A Different Christmas

Posted on December 12, 2025 by Patti Fralix

I never thought I would be the one to say this, but I am not putting up a Christmas tree this year. There were years that I had five trees, and many other Christmas decorations. This year, there will not even be one. I struggled with this decision, but finally decided that it makes no sense to put a tree up when we are not home to enjoy it but a few days.

I feel guilty about the times I voiced my opinion to others who made the same decision, expressing that I did not understand how someone would not put up a Christmas tree. The ones who were expressing that they were not going to have a christmas tree were older, as I am. They were not expecting any children in to visit. Some had a table top tree. I thought of having a tabletop tree, but decided that such would not be a good use of funds, since we still would not be home enough to enjoy the tree.

A couple of years ago we bought our first artificial tree, and it is 8’ tall. While that was a hard decision to make, to change from a live tree to an artificial one, it was the right decision to make. It is so much easier to pack up the artificial tree at the end of the season, and take it out at the beginning of the next season. Even so, it did not seem the thing to do this year.

We have many tree decorations, having collected them through the years. There are so many that we cannot use them all on one large tree. I need to go through them and decide which ones to keep, which one to give to our children and grandchildren (understanding that they may not want any of them!) and what to do with the rest. Just thinking about this process wears me out!

This really isn’t about Christmas, it is about Change. There are other possessions that I need to view in the same way. I have so many dishes, and we rarely entertain, and when we do, such as at Thanksgiving, I have dishes for that holiday. I need to choose which dishes to keep, and get rid of the others. This is easier for me to write about than to do. I love China, Crystal, and Silver, and do not really want to part with any of it. But I really need to. My cabinets are full of items I will likely never use.

There is also the issue of casserole dishes, serving bowls, and cooking utensils. I have entirely too many of all of these. I have bought them through the years as I found them and loved them, at a time when we were living a very different lifestyle, especially entertaining. We are no longer living that lifestyle and will never again, so it is time to accept that and rid ourselves of the excess.

Change isn’t easy. But when we allow ourselves to let go of what we no longer need (if we ever needed it!) we may be amazed at how much lighter we feel.

Are there things you are holding onto that you no longer use or need? Can you give yourself permission to let go? I recommend it, recognizing that my journey in this is by no means complete.

Happy Holiday to you and yours. We know the season is about more than trees, ornaments, and gifts. Other than the gift of Jesus.

Jesus is the reason for the season.

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Truisms

Posted on November 16, 2025 by Patti Fralix

“No matter how good or bad things are, they are never permanent. Nothing stays the same, no matter how much you want it to.” That is why it is so important to live in the present, not grieving for the past, or overly anticipating the future. This truism is not intended to be morbid, just reality. We should give thanks for our blessings, and learn from our problems.

“If we have a big enough ‘Why,’ and the ‘What’ and ‘How,’ we can manage most any challenge. “This might be hard to wrap our heads around without a concrete example. My “Why” for eliminating alcohol from my life in 2019 was to lose weight. I did that, and as that change became a part of me, I not only lost weight (50 pounds,) I felt better. My “What” for that change became more than weight loss; it became to be healthier overall. My “How” was to eliminate all alcohol from my life. That decision was the absolute right one for me in 2019, and it remains so six and a half years later. While at times it has not been an easy change, since alcohol use is very prevalent in our society, my ‘Why,’ ‘What,’ and ‘How’ have remained clear.

“One Decision Can Change Your Life.” If there is anything holding us back from living our best life, we need to have the courage to make a change. This change may ultimately be a positive one, although it may not feel that way initially. It is sometimes so much easier to keep on keeping on, even when doing so is wearing us out. The example of this that comes to mind for me is my husband and my decision to sell our home and downsize in early 2023. We were not clear about our next steps, but we know it was time to take that initial first step. The house and property was too large for us to keep up. We were (and now, are even more so!) aging, and needed to simplify our lives. While we are still not clear on our next steps, we know that first step was the right one. Our lives are simpler, with less house stress. We moved into a much smaller home in a 55 and older neighborhood. While there are some things about our current home and neighborhood that I do not like, I do like the ease and simplicity of it.

