Life is so unpredictable. First the Coronavirus, resulting in devastating health outcomes for so many people around the world. The negative impact on the U.S. economy and many businesses has been beyond belief. We do not know when we can expect significant relief from Covid-19; most likely not until we have a vaccine for the virus. We are many months away from that, and until then, the best that we can hope for is a gradual reduction in the number of people affected with the virus, and hopefully a decline in the death rate. Now that schools are scheduled to begin reopening in varying degrees across the country, some people are worried that we will have a surge in Covid cases. Life cannot begin to return to any semblance of normal anytime soon. Even so, although it is hurricane season, we probably did not expect that we would have a hurricane to contend with. But we did.
These are difficult times, to say the least. I do not need to reiterate the obvious, since we have all been living with the Pandemic for several months. And soon things are about to get worse, some think. School is starting in various degrees in different parts of the country, and parents are worried. I think we all need to be aware of the need to do our very best during these times to stay calm, insulate our hot buttons, and be the stability our children need and deserve.
There is often so much noise in our heads and around us that we miss important moments. Not so for a Wilmington, NC woman on her walk with her dog. She was not on her phone, or she would have missed it. She was not even lost in her own thoughts, unaware of what was going on around her. She was present. Because of that, she heard the crying of a baby in a trash can and saved his life. The identity of the woman who put the baby in a plastic bag and left him in a trash can has been discovered, but we do not know the motive. We do know that being present and the quick action of the woman who discovered the baby saved his life. The baby boy is now safe, and the woman who found him is so grateful that she was present to hear his cries.
We have many moments in which we miss important things just by not being present. We may be distracted, not aware of what is going on around us. We may be lost in our thoughts, failing to see or hear the pain of those closest to us. Or, we may see and hear, only to miss the important messages we would understand if we only slowed down enough to be fully present.
Let’s clear our minds so we can hear the music.
When life is in full swing it is easy to miss what is important that is going on around us. Maybe we can even understand that. But our most recent and current times have afforded us a unique opportunity to slow down and see and hear in a way not often found. Our Coronavirus experience has given us this gift, while also giving us much more that we may fail to see as a gift, but which in reality, may be.
I wrote last week about being present in the moment, not focusing on the past or the future. To be fully aware requires us to be in the present moment, avoiding the temptation of living in the past or future. While we really only have the present, it is easy to lose sight of that, and obsess over what was and what we think or fear will be. When we do so, we can miss the magic of what is.
Granddaughter Virginia’s artwork, painted for me last Christmas. I think she was fully aware of those words from me that took hold in her heart.
How can we be more aware? How can we quiet the noise in our heads? What can we do to be more fully present?
First, we should turn off the external noise, at least some of the day. That includes the TV and all of our devices. We should be still and allow our thoughts to give us insight that the noise of our distractions too often covers. We can get active, paying attention to what our body can tell us. My favorite activity is walking, and I usually have my wireless ear buds in, listening to educational and inspiring podcasts. While I enjoy these, even they can mask what I can learn from just going within, without anyone’s words in my ears but my own.
Another idea is one Julie Cameron writes about in her 1995 seminal book, The Artist’s Way. Cameron calls this creative approach Morning Pages. First thing each morning after awakening, before doing anything else, one should write freehand on three 8.5” pages, whatever comes from one’s mind, not trying to organize the thoughts. Just write. Then put the pages in an envelope and seal them. Once a week, open the envelopes and read the pages. Insights from one’s subconscious will be found on the pages. I have done this at different times through the years. I recently found some morning pages from 2000 and reread them. I found a theme in those pages from twenty years ago about my thoughts that I needed to not drink so much alcohol. Nineteen years later, May 7, 2019, I stopped drinking. I may have stopped earlier had I continued with the morning pages. But then again, my subconscious thoughts written on those pages may have surfaced from that very work nineteen years later.
Being Aware can take many forms. What is most important is to find what works for you. Life is too precious to miss what we need to hear, understand, and know to be able to live it fully.
So much of our life is spent planning and waiting. There is also a good part of our life that is spent reliving the past. We have to force ourselves to live in the present. But the present is really all that we have. Too often we miss the present, for we are too focused on the past or the future.
The little things have become the important things.
Most of us have been dealing with the Coronavirus and COVID-19 for at least four months. We are spending more time in our homes and less at retail establishments. We have limited our exposure to some of our loved ones due to concerns related to the virus. While summer is in full swing, our vacations and usual summer activities are not. We do not yet know if schools will be back in session in the fall. It is a major understatement to say that life as we knew it has not returned and may not. We are living with a new normal. While some of the changes we are experiencing are difficult, some are providing a much-needed respite from a frenzied lifestyle. Perhaps it is more productive to focus on the gifts of this time than the losses.
Our nation celebrates a birthday tomorrow, July 4. Since 1776 when Congress made its decree for freedom and formally adopted the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776, the bell for freedom has rung in our country. While we talk and sing about the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave, some believe that freedom is not afforded to all citizens to the same degree. Our country is in a struggle about this. Nevertheless, freedom is our birthright. But freedom must be tied to responsibility, or we can have anarchy. This year as we celebrate, perhaps we need to think not just about freedom, but also about responsibility. For we can only remain free if we act responsibly. When we fail to act responsibly individually, our leaders must step up and lead the way for us. Not to control us, but to lead us.
Children do not have to be told “How” to make a human connection!
