Saying Goodbye to Home

Posted on January 11, 2023 by Patti Fralix

With five minutes to spare, we left the keys and garage door openers on the counter, locked the doors, and left our home at 305 Dalton Drive for the last time. In five minutes, the new owners would come in and take occupancy. Our home that we built in 1988, renovated and expanded in 2003, and raised our family in, would now pass to a new family to make as their own. Mike and I would move to a new home in Raleigh, a transition home for us while we decide where we want to be long-term.

Our kitchen, with my beloved Aga.
While I know this is true, letting go is still hard.

For the past few weeks, we cleaned out, packed, and let go of furniture that we knew we would never need again. This included beds, Mike’s and my large desks, wrought iron furniture, and assorted odds and ends. The cleaning out included discovering letters from family members and an old boyfriend, sympathy cards received when our parents died, and a lifetime of memories from past careers. Also, five hair dryers and four irons, found in bedrooms and bathrooms infrequently used!

My grandparent’s bookcase/desk travelled with us to our new home.
My favorite bed, which was Tara’s youth bed many years ago, is now residing in someone else’s home.

I will miss many things about our beloved home. First of all and most acutely, I will miss our Aga, our English cooker. I plan to have another Aga when we are settled permanently. I will miss the space, although, at almost 5,000 square feet, it was too much space for two people who weren’t even there enough to care for the property as it needed to be. I will miss the neighborhood, a neighborhood that always felt safe. I will miss the location, from where we could travel most anywhere in Raleigh in twenty minutes.

Our French pantry, which served as our kitchen pantry, is now repurposed in our new home.
Oh, how I will miss the several eating areas in our home.

I will miss the beauty, both the natural beauty of our almost four acres of land and the beauty of the interiors. The blue and yellow colors of most rooms, the heavy moldings, the simple yet elegant window treatments, and the many custom details that we added through the years. I do not expect to ever have a house that I love as much. Leaving it, knowing this leaving was forever, was so hard, although I know it was the right decision to make.

Our granddaughters waiting on the stairs until everyone is up before being able to come down and see what Santa brought.

We take many memories with us. Memories of Tara and Chatham as they grew from preteens to adults. Memories of many Christmases, with the granddaughters waiting on the stairs until everyone was up before they could come downstairs to see what Santa left. Memories of Uncle Barry sitting on the kitchen barstool, barking his orders for breakfast. Memories of the many Thanksgivings we hosted for our extended family, the last few years, more than sixty-five of them. Memories of many family meals, hosting international friends and sharing our home with our business colleagues.

While our dining room table has a place in our new home, these chairs now live with someone else. 
Thankful for many happy years in our home.

Change is hard. It is much easier to keep doing what we have always done than to do something different, even when we believe it is time to change course. We have to let go of what we have to grab hold of what can be.

After depositing our furniture and unpacked boxes in our new home, Mike and I took our exhausted bodies to Myrtle Beach for a week. It was a very good decision. 
The beach renourishes the body and calms the spirit; just what we needed. 

We know what we are leaving, yet we do not know what we will be receiving. But we step out in faith, knowing that our next move will take us closer to where we need to be. For our foundation is strong. Our home at 305 Dalton anchors us, creating a foundation so strong that wherever we land, we will be home.

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A Gift From Her Heart

Posted on December 28, 2022 by Patti Fralix
A very wise Virginia Kinney

I am grateful for all of my gifts. Regardless of the specific gift, how much money was spent on it, or any other variables, gifts are a blessing to me. Gifts are my love language. I received some very thoughtful gifts this Christmas, and I am grateful for each one. There is one, however, given to me by my ten-year-old granddaughter, Virginia, that touched my heart in such a meaningful way that her sisters and the rest of the family said everything else paled in comparison.

Our family has a tradition of opening one gift on Christmas Eve. Virginia insisted that I open hers. When she gave it to me, her mom, daughter Tara, said, “You will need some tissues, Mom.” Indeed, I did.

When I opened Virginia’s gift, the first thing in the box was an envelope with the words, “Open First!” Inside the envelope was a note written in Virginia’s handwriting, with a sentiment that alone would have been enough. But there was more to come. The note was on top of a blanket Virginia created, a blanket of memories. Tara said the entire gift, the note, and the blanket, were Virginia’s idea, and she did all of the work on it herself. A gift that was truly from her heart.

