Changing For the Better

Posted on October 26, 2022 by Patti Fralix
By being the best version of yourself!

You have probably experienced this. Sitting in church on a different side than you normally sit on. Mike and I arrived at church on Sunday a little late and found it best to sit on the opposite side of the church from where we normally sit. I was immediately struck by how strange that felt. My mind became aware that I felt strange due to this small difference in my normal routine. I have used this example in speaking about change through the years, yet I haven’t felt it in many years, I suppose because I have not changed this sitting routine. I was reminded of the power of habits, and the importance of intentionally changing small things often enough that when large changes happen to us, changes we can’t control, we are better able to deal with them.

Another change that is all around us. The leaves are changing colors and falling, which is nature’s way of preparing us for the dormancy that soon follows. I can’t imagine going from the heat and luscious foliage of the spring and summer to winter without passing through changes of the fall. As much as I love spring and summer, I have a physical response to the beauty of the leaves changing. I feel the change in my body. The beauty of each of the four seasons is stimulating. Imagine the boring sameness if we only had one season. I know there are states in our country that actually have that sameness. But North Carolina is not one of them, thankfully.   

A great book.

What about us? Are we stuck in one “season?” Or are we changing? For it is in changing that we grow. And in growing, we become someone different. Granted, all “different” is not positive, but much is.

And it will never be the same again, for the only constant is change.

Personal change is not easy. It is much easier to keep on keeping on, doing the same things with the same people, going to the same places. Getting outside of our comfort zone is required to make personal change. Consistent behavior change is necessary for new habits to replace the old. And the even harder part is maintaining the change. Just about when we think we have mastered the new behavior change, boredom sets in, and it is easy to revert back to old ways.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is img_1211.jpg
Fall in Blowing Rock, NC 2020.

Is there a behavior change you want to make? Maybe there is a behavior change you do not just want to make, but need to make. What is your stimulus for doing so? What will you do to increase the likelihood that you will be successful in making the desired change?    

This isn’t really about Change. It was written by my 10-year-old granddaughter, Virginia, about her mother, and isn’t it so precious?! 

There is no better time to start than now. Just where you are. While the urge is present. Before you talk yourself out of it.

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With Only a Little Time Left in 2022

Posted on October 20, 2022 by Patti Fralix

With Halloween just over two weeks away and the holidays of November and December soon to follow, it is time to focus on our priorities in this last quarter of 2022. It is hard to believe that we have another year about to end. If I asked you to go back to January of 2022 and review your resolutions for this year, what would you find? How successful have you been with what you had planned for this year? Perhaps you should review those, and see what is feasible to accomplish in this last quarter.

October, November, and December are busy months. The holidays of these three months add to the frenzy of our normally busy lives. Before we get caught up in the frenzy, it is good to take stock of where we are, and then to decide where we want to be at the end of the year. With only two and a half months to go in 2022, there isn’t much time. But time will pass whether we are productive with it or not. Let’s determine to not just be productive, but effective.

We all know that time is our most valuable resource. Time is the one resource that is finite. We may think that other resources are also finite, and they are, but not to the degree that time is. Take money for example. If we want or need more money and have time to do so, we can make more money. But not when there is no more time. Knowing this, we should guard and protect our time as the valuable resource that it is.

Many of my readers will recall my Three-Part-Process for Effectiveness. The main points of this are the three areas of Plan, Purge, and Perform. Perhaps a review is in order. Thinking of the end of 2022 as our focus, let’s use the Three-Part-Process for Effectiveness to structure our priorities.

Our grandson, Drew, loves the Halloween yard decorations in our neighborhood. 

Plan relates to identifying our priorities, and putting structure to them. Let’s use a simple example to best understand this. If my Plan includes being healthier at the end of 2022, I will want to be specific about what that means. One thing it can mean is exercising consistently. “Consistently” needs to have some structure. It might mean walking at least two miles a day five times a week. Healthier may also mean losing ten pounds, and maintaining that weight loss. It may also mean sleeping more and better, such as seven hours a night without interruption.