“Nothing stays the same, no matter how much we want it to.” “If we have a big enough ‘Why,’ and the ‘What’ and ‘How,’ we can manage most any challenge.” “One decision can change our lives.” Think on these truisms. Think on them as they apply to you and your life, and have the courage to move in the direction they lead you. Don’t try to figure it all out before you move forward. Just take the next first step.

Enjoy this upcoming last week before the Thanksgiving rush, and protect your energy level. Remember, it isn’t as much about the food that is on the table as it is about those loved ones with whom we gather.

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Think On These Things

Posted on November 9, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Sometimes the well is dry. No words will come. I am having one of those days. So, it is hard for me to attempt to inspire anyone with my words. When I have these times, which thankfully isn’t often, I look to the words of others to inspire me. I will show those words in pictures. I hope that you enjoy them.

I hope that you have had a restful and peaceful weekend, and that your upcoming week is all that you want it to be.

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One Decision Can Change Your Life

Posted on November 1, 2025 by Patti Fralix

On a recent TV commercial a statement was made that “One decision can change everything.” I thought about that for a few minutes and decided that “one decision changing everything” is too much of a reach. But I do believe that one decision can change our lives. I thought of a couple of decisions that I made that changed my life. Perhaps you can also think of decisions that changed your life. The change that decisions make can be positive or negative. On this first day of a new month, I choose to focus on the positive.

The decision that came immediately to my mind is my decision in 2019 to stop drinking alcohol. More than six years ago, on a Wednesday night, I made the decision to stop drinking alcohol. When I made that decision, I could never have imagined how my life would improve.

The reason I decided to stop drinking alcohol was to lose weight. I had tried many other things, to no avail. I recall saying many times, “I am not going to give up my Chardonnay!” To this day I do not know why and how I was able to make that decision on that particular night, quitting immediately. But I did.

At the time, I did not plan that it would be a forever decision. But as the months turned into years, I decided that I felt better and had no good reason to return to that behavior. I did lose the weight (50 pounds,) which did not come from just not drinking alcohol. But that decision was a stimulus that made the other changes happen.

I do not know what my readers are dealing with, what changes they need to make. But I know that they know. It is a nagging thought and feeling that comes periodically, and is pushed aside. I had nagging thoughts and feelings, and pushed them aside. Until I didn’t. Until I made the decision to change. And that decision changed my life.

I have found 9 of those 50 pounds that I lost, and I am not ok with that. I plan to do something about that soon. I have been going up and down two pounds for months, and it is time to get serious again and lose those 9 pounds, or at least 5 of them.

This is a hard time of the year to lose weight, so I may decide to hold where I am through the end of the year. I may focus on losing 5-9 pounds beginning in January.

What about you? Is there a change you want to make that will change your life? Is there something nagging at you? Is it time to pay attention to it and do the work to be your best self?

I am cheering for you as you decide.

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Communication Basics

Posted on October 26, 2025 by Patti Fralix

I realize that I am old school, and some of my opinions come from that perspective. But old school or not, I think we need a refresher on communication basics. So here goes.

  1. The appropriate response time for an email is within 24 hours. Yes, 24 hours. Not several days, not a week, and certainly, not no response! Unless an email is for information only, not requiring a response, we are considered rude if we do not reply, and do not reply in a timely manner. Do we really think people have time to send emails that require a response, and have to send a second email, and maybe a third, to get a response? Even if we do not have an answer yet, are not sure when we will, some response is required. Be aware that in this day of technology glitches, if we do not respond, the sender does not know if the email reached the intended recipient. Save the sender and yourself time by replying within 24 hours, with as much information as you have at that point.

2. Texts also require a response, and the same 24-hour rule applies. Actually, a case can be made that texts require a quicker response than within 24 hours. Many people use texting for quick information sharing and expect a fairly immediate response. Which means that we should check our messages several times a day, which requires very little time to do. I am amazed at the lack of responses to texts. Again, if we are asked a question to which we do not know how to respond, then a reply stating we will be back in touch with an answer later today, tomorrow, or whenever is the appropriate response. Just respond.

