It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas, or Is It?

Our Douglas Fir tree, a first!

2020 is soon to end, but not before Christmas is celebrated. We would probably all agree that this has been a year unlike any other. So, it is expected that this will not be a “normal” Christmas. Of course, I am referring to the secular part of Christmas. The real meaning of Christmas is not affected by COVID.

‘Oh how I miss the hustle and bustle of NYC at Christmas!
The Rockefeller Christmas tree in 2016. 2020 is the first year we have missed being in NYC during the Christmas season in many years.

I respectfully acknowledge that everyone reading this does not celebrate Christmas, and I ask that those who do not celebrate Christmas read this in the spirit of celebration, not just Christmas celebration.  

I mentioned in a previous post that I was not excited about decorating for Christmas, and I wasn’t even sure that I would. But, I did. I did not decorate as much as I normally do, but I did decorate. I am glad that I did, although there have been some challenges.

One of our two matching trees of 2019.

Whereas I normally have (at least) two live Christmas trees, this year I only have one. It is a good thing that I decided to only have one tree, for although I went early to select our tree, there were very few trees left, and no Fraser Firs. I had to settle on a Douglas Fir, and I am not happy with it. The branches are not sturdy, so it is difficult to hang any ornaments on them. It looks bare in too many places, and it isn’t easy to hide those bare places. Worse than this, however, is the fact that the tree is dying one week after it was decorated! Although I have filled the stand with water, the tree is not drinking the water. When I realized this, I googled “Douglas Fir not drinking water.” I found this to be a common problem with Douglas Fir trees. I discovered that the base of this particular tree has to be cut a certain way, or this problem happens. Obviously, the young man who prepared my tree did not know this either or did not do it if he did. There is no solution to this problem other than hope it holds up until Christmas day, and ignore how sad it looks while it is dying. Although I am disappointed, I am not really surprised. Since this year is unlike any other, it is fitting that this year’s Christmas tree reflects this.

This wooden Santa was lovingly made by our dear Shirshee many years ago.

One of my favorite things to do at Christmas while decorating the tree is remember where our ornaments came from. So many of our ornaments were given to us by friends and family through the years. Our collection is extensive, and I can remember who gave us most of them. Then, there are our two family ornament collections that Mike started, one of them thirty-seven years ago, and the other also a long time ago. 

Last year’s family Christmas ornament.
One of our annual family Christmas ornaments. Only the names of those who sleep at the house are on the ornament.

Our daughter and her family who live in Georgia will be coming home this week for Christmas, and we hope that we will all stay healthy. We are not unconcerned about COVID and would understand if they chose to forego coming home this year, although we are certainly happy that they will be with us. So that part of our holiday will be normal. Other parts will not be. We will not go to our church’s Christmas Eve Candlelight service, preferring to watch it virtually instead of exposing ourselves to a number of people outside of our bubble. We will also not go to Christmas Day dinner at a relative’s, so as to not expose his elderly mother to those of us outside of her bubble.

From our Sesame Street ornament set purchased in Gadsden, Al in the late 70’s. So many memories!
Most of our White House ornaments, a collection started by Mike years ago.

How will you celebrate this year? Is your planned holiday celebration similar to years past, or very different? Is it beginning to look a lot like Christmas at your house?

One of our family’s “rules” is no one can come into the presents area until everyone is up. This photo from 2019 is Virginia, Elsie, and Mary Grace patiently waiting on the adults.

More importantly, is it beginning to look a lot like Christmas in your heart?  

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What We Get Used To

I just finished my lunch of romaine lettuce, grape tomatoes, diced onions, and 1 tablespoon of Garlic Expressions Vinaigrette, (my favorite salad dressing, discovered from a fellow blogger, Susan of Between Naps on the Porch) and it was delicious. Those ingredients were the only ones that I had to make a salad with, at least of things that are healthy. I used to not like salads, and now I love them. Thinking about this reminds me that we are creatures of habit and are more prone to like what we get used to, and not like what is unfamiliar. I can think of more examples of this, especially things that I had to get used to before developing a taste for them. Some of those things were good for me, and some not.

Oatmeal is healthy nourishment. Adding brown sugar, pecans, cinnamon, and vanilla makes it a special treat.
A delicious and healthy meal at Canyon Ranch’s café at the Venetian in Las Vegas enjoyed before COVID.