Purge refers to what we will eliminate. Using the “being healthier” plan, if we want to lose 10 pounds in two and a half months, we will need to reduce calories. We need to establish a number of calories consistent with our plan. We may also need to eliminate fried foods, sugar, and excess carbohydrates. You can add some specifics to this plan in the other areas mentioned, specifically exercise and sleep.

Perform is about operationalizing our plan. An example of Performing is “To consistently walk a minimum of five times a week at least two miles each time.” Another example is to establish a set time for going to bed and rising, consistent with being able to sleep at least seven hours a night. Performing related to our dietary changes may include becoming a Weight Watchers member and managing our weight within the identified parameters.

I chose “Being Healthier” as my plan to provide structure to the Three-Part-Process for Effectiveness for a reason related to this last quarter of the year. If we are healthy we are better able to manage the stress of this time of the year. Not only will we feel better, we will be able to accomplish more of what is important to us.

Being productive for productivity’s sake is not enough. We need to be effective, not just productive.

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The Great 100 Nurses

Posted on October 12, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Shirley Harkey (L) and Patti Fralix (R) at the NC Great 100 Nurses event. 

Whose heart have you touched lately with words of affirmation? Do you know whose life your actions and words have touched through the years? It is sometimes easier to remember the problems we have had in relationships, and not be aware of the blessings we have been a part of bestowing on others, and they on us. I have been blessed recently by the words and actions of two people in particular and have been touched beyond words by their kindness in sharing those with me and others at the Great 100 Nurses event held Saturday night, October 8, 2022, at the Greenville, NC Convention Center. My heart is so full I need to share this with you, and the lessons this has reaffirmed for me.

It is fine to be happy, but being compassionate and making a difference in the lives of others describes the Great 100 Nurses.

In the late 1980’s I was privileged to be a part of forming the NC Great 100 Nurses. At that time, I was VP of Nursing and Special Services at Rex Hospital. Heather Thorne, Director of the new cardiovascular service at Rex, brought the idea of forming the NC Great 100 Nurses to me, having experience with a similar organization in Louisiana. It was a wonderful idea, so of course, I put my full support behind it. I became the first chair of the steering committee. The inaugural event was in 1989 and the organization is still going strong this many years later.

My career focus changed in 1993 when I left Healthcare and started my own Speaking, Consulting, and Coaching business, The Fralix Group. Heather Thorne and I were both at the 25th anniversary of the NC Great 100 Nurses celebration. That was my last experience with the organization and the events until the most recent event on October 8th. 100 nurses were honored for 2022, as well as others who were selected during COVID and did not have the opportunity for their celebration. There were also nurses honored who were scholarship recipients. Congratulations are due to all of them, as well as to those who took the time to nominate them and to fill out the paperwork. Appreciation is also expressed to the volunteers who give many hours to keep this important organization strong.

A wonderful book that can help us make meaningful connection with others.

Shirley Harkey, DHA, RN, FACHE, is an expert nurse who worked with me at Rex in the mid 80’s. Shirley was the manager of the Rex Pediatric unit. She left Rex in the late 80’s and has held VP and other positions at several NC hospitals and completed her doctorate. Shirley has kept in touch with me through the years, and I have enjoyed following her successful career. She has been a strong supporter of the Great 100 Nurses since its inception and was a recipient of the Great 100 Nurses award in 1989.

Janice Laurore (L) and Shirley Harkey (R). 

Shirley was asked to be the keynote speaker of the 2022 Great 100 Nurses event, and she honored me by asking me to share the platform with her. Shirley wanted to honor my involvement in the inception of the organization. She also honored the memory and involvement of other NC nurses who were instrumental in the organization’s inception.