Virginia’s gift is evidence that she has memories in her heart of our family’s times together. Times cooking in our kitchen in Raleigh with our Aga. Times skiing in Steamboat. Times in Hilton Head. Times in St. Marys, at soccer games and dance recitals. Times working on puzzles and playing board games. Times just being together.

So very precious!

Grandchildren are truly a gift from God, a gift of love beyond measure. When I think of all of the things I own, of all of the stuff that I have been going through preparing for our upcoming move, I am reminded of how transitory our lives are. How so much of our tangible stuff is unnecessary. Yet we hang onto it. Or at least, I do.

We have all heard the question, “If there was a disaster, such as a fire, in your home, what things would you try to save?” Most people reply that they would try to save photos. Photos of a time that cannot be recaptured. Virginia’s gift of her note and the memories blanket take photos to a different level.

The Memory Blanket Virginia lovingly made for Nana.

I have been grieving leaving our home in Raleigh, moving into a home without some of what I have come to love. A home without an Aga. A home with less space. A home with less beauty. A home without the memories we are leaving behind.

Virginia’s gift reminds me that wherever we go, our memories remain in our hearts. The wisdom of a ten-year-old, teaching her seventy-one-year-old grandmother the value of memories in our hearts.  

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Going Down Memory Lane

Posted on December 20, 2022 by Patti Fralix
My three cousins, ( L) Sheree, (middle) Susan, and Mark and me.

Mike and I are still in the throes of cleaning out our home where we have lived for more than thirty-four years. In early January a new family will move in and we will move on to our next adventure. I have a wide range of emotions, and although I believe it is time for us to take this next step, it is very hard. Leaving our home which we built in 1988, renovated and expanded in 2003, and in which we have so many wonderful memories of family times, is a major life change. But the decision has been made, and we are moving on. But not before we get through facing thirty-four-plus years of stuff and delayed decisions.

Dear friends gathered for a going-away party for me when I moved from AL to NC in 1981. Sadly, three of these are deceased.

I wish you could be beside me while I purge (although not enough,) pack (too much,) and box up a lifetime of memories. I especially wish you could be with me for the attic cleanouts. I have not been into the attics except to store items that were used infrequently, such as bedside commodes for our elderly family members. I had no idea what the attics housed. I was amazed when I got into the boxes in the attics. I found things I had never seen, had no idea I had, and do not know how they got there.

My dear friend, Pam Richardson’s son, Seth, at 9 months old. Seth and his wife Alison have 3 children, the youngest of whom is Wyatt, and looks just like him.
My dear friend Judy’s three children. (L) Jim, who passed away in 2020 at the age of 48, (M) Lee (the typical middle child who keeps us laughing!) and (R) Patti Anne (my namesake, who is always in charge!) 

In the main attic, I found items that belonged to my ex-husband (we divorced in 1980,) Mike’s ex-wife, (from whom he was separated since the late 1970s, although they divorced later) from my mother who passed away in 1998, and my aunt who passed away in 1981. There were also many college notebooks of Mike’s from his years at North Carolina State University, from which he graduated in 1975, and my nursing cap and nursing shoes from 1972. There was Chatham’s baby bed, and Chatham is now 45 years old, and no one else has been able to use that baby bed since it was deemed unsafe many years ago. Why ‘oh why would we have kept that bed and stored it in the attic, knowing it should not be used again? There were boxes of stuffed animals and camp letters, as well as a toy chest, a typewriter (remember those?), and a bowling ball. The list could go on and on, but you get the picture.

Dear friend Anna Mullin, who I have not seen for too many years.
A good friend, Kathleen Harwell, in Boston on a trip we took together in 1987.