3. Phone calls are not as common these days as emails and texts. But if we are left a message on voicemail, we should respond in a timely manner. And yes, the same 24-hour rule applies here as well. I have some family members and friends who do not listen to messages, so I have learned to not leave them one. I just call them again, or use an alternative communication method. I had to figure this out on my own, however, since none of my contacts who do not listen to messages told me this. I would have appreciated it if they had.

The other side of this issue is that we should not waste others’ time. We should be efficient in what we send to others, and only expect a response when we need one. Note I said “expect” a response. Even if a response is not needed, it is gracious to let the sender know that we received what we were sent. A “got it,’ is sometimes sufficient.

I am sure there is more that I could add to these points. But I hope you get the point. It is rude to not reply to emails, texts, and messages. And life is difficult enough without us being rude.

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RANDOM ACTS

Posted on October 12, 2025 by Patti Fralix

We have all heard of “Random Acts of Kindness.” There are many examples of “Random Acts of Kindness.” It seems that life is getting more difficult in many ways. When others offer us kindness, we are able to rise above our problems and see the good in the world and in others. Without necessarily even meaning to do so, we begin to pay it forward.

I was the recipient of a random act of kindness a couple of days ago. I was shopping in a store, and noticed a small seedling that was potted, and I thought it was a Norfolk Pine. I asked the shop owner if it was a Norfolk Pine, and he said, “No, it is a Cypress.” He then asked, “Would you like one?” I said, “Yes,” fully expecting to pay for it. But he told me to pick out the one I wanted, and he would not let me pay for it.

The value of the gift of the Cypress seedling by the shop owner was not In its monetary value, for the monetary value was small. The value was in the shop owner’s thoughtfulness, because that was priceless. I was so touched by the kindness shown me. It was such a simple thing, but profound in its meaning.

While it is important o notice the random acts of kindness shown us by others, it is important for us to intentionally show kindness to others. The shop owner’s random act of kindness brought to mind something I have been doing recently. I have been making individual chicken pot pies, (with homemade crust!) and gifting them to friends, in a somewhat random manner. There hasn’t really been a plan to give friends a chicken pot pie, but that is what I have been doing on a somewhat regular basis. I have never thought of this as an act of kindness, but I can see that it is. I do not say this to brag, but to share. The joy that my pot pies have brought to those who have received them makes the effort (and little bit of expense) more than worth it. This experience has shown me how much more the giver receives than the recipient.

I usually give three examples of my message. The two I mentioned came to me easily. The third one that comes to mind is an example of a random act, but not a random act of kindness. It is a random act of violence.

Mike and I have owned property on Oak Island, NC since the late 1990’s. Southport is the island’s mainland, and it is a fifteen minute drive from the island. We think of the entire area as our second home. Southport is the setting of author Nicholas Spark’s Safe Heaven. This quaint seaport town has long been a safe haven. After the random act of violence that happened on September 27, 2025, Southport may no longer be considered a safe haven.

On September 27, 2025 just before 9:30pm a forty-year-old resident of Oak Island pulled up to a Southport waterfront bar by boat and started shooting. Three people were killed and eight others were injured. To date, no motive has been determined. The shooter is a military veteran who has been determined to have mental health issues. Two of those who were killed were tourists and one was a resident who had retired to the area approximately one year ago. This shooting appears to have been a random act of violence as far as the shooting victims are concerned.

The subject of mental illness is beyond the scope of this blog post. The subject of the random act of violence it represents is well within the scope of this blog post. Specifically, how do we reconcile the difference in random acts of kindness and random acts of violence? What makes one person gift a seedling to a customer and another shoot innocent people? I have no idea. Any points I could make about this difference could trivialize the difference. While I admit that I do not know what accounts for the difference, I do know that as a society we need to figure out the difference. For we have too many killings and not nearly enough acts of kindness.

We all need to be committed to showing kindness to others, and search our hearts for ways to do so. Then we need to follow through. While our intentions are important, our actions are more important.

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Be Consistent, Determined, and Work For It!

Posted on October 2, 2025 by Patti Fralix

Mel Robbins is a phenomenal success. Her book, Let Them, and her podcasts are immensely popular. I have read her book, and found it to be one of the best self help/business books that I have read. I am definitely a fan of hers. Unlike many other popular gurus, she has meat on the bones, not just platitudes. If you haven’t read Let Them, by all means, do.