The Great 100 Nurses event is a formal affair. There were over 600 people in attendance at the October 8th celebration. Shirley, my husband Mike, and I were seated at a table with Shirley’s daughter and her friend. There were two open seats, and two people, Janice Laurore and her husband Kevin, joined our table. Janice was the chair of the Publications Committee of the event. I did not think I knew them, but how wrong I was.

Patti and Janice Laurore 

When I introduced myself to Janice and Kevin, Janice shared a story with me of her and my involvement in 1990 at Rex. She told me I am the reason for her long tenure at Rex hospital, giving me entirely too much credit for that. Janice told me a story about that, saying she had shared that same story with many others through the years. I was touched beyond words. I could not believe that my actions had such a positive impact on this then new nurse at Rex Hospital so much so that she not just remembers that but has told that story to others and now to me. What a gift Janice and her words were to me.

I am sharing Janice and her story and Shirley and her actions with my readers for one reason only, and it certainly is not to be boastful. I am not boastful about this. I am humbled by being able to be a positive influence on others. I am reminded of the importance of all our words and actions, and that we may never know how those words and actions impact others. And I am well aware was it not for the actions of Shirley Harkey inviting me to share her podium, by reaching out and honoring me, that I would likely never have known about Janice and her story.

What about the randomness of Janice and her husband Kevin sitting at our table at the event? Was it really random? I don’t think so. I prefer to think that God reached down and touched me, giving me the gift of reconnecting with Janice, of being able to have her words bless me. Also, I was given the gift of reconnecting with Shirley Harkey, of her honoring me as an important part of the inception of the NC Great 100 Nurses and inviting me to address the organization.   

Thank you Shirley and Janice who both have the gift of affirmation, and have reached down and touched me in perhaps the most positive and powerful manner that I have ever experienced. While I do not know if I deserve your gifts to me, I accept them as given to me with your whole hearts.

Now, I need to pay it forward. I am thinking of how to do that.

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Why Do I Spend Money Shopping?

Posted on October 5, 2022 by Patti Fralix
It may be time for a new year of no spending!

I struggled with the title of this blog. One title I considered was, “Why Do I Shop?” I discarded that because why I shop and why I spend money shopping are two totally different things. I am going to assume you understand the difference. Another title I considered was, “Why do I spend money?” I decided that title did not fit because this is about spending money on stuff, not experiences or other things. I decided on the title, “Why do I spend money shopping?” This title best fits my focus, especially since I had several recent examples of spending money shopping and not being pleased with my purchases, including taking several purchases back in the past few days. The items I returned are good examples of the points I am trying to make about my spending, and the changes I want to make.

Those who have been with me for a few years will remember my year of no (really, very limited) spending, which was chronicled in a book, A Year in the Life of a Recovering Spendaholic. The year of limited/no spending was 2006, although the book was only published in 2017. It is available from Amazon, and I have some copies for sale as well. I would love for you to read it.

Joshua Becker is one of my favorite experts on minimalism, and living a life of purpose.

I had two most profound changes from my year of no/limited spending. First, I no longer wasted money on purchases. (Not true lately, but more about that later.) Second, I was no longer an impulsive spender. (Also not true lately, which I will explain further.)

Please note that the title of my book is “Recovering,” not “Recovered.” I am a Spendaholic and will always be. Although I am much better about what I buy and what I walk away from, I will always have a spending tendency. My problem is just like those who struggle with alcohol, eating disorders, and other addictions. The best way for me to control the problem is to be in control. When I am shopping, I sometimes forget, and buy things I do not need, or do not even want, and end up returning, wasting time and money by doing so. A recent example.

I went to Belk a few days ago and saw a few things that were on sale. Sales are one of my problems. I left Belk with (another) throw, a set of pillowcases, and 2 sink mats. I used one of the sink mats and decided that they are not the right size. But since I had already used one, I could only return one. I liked the throw but decided that I already have plenty of throws. There were no matching sheets for the pillowcases, and I know that I will not be happy with mismatched bed linens, so I decided to return the pillowcases, although they are great quality and only $7.00 on sale.