I have written previously about my decision to no longer drink alcohol, a decision I made May 7, 2019. I am now a non-drinker. I made the decision to stop drinking to lose weight, and it helped me to do that. I also had to change my overall eating habits to lose the weight I wanted to lose, which I did, and met my Weight Watchers weight goal July 13, 2019. Once I met that weight goal, I continued on my plan, and have lost a total of 57 pounds. Accomplishing this required that I change my habits, learning to like some things I previously did not enjoy, and giving up some things, such as Chardonnay, that I enjoyed. I still miss the Chardonnay, but I enjoy the weight loss and the general feeling of well being more.

March 31, 2019; Moscow. 150 pounds.
May 6, 2020; 105 pounds.
November 29, 2020; The Angus Barn, Raleigh. 101.8 pounds.

My weight loss was accomplished before I started a daily walking routine. Almost every day I walk two miles and have done so since January of 2020. I started walking for my health, specifically my osteoporosis and cholesterol. I have walked for exercise before, but never this consistently or for this length of time. Even if the walking is not directly related to my weight management plan, I feel much better overall from this exercise, and plan to continue it. I use this time for listening to podcasts and catching up on phone calls with friends. I hope that I will also see improvement in my bone mass and cholesterol, but even if not, I feel improvement in my mental health and overall physical health. This is another example of getting used to a routine before beginning to enjoy it.

Walking on the beach is a peaceful way to exercise.

I have known for years that I have an addictive personality. I am addicted to food that is not healthy or good for me, specifically sweets. While I am able to eat sweets in moderation, I will never be able to eat all of the sweets that I would like to if I want to maintain my weight loss. That is a non-negotiable fact. While I do not want to be deprived of food I enjoy, I am willing to control my food intake to remain healthy, and to maintain a healthy weight loss. That does not feel like deprivation, but discipline.

I do not think that I was addicted to alcohol, or I would not have been able to quit drinking so effortlessly. I certainly had a habit of drinking Chardonnay daily that was not good for me.  I did not drink alcohol at all until I was in my mid to late 20’s, and usually only drank wine, and an occasional Lemon Drop Martini or Appletini. I remember having to develop a taste for wine, not enjoying the taste at all when I first started drinking it. Initially I only drank socially. Over the years that changed to enjoying Chardonnay very much and drinking it daily. This is an example of getting used to something that wasn’t good for me.

We are called to be our best selves.

Other than rejoining WW and walking daily, the two behaviors that have helped me maintain my weight and health focus, I have other systems that help me to remain committed. The most important of these is daily recording of everything I eat and drink. If it goes in my mouth it is written down. I use the WW app for this. Sometimes this discipline keeps me from eating something I am about to put in my mouth! I also weigh myself daily in the same clothes and try to determine how my weight fluctuates up or down a pound or two and make changes accordingly.

I haven’t read the book, but I am living the life!

What we get used to can help us or hinder us. Sometimes our habits develop over time and we are not even aware that what was once occasional has become a habit. Some of those habits are not good for us. Also, as motivational speaker Jim Rohn said many years ago, our habits build on each other, one good habit leading to another. Jim Rohn gave the example of eating an apple-a-day made taking a daily walk easier. The same is also true for one bad habit making another bad habit easier. I recall eating more sweets and other carbohydrates with my Chardonnay. 

Food is nourishment and can be pleasurable, but should not be for stress relief.

What have you gotten used to? Are those things serving your higher purpose, or making it more difficult for you to be who you want to be? If so, are you willing to change some of what needs to change? If you are stuck, just get started. You may be amazed at what you can do once you get started. Do not try to figure it all out at once. Just get started, and the rest will come.

Let me know If I can be of any help. The purpose of this weekly blog is to inspire positive change. One step at a time.  

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Time, Our Most Valuable Resource

This sunset of Lake Gaston taken on one of our trips with friends.

With time to spare, I sit pondering the subject of this week’s blog. Just like I do not usually know exactly what I will say until I begin a speech, I usually do not know the subject of my weekly blog until right before I begin to write. Neither of these is because I am unprepared; I usually overprepare. It is because I want both to be as timely as possible, so I allow for the events and insights of the moment to lead me to the message I am meant to deliver.

