I spent three days in Atlanta at the Gift Market this week, sourcing items for my antiques and gifts business which is located in Southport, NC. This is a very part-time business, although I have had it for more than thirty years. I decided to go to the market this year to see what’s new, and to gauge what is selling. I was overwhelmed by all that is available. Whether you have a business like this or not, if you can, go to the Atlanta Gift Market once, and see where all the gift shops source their merchandise. You will never want to pay retail ever again.
My book published in 2017 about my year of very limited spending.
The showrooms were full of beautiful items, everything imaginable. Since I have a need for beauty, not just a want, I was in my element. I thoroughly enjoyed the hours spent looking at beautiful items, many of which were also functional. There were items at every price point. I bought from some vendors I have shopped with previously and also bought a couple of new lines.
Some of the treasures in my shop in Southport, NC.
Mike accompanied me to Atlanta, although he did not go to the show. We stayed in a hotel at Centennial Park, which was less than a ten-minute walk to the showrooms. Since I love to walk, I was glad to be able to do so. Although I enjoyed the exercise of the walks to and from the show, I did not enjoy some of the scenery.
One of the many showrooms at the Atlanta Gift Market.
Atlanta is no different than many cities these days, especially these days, with more homeless people than ever before. Although some of those living on the streets seemed to be zoned out, most that I interfaced with were respectful. I only felt afraid once. Some did ask for money, but they did not push when money was not given. My predominant thought about them was “there but for the grace.”
It was impossible for me to miss the juxtaposition of the opulence of many of the showrooms and the lack of even basic human needs being met in the men (all that I saw were men) living on the streets. At times when I was in the Atlanta Gift Market, enjoying the merchandise in the showrooms, the men I saw on the streets flashed through my mind. I even had the occasional thought that the merchandise in the showrooms was so artificial, and the needs of the men on the streets so real.
My favorite book by John Grisham about homelessness.
How are we to deal with the homeless problem? What is the right thing to do about giving money, or not? I am never sure. I did give one man $5 for his assistance with parking, and he remarked, “The homeless have something to offer after all!”
Of the many items for sale at the gift market, I think the two items that were most prevalent are hand towels and candles.
I think it is fine to enjoy the beauty all around us, and all of it certainly is not just found in showrooms. There is plenty of beauty in nature, and we should not be so lost in our devices that we miss it. But while we are enjoying the beauty, we should not lose sight of those we pass who seem to have lost not just the beauty of possessions, but who are living without even the basics of shelter and food. How can we allow basic human needs of some to not be met while so many are living in excess?
The beauty of truth should be a part of making everything around us beautiful.
I do not have the answers to these questions. But asking the questions is a start.
I do not mean are you happy all of the time, for no one is. Are you happy in general? Do you look forward to each new day, and each experience? Are you satisfied with your life? Or are you waiting for something to happen to be happy, whether it be a vacation, retirement, or something else external? If so, it may be time to rethink happiness and decide to be happy now.
It is time to be happy now, regardless, like Jane, a past America’s Got Talent contestant who was featured on the show this week. This show featured past contestants who had made the most impact on the judges. Jane auditioned when she was dealing with Cancer, and stated, “You can’t wait until life is easy to decide that you are going to be happy.” Jane has since died. Jane’s perspective changes something I have often said, “At least it isn’t Cancer.” When facing problems, I have recognized that whatever was happening was not as bad as it could be, by stating, “At least it isn’t Cancer.” Jane’s comment required me to reframe that thinking. Jane had decided to be happy even with Cancer. Had she waited to be happy until she was cancer-free, she would have missed a lot of life. Jane’s example is a powerful one.
I miss my neighbor and walking friend, Laurie, who lived across the street from us in Raleigh, and moved last week. Laurie is the epitome of kindness.
I am reminded of the quote, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” This quote has been attributed to President Abraham Lincoln, who had many problems in life. He obviously also had success as well as hardship, neither of which made him happy or unhappy. Happiness is not determined by external circumstances. Happiness is a decision, one that we make every day, in every situation. We choose to be happy, or not, regardless.
Watching the sunrise on Hilton Head.
