardless.

We had a minister, Rev. Elizabeth Burgess, speak to our church in May. Rev. Burgess decided to become a missionary late in life, and has served in Ukraine as well as other areas, and is still serving, although she is the age that many choose to be retired. Rev. Burgess said, “If you’re not dead, you’re not done!” Too many people have a different life than Rev. Burgess, serving only themselves and their own interests. Some retire and spend their days only in leisurely pursuits, sitting too much, drinking too much, and eating too much. While retirement can be an important and well-earned stage of life, those who retire and (only) have a sedentary lifestyle are missing out on aspects of life that are necessary for happiness.

What does the research tell us about happiness? First, those who help others, who get outside of themselves, are the happiest. Having a spirit of gratitude helps us to be happy. That money does not result in happiness once our basic needs are met. Eating well, staying physically active, and getting enough good sleep help us to feel happy. Spending time in nature can give us a feeling of peace that equates to happiness. Finding a creative outlet can help one feel happier. That being with people who are a positive influence is a necessary component of happiness. That finding meaning in life is important as long as we have breath. That while leisure can be pleasurable, it does not create happiness. That happiness comes from within.

Living a life of love makes it easier to be happy.

Are you happy? Are most of your days spent being active, helping others, and finding meaning in life? If not, what can you do to change that? What will you do to change that?

Posted in best self, life | Tagged are you happy, Are You Happy?, choose to be happy, enjoy the journey, find peace, Fralix, happiness, happiness is internal, happy, nature, Patti Fralix, peace, pleasure is external, spirit of gratitude, The Fralix Group | Leave a comment

The Freedom To Choose

Posted on June 29, 2022 by Patti Fralix

No, this is not about Roe v. Wade. There is plenty of debate about that in other places. The only comment I will make about that is we should all be respectful of everyone’s freedom to have their own opinion about this very divisive issue. What this post is about is freedom, the freedom to choose who we give our hard-earned money to when we are a customer.

Two situations I have experienced in the past few days have precipitated this focus on freedom. Of course, the freedom theme this week is also about our country’s freedom, with the 4^th of July holiday already in full swing. We should be so ever grateful that we have the freedoms which are granted in our Constitution, those that are protected by our courts. Until they no longer are. As we have seen recently, those can change. I am not making a political statement, just a factual one. Whatever we feel strongly about we need to diligently protect.

Celebrating sweet granddaughter Virginia’s early 10th birthday in Hilton Head at Local Pie.

Free speech is one of our freedoms. Yet, there are times that our right to free speech can be offensive to others. When that happens, we have a decision to make. Are we going to be silent, or are we going to speak up for what we think is right? And are we going to spend money with businesses that offend us? I have decided that this is a Values issue for me, and if a business acts in a manner that is contrary to my Values, I have a decision to make. There are certainly degrees of this dissonance, and we should not take things to the extreme. The two situations I experienced recently bothered me so much that I had to speak up, and also decided to not do business with them.

Living a life consistent with our values reflects our character.

The most recent situation occurred this morning at the open-air market at our beach. I am leaving names out, to protect those involved. My point is not to turn others away from these businesses, just to be aware of situations that are not consistent with their values, and to take whatever action they deem appropriate.

Seen in a restaurant. Tip generously, be kind, and expect things to take longer than you want it to many restaurants these days.

A vendor who I wanted to purchase an item from at the market did not accept credit cards. That was not the problem; a lot of small businesses make that decision. The reason he gave for the decision was the problem. He blamed Joe Biden for his decision, loudly proclaiming all that Biden has done to ruin business. He is not the first businessperson who I have heard sing this Joe Biden song, so maybe he was the tipping point. And I am not making a political position of this. My concern is one of customer service. Why would a businessperson take the chance to offend or alienate any of his customers? It seems arrogant to me to assume that one can make a negative remark about any political person publicly, and not offend some customers. Since Customer Service is one of my core values, and this vendor violated his customer service responsibility, I decided I would purchase the product I needed from someone else.

Why do we (and many others!) wait 2+ hours to eat at Skull Creek Boathouse in Hilton Head? Not for the food; for the experience.

The other situation occurred a few days ago. In a gift store that I love, I noticed towels and napkins with the “F” word printed all over them prominently displayed. I abhor any profanity, but the word I am most offended by is the “F” word. I see no reason for a gift store to have such merchandise. I would be embarrassed if my grandchildren saw that word printed on products in a store in which we were shopping. Consider me a prude if you want; I draw a hard line on this. Why have we turned our heads to this profanity, allowing it to insidiously invade? Should we not walk with our feet, taking our business and our money elsewhere? I decided yes and will not support this business ever again.

Yesterday I was working in my antiques booth and realized that I am not walking MY talk. I had accepted books from a local author to sell on consignment a year ago. While organizing the books in my booth I found those two books and realized the subject matter is against my values. The subject matter is adultery. I immediately decided to return the books to the author, since I do not want others to think I condone adultery. (I may only have cookbooks left once I clean out all the books that include this all too prevalent behavior!) Then I remembered books I have been reading. I have enjoyed books by one author who writes about a beach area in the northeast. Recently I have become bothered that most (maybe all) of her books are about affairs. While they are interesting and easy beach reading, this all-too-common theme of hers is not consistent with my values. I must hold myself to the same standard (or higher!) that I hold others to. I will no longer read books by this author, and I am removing all of her from my sales area. I am not mentioning this author’s name since my purpose is to not drive other business away from her. My purpose is to encourage others to make sure that a business they support is consistent with their values, not mine.

I found this in Uncle Barry’s study when we were cleaning out his belongings.

I hope that I am not sounding “preachy.” I know that I err on the side of being too serious and thinking too much. But I think we sometimes go through life and don’t think deeply enough.

Our freedoms should be protected. The freedom to do business with those whose overall values are consistent with ours is an important freedom.

Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. Happy Birthday, America.

Posted in Relationships, service | Tagged 4th of July, blaming Joe Biden, books, business, customer service, Fralix, freedom, freedom of speech, freedom to choose, Hilton Head, Oak Island, Patti Fralix, Skull Creek Boathouse, The Fralix Group, values | 2 Comments