As I ponder, I am reminded of the gift of time, and how rare it is to have time to ponder, to just think. Most of us are so busy, rarely slowing down to think about how we spend our time. Perhaps this is a subject worthy of this blog as we enter the busiest season of the year during a pandemic.

Time spend cooking and baking with the granddaughters is always time well spent. Virginia is baking cookies here.

My mind is wandering all around, thinking about the value of time, and how we spend it. I think of two groups of friends and times we spend together, just visiting, eating, and playing.  Playing includes sunning, boating, and other lake and beach activities. We do not watch TV, other than when it rained the entire weekend at the lake recently with one of our groups of friends! We mainly just talk, catching up on each other’s lives even more than world events. I am so appreciative of the time our hosts spend preparing for our times together, and the gift of time we all give each other to come together for these, leaving all other priorities behind to do so. I think friends who spend time together like this are rare, and so valuable. Then, of course, there is the valuable time that we spend with family.

We made it to Steamboat in February for our annual family ski vacation before COVID closed everything down.

Christmas decorating requires a lot of time, and each year I wonder if it is worth it for the two to three weeks that we are able to enjoy the efforts of the time spent. I question if it is worth it until the decorating is done, and then I do not question its value at all! Each year is a new decision, however, and since I haven’t yet decorated for this season, I am not making any promises. Through the years I have gradually reduced the amount of decorating that I do. We still have live trees. Each year I revisit the live trees decision, and probably will this year as well since I haven’t begun the process.

One of our 2019 Christmas trees
This ceramic tree was made by my mother many years ago. She passed away in 1998, and this treasure is a wonderful reminder of her.

Although I love how our home looks all decorated for Christmas, and I am glad I made the effort once it is done, is this really how I want to spend this time? Time spent can never be recovered. I am less sure this year than any other year. I will let you know my decision next week, for if the decorating is to be done, it must be finished by then. While writing this, not really trying to listen to the conversation of others, I hear a woman near me telling someone on the phone that she is not decorating for Christmas this year, that she has too much going on to do so! Touché!

This gift from my friend Pam introduced me to one of my favorites things, Sarawak White Pepper. I can only find it online!

There is also the time it takes to select and purchase Christmas gifts. Some people no longer give gifts for various reasons, and not (just) because of the time it takes to do so. One of the reasons is that some people are concerned about our excess consumption. The type of gift giving has also changed. For many people, gift cards have replaced gifts, and not even gift cards to a special store. I am not implying that gift cards are a problem, but that it doesn’t take much time to purchase them. Money is also given by some, and (I assume) appreciated by the recipients. Again, there is not much time required for this gift. But if one takes time to determine just the right gift for someone, whether the time is spent in physical stores or online, it does take time. Not to mention the time spent by the recipient returning gifts when the gift does not fit or is returned for other reasons. When I think of this, perhaps gift cards or money are the right approach, for they take less time for both the buyer and the recipient! If the gift, whatever it is, is given with a giver’s heart, in the true spirit of giving, the method of delivery or the specific gift do not matter much. It is time well spent.  

This etching on a sidewalk in Key West is a poignant reminder of the importance of how we spend our time.

This subject of the value of time could cover many other aspects of the use of time, but that would take too much of your time to read! Let’s just acknowledge that however we spend our time, we should do so thoughtfully, with full knowledge that time spent is never recovered.

How we spend our time and the choices we make are intertwined.

May your holidays, be they Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa, be filled with meaning and joy, and may we all stay healthy, with masks and social distancing, until we are able to return to our (new) normal.  

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Thankful for Another Year

The children’s Thanksgiving table at Tara and Stephen’s. (L to R) Virginia, MoMo, (who the children always want at their table!) Mary Grace, Elsie, and Drew.

Thanksgiving 2020 has come and gone. It was a very different holiday for most of us. Although many elected officials and the CDC warned against travelling, many did so anyway, willing to take the risk to be with loved ones. We were in that number, travelling to Georgia to be with our daughter Tara and her family. We just hope that our decision was a healthy one, and that a couple of weeks from now we are still COVID free.

The adult Thanksgiving table. (L to R) Stephen, Stephen’s parents, his mom Jane and his dad Steve, Patti, Tara, and Mike.
MoMo, Virginia, and Elsie relaxing and reading.