We had a minister, Rev. Elizabeth Burgess, speak to our church in May. Rev. Burgess decided to become a missionary late in life, and has served in Ukraine as well as other areas, and is still serving, although she is the age that many choose to be retired. Rev. Burgess said, “If you’re not dead, you’re not done!” Too many people have a different life than Rev. Burgess, serving only themselves and their own interests. Some retire and spend their days only in leisurely pursuits, sitting too much, drinking too much, and eating too much. While retirement can be an important and well-earned stage of life, those who retire and (only) have a sedentary lifestyle are missing out on aspects of life that are necessary for happiness.
What does the research tell us about happiness? First, those who help others, who get outside of themselves, are the happiest. Having a spirit of gratitude helps us to be happy. That money does not result in happiness once our basic needs are met. Eating well, staying physically active, and getting enough good sleep help us to feel happy. Spending time in nature can give us a feeling of peace that equates to happiness. Finding a creative outlet can help one feel happier. That being with people who are a positive influence is a necessary component of happiness. That finding meaning in life is important as long as we have breath. That while leisure can be pleasurable, it does not create happiness. That happiness comes from within.
Living a life of love makes it easier to be happy.
Are you happy? Are most of your days spent being active, helping others, and finding meaning in life? If not, what can you do to change that? What will you do to change that?
No, this is not about Roe v. Wade. There is plenty of debate about that in other places. The only comment I will make about that is we should all be respectful of everyone’s freedom to have their own opinion about this very divisive issue. What this post is about is freedom, the freedom to choose who we give our hard-earned money to when we are a customer.
Two situations I have experienced in the past few days have precipitated this focus on freedom. Of course, the freedom theme this week is also about our country’s freedom, with the 4th of July holiday already in full swing. We should be so ever grateful that we have the freedoms which are granted in our Constitution, those that are protected by our courts. Until they no longer are. As we have seen recently, those can change. I am not making a political statement, just a factual one. Whatever we feel strongly about we need to diligently protect.
Celebrating sweet granddaughter Virginia’s early 10th birthday in Hilton Head at Local Pie.
Free speech is one of our freedoms. Yet, there are times that our right to free speech can be offensive to others. When that happens, we have a decision to make. Are we going to be silent, or are we going to speak up for what we think is right? And are we going to spend money with businesses that offend us? I have decided that this is a Values issue for me, and if a business acts in a manner that is contrary to my Values, I have a decision to make. There are certainly degrees of this dissonance, and we should not take things to the extreme. The two situations I experienced recently bothered me so much that I had to speak up, and also decided to not do business with them.
Living a life consistent with our values reflects our character.
The most recent situation occurred this morning at the open-air market at our beach. I am leaving names out, to protect those involved. My point is not to turn others away from these businesses, just to be aware of situations that are not consistent with their values, and to take whatever action they deem appropriate.
Seen in a restaurant. Tip generously, be kind, and expect things to take longer than you want it to many restaurants these days.
A vendor who I wanted to purchase an item from at the market did not accept credit cards. That was not the problem; a lot of small businesses make that decision. The reason he gave for the decision was the problem. He blamed Joe Biden for his decision, loudly proclaiming all that Biden has done to ruin business. He is not the first businessperson who I have heard sing this Joe Biden song, so maybe he was the tipping point. And I am not making a political position of this. My concern is one of customer service. Why would a businessperson take the chance to offend or alienate any of his customers? It seems arrogant to me to assume that one can make a negative remark about any political person publicly, and not offend some customers. Since Customer Service is one of my core values, and this vendor violated his customer service responsibility, I decided I would purchase the product I needed from someone else.
Why do we (and many others!) wait 2+ hours to eat at Skull Creek Boathouse in Hilton Head? Not for the food; for the experience.
The other situation occurred a few days ago. In a gift store that I love, I noticed towels and napkins with the “F” word printed all over them prominently displayed. I abhor any profanity, but the word I am most offended by is the “F” word. I see no reason for a gift store to have such merchandise. I would be embarrassed if my grandchildren saw that word printed on products in a store in which we were shopping. Consider me a prude if you want; I draw a hard line on this. Why have we turned our heads to this profanity, allowing it to insidiously invade? Should we not walk with our feet, taking our business and our money elsewhere? I decided yes and will not support this business ever again.