The crystal ring holder on the L is Waterford, and works well. The ring holder on the R is sterling, and while I love it, it is too small!

While in my closet tonight, my eyes fell upon a recent purchase, a sterling ring holder. I bought it a couple of months ago and love the way it looks, but I find that I am not using it. The ring holder part is not tall enough to hold much, so I have reverted to using my crystal ring holder which is much more practical. While it really wasn’t an impulsive purchase, I let my need for beauty, (not want, but need; I have a need for beauty, and I love sterling) override my practical side. Had I only paid attention to its size, I would have known the sterling ring holder would not work for me.

Back to the two changes from my year of no spending, not wasting money, and not being impulsive. While those changes stuck for a while, eventually I slipped back into some old habits. Not in total, but more than is good for me. I still wait until I get home if I want some tea, and do not have any with me, instead of stopping and spending money on tea that will not be as good as mine. That is an example of not wasting money, But I do waste money when I buy something that doesn’t fit, or work for me, such as the dish drain and sterling ring holder. I am being impulsive when I buy another throw when I have plenty, even when I love the one that is on sale. I am being impulsive when I buy a white jean jacket for one of my granddaughters, not knowing if she will like it, even when it is 50% off and is a very good price. It can’t be returned, and she doesn’t like it.

Being in control includes not buying something because it is on sale, regardless of how good of a price it is, especially when I do not need it.

An excellent book that deals with more than spending. Published in 2018.

Being in control includes living within a budget, something I have never done. Is it too late for me to do so at soon to be seventy-one years of age?

Have you heard, there is another Prime Day coming?! It is scheduled for October 11-12, 2022. Regardless, convince yourself that if you didn’t need it before Prime Day, you do not need to buy it. You may rationalize that spending money on Christmas gifts during Prime day is really saving money, not spending money. Maybe so if you plan to buy something that is less expensive on Prime Day. But not if you forget you have it or buy more because you forget what you have already bought for Christmas. This can be tricky. Just be careful.

Why Do You Spend Money Shopping? A good question to ask yourself before getting caught up in the frenzy of holiday shopping.

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Relaxing in Key West

Posted on September 27, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Sunrise on Key West

Mike and I have been traveling to Key West about once a year for many years. We usually go in mid to late September, when there aren’t as many people, although that is hurricane season. Only once has our trip been cancelled because of a hurricane. This year we left a few days before a hurricane, Hurricane Ian, was expected.

No Name Pub is in Big Pine Key, about forty minutes from Key West. It is worth going to.

Key West is a place I had to develop a liking for. I often say it is somewhere I am never really excited about going until I get there. The attraction is the sun and pure relaxation. Since I do not enjoy the drinking lifestyle, some parts of Key West are wasted on me. But there is wonderful food, you can walk most everywhere, and it is a place where one can totally relax.

Roosters, roosters, everywhere!

Mike introduced me to Key West. He went there for the first time in 1975, taken there by a fraternity brother who lived in Miami. It was on that first trip that he heard musician Michael McCloud for the first time. Michael McCloud is a Key West icon, still playing and singing at seventy-five years of age, the last more than thirty years at the Schooner Wharf bar. He has recorded some wonderful songs, and if you can overlook his irreverent mouth, an afternoon listening to him is time well spent. As my readers know, I do not like profanity, so I am somewhat conflicted by Michael McCloud. But I recognize his talent and suffer through his choice of language. I also abhor the profanity on t-shirts in store windows. Call me a prude and tell me that is the way things are these days. But I do not agree with it, and question why I support it by my presence. But so far, I have overlooked those parts that I do not like for those that I do.

A Pelican out for a swim.

There are two wonderful bookstores in Key West, one, Books and Books, owned by Judy Bloom. There is also one of the best antique shops I have found anywhere, Duck and Dolphin Antiques. There is a plethora of restaurants, many with Happy Hour meals that replace an expensive dinner.