Whereas the past two years we have seated 65 people for Thanksgiving in Raleigh, this year there were 11 of us in St. Marys, GA.  Our daughter and son-in-law hosted a lovely gathering, with the tastiest turkey I have ever eaten. Tara said it was the freshest turkey we have ever had, running wild a couple of days before it graced our table. I tried to forget that, focusing instead on the dry brine that must have made its taste so wonderful! 

(L to R) Stephen, Tara, Virginia, and Mike boating on Thanksgiving Day, a first!
Drew and Virginia.

Although our number was much smaller, Tara kept some of our traditions alive, including pasta night on Thanksgiving Eve. Sister Dianne would have been proud. She would also be proud that I mastered her Strawberry Pretzel Salad, which the children all requested.  I must confess I was nervous about that and was so glad that it turned out well.

One of the many wild horses we saw on Cumberland Island.

My birthday usually falls within the Thanksgiving holiday, and this year was no exception. The night before we travelled home, I was surprised with a birthday party complete with a delicious homemade cake made by Tara and the girls. The next night other family members Paula and Bryan surprised me with a birthday get together, complete with Edible Art cake. The next day, on my actual birthday, Mike hosted my third birthday celebration at the Angus Barn, which was so festive, all decorated for Christmas. The Angus Barn tradition ends a birthday dinner with a pound cake.  I think this is the first year that I have had three birthday cakes!

My surprise birthday party hosted by Tara and the granddaughters.
Mike and me celebrating my birthday at the Angus Barn.
Thankful for another birthday.

Other than appreciating being honored by family, I wasn’t excited about my birthday this year. This is the last year of my sixth decade of life. I am amazed that the years have passed so quickly. While I am grateful for the years I have lived, I know that there are more years behind me than in front of me. I was lamenting that fact, until I remembered how fortunate I am to be alive, and to still have birthdays. The memory of a few people who passed away this year brought into clear awareness how blessed I am to be alive. My regrets of aging turned into gratitude for aging. How quickly our perspective can change. The same situation can be viewed from different angles and present us entirely different views. Regret for aging becomes gratitude for aging. And my age did not change, just my perspective. Thankfully.  

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Thanksgiving 2020

Thanksgiving 2019

We may forget some of our holiday gatherings, but most likely we will all remember Thanksgiving 2020, during our time of COVID. Most of us will gather in much smaller groups this year, heeding the warnings of the CDC and countless others. Our 65 family members will not gather with us in Raleigh this year, putting safety above tradition and the desire to be together.

One of many tables at Thanksgiving last year. Feeding 65 people takes a lot of tables, chairs, and china! Hopefully next year we can gather again as a large family.
Another table set for the Thanksgiving feast.

Many people will not travel to be together this year due to the risk of doing so. Mike and I, grandson Drew, and family friend MoMo will be in St. Marys, GA at daughter Tara’s for the holiday. I hope that our decision to travel to be together is a good one. We struggled with the decision, concerned about all of the warnings to stay home and only be with those in our bubble, yet decided to go, and will maintain social distancing and wear our masks. With son-in-law Stephen’s parents joining us, there will be 11 of us.

We miss being with Beverly and Uncle Barry this year.
The adult cousins had a contest that involved an adult beverage last year.
Mike was a week post op ankle surgery last year at Thanksgiving, and enjoyed visiting with the cousins at Sawmill Tap Room, where our Thanksgiving holiday begins on the Tuesday before turkey day. Not this year.

Photos of past Thanksgivings take me down memory lane and reflect how blessed we are. Seeing how much the children have grown, and noticing the other changes we have experienced, I am humbled by being healthy, recognizing those in our family whom we have lost. Two of our patriarchs, Dad Fralix and Chuck Monahan, are no longer with us except in memory and spirit. We miss them often, especially so at holiday times.

Dad Fralix and Uncle Barry at Sawmill Tap Room, Thanksgiving 2017. Dad passed away in September of 2019.
Virginia and Kennidy at Thanksgiving in 2017.
The young cousins at Thanksgiving 2017.
Mary Grace, Elsie, and Autumn at Thanksgiving 2017.

Hold fast to your loved ones, for we never know when we will be together for the last time.  The Steve Kinney family knows this all too well with the sudden loss of Stephen’s brother Robby seven months ago. Robby’s death left his family with a void that will never be filled.

A small gathering that began our 2015 Thanksgiving.
Virginia and Aunt Patty preparing for Thanksgiving in 2015.