I was listening to Mel Robbins’ podcast, Let Them, on a recent walk. She quoted something Tom Brady said: “To have what we want, we must “Be Consistent, Determined, and Be Willing to Work for It.” I decided that thought is worthy of a blog post.

Being Consistent does not mean that we should be rigid. There is a difference in consistency and rigidity. Rigidity is more legalistic, whereas consistency allows for changes in our routine, yet those changes are not based on our whims. Consistency has at its foundation credibility, not necessarily rules and regulations. People who are consistent can be counted on to do what they say they are going to do, most of the time. Others can trust the word of the person whose behavior is (usually) consistent.

Being Determined means that we have a process and a plan to do what we say we are going to do. Similar to being consistent, the person who is determined can be trusted to do what they should do, or what they say they are going to do. I am determined to walk two miles every day that I can, and usually do so, although not as often when I am traveling. I do not walk in the rain, however. So, I am consistent and determined about my daily walk, although not rigid in that I walk everyday, regardless.

Being Willing to Work for Whatever we say Is Important to us is not as easy to describe as being Consistent and Determined. In fact, I could improve upon the words in this part of Tom Brady’s quote by changing it to “Work for Whatever we say is Important to us.” The obvious change is taking out the “Being Willing.” We could be “willing” and yet fail to execute. I prefer the language of “Work for Whatever we say is Important to us.”

“Working for whatever we say is important to us” involves doing the not so fun stuff of executing. To me, it includes knowing what it is that is important to us, and having a process for accomplishing our goals directed to those things. This must include clarity of our goals, staying focused on them routinely, and adjusting them as needed. This usually requires that they be in writing, since it is impossible to stay focused on those if they are only in our head.

What do you think? Are you focused on what you want to accomplish in the last quarter of the year? There are three months left until the end of 2025. Have you done what I suggested a few blog posts ago, setting one goal that you accomplish each week between now and the end of the year? Be honest with yourself.

It isn’t too late, yet, but it will be sooner than we think. These three months will pass so quickly, with several major holidays in addition to life’s other priorities. If you haven’t gotten started yet, please do. We are still in the first week of this last quarter, and there is still time.

Be Consistent, Determined, and Work for Whatever it is that is Important to You.

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A Few Ideas to Ponder

Posted on September 27, 2025 by Patti Fralix

I decided to minimize my words on this post, and highlight the words of others. I hope that you enjoy these thoughts.

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Customer Service Matters

Posted on September 19, 2025 by Patti Fralix

I am amazed at some shop staff and owners who do not provide an expected level of customer service. I am also amazed at those who do. I have been speaking, consulting, and coaching on Customer Service and related topics for more than thirty-three years. Customer Service is a favorite topic of mine. Too often lately, I have found that the basics of service are lacking. It is time for that to change.

What are the basics of service? They really are pretty simple. Simple does not seem to mean easy, however, although most of the basics of service should be easy. Some will say that we should treat others as we want to be treated, which is an example of the Golden Rule. I prefer the Platinum Rule, which is to treat others as they prefer to be treated.

First, and foremost, one of the most important aspects of service is friendliness. Greeting customers when they arrive, and making some appreciative comment when they leave, is important. While this is not always done, it should be. Making customers feel welcome and appreciated is a basic customer service principle.

A couple of days ago I went into a place of business I often frequent. It was ten minutes before closing. I told the person who greeted me that I knew they were closing soon, and I had come for one item, and would not cause them to close late. I could tell that she was relieved. That interaction was pleasant enough.

What bothered me about this visit was the owner who was present who should have recognized me who did not even speak to me. Whether she remembered me or not, and she should have, she should still have spoken. This was not the first time for this experience. Although I have overlooked this in the past, I decided that I will no longer give my business to this shop. I need to give my business to shops in which I and my business are appreciated.

This was a very different experience from one I had with a vendor I order from periodically for my antiques and gifts business. The minimum reorder amount had been increased and I questioned that. The vendor explained that the minimum reorder had been increased but that she will continue to offer me the lower minimum. While I did not expect that, I so appreciated it. Now, that is someone who values me and my business and deserves it!