Yesterday I was working in my antiques booth and realized that I am not walking MY talk. I had accepted books from a local author to sell on consignment a year ago. While organizing the books in my booth I found those two books and realized the subject matter is against my values. The subject matter is adultery. I immediately decided to return the books to the author, since I do not want others to think I condone adultery. (I may only have cookbooks left once I clean out all the books that include this all too prevalent behavior!) Then I remembered books I have been reading. I have enjoyed books by one author who writes about a beach area in the northeast. Recently I have become bothered that most (maybe all) of her books are about affairs. While they are interesting and easy beach reading, this all-too-common theme of hers is not consistent with my values. I must hold myself to the same standard (or higher!) that I hold others to. I will no longer read books by this author, and I am removing all of her from my sales area. I am not mentioning this author’s name since my purpose is to not drive other business away from her. My purpose is to encourage others to make sure that a business they support is consistent with their values, not mine.
I found this in Uncle Barry’s study when we were cleaning out his belongings.
I hope that I am not sounding “preachy.” I know that I err on the side of being too serious and thinking too much. But I think we sometimes go through life and don’t think deeply enough.
Our freedoms should be protected. The freedom to do business with those whose overall values are consistent with ours is an important freedom.
Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. Happy Birthday, America.
This has been a sad week for me. Sunday was Father’s Day, which is always a difficult day for me. Neither my legal father nor my biological father was very fatherly. Since they are both deceased, there is no possibility of those relationships improving. I am glad that there are many of you who were able to celebrate Father’s Day with a loving father.
The other reason for my sadness this week is because today is the one-year anniversary of my dear Uncle Barry’s death. Uncle Barry was my most consistent father figure. He was my uncle by marriage to my mother’s sister, Evelyn. Aunt Evelyn passed away in 2003. Uncle Barry passed away one year ago today, June 23, 2021, at the age of 90. For the last ten years of his life, our family had the privilege of having Uncle Barry with us for most holidays, vacations, and many other times. He was an important part of most of our gatherings. Uncle Barry’s absence is felt in a profound way. As I reflect on Uncle Barry, I recall his life more than his death.
Uncle Barry and me out for breakfast at First Watch Restaurant near his home in Suffolk.
Lest you think Uncle Barry was a saint, let me dispel that. (None of us are, are we?) Uncle Barry was what many would call a “character.” He was irreverent many times, and his language was not always appropriate. Many times, I reminded him that the children could hear him, and to “watch it!” He was very particular about how and when he wanted things done, including weighing crab cakes so they were all the exact same size, and would cook the same. When he was cooking something for our large gatherings at Thanksgiving, he wanted to start long before necessary, and right in the middle of me preparing for another meal. He wanted what I cooked for him to be done a certain way, regardless of what else was going on. He was not demanding, just particular.
Mike, Uncle Barry, Mary Grace (then 10, now 17) and Elsie (then 8, now 15) on our family trip to Hilton Head in July, 2015.
Soon-to-be ten-year-old granddaughter Virginia still talks about Uncle Barry’s “holy shirt,” the t-shirts he wore that had holes in them. He would even wear those in public if I did not insist on him being dressed more appropriately. I only remember him wearing shorts most of the time, regardless of the outside temperature. But he could “dress up” when necessary. I remember then six-year-old granddaughter Elsie’s comment when she saw Uncle Barry dressed for the formal ceremony honoring Mike as North Carolina State University’s 2012 College of Textiles Distinguished Award Recipient, when she said, “Uncle Barry, you look so NICE!”
Mike and Uncle Barry in their matching Christmas PJ’s!
There is so much more that I could tell you about Uncle Barry. I have so many memories. Some memories will stay with me forever.
Uncle Barry at (the original) Duffers at Oak Island Golf Club July 4, 2015.