Take lots of photos as you gather this holiday, and frame some so that you have them present when your loved ones are no longer present physically. Spend time enjoying being together, remembering those who are not with us, especially those whose absence from us in this earthly life is permanent.    

Dr. Danks and Mary Grace at Thanksgiving 2012.
Elsie and Dr. Danks at Thanksgiving 2012. My how fast the years have passed.

I wish you a safe and healthy holiday, however you celebrate. May Thanksgiving 2021 find us able to be together physically again.   

Our last large group photo; Thanksgiving 2018. Dad Fralix and Chuck Monahan will be with us in memory this year, joining us from above.
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Leading from the Inside Out

Leadership has always been one of my driving forces. I think my interest in leadership comes from the influence of my given family, especially my mother, father(s,) and maternal grandmother. Some of the influence was not positive, but it all affected me, nonetheless. I am not going to delve into the whys and wherefores of my family related to leadership; that occurred in therapy in my early 30’s. I will discuss the practical applications of leadership, and how we all benefit from having leaders who inspire and develop us.

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Getting More Comfortable with Ambiguity

People who have a need to control are having a very difficult time these days. So many things are outside of our control. They really always have been, but we have sometimes been under a delusion that we had more control than we actually have had. Not so lately. There are so many things that have happened in the past year that we could never have predicted, and that have taken away any illusion of control that we might have had. One of the results is the need to get more comfortable with ambiguity. Ambiguity, the unknown, results when we cannot anticipate with any certainty what is going to happen next. That is exactly where most of us are, not being able to anticipate with any certainty what will happen next.  

The most obvious happening we have experienced is COVID. We cannot see the end in sight. Our daily lives have been disrupted by this pandemic and we do not know how long it will last. It seems that we are at least months away from any widespread solution to this, such as a vaccine. In the meantime, we will experience very different Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations. Many of us are physically distanced from our extended families in a manner that we have not been before during holidays.

Sometimes we just need time away!

Additionally, many people are struggling financially.  Also, we should not forget that many people have family members that have suffered from COVID, some who did not survive the disease. COVID has disrupted our lives to varying degrees, but we have all been affected. The ambiguity that is still with us as a result of this pandemic makes our daily lives feel out of control, and they are.   

Then there is the recent presidential election. Whether your chosen candidate won or lost, or whether you believe we do not yet really know who won or lost, the ambiguity involved in still having a country so divided continues to threaten our sense of stability. Even when the decision of who has been duly elected as our next President is known, the division in our country will still be with us, and we do not know for how long. Regardless, we have to go about our daily lives trusting that the wheels of our government will take us where were need to go. The ambiguity involved in this can create a lack of trust in our institutions that will make it difficult for all of us.

In addition to those mentioned, you have your own list of happenings outside of your control. Some are dealing with serious illnesses, some even death, not related to COVID. Some are dealing with job losses, not knowing how they will support their families. Some families have been broken apart; the stress created by the other happenings being the last straw in already fragile relationships. 

My afternoon cappuccino centers me.

We should not fail to recognize that there have also been positive happenings. Babies have been born. Some have been cured from serious illnesses. Engagements and weddings have happened, and others are planned. Some families have gotten closer and stronger, choosing to stay together. But even the positive happenings, when we feel they are outside of our control, create ambiguity. The ambiguity created from positive happenings is more desirable than that created from negative happenings, but both create a level of stress that can be difficult to manage.

So, what can we do during these times that there is so much outside of our control?  When thee is so much we can’t control, it is even more important to focus on what we can control. What we can control is our attitude and behavior. These are always within our control.

We cannot control the behavior of others! We can only control our own behavior.

During difficult times it is very important to insulate our hot buttons, those things that get under our skin, and that can create a negative response in us. People need our best at these difficult times, as hard as that can be.  We need to doing whatever we can to stay centered and calm. Recognizing that our loved ones will remember what we say in moments of anger, even if they forgive us our outburst. Once harsh words are spoken, they can’t be taken back. It is especially important for parents to show their best to their children during these times. Our children get their sense of security and stability from the adults in their lives, especially their parents.

Our behavior needs to stay positive, as positive as possible. We should remain productive. One of the positive benefits of COVID is the recognition of how meaningless some of our “stuff” is. Now that we have been home for longer periods of time, we are now clearer about what matters, and what doesn’t. This can help us transform ourselves from people of consumption to people of creation. Doing so is not easy, but easy is not what we are called to. The lessons of this time should not be wasted on us, we should embrace them.