Judy Bloom’s bookstore in Key West, Books and Books. 

One of my favorite pastimes while in Key West is walking. Every morning around nine AM I head out and take my walk, past storefronts and restaurants. It is different than walking at home, where I listen to podcasts so as not to be bored. I do not even use my earbuds while walking in Key West, enjoying the scenery of the city. Before I realize it, almost an hour has passed, and I am back where I started.

Sunset on Key West.

Key West. A beautiful city with some less than desirable aspects to it. I suppose like many cities and like some of us.

Stay safe, Key West, and all of Florida and South Georgia, as Hurricane Ian passes through.

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Dignity, Grace, and Faithful Service

Posted on September 23, 2022 by Patti Fralix

The world has mourned the passing of Queen Elizabeth II since her death on September 8th. Her funeral, on Monday, September 19th, which was planned by the Monarch herself, was watched by many people worldwide. Never has a world leader been so revered. The adoration for ninety-six-year-old Queen Elizabeth II, which was present for many years, reached an all-time high with her passing. Many accolades have been written and spoken about the Queen. My favorite is these words used to describe her: Dignity, Grace, and Faithful Service.   

While I do not really understand how the Monarchy continues to be an important part of British society in the modern world, they undoubtedly do. How this family can still be financially supported to the degree they are is amazing to me. In spite of their ups and downs, the support for the Monarchy continues. I recognize, of course, the tourist attraction of the royalty, and understand that attraction. But this tourist attraction continues at a significant financial cost to the British economy. Even so, this fact in no way diminishes the attraction. Of all the royals, the Queen has been revered. Perhaps this has something to do with the Queen’s behavior. For many years, and through several major crises, her behavior has been steadfast. Perhaps the adoration for the Queen, and consequently for the monarchy,  can be explained by this fact. Queen Elizabeth II led the monarchy and her family with Dignity, Grace, and Faithful Service.

Dignity is defined by Oxford Languages as “the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect.” The description of Dignity continues to include “being valued and respected for what you are, what you believe in, and how you live your life.”

Oxford languages describes Grace as: “simple elegance or refinement of movement, and courteous goodwill.” The definition continues by stating “Grace is not about perfection, and that you give yourself space to be flexible with your perceived reality with acceptance and kindness.” Queen Elizabeth II certainly had opportunities for displaying Grace in recent years considering the behavior of some of her family displayed on the world stage.

The Reverso Dictionary describes Faithful Service as “remaining true, constant, or loyal.” The definition continues to include, “consistently reliable, truthful, and accurate in detail.” The word Service is described as: “an act of helpful activity.”

Considering these definitions, Queen Elizabeth II epitomized Dignity, Grace, and Faithful Service. It remains to be seen if King Charles and other royals will continue her legacy.

While it is interesting to consider Dignity, Grace, and Faithful Service regarding Queen Elizabeth II, it might be more instructive to consider if these same words would be used by others to describe us. If not, where is the gap?

It may be time to “Mind the Gap.”                

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Time Stands Still, Until It Doesn’t

Posted on September 15, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Christmas trees are out at Costco! Now, that is time moving too fast!

Thinking about the recent death of Queen Elizabeth ll at 96 years of age (more about that next week) has me counting the years. At soon to be 71 years old, I wonder how long I will live. Probably not more than 20 more years, if that long. (Although we really do not know, do we?) I remember the last 20 years as if they were yesterday. On this side of those 20 years, they seem so recent. 20 years ago was before I had any grandchildren. It was right after daughter Tara’s wedding, and before we did a major renovation on our home. I remember that time with fond memories. It seems impossible that 20 years have passed since then. But they have. And the next 20 will probably pass even quicker.