Many people are struggling financially, and do not easily part with their money to make a purchase. When they do, at a minimum their experience should be a positive one.

Many businesses are struggling financially, and purchases made help a business stay in business. When store employees treat the customer with dignity and appreciation, the experience can be mutually beneficial.

Customer Service is not only about how the customer is treated. Quality is important. But customers will sometimes overlook quality concerns if they perceive they are treated well. Price is important, and more so to some customers due to their financial situation. There are other aspects of customer service. But how customers perceive they are treated is as important, and even more so, as any other customer service variable.

Too often the basics of service are lacking. I have decided that I will no longer do business with shops in which I do not feel valued as a customer.

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Part Two of My Car Experiences

Posted on September 11, 2025 by Patti Fralix

This story continues where last week’s blog ended.

Mike and I were in a completely dead loaner Honda on the side of the road near Williamsburg, Va. Our car expert, Josh, was determining how to solve this problem from his location in Creedmoor, NC.

Josh decided to send his tow truck to pick up the dead loaner Honda. He said it made sense for the tow truck to also bring our Honda to us. Amazingly so, the transmission replacement on our car had just been completed. Since we were ten minutes away from our destination in Williamsburg, he ordered a Lyft to pick us up, transfer our luggage, and transport us to our destination.

We were picked up by our Lyft less than thirty minutes later, and deposited at the Marriott at Ford’s Colony in Williamsburg, arriving there at approximately 6:30 pm. Josh ordered the tow truck to pick our Honda CR-V up at his facility in Creedmoor and bring it to us in Williamsburg, which was approximately a three hour drive. The tow truck arrived about 11:30 pm that evening. After bringing our vehicle to us, the tow truck driver then went to pick up the loaner car that we had left on the side of the road,

The next morning, which was Saturday, I texted Josh and verified that since it was the weekend, we would talk about my car on Monday. On Monday, I received an email with the final zero balance on the loaner car. In a conversation with John, Josh’s assistant, I was told that the only balance due on my car was the $100 warranty deductible. I was pleasantly surprised since I had been told previously that some of the costs might not be covered by the warranty. I can’t help but think that the amount of time Josh and John spent lobbying with the warranty company on my behalf is time that no one paid for. I was also suspicious that Josh covered some of the costs of the repair, and when I asked him about that, he replied “I feel really bad about all that happened.” Josh did what was best for me, the customer, and it is because of this kind of service that he will get my car repair business every time.

After all of this with my car and the loaner car, I was nervous about driving my car. I worried that it might not be fixed, although I trusted that it was. Still, I had uncomfortable feelings about driving. My fear felt like I imagined PTSD feels. I told a couple of friends that I thought I had PTSD from this! I do not mean any disrespect to anyone who truly has PSTD, but I imagine I had a minor dose of it.

I learned several important lessons from this experience.

  1. Life can change on the dime, and when we least expect it. To be driving two different vehicles three days apart, both Hondas, which are supposed to be virtually trouble-free vehicles, and for the transmission to need to be replaced in one and the alternator in the other, is amazing. I have been driving for fifty-seven years and have had many different kinds of cars. I have never had a major problem with a car, car accidents aside. I have bought new cars and used cars, and have never had a major repair problem before now. I have never purchased an extended warranty before the 2021 Honda CR-V, nor have I needed one. But for some reason I purchased the extended warranty when I bought the 2021 Honda CR-V, so it was there when I needed it.
  2. Since life is unpredictable, we need to prepare as best we can for the unknown, especially when it can be expensive. While that does not mean that we should always buy the extended warranty, when we have the thought that we might should, we need to act on that nudge.
  3. We need to do business with those we trust, and who will have our best interests in mind. For me, that is Champs Performance in Creedmoor, NC.

As difficult as my car experiences have been, they pale in comparison to those affected by 9/11. Today marks the twenty-fourth anniversary of 9/11. May we never forget.

Also, the assassination of conservative leader Charlie Kirk this week and the loss his young family he left behind suffers, puts my problems in clear perspective.

I am grateful for my blessings.

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