The attitudes and behaviors that we can control are an important focus for our attention. There is not one road map for all of us in this regard. We need to spend time going within to figure out which attitudes and behaviors are most important for us to control. If we do, we can manage the ambiguity in a manner that allows us to be our best.

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Fear and Feelings

We continue to live in an unprecedented time.

As of this writing, the final decision of the U.S. Presidential election is not known. There are predictions, but no final decision. The news is filled with vote counts and predictions. While the outcome is becoming clearer, it may be days or even weeks before the election results are finalized. I suppose it is safe to assume that we will have a duly elected President within a month, and likely sooner than that.

The pandemic is still with us, and predictions are dire for the upcoming weeks and months. Many people are preparing for a different and smaller Thanksgiving holiday, putting their concerns of safety over their desire to be with large groups of family and friends. Our extended family of 65 people will celebrate more locally in much smaller groups this year. Mike and I will travel to Georgia to be with our daughter’s family there. This will be only the third time in thirty-six years (it may be thirty-seven years, but who’s counting?!) that we have not hosted our family’s Thanksgiving. The young cousins will especially miss being together. Hopefully next year will find us all together again, pandemic free.

There is much about these times that troubles our souls. It is easy to let fear take hold. Our economy, while robust for those who are wealthy, finds many who aren’t wealthy struggling financially. Many jobs are in jeopardy. Many businesses have closed, and many more will. Safety nets have disappeared for many Americans. Feelings of loss are normal. Loss of normalcy, loss of safety and security, and loss of many things that made our lives feel stable.

We cannot change our current circumstances. We do not know when we can expect things to improve. We cannot control what is happening around us, or even to us. Our current reality is outside of our control. The only thing we have any control of is our response. We can control whether we allow our feelings of loss to become feelings of despair. We must guard against that. As long as we have control of our mind, we have control of our emotions.

Reading helps during these times.

Some quotes that can help us.

“The greatest of all virtues is courage.” Joe Biden’s mother.

Find the joy in every day!

“We should listen with the same passion that we want to be heard.” Harriet Lerner.

“Are we willing to show up and be seen when we can’t control the outcome?” Brené Brown.

“All you can do is the best you can do, and the best you can do is enough.” Said by a nurse at a spiritual retreat, and told to me by family friend, Kathy Monahan. 

“Love people for who they are instead of hating them for who they aren’t.” Jason Sudeikis.

Mike had a birthday this week; 11/5. Can you guess which one it was?!

Hopefully at least one of these quotes speaks to your heart. Hold tight to those that speak to you and allow feelings of hope to carry you through. Through the election, through the pandemic, and through all of your challenges.   

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Controlling What We Can Control

Our mountain get-a-way in Blowing Rock, NC.

As I sit in a lovely condo in Blowing Rock, NC on a three day get-a-away with my husband, the rain from the remnants of Hurricane Zeta is pounding all around. It is predicted to rain most of the time we are here. As a friend of mine has always said, “We can’t control the weather!” While I know that, I am still disappointed. The rain will keep me from doing some things that I enjoy while in the mountains, such as taking long walks. But not completely. I did walk for almost an hour yesterday soon after we arrived, in spite of the rain. I channeled my friend’s words, the same friend who said, “We can’t control the weather!” When I have complained about rain affecting my walking routine, she has said many times, “You are not made of sugar, and you will not melt!” MoMo’s wise words rang in my ears as I experienced a walk in the rain. Thinking about not being able to control the weather, other things came to mind that we can’t control, and some that we can.

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What the World Needs Now

Have you noticed that many things take more time lately, lately meaning since COVID-19? This is especially true when you call a physician’s office or a pharmacy. Once the phone is answered (not by a live voice, of course, but with an automated message) you might as well put the phone down and pick it back up five minutes later. By then the automated message about COVID precautions, address, directions, hours of operation, etc. may be over and you can then try to figure out how to get to the right person or department to answer your question. I am amazed at the waste of time involved in all of this. By the time a live person who can answer your question is on the line you may be so frustrated that you have forgotten why you called! After having this experience again today I thought it might be appropriate to think through how we navigate these experiences and remain calm.

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