Mike with daughter Chatham and our newest grandchild, Hayden Elise, born 8/15/22.
Grandson Drew (4.5 yrs), granddaughter Hayden (1 month) and Nana, 70! 
Our oldest granddaughter, Mary Grace (17) and our youngest granddaughter, Hayden (1 month.) 
Granddaughter Elsie, 15. 

We obviously do not know how long we will live. Unless we have a serious illness that we assume will end in death, we often act as if we will live forever. That is, until someone we know who we did not expect to die does. I had that experience this week. I read on Facebook about the passing of someone I knew, a mom like me with children and grandchildren. I had not seen her lately, although I kept up with her through (of course) Facebook. She was the mother of one of my daughter Tara’s best friends when she was in elementary school. Rest In Peace, Celeste.

Out to dinner at Skull Creek Boathouse during our summer 2022 family trip to Hilton Head.
Granddaughter Virginia and friend Alice out for lunch at City Club Raleigh. 
Imagine my surprise when Jeff Vojta, CEO of my favorite coffee, Stockton Graham in Raleigh, came into Northrop Mall in Southport, NC. Daughter Tara worked for him at Classic Coffees when she was 17, and said it was the best job she ever had, because he made it FUN!  

I do not want these thoughts to be read as morbid. We all know that death is a part of life and that none of us outlives our time. What we do not know is how long our time will be. What we do know is that we can do our part to stay healthy physically, emotionally, and mentally. We can eat healthy food, exercise to stay limber, get enough good sleep, and keep our stress at a manageable level. We can avoid unhealthy habits, such as (especially excess) alcohol consumption. We can read to keep our minds active. We can spend time with those we love. We can focus on the positive in our life and do our best to rid ourselves of the negative. While we do not have any control over the length of our life, we can certainly influence it. Many diseases are due to or worsened by unhealthy lifestyles. Let’s be wise enough to do our part to remain as healthy as we can for as long as we can.

Our sweet grand-dogs, (L) Finn and (R) Maggie.

For time stands still, until it doesn’t.                  

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Just Take The Next Right Step

Posted on September 9, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Taking steps on Caswell Beach.

Long ago I recommended that we should not try to figure it all out, (whatever “all” is varies) or we will be immobilized since we can’t figure it all out, and probably if we try, we will not get anything done. Recently I have heard similar advice from two different people, worded a little differently.

As long as we take action. The combination of thinking and doing is powerful. 

The first person who I heard talk about this is Brianna West on a podcast, “101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think,” which is also a book by the same title. West says, “Focus on the next right step.” (A necessary disclaimer. I love this work, but I do not appreciate the occasional use of profanity.) This is also discussed in an article in Joshua Becker’s September 2022 digital magazine, Simplify, an article by Leo Babauta. In Babauta’s article, “How Healthy Habits Spark Healthy Success,” he states, “Just take the next step.” Although these two are similar, Babauta’s word “take” is more action-oriented than West’s “focus on.”  West’s “Focus on the next right step” places importance on “right.” I recommend we combine these two versions and “Take the next right step.”

We change the world by changing ourselves, by becoming our best selves. 

Too often we are trying to figure out all of the steps involved in an action, when if we just take the next step, the rest of what we need to know and do will become clear. We need to trust the process and move forward by taking the next right step. We can think of the next right step as the most logical step. We can also think of it as the step we know we should take, even when we can’t figure out the steps after that.   

Taking the next step helps things work out for our best.

This way of thinking and behaving, taking the next right step when we don’t have a clear sense of what should or will come after that step, requires trust and faith. Faith that the unfolding of those next steps will occur. Trust in the process.

It won’t be long until baby Hayden is taking steps! Her brother Drew is enamored with her. 

Given the rapid pace and unpredictability of change, being able and willing to take action when we can’t see clearly past the next step requires courage. Courage that we will have what we need when we need it; maybe not before, but at the moment we need it. Courage that we will be able to deal with ambiguity. Courage that we are up for the challenge.

Is there a message for you in this? Is there something you have been resisting doing because you can’t clearly see all of the steps in the process? Are you trying to figure it all out before taking the next step?