In the first paragraph, I mentioned “getting through thirty-four years of stuff and delayed decisions.” Hopefully, you have a clear picture of some of the thirty-four years of stuff. But what about the delayed decisions? Perhaps those are clear also. Almost every item in the attics represent delayed decisions. When I put my mother’s remaining possessions in the attic when she passed away, I was delaying the decision about them. When my nursing cap and shoes were placed in the attic, I delayed the decision as to whether to keep them or not, for the manner in which they decayed in the attic made them unable to be saved for any purpose other than throwing them out thirty-four years later. Any paper left in the attic for that many years is of no use to anyone, other than to the squirrels (I prefer to think the squirrels were in the attic making a mess of any papers other than those other critters!)

(L) A much younger me, (M) Gerry Roberts, who worked with me at Wilson Memorial in Wilson, NC, and (R) My Cousin Paula, who moved with me when I moved to NC.

I did find some wonderful old photos in the main attic, and most of those were salvageable. You see some of those in this blog. I also found a letter from an old boyfriend (I wonder why I saved that?!) as well as a letter from a cousin which I will treasure. Discovering the photos made cleaning out the rest of the mess more than worth it.

MeMaw Dot (good friend Judy’s mother, who passed away years ago) and and daughter Tara having a facial. I am so glad to have found this priceless photo.

If I continue down memory lane much longer I will not finish the job of cleaning out, wrapping up, and boxing the items we will carry with us to our next adventure. While I am sure that I am not purging enough and am therefore keeping too much, I am ok with boxing up and storing anything I am having a hard time letting go. I am going to give myself six months to go back through anything still in boxes and unused, and decide what to do about those things other than continue to carry them around.

May your Christmas be merry and bright!

But nothing will go in an attic, where it will be out of sight and lost for years. I am making myself this promise. So step aside critters, and find yourself another home.

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Cleaning Out

Posted on December 14, 2022 by Patti Fralix

Having lived in our home in Raleigh since May of 1988, we have accumulated a lot of stuff. Mike and I have been cleaning out the past few weeks, and are shocked to find what we have been storing. Well, Mike is probably not as shocked with what he has found, since his items pale in comparison to mine. But even I am shocked at mine. I recommend cleaning out a house every ten years at least, to cull items that are unnecessary duplicates, things that no longer have a place in your life, and clothes, that even if they fit, you will never wear again. Until you do, do not pass judgment on my findings!

11 (yes, 11!) candle snuffers!

In the category of “unnecessary duplicates,” I found that I have 11 candle snuffers! Yes, 11! Why, I do not really know, other than I can see why I bought some of them, for they fit in my “need for beauty” category. But 11? Even I am shocked by this number. I will keep two of them, a sterling one, and a gold one. The rest I will put in my antiques/gifts booth and attempt to sell them. Let me know if I have one you like in the remaining 9, and I will gladly send it your way.  

Memory napkins from many years ago.

In one of my china cabinet drawers, I found many white napkins, from three different family events. One napkin is from daughter Tara’s 16th birthday party. Tara is now 47 years old, so I have kept that napkin, as a memory, for more than 31 years! Another set of napkins, of which I have many, is from cousin Paula’s wedding, which occurred in July of 1994, more than 27 years ago! “Cousin” does not adequately describe Paula’s relationship with Mike and me. We “raised” Paula for several years, and served as “parents” in her wedding. Even so, we did not need those napkins to remind us of any of this. Maybe we could have kept one as a memory, but this stack? The third memory napkin is from Mike’s Ph.D. graduation party in 2000, almost 23 ago. In the photo, you can see that we have enough of those napkins for another large party!

May be true, but so hard, at least for me, to do.

Mike had many vinyl records housed in his end of our master bedroom closet, records that have not been played at all during our marriage. We married in April of 1984, so those records have been using prime real estate for almost 38 years! While I still have the candle snuffers and napkins to deal with, most of Mike’s vinyls are already in the antique shop and three have already sold! We did keep a few for us and a few for our grandchildren, but the rest are where they need to be, to be bought and enjoyed by others. Now if Mike could just let go of his Boy Scout blanket and sleeping bag!

One of my heroes, Joshua Becker, who is the Minimalism guru, and also writes about Purpose.

I have 65 china turkey plates, and it is unlikely we will ever need more than twenty (if even that many) again. The plates and all of the trappings that went with them were enjoyed (at least by me!) as we hosted Thanksgiving in our home in Raleigh for most of our married years. Now that Thanksgiving duties planning and execution are the responsibility of the younger generation, who hosted our gathering this year at the beach, I should sell at least 45 china turkey plates. This past Thanksgiving we had a delicious Thanksgiving meal with paper and plastic, which is the style of those now in charge.

