Delta is Ready When You Are!

Posted on January 11, 2018 by Patti Fralix
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Delta Sky Club Lounge at RDU, home of our wonderful Customer Care Agent, Kathleen.

Many flying to or through the east coast in the past few days likely had a travel disruption.  The storms throughout the east coast grounded planes, cancelled flights, and displaced luggage.  The airports in New York were especially disrupted with some passengers and luggage waiting for days to be connected.  Mike and I were among the many whose schedules were affected.  We were scheduled to fly from Raleigh to LaGuardia last Thursday am.  That flight was cancelled, as were the two other flights we were booked on.

Our only option to fly out on Friday was less than desirable.  It was in fact, a terrible routing. We were to fly from Raleigh to Atlanta, then to Louisville, then from Louisville to LaGuardia. What is usually a one hour flight from Raleigh to LaGuardia would now be ten hours in airports and in flight. We decided to take it, thinking if we didn’t, it could be days before we might be booked on another flight given all of the rebookings of flights as a result of all of the cancellations.

Friday came, and we headed to the airport earlier than usual to see if we could find another option for our flight.  While the agent at the check-in counter was sympathetic to our situation, she offered no solution.  So, we checked in and headed to the Delta Sky Club Lounge to wait until it was time to board for our first flight of the day.

 

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Delta Sky Club in Atlanta

When we checked into the Sky Club Lounge, we met Kathleen, the customer service agent.  When she checked our boarding pass, she was shocked at our routing.  We talked about it with her for a few minutes, but did not ask her to see if there was anything else available.  We did not ask her to, but she did.

When Mike went back to the desk to check on our flight’s boarding schedule, Kathleen had a better option for us.  She had found two first-class seats on a flight from Atlanta to JFK and had booked them for us.  That change would save us half a day of delays.  Our original seats were not in first class, and my ticket, being a companion ticket, was not even eligible for the upgrade.  Nonetheless, Kathleen booked us on that flight in those seats, at no additional cost!

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Mike in his first class seat from Atlanta to JFK.

The flight from Atlanta to JFK was one of my most pleasant flying experiences.  The steward took our coats the minute we boarded.  The plane was nicer than any I have been in domestically.  The seats were spacious and fully reclined.  Our seats were bulkhead seats, which usually means there is no storage capacity in front of them.  These seats, however, had a storage area that holds up to ten pounds.

 

Surprisingly, although the flight was only one and a half hours in duration, a full meal was served.  The food was delicious and healthy.  The bathroom was larger than any other airline bathroom I have seen and it was brightly lit.  (I, who love light, loved this!)  The lime hand soap in the bathroom was a nice touch.  The glasses our drinks were served in were Alessi.  The details on this flight were impressive.  And most important of all, the stewards were all friendly and accommodating.

Once we landed at JFK, the situation was not as pleasant.  We sat on the tarmac for over an hour waiting for a gate.  Once inside the airport, the crowds of people, some of whom had been waiting a couple of days, were packed into the baggage claim area.  It was chaos.  It was more than two hours later before we found our bags and headed out to get a taxi.  While we were in the taxi line a man approached us with an offer of a limousine to take up to eight people to downtown hotels for a fixed price.  The man approached a couple of other couples around us with the same offer.  While I wasn’t sure this was a good idea, Mike and the others decided it was safe, so that is what we did.  That turned out to be a good decision.

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Chaos in baggage claim at JFK

Some of the airport experience at JFK reminded me of the chaos Mike and I was in during our Hurricane Irma experience in St. Maarten in September.  But thankfully, this ended much quicker.  We left the airport and were in our hotel within the hour.

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One of many stores in Manhattan!

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Manhattan

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Patti spent more time in this coffee shop than she did in any other shop.” Yes, really!

What is it that makes one person accept whatever is on a computer screen, even if it is problematic for the customer, and another person search for a better solution for that same customer?  What makes one person willing to find a solution and break the rules for the customer’s benefit, even if that customer isn’t in the upper tier of that airline’s customers?  (Although Mike and I both have been premier customers of Delta in years past, neither one of us is at this point.)