I remember living with Uncle Barry and Aunt Evelyn when I was a teenager, and how he bought me a new outfit when I was in the 8th grade homecoming parade, although he could not really afford to. I remember having him walk me down the aisle for my first wedding, although I had a legal father who could have done so. Uncle Barry had been my father more than any other male, and I thought he deserved that honor. I remember the hours he spent looking for just the right presents for the grandchildren for Christmas, and how he and we evolved to having him with us for holidays. I remember him smoking a turkey for Thanksgiving. I remember him picking and cleaning crabs and making crab cakes. I remember him having his neighbor and friend Cecil make lots of barbecue for Mike, the best barbecue Mike said he had ever had.
One of my favorite photos of Uncle Barry, at dinner celebrating his 90th birthday. A great photo of Uncle Barry, (not so great of me!) when we were out to dinner in April of 2012. Take lots of photos!
I remember my last outing with Uncle Barry. He wanted a hot dog from his favorite place in Virginia Beach. About a month before he died, Uncle Barry and I made the forty-five-minute drive there, and after our meal, we rode around and (although I did not know it was what we were doing at the time) said goodbye to his old home place, places I had lived, and the beach. I am so glad that we made that trip.
Uncle Barry at his favorite restaurant in Virginia Beach, Uncle Al’s Famous Hot Dogs.
My lasting memory of Uncle Barry is that he loved me unconditionally. While it was hard for him to say, “I love you,” he did say it. It was never hard for him to show his love. He showed it in his time spent with us. He showed it in embracing our extended family as his. He showed it in so many ways. And as we know, actions speak louder than words.
Words of wisdom.
Rest in peace, dear Uncle Barry. While your passing left a big void, your life with us gave us so much to cherish.
The sun rising on Hilton Head.Dinner at the Salty Dog. (L to R) Virginia, Mary Grace, Bridget, Elsie, and Stella.
Our family has been going to Hilton Head every summer for our family vacation for about ten years. Our family believes in vacations and has taken them every year since our family blended in 1984. When our girls were small, we usually went to Ormond Beach, Florida for a week’s vacation, with our girls taking friends along with them. That location was selected because it was close to Mike’s parents, and we could have a vacation and also visit with them. We somehow knew that trips away were important and made them a priority. As the years evolved, we continued our tradition of family vacations, although the venue changed. Of all the choices Mike and I made for our family, our family vacations are among the most important.
Celebrating cousin Bridget’s 21st birthday!4 year-old Drew.COVID did not keep us from Hilton Head! Virginia and Drew in 2020.Drew’s first Hilton Head trip. 2018.Elsie, Nana, and Mary Grace. 2019.
For the past few years, our family vacations have been to Hilton Head. Now we travel with not just our children, but our grandchildren and their friends. The number of us gathering in Hilton Head each year varies. This year there were fourteen of us for some of the week, and ten of us for the full week. We sunned, swam, shopped, and took long walks. We ate (too much) wonderful food. We did puzzles, played board games, and played pickleball. We look forward to this time together every year. Traditions are created and memories are made, memories that will outlive us.
One completed puzzle.Same crowd, different year. 2021.Our annual visit to Skull Creek Boathouse. My how the girls have grown!
Hopefully your family has traditions, making memories that will live in your hearts forever. Work is necessary, and even fulfilling. But no amount of work satisfies the way pillow fights between cousins do.
I am struggling with a couple of days of boredom this week, which is a rare occurrence for me. I am not one who is bored often. There is always plenty to do. Cleaning closets, cleaning the garage, pulling weeds, etc. There is always something to do around the house. But it is much too hot today in Raleigh to be outside pulling weeds or cleaning out the garage. And cleaning out my closets does not appeal to me today!
There is always reading. But for some reason I do not usually read during the day; that is my nighttime pleasure. I thought about going to Belk’s to use the $10 coupon that I received that expires today, but decided that the blog I wrote last week will not allow that! So, what should I do so I don’t resort to snacking?!
A great book worthy of reading.
I decided to write a few thank you notes. I just returned from visiting with a couple of life-long friends, and they are worthy of a note thanking them for their hospitality. After all, who doesn’t like to receive a handwritten note? If/when we do receive one, it is usually the first thing opened in a stack of mail. And since it is best that a thank you note to be written in a timely manner, doing that will be a good use of my time. In fact, there is another thank you note that I need to write that is very much overdue, so I will also write this one, finally.