We have not even made it to the two attics yet! Most of what is in those has not been needed or used since we moved into our home in 1988. So hopefully any desire to keep any of that will be replaced by the feeling of freedom of letting it all go.

Cleaning Out Forces Change, and if Reinvention also happens, all the better.

You are probably amazed at what Mike and I have been housing and not using for so many years. But before you gloat, do a quick inventory of your stuff, and see what is lurking in your cabinets and drawers. Out of sight out of mind.

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Retail in December

Posted on December 8, 2022 by Patti Fralix

Retail is a hard job, especially so in December, the busiest shopping time of the year. There are ways that salespeople can make it more pleasant. The best way they can make it more pleasant is by being pleasant! I have a few examples of how this is being done, and how it isn’t.

Something yo think about.

I just shopped in a kitchen store and experienced great customer service from a salesperson, and poor service from the owner. Go figure! The salesperson was friendly and helpful, while the owner did not even acknowledge my presence, although she should know me given that I shop in her store often, and usually call her by name. The very least she should have done is speak to me, even if she did not use my name. But she didn’t, and not because she was busy; but because she isn’t friendly. I think I will take my kitchen shopping elsewhere. While I don’t expect someone to gush all over me, I do like my presence acknowledged, and my business appreciated.

Books are great gifts.

Recently I observed two women who were upset with a waitress who was less than friendly to them, although they are regular customers of the restaurant, and she knows them well. But the waitress did not smile, did not make eye contact, and did not speak as she gave them their check. The woman sitting next to me said, “I will let my displeasure show in my tip; she does not deserve a tip.” Sometimes customers do show their displeasure in monetary ways.

Just this morning a friend and I met for breakfast at a local diner. The food was great. The service was slow, but they were busy. The waitress was friendly and service-oriented. Although the standard in that diner is to pay at the register, my friend wanted her check and credit card picked up, taken to the register, and brought back to her, although we were in a diner! The waitress got the message and took the customer service high road. We put our credit cards on the table and the waitress picked them up and took them to the register for us. That is a great example of service, doing what the customer preferred even when it was not the restaurant’s standard. And done with a smile.

Our “stuff” is not what will be remembered when we are no longer around.

Retail is hard work, very hard work. There are as many, if not more, rude customers as there are less than friendly and sometimes rude salespeople. But the salesperson has a higher calling than the customer, like it or not. A friend of mine once said to me, when I was teaching customer service principles to staff in various companies, “When are you going to teach customer service principles to the  customer?!” Well, sorry, but it just doesn’t work that way. Even now when the need is even greater for customers to be nice to service personnel due to the shortage of wait staff and service personnel, even with all of the signs in businesses asking customers to “just be nice.” The onus is still on the service person to be friendly and service-oriented. The customer may get by being less than friendly or even rude, whether they should be or not. The salesperson is representing the business, and at all times should be friendly, helpful, and service-oriented. And the mere idea that the business owner is not setting the customer service standard! In those cases, let’s take our business elsewhere since the loss of business may be the only way some of those business owners will become service oriented.

Southport Linen Provisions, available year-round at Northrop Antiques Mall, 111 E. Moore St., Southport NC. Come to the Holiday Pop-Up at 600 W. Brunswick, Unit 2, 12/9-12/11 from 10am-4pm, for lovely gifts.

Although retail is hard work, it can be rewarding work. Serving customers with a smile, being friendly, and doing all that one can to meet the customers’ needs and even (unrealistic) expectations, can pay big dividends, and not just monetarily.

My book, available on Amazon, is good reading if you need some encouragement to spend less.

It feels good to be nice to people. It feels even better when one is nice and friendly, and that attitude is returned in similar behavior from the customer. And yes, it feels good to receive above-average tips, and for the customer to commend the salesperson to others, including management. We do live in a world of reciprocity. What goes around does come around, eventually.

Watch for good service, and compensate it appropriately. Also, watch for poor service, and take your business elsewhere. And keep your cool all the while!