Is the difference in the training?  I don’t think so.  Is the difference in position power?  I don’t believe so since both the check-in agent and the Sky Club agent were front-line customer service agents.  Is it age or experience?  Perhaps those were variables, but I hesitate to assume so. If not these differences, what then?  What accounts for one person going more than the extra mile and the other not?

Is the difference as simple as caring; caring with a capital “C”?  Yes, I think so.

Caring is the difference in many things. Things that matter.

And on a different note, today is my Mother’s birthday. She died in September of 1998.  It is hard to believe it has been almost twenty years.   Rest in peace, Mother.

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Patti’s mother, Doris Waldrup Foster

And for those of you who still can, call your Mother!

 

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Building Anew

Posted on January 3, 2018 by Patti Fralix
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Happy New Year from Mike and Patti!

Happy New Year!  May 2018 be a year of health, happiness, and prosperity for you.

Just saying those words and wishing it so, will not make it happen.  Then, what will? Concentrated effort.  Daily disciplines.  Letting go of some things to make room for what we say we desire more. Easy to talk about, yet hard to do.  Every year at this time the gyms are full, for about two weeks.  Then the attendance at them drops off dramatically. At the beginning of January each year weight loss plans have many new converts, for about the same length of time.  As I think about this, it occurs to me that we fail in these efforts not because we aren’t serious about what we want to change.  I believe there is another equally, and maybe even more, important variable.   Unless we commit to what we will give up and what we will let go of, our change efforts will not be successful.  A recent change in our lives is an example of this.

A few months ago, it became obvious that we needed to make significant improvements to our clubhouse at the Oak Island Golf Club, improvements that would be costly.  As part of the ownership and President of the Board, Mike has been directly involved in planning our best option.  We had two viable options.  The first option and the one that initially seemed to make the most sense (mainly due to the anticipated cost involved in the other option) was to renovate the clubhouse.  The other option was to tear down the existing facility and build a new clubhouse.  The Board and General Manager considered both options and after a careful analysis decided that tearing down the existing facility and building a new clubhouse was the best option.  One of the main reasons for this decision was the fact that the difference between the cost of the two options wasn’t significant enough to risk renovating, not really knowing what would be found once the building was opened up.  It is even possible that it could be costlier to renovate than to build a new building.  The corollaries between this situation and other changes, even New Year’s resolutions, is instructive.

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Mid demolition of Oak Island Golf Club Clubhouse

The decision makers for the clubhouse change decided to destroy the old and build a new one.  This is similar to us deciding to let go of our old self and build a new self.  In both situations, it is necessary to let go of some things that we enjoy.  In our clubhouse example, one of those is our beloved Duffers, our pub and restaurant.  We have had to let go of the familiar, the known, and the loved.  Since occupying a temporary structure, many club members have expressed how much they miss the clubhouse and Duffers.  When I decided to lose the twenty-five pounds that had found me again, I knew that doing so would involve letting go of some food and beverages I enjoy.  I will miss them as much as our members miss Duffers and our clubhouse!

 

Letting go and building new, whether it is a new clubhouse or a new self, requires that we be willing to build something different, not just

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What remains of Oak Island Golf Club Clubhouse

replicate what we had that was familiar.  For the clubhouse, this means a new design, one that will not include lockers, and that will likely be an overall smaller building.  For my new self, it means a body that will not look the same as one I had even a few years ago, even if I am the same weight.  Aging results in changes, such as wrinkles.  We may decide that keeping a few more pounds than our “ideal” weight is best if doing so keeps some of those wrinkles at bay!

 

Real change always takes time and requires patience and flexibility.  Our new clubhouse will probably require a year of planning and construction, and while we have a temporary structure, it is without some of the benefits our members enjoy.  We do not have a kitchen that prepares fresh food, and for the first few weeks, we have not had any food available in our temporary structure.  Our members have been very supportive, believing that while we have these limitations now, our new clubhouse will be worth the wait.  They have been willing to give up the familiar and desirable to eventually have something better.  We must do the same when making personal change.

 

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Angie, Steve, and Patti, three of our Duffers favorites!