I never bore of spending time with family, so trips to GA where daughter Tara (with Virginia) and her family live, are frequent.
It is perfectly fine to choose to rest and relax and to not think that we have to be productive every waking hour. That is different than being bored. What is not good is to go through our days aimlessly, not focused on rest, and not making decisions about how we are spending our time. It is not fine to get to the end of our day or days, and not have anything to show for our time. Time is a valuable resource, and wasting time is different than choosing to slow down and rest.
Thankfully, I was paying attention on my walk when this snake was too close for comfort!
Aimlessly scrolling through social media because we can’t think of anything else to do is not a good use of our time. Choosing to spend time on social media because we want to check in and see how our friends are doing is different, and that can be a productive use of our time.
Summer allows us to have a less structured schedule than many of us do during the school year. During the school year, those who have children in school and after-school activities that compete with work schedules never even have to think about being bored; their challenge is getting everything done that has to be done. Even without school-age children, those who have busy work schedules with too many priorities to manage long for a time when boredom can set in. Their challenge isn’t boredom, it is overload.
Mike and I had the privilege of seeing cousin Patrick Monahan (who is more like a nephew) graduate from North Carolina State with a Master’s degree recently. Where did the years go?
Summer provides a more relaxed schedule for many people, yet even so, making the time meaningful is important. So, decide how your time will be spent so aimlessness and even boredom do not set in. While structured goal setting may not be necessary, setting two or three priorities for each day and working to accomplish those will make you feel, and in fact be, more effective.
It is more important to be and feel effective than it is to be and feel productive. We can be productive and get a lot accomplished, but it may not be the things that are most important for us to accomplish. That is different than being effective.
So, what will it be for you? Will you let boredom set in, and give in to it, accomplishing little? Or will you focus on being more productive, getting things done, yet not necessarily the things most important for you to get done? Or perhaps you will focus on being effective, accomplishing those things that get you closer to what is important to you.
Time is our most valuable resource. Money is also a valuable resource. In fact, if we need or want more money and we have time, we can make more money. Yet we sometimes act as if we will live forever, and waste both time and money. I have good examples of both this week.
My very organized pantry!
I decided to clean out my kitchen pantry and ended up throwing away many things that were too much out of date to feel comfortable using them. I am not rigid about “best by” dates, but when things are months out of date, (and in some cases, years!) I toss them. I now have the neatest pantry I think I have ever had! And I know what I have, for I can see the items, and I wasn’t able to when things were crammed in. It feels very cathartic to have a clean and organized pantry. I am bothered, however, about the money I wasted on items I had purchased and not used. Those who know me know that I hate waste and that I freeze small portions of food instead of throwing them away. I also use most of what I have frozen, so it isn’t wasted.
Mary Grace, Virginia, and I made this cake for Memorial Day. It was yummy!
Earlier today I thought I would go out and do a little shopping. For what, you might wonder? Well, for nothing in particular, but just because I was bored! Thankfully I changed my mind, since there was nothing that I needed to buy. And what about need? Need is indeed different than want. While I do know the difference in needs and wants, sometimes I act on wants when I should be acting on needs. For whatever reason, today I was able to resist that.
Today, I recognized that I was bored, and decided to do some straightening up in my closet. There I came face to face with more wasted money, items that I had bought that I have not really used. Clothes that were not a good purchase when I think of the per usage cost. Too many shoes and too many purses. Shoes that I have not worn for years, and therefore likely will not wear, yet fail to give to someone who might need them. I was glad that I had not purchased more shoes when I was shopping with a friend this weekend. I found several pairs of shoes that I liked, that were a good price and almost bought until I realized that I have more shoes than I wear now. I did not need any more shoes, and I did not buy them.
My journaling the journey book of my year of no spending.
I am reminded of 2006, the year that I did not buy anything for myself or our home the entire year. (Other than a few necessities that I replaced when used.) With Hurricane Katrina my stimulus, I decided that I had a spending addiction, and decided to take a year off from spending. I journaled the journey, and my lessons from that year can be found in my book, A Year in the Life of a Recovering Spendaholic.