I listen to podcasts while on my (usual) daily walks. This morning’s podcast was so filled with wisdom that I stopped several times to take notes. I was listening to Brene Brown’s “Unlocking Us”, in which she interviews noteworthy experts. While I love Brene Brown’s work, not long ago I declared that I would no longer follow her due to her frequent use of profanity. Well, I have not kept that promise, and she is still using profanity. (I suppose that is not the only promise that I have broken!) I am conflicted by this, but not enough to follow through with what I said I would do about it. Her podcasts are so good, and although for me they would be even better without the profanity, I have decided to hang in there with her and hope that she changes in this regard. I am hopeful.
The beauty of the ocean and our Oak Island Golf Course grounds me.
It has been more than three months since life as we knew it changed dramatically for most of us. We have no idea when, if ever, our lives will return to normal. Many people are not even expecting life to return to normal, instead assuming that we will have a “new normal.” As life goes on, it becomes difficult to know how to plan. So, what are we to do? My best guess is that we must become more comfortable with not knowing.
There is so much going on these days that can create misunderstanding and conflict. Even with the best of intentions, we can easily make the situations that are bad enough even worse. While we have a right to our opinions, we need to be careful how we express those. I do believe that most people are reasonable and truly want to get along with others, yet how some opinions are voiced makes that difficult to do so. Let’s think about these things for a moment and consider communication that builds bridges.
This message in our neighbor’s yard that greets me every time I drive down our driveway is more important now than ever before.
We are knee deep in summer in the South. Whereas lazy days, sun and water activities, and times together with family and friends normally fill our days, many of us are still staying in place, hoping to avoid COVID-19. Still, we can be engaged in moments that create memories. An advertisement recommends, “Spend More Moments in the Moment.” What a wonderful message. Too often we are so busy going, doing, and acquiring that we fail to be present in the moment. This has not been as true since early March, due to the Coronavirus. Many of us are now used to a slower pace. Although this is an unusual time, summer provides us moments that create memories. But all moments are not the same, even when they create memories.
It is not uncommon to see families and friends together, all on their devices, totally unconnected with those present. When seeing this, I am often curious about how could whatever is on the device be more important than those with whom one is present? This is not spending the right kind of moments in the moment; quite the opposite. It is time to put technology in its place. Technology should be used for work and occasional relaxation, not to entertain us when we should be present with others. While we wouldn’t think to carry a board game into a restaurant to entertain us, our devices are small enough to accompany us almost everywhere we go. This is creating the wrong kind of moments in the moment. These are not the memories that we should savor. With most of summer still ahead of us, let’s make memories from the right kind of moments.
Making memories at The Salty Dog in Hilton Head, social distancing included!
Most of us have boxes and bins of photos clogging our spaces and our devices. Many of those photos are of events and people that are so far removed from our present lives that we do not need to keep the photos. They were our past and can be discarded. Before doing so, however, we need to commit some time to this. For there are surely some photos in with those others that we do want to keep, perhaps some photos of our distant relatives. We can create memorable moments with our children by involving them in this process, introducing them to those relatives. We can tell them stories of those relatives, bringing them to life for a short while. For the physical photos, we should assure that the photos are labeled with all pertinent information, especially names, relationship, and dates. We can discard all negatives, for it is unlikely that those would ever be converted to photos. We can discard duplicates, unless we plan to give those to different family members. This includes the duplicates of our children’s school photos. If our children do not want those school photos, do we really want to hold on to them? Another option is to create a memory book with our children and grandchildren of their parents, themselves, and even some distant relatives.
There is nothing more special than our daughter and granddaughter.
A few other points about photos. Yes, those can be scanned and maintained digitally, and they will require less space. Before spending the time and money to do so, however, consider whether the digital form will ever be viewed again, or just sit on a shelf. A while back I found some printed pages of our daughter’s blog that she wrote years ago, which included photos of her two oldest children. I took those pages with me when I visited the grandchildren, and we relived memories and created new ones going through those together. I don’t think the experience would have been as memorable in digital form.
Some of my favorite memories are cooking with our grandchildren in our kitchen.
Another idea is to create rituals with our family that are memorable moments that become traditions. One ritual some families enjoy is a regular weekly night of pizza and movie watching. In some families these traditions are so sacred that they supersede any other activity. The summer is a good time to begin such a tradition. Also, if your family has such a tradition, do not allow the different schedule of the summer to change it, unless doing so is a conscious decision. Traditions can change, but if they just get set aside or lost in the shuffle of the different season, it does not take long before a tradition loses its meaning.
An unfortunate event on our vacation; our van invaded with a fire extinguisher and valuable items stolen. The lesson learned; leave nothing in your vehicle.
Summer is a wonderful time to play, but it should not be all about play. Many people have more available time in the summer than in the regular school year with all of its activities. We can create memorable moments by choosing to spend some time with our children volunteering to help those in need. If we have a regular time for this, and elect the same volunteer effort, it will become not just memorable moments but a meaningful tradition. If the volunteer effort has a special meaning for us, it will become even more memorable. This is different than the volunteering many people do as a part of their professional work; that, while worthy, has a different purpose. The purpose of volunteering with our children is two-fold; creating memorable moments while helping those in need.
There are many ways to create moments and memories. The exact activity is less important than the commitment to be present with others, consciously and consistently turning moments into memories.
It's In The Sauce! 