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Minding Our Manners

Posted on November 30, 2022 by Patti Fralix

We have all heard it; “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” So often we fail to follow this adage, however, and say something that falls in the “feel good behavior” category, behavior that feels good to us, and cuts into another person. Why? Are we really trying to put the other person down, or build ourselves up? Or are we just not thinking? Are we intentionally being mean? If we really are not in general mean people, what benefit do we derive from saying things that hurt others? Something to think about.

Well said.

We just celebrated one major holiday, and have others coming up. Did you mind your manners? Did you say things to others that were hurtful? Did you talk negatively about some family members to other family members? If so, how did that feel? While you may have felt justified, and in fact may have made a valid point, how did that contribute to the overall goodwill that all were gathered to celebrate? Perhaps we need to look within and figure out our motive for making such comments.

Holidays are stressful enough without having to deal with behavior from others that is negative or inappropriate in other ways. Drinking too much is not a way to celebrate, it is a way to embarrass not just yourself but others. Be better than that. When the family gathers, drives long distances and deals with long delays in traffic, and works hard for days, spending a lot of money on food to feed the crowd, respect that contribution, and don’t do anything to detract from that. Mind your manners.

Hopefully, your Thanksgiving holiday was peaceful and joyful, and none of the inappropriate behavior written about above occurred at your gathering. Then consider this message nothing more than a reminder of gracious behavior. If, however, you find anything in this message that you or others you know need to improve, consider this a gentle and compassionate reminder to do so. So your next gathering is filled with only positive behavior that builds others up.

And not just at Thanksgiving, but at all our gatherings. 

One of my speaker heroes, Elizabeth Jeffries, made this comment many years ago: “We are called to disturb the comforted and comfort the disturbed.” This message may do both. And be not mistaken, this message is as much for me as anyone else.    

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Changing Again

Posted on November 23, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Happy Thanksgiving!

I hesitate to talk about WW, or Weight Watchers, as I still refer to it, although the company changed its name to WW a few years ago. I hesitate to talk about Weight Watchers in this blog because of the Thanksgiving holiday that most of us will celebrate this week. There will be food galore, and although we do not have to eat it all, many of us will eat more than we normally do. That is why I weighed in for my mandatory monthly weight-in on Sunday, so I have time to reconcile the pound or two I may gain before it is time for me to weigh in again.

Speaking of Change, Virginia is now ten years old and Hayden is three months old.

So why I am talking about Weight Watchers in this blog? Simply because the company is a great example of change. WW has changed again, and they do so at least once a year. Since I recognize some of my readers are not WW people, I will focus on why WW changes, and not other aspects of WW, of which I am passionate. I really am passionate about WW. I have been a WW member (off and on for some years) for more than forty years, and truly believe it is the only plan that works for me. But enough about that. Let’s talk about change.

One of the best books I have ever read. I read it many years ago, and am reading it again now. 

WW changed its eating plan again, which they do about once a year. The new plan is simpler, but I was fine with the plan that was replaced, and wondered why they changed the plan again, and asked the WW leader in our meeting on Sunday about that. Her answer was, “WW follows the science, and they decided the plan was not working as it was intended, so they made some changes.”  I accepted that as valid, and my mind immediately went to other things.

How often do we change something that isn’t working? Are we more likely to hang on to what isn’t working, hoping it will work eventually? Maybe not you, but I do. I have several examples of that in mind right now. I am stubborn, and when I lock into something, it is hard for me to change. I need to be more like WW and change what isn’t working.

You might rightly ask, “How do I know something isn’t working, and how long do I give it?” Well, there is no magical answer to this. But let’s be honest. We know, and we even know when the time is up and it is time to make a different decision. We just fail to shift, for a variety of reasons. Or maybe you don’t fall in this category. Maybe you are better at this than I am. You know which group you are in. What matters is that you are honest with yourself.

An inspirational Weight Watchers message.

You are likely familiar with the Serenity Prayer. The part of that prayer that fits in this discussion is the “God Grant Me the Courage to Change the Things I can.” Yes, change does require courage. It is easier (or at least we think it is) to keep on keeping on, even when something isn’t working. We do get set in our ways.