My year of no spending changed me in two key areas. One, I am no longer (usually, at least) an impulsive buyer. When I want to make a purchase, I often wait to make the purchase, and often the urge to purchase the item passes. The second area of change is what this article is about, wasting money. While I am more conscious of ways not to waste money, and have made some progress in this area, this is still an area of growth for me. Throwing out food and having shoes and clothes that I do not wear are examples of this.
A French delicacy, Chicken, Brie, and Cranberry Pithivier, made with good friend, MoMo.
Most of us have too much, especially in the United States, and do not even know what we have. Yet we too often buy more and fail to even use what we have. We continue to waste time and money.
Back to wasting time for a moment. What can we do today to focus on what is most important to us? Before another summer passes. Before another year passes. 2022 is almost half over. When we get to the end of this year, what will we have to show for it?
Granddogs Finn and Maggie love to look outside, as well as to be outside!
Perhaps we can make some decisions in June that will help us focus on those things that we say are most important to us. So when December 31, 2022, arrives, we can look back on 2022 and know that another year was not wasted.
Time, our most valuable resource, is finite. Let’s live like we know that.
Amber Luster by Dale Chihuly at Jule Collins Smith Museum of Fine Art at Auburn University.
Like all of you, I am heartbroken over the senseless death of innocent children and adults in Uvalde, Texas. Words are inadequate. Prayers for all of those touched directly by this tragedy. But prayers are not enough. Our country needs to find better answers to this problem. This tragedy occurred while I was traveling in Alabama.
Pam and me August 29, 2015 in St. Maarten. Our looks really haven’t changed that much in these almost 7 years.
I just spent a wonderful week visiting with life-long friends in Alabama. These are two friends, Pam and Judy, that I have had for a very long time. Judy and I have been friends for 54 years, and Pam and I for 48 years. Since I moved from Alabama in 1981, we have each taken turns traveling from North Carolina to Alabama and Alabama to North Carolina to maintain our relationships. These friends are more family than friends. The distance does mean that we only get together about once a year, which is never enough time.
Judy and her son, Lee, who joined us for dinner in Birmingham.
Mike had a meeting in Atlanta last week, so we decided to make a trip to Alabama while we were close. Mike and I visited with Pam and her husband Butch in Gadsden, Alabama for a couple of days, then he flew home and I stayed behind. Our visit included spending time with soon-to-be 92-year-old Coke Man/Cokee, which are the names daughter Tara gave to Pam’s dad, Coy, who has been like a grandfather to her. We also enjoyed time with Pam and Butch’s grandchildren, 6-year-old Ella Mae, 3- year-old Emma, and 1-year-old Wyatt.
Mike and Pam’s grandson, Wyatt, who looks so much like his dad, Seth, that the years seemed to disappear.
Judy’s house is undergoing major renovation, but we did spend an afternoon visiting with the family, including grandchildren 10-year-old Suzy and 3-year-old Jake, (which I failed to take photos of!) Then Judy and I escaped to Auburn and Birmingham for a few days for our time together. We shopped, went antiquing, and had wonderful meals, then went back to a hotel at the end of each evening, enjoying having no responsibilities. It really did not matter what our days included, other than to be together.
Judy said her filet at Acre Restaurant in Auburn was the best steak she has ever had!
Relationships take time to nurture, and the effort and time are worth it when those involved choose to stay connected. Through the years there were times when it would have been easy to fail to spend the time and effort. But we chose to stay connected instead, and I am so glad that we did. It is so heartwarming to pick up where we left off, telling the same old stories, and reliving the memories of our shared lives.
A lovely table set for a delicious dinner with Pam and Butch. Pam’s blog, everydayliving.me, is a beautiful display of tablescapes and more.
It has been said that some people are in our lives for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. These friends are lifetime friends, friends that are actually family.
A sweet rabbit who lives at Tricia’s Treasurers, a lovely antique store, in Birmingham.
I hope that you have a Pam and Judy in your life, and that you nurture those relationships. For we never know when we are together for the last time.
Mike and I enjoyed our time at The World of Coca-Cola.