Are you able to trust in yourself enough to move forward, take the next right step, and watch the others unfold?

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Kindness Matters

Posted on August 25, 2022 by Patti Fralix

The importance of kindness has been a common theme lately, probably since Covid. While kindness has always been important, I think it has become more so recently. There are signs of the focus on kindness everywhere. Examples are signs on restaurant doors, kindness written on t-shirts of servers in restaurants, and many other examples of this. I wonder, do we have a similar definition of kindness? Do most of us place the same priority on kindness as others? Important questions.

Our kind server at Rusty Hooks Restaurant in Southport. All of the staff wear these shirts, with the Rusty Hooks logo on the back. 

I googled “kindness,” and found this definition: “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” It was also stated that kindness is more than being nice. While I would not have thought of “friendly” and “kindness” as the same, I can understand the connection, and I do believe that being generous and considerate are examples of kindness. There are many other examples. Other words used to describe kindness are compassion, courtesy, concern, gentleness, goodness, gracious, helpfulness, loving, neighborly, patience, thoughtfulness, understanding, and unselfishness. There are many other words used for kindness also. 

It isn’t just about us, it is also about others. 

An exercise that is sometimes recommended for increased self-awareness is to fast forward to our eulogy. What would others say about us? While we still have time, we might choose to improve in areas where we think we need improvement. Kindness might be one of those. 

Years ago, I needed improvement in the area of kindness. I was sometimes described as “intimidating.” I do not see “intimidating” on the list of kindness behaviors! I decided to improve in the areas that others saw as negative, and that gave the impression that I was intimidating. While I am sure that there are times that I revert to being intimidating, I do not think it is common behavior.

I have had several expressions of kindness given to me lately. One was just last night at a restaurant we go to fairly often, Sawmill Tap Room. I had ordered a salad and did not finish it, so I asked for a “to go” box. The waiter brought me some extra salad dressing and a “go” cup of iced tea. That is an example of kindness. He didn’t have to, but he had a giving spirit. 

Also, a friend sent me a gift of a journal, lovely napkins, and a Starbucks gift card, with a sweet note, as appreciation for something I did for her. In all of the years that I have known her, she has always given a gift of appreciation for anything done for her. I wish I could say the same. 

Another friend recently gave me a gift of my favorite tea, which is Harrods from London. This was not found in a local store. She had to take her time to order it, and have it shipped. Since tea is my drink of choice, and Harrods is my favorite, this was so much appreciated.  

A card I will keep and treasure forever.

I felt like Cinderella recently when I was given a very special gift of a pair of shoes. Someone I have known for many years, who has become a friend recently, knew that I wanted those shoes, and that I had decided that they were not affordable for me at this time. She wrote me the sweetest note about how much she appreciated me throughout the years, and said, “with this gift, allow me to show my appreciation.” Wow! I was so touched by her act of generosity and kindness. I believe that this totally selfless gift is one of the best examples of kindness ever shown to me. I want to consider how I can pay it forward.

One way in which we can all show kindness to others is through tipping more than is considered “required.” While tipping may be controversial, it is a part of our American culture, and has become expected. Since staff in restaurants are often working without enough help, those of us benefiting from their service can show our appreciation by tipping more than we would otherwise. Yes, money is tight for many of us, but if we can afford to eat out, we should show some kindness to those who are serving us. How much more, you might ask? That is a personal decision. Just more. 

All gifts of kindness are not tangible gifts. How we treat others is also how we show kindness. Or not. 

Here are a few ways to show kindness. Let’s give others a pass, and not wear our feelings on our shoulders. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is forget slights, manage our expectations, and appreciate others for who they are, ignoring when they disappoint us. This is hard for me, but that means it is something I need to work on. 

Let me end this focus on kindness by thanking my readers for your support. I write what I think is needed, for me and others. I so appreciate others reading my musings.            

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