I am reminded of something a colleague of mine, Marilyn Moats Kennedy, said years ago: “The Only One Who Really Likes Change is a Wet Baby!” Funny, but not totally true. Some of us think we are change-oriented, and that we like change. Well, what we really mean is that we like change that we think we can control. And so much of change is outside of our control.

But one change that is totally within our control is our behavior. So, what will we do, what changes will we make, to be the best version of ourselves?

What I am going to do is be less resistant to change, paying attention to what isn’t working, and making course corrections quicker than is often comfortable.

What about you? You do not need to answer me, but by all means, answer this question for yourself.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving holiday. In spite of all of our challenges, there is still much to be thankful for.

I am thankful for you, my dear readers. I appreciate you following my blog and occasionally letting me know your thoughts about it. I am very thankful for you.  

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Thankful, Grateful, and Blessed

Posted on November 15, 2022 by Patti Fralix

Next week many families gather for a time of food and fellowship. Our family will also, although we will be smaller in number than in some years. I think our highest number of family members and friends who have come together through the years is sixty-five. Yes, sixty-five! All seated, all with china turkey plates, sterling, and crystal. And lots of good food. This year we are going to the beach, and there will be thirty-eight of us. It will be a change for our family, going to the beach, without all of the resources, such as cooking items, we have had. But it will be fine, regardless. If we are missing something we think we need we will either get creative, go buy it, or do without it. After all, it really is just stuff, and stuffing!

Although I have several turkey patterns among my 65 plates, these two are my favorite. Both of these are Spode patterns.But all of the china turkey plates will stay in Raleigh this year!
Dad Fralix (L) and Uncle Barry (R) were with us for Thanksgiving in 2017, and our gatherings are not the same without them. 

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It is more about the people who gather together than the food, although the food is always delicious. And although most years our extended family has gathered in Raleigh for Thanksgiving, it really isn’t about where we are, as long as we are together. We will miss not having Dad and Uncle Barry with us, both of who passed away in recent years. We will miss having some other family members with us as well, who are not making the trip for various reasons. Those of us who gather will continue our traditions while making new ones.

Enough said!

We all know that while the holidays with family are wonderful, they can also be stressful. If we remember why we make the effort to get together, and it really isn’t about the food, and mind our manners, we can have an enjoyable and nourishing (in more ways than food) time. You may not need to be reminded of this, but I know I do!

The pilgrims and turkeys are ready!

We have so much to be grateful for, in spite of our challenges, and we should not lose sight of that. I remember, as you do as well, the one or two years that COVID precluded us from getting together. This season of togetherness is to be treasured. We never know when some in our midst this year may be gone from us next year.

Let’s remember those less fortunate than us, and reach out and give to those in need. Let’s keep any negative thoughts to ourselves, refusing to let anything dampen the little time we have with loved ones. Let’s jump in and do our part to make our celebration come together, not allowing a few to carry the load for the rest of us. When we close the door on Thanksgiving 2022 let’s all be able to proclaim it was a wonderful time together.

For if we have family that chooses to get together, we are Grateful, Thankful, and Blessed.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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A Lovely Time in Charleston

Posted on November 9, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Some of the beautiful flowers in Mike’s cousin, Spike and his wife Cam’s lovely backyard in Charleston. 

Mike and I traveled to Charleston for a few days, celebrating his birthday while we were there. It was a lovely trip. I had not been to Charleston for perhaps ten years and had forgotten how much I enjoy the city. I vowed to not let so much time pass again without a visit to this wonderful city.

Mike entered his last year of his 6th decade while we were in Charleston!

The weather was unseasonably warm, with breezes to break the heat. I walked several miles each day, and Mike walked a lot also. We ate some delicious food and had several things that we both said were the best that we have had. We walked to most of the restaurants where we ate. That, of course, limited our choices, but we had plenty of good food. 

Just a few of the beautiful Charleston homes.

The first night we ventured out to a restaurant recommended by the hotel, the East Bay Biergarten. I was out of our room, and we were on our way when I realized that I had left my phone at the hotel. I did not need my phone, but then, what does need have to do with our phone obsession? I had to make myself get comfortable with being without my phone for an hour or two. I decided that there was absolutely no reason that I needed my phone during that time. I was proud of myself for making that decision.