Mike and I are in Atlanta for a few days. Mike has a three-day meeting at the Georgia World Congress Center. We are staying outside of town, so I have been dropping Mike off in the morning and picking him up at the end of the day. I am using these three days to do something I love to do, shop. And by shopping, I am referring to more window shopping than buying. This is day 2, and I have not bought anything yet, other than less than $5.00 of food and drink.
Yesterday, day 1, I went to Phipps Plaza, and today I am at Lenox Square Mall. The main reason I came to the malls is to get my daily walk inside where the 80 plus degree humid temperature does not interfere. Both days I made myself get my hour walk in before doing anything else. Then I enjoyed the shops.
Cami Cakes’ cupcakes at Lenox look delicious, but I was able to abstain. $3.95 per cupcake.
I love Lenox Square Mall and Phipps Plaza, but I haven’t been to them in years, and not just because of COVID. Years ago when I traveled from Alabama to Virginia and then to North Carolina I would often stop in Atlanta for a shopping excursion at these malls. Breaking up my eight to ten-hour driving trip with a couple of hours at Saks and Neiman Marcus and other loved stores was a treat. Through the years these malls changed. A few years ago (I am not sure exactly how many years ago) Lenox acquired a bad reputation. There were reports of violence and other unseemly behaviors. For this reason, I went to Phipps first, expecting it to be the “better” of the two malls, and also because that is where my favorite department store, Saks, is located.
Phipps was fine, Saks is still there, but not as much else. Lenox has definitely changed for the better. Neiman Marcus and Bloomingdales are its two anchor stores. There is also a Macy’s at Lenox and many other stores. There are more high-end designer stores at Lenox, and there is a two-level Apple store. There is also a Capital One Café, where Capital One customers receive 50% off of all purchases, with a wonderful seating area and free Wi-Fi. This creates a very relaxing way to write this week’s blog!
A lovely idea! There is also a Capital One Cafe in Georgetown that I have featured previously. There were some bags of goodies when I was there, which I decided I did not need, so I left them for a person who might need them. When I went back a little later, they were all gone. What a giving spirit.
A few insights from my two-day shopping experience. Retail is not dead in Atlanta, quite the contrary. The malls, especially Lenox, are full of people during the day. There must be plenty of money in Atlanta, for the abundance of higher-end goods is amazing. If these items did not sell, they would not be filling the stores. This is good news for Mike’s industry; apparel, textiles, and fashion.
The healthy retail economy in Atlanta is also good news for those with disposable income. It remains to be seen given the price of gas and the overall U.S. economy whether the sale of these upper-end items will hold. The current health of my favorite stores in Atlanta makes me sad for my favorite local Belk’s in Raleigh. Belk’s Crabtree has changed from a high-end department store with many designer brands to a store that looks more like a discount chain store with very few designer brands. Whereas I used to do most of my regular shopping at Belk’s, I do not shop there much anymore, and never for clothes, since they no longer carry the brands I wear. I will be very surprised if Belk’s survives another year, and not just because of their brands.
Why do I refer to“designer” brands, especially upper-end designer brands? I have long since known that I have a “need” for quality and beauty. It is a need, not a want. While one can find quality and beauty in lower-priced items, it is not common. Quality and beauty usually cost more money and are more often found in designer brands. Having said that, there is a limit to what I will (usually) spend, even for quality and beauty. I have found that I am able to buy items I like on sale, and since quality results in items living on for a very long time, they are not replaced as often as lower quality items.
A great service!
Other observations of my shopping experience in Atlanta. Security is very prevalent at Lenox especially, perhaps because of the past, and maybe even due to the recent shootings around the country. And the security presence is not just for looks. I was stopped by a security guard and asked about a small bag I was carrying, which only had my Ipad in it. When it was clear that I wasn’t carrying anything else, the security guard was satisfied.
Although I haven’t bought anything (other than food,) I have been tempted. There are some good sales, and on brands I wear. I have talked myself out of several things because I do not need anything. I struggled about not buying a black Eileen Fisher (my favorite designer) top that is on sale for a very good price. Then I remembered organizing my closet last week and that I have several black Eileen Fisher tops. I do want (note I did not say “need”!) a pair of white linen pants, and if I find them for a good price, I may buy them.
These children’s Versace sandals at $205 are not in my budget!
Being a bibliophile, the absence of bookstores at both malls is troubling. Are books not selling? Since I brought at least ten books with me on this trip, I do not need to buy any books, but I love to wander through bookstores.
Other than spending time at Lenox and Phipps, I have not done much else. Mike and I did attend a lovely reception and dinner at the World of Coca-Cola Museum, where I had not been before. The food was delicious, and included Coke floats for dessert, from which I successfully abstained. I remembered walking an hour each day and decided the Coke floats, even as good as they probably were, could not be worth the calories/WW points.
My time in Atlanta has been delightful. I feel energized by being here, able to experience the city, or at least the shops, leisurely. I concur with the Capital One staff person next to me who just said, “I love Atlanta!”
One of our Snowball Viburnum trees. Lovely in bloom, but a mess when shedding. Like us!
Relationships are tough. This is not new knowledge, but it seems that staying out of trouble with others is even harder now than it used to be. I have some opinions about why I think this is, but I believe it is more productive to focus on what to do about it. My three recommendations follow.
We need to make sure that our relationship with ourselves is healthy. It is difficult to be in a good relationship with others if/when we are not in a good place with ourselves. It is important for us to feel good about ourselves or we can allow others to treat us in a manner that is not healthy. We need to feel confident without being arrogant. We need to know and understand what we need from relationships, and make sure that we are giving that to ourselves. One example is that I do not appreciate others who do not listen to me, and who act as if they know what I need when such isn’t even clear to me. I need to listen to myself and have the courage to act on what I know I need to do. When I feel that a relationship with someone else isn’t what it needs to be, I need to make sure that my relationship with myself is. Only then will I be able to behave in a manner that is positive and productive with others.
A powerful message.
2. We need to manage our expectations of others and refuse to make assumptions about what they are thinking or doing, and why. This is difficult when we communicate through technology, especially texting. It makes no sense to me that some people do not answer texts, and/or do not do so in a timely manner. You might wonder what I mean by “timely manner.” My standard for answering texts, emails, and phone calls is twenty-four hours after having been received, or sooner, when possible. Yes, we can miss seeing a text when it comes in. So, why not check our texts a couple of times a day? Most texts deserve a response, if only an emoticon, so the other person knows it was received. And how do we interpret no response from someone who usually responds? This is a slippery slope. We can send a follow-up text, such as “just want to make sure you received this.” That can, however, irritate the other person, especially if they have not responded because they did not want to because they are not happy with the message they received. I have decided to let it go, unless I have a “need to know,” not just a “want to know.” I also want to avoid making assumptions about the no response. After all, communication is difficult in the best of circumstances, and some people are better at it than others. Please know that I am not implying that I am better at this than others. I fail at this at times. This message is for me. If it helps anyone else, I am glad.
A powerful message.
3. Dr. Stephen Covey’s habit “Begin With The End In Mind” can save us a lot of heartaches. Before we do anything, including say anything, we need to determine our desired result. Hopefully one of our desired results is to maintain a good relationship with the other person. How we say what we say, and whether or not we even say it, can determine whether we are able to do so. I have had some negative feelings about some of my close connections recently. I have decided that were I to be open about those, it would likely cause a problem in the relationships that might not be repaired. I have also recognized that if the others wanted to do differently, they would. This is another example of us needing to change our expectations. If there is more positive in the relationships than negative, we can weather these storms. If not, the relationships may have served their purpose. Some people are in our lives for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. Those to who we are connected for a lifetime require and deserve more of our emotional energy and commitment. We need to be able to let some of what can bother us with others who aren’t our lifetime connections go.
Relationships are important. We all need to do everything we can to make our relationships the best that they can be.
I just finished listening to the audible version of Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown, and I highly recommend it. I have written before that I do not appreciate Brené Brown’s use of profanity, and this book includes that as well, and adds absolutely nothing to its message. But she is so wise, and I have decided to overlook the profanity for the benefit of her wisdom.
This beautiful deer greeted me from right outside of our garage door.
I wish you a wonderful Spring, filled with sunshine and flowers, and great times with people who you love and who love you.
It's In The Sauce! 