My daily walk included the Battery. 

The next morning, I left for my walk and forgot my AirPods.  Since I enjoy listening to podcasts and books on Audible while I walk, I almost went back to the room to retrieve them. I decided that I should just enjoy the scenery all around me, and not be engrossed in a book or podcast that could detract from my enjoyment of the city on my walk. So, I left the AirPods in my room and kept walking. I was so glad that I did. I realized that I probably miss the magic of too many moments due to technology accompanying me on my walks.  

A lovely Charleston courtyard.

One of the highlights of our trip was lunch with Mike’s cousin, Spike, and his wife Cam at their lovely home. Cam prepared a delicious meal for us, and we were nurtured by the good food and wonderful conversation. I am reminded of the gift of time and family and do not want to take either for granted.

We had another special meal with friends from Raleigh at Tavern and Table in the Shem Creek area of Mt. Pleasant. While we missed seeing all the water around the restaurant due to the arrival of Daylight Savings Time, we had a wonderful meal and visit with friends.

The Market.

The only shopping I did while in Charleston was at the Market, which I frequented several days, although I did not purchase anything. One just has to go to the Market while in Charleston, but as I have learned from my year of no spending (2006,) shopping does not have to involve spending.

My book about my year of no spending. Available on Amazon.

Charleston has many beautiful hotels, and we stayed in different ones on our previous trips. On this trip, we stayed at Liberty Place, a Hilton Club property, and it was one of the nicest hotels we have stayed in anywhere. We will definitely choose Liberty Place on our next trip to Charleston.

I would be remiss if I failed to mention the friendliness of the people in Charleston. From hotel staff to restaurant staff and salespeople in stores, all were friendly, in a southern charming kind of manner.

A wise message.

This trip reaffirmed why Charleston is considered the number one city in the United States by Travel and Leisure Magazine, a designation it has held for ten consecutive years. Wonderful restaurants, beauty, easy walkability, and great shopping are just a few of the reasons for its attraction.

But don’t just take my word for it. Head on over to Charleston while fall is in full swing and judge for yourself.     

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Knowing When To Quit

Posted on November 2, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Living a life of love should include loving oneself. 

It is time to write this week’s blog, and the well is dry. I reviewed my November 2021 blogs, looking for inspiration, and I found it. Last November I wrote about the importance of commitment. Commitment is on my mind again, from a different angle. How does one who is a person of commitment know when it is time to quit? When does commitment become an excuse?

This JFC Soccer team of granddaughter Elsie’s kept keeping on to win their game on Sunday.

I am a person of commitment. That does not mean that I always get it right. What it does mean is that I have a hard time letting go. The “letting go” can be of people as well as things. It has also included a career and a job. I know where this difficulty in letting go comes from. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, where stability was lacking and alcoholism thrived. I know how to hang on. I just don’t know when it is time to let go. Or maybe, I know when it is time to let go, I just don’t let go. At some level, I think I believe that if I just work harder at whatever it is that isn’t working, it will work. What I am realizing more and more is that it isn’t only about me.

Another way to say let others be who they will be.

People who grow up in an alcoholic home tend to be controlling. The controlling can be of people and situations. While we all know it isn’t possible to control another person, that the only person we can control is ourselves, we too often try anyway. The result is that we end up being disappointed, angry, and in general unhappy. All because our controlling behavior isn’t working. And we shouldn’t expect it to.

Our three precious oldest granddaughters celebrating Halloween.

So, does this mean we are no longer people of commitment? No. It just means that our commitment to ourselves has to take priority over what other people do or do not do. Our focus needs to be on ourselves, not in a selfish way, but in a manner of trying to only control ourselves and our own behavior. This must include managing our expectations so that we are not continually disappointed by the behavior or actions of others.    

It is time for me to reread my book! Available on Amazon.

I don’t have clarity yet on when it is time to quit, other than it is time to quit trying to control others. I also have clarity in knowing that our first responsibility as adults is to ourselves. If we work harder on ourselves than anything or anyone else, clarity about the rest will come. It always does.

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