 

I have thoroughly enjoyed bread, butter, fried foods, and dessert, and my body is reflective of such.  I will miss those familiar and desirable food items, but I believe that the body I can have will be worth the sacrifices.  If I maintain the daily disciplines of food control and weight management, my new “building,” my new body, can be built in three months.  The changes I must make to have this very reasonable weight loss of two pounds per week will not be easy, but I can do it.  I want to do it.  I will do it.

 

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Mike on the porch of our temporary clubhouse.

 

What about you?  What changes do you plan to make in 2018?  What are you willing to give up to have what you say is important to you?  Remember, it isn’t enough for us to just commit to what we will do.  We must also give up some of the familiar and desirable to have what we want more.

I wish you great success on your journey!

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Mike’s Christmas Tradition

Posted on December 28, 2017 by Patti Fralix

 

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Mike Fralix, Christmas Ornament Creator Extraordinaire!

Those of you who know me, either in person or through my writings, know how important traditions are to me.  One of my favorite traditions isn’t even mine, although I get to celebrate it each year.  This tradition belongs to my husband, Mike.

Mike and I met in 1983 in Wilson, NC.  We both were there due to our jobs.  I was in hospital administration at the time and had been recruited to Wilson in 1981 by Wilson Memorial Hospital.  Mike was with Blue Bell and had been transferred there in 1982.  We both had a daughter from our first marriages who were there with us.  We met in May of 1983 through the gracious effort of a mutual friend, and I believe, the grace of God.  We married less than a year later, in April of 1984.  In April of 2018, we will celebrate our 34th year of marriage.  Our marriage is (almost!) a daily blessing.  You understand the “almost” part, I am sure!  None of us are saints!

Mike started a Christmas tradition our first Christmas together in 1983 and has continued it every Christmas since. He has purchased a family Christmas ornament every year, and for most of those years, he has had the ornament personalized.  The first year the ornament was a “stock” one with the words, “Our First Christmas Together.”

 

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Our First Christmas Ornament -1983

The second-year Mike went to search for our ornament, he found ornaments with words such as “Our 10TH Christmas Together,” but no “Second Christmas Together.”  He says he remembers not being surprised that there were no “Our Second Christmas Together” ornaments.  Being the innovative guy that he is, he decided to create one!  And he did and has continued to create our family Christmas ornament every year since.

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Mike’s first creation

As our family has evolved over the years, Mike’s tradition has as well.  A few years after “Our First Christmas Together” Mike decided to expand the tradition and has personalized the ornaments with the names of all who will sleep over and be with us on Christmas morning.  Most of the years we have been in Raleigh for Christmas, but not all.  In 2003, we travelled to Douglasville, GA for Christmas, where daughter Tara and son-in-law Stephen lived, and Mike began to put the location on the ornament.  Once the grandchildren came, we have travelled to them the years their parents wanted to be home for Christmas.  Those years, the ornament has the names of all who will be together and the location.  One year, 2010, although we were in Raleigh for Christmas, we were living in a different location because our home was being repaired due to water damage.  Our Christmas ornament from that year is marked “Bay Meadow Court 2010.”

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Mike’s Christmas ornament tradition is recorded history of our family’s life.  Recently, we were trying to remember what year we lived at Bay Meadow Court and quickly found the answer in the ornaments.  If we need to remember something about our family from a particular year, our ornament from that year is the record.  Examples include the years that our chosen daughter Paula was home with us at Christmas, and when her husband Bryan joined us.  Son-in-laws Stephen and Johnathan joined our family and our ornaments in 2002 and 2007, respectively, the Christmases of the years they married daughters Tara and Chatham.  The year that Dad and Rosie were with us for Christmas was 2006.  Uncle Barry has joined us for Christmas since 2014.  MoMo, (who I introduce sometimes as my oldest daughter and at other times as my younger sister!) has been in the family on the ornament since 2000.  She has not had her own bed at Christmas because the granddaughters insist that she sleep with them, and she does.  This year she was elevated by them, even more, when they insisted that she sit with them at the children’s table for all meals!

The ornaments are an important part of our Christmas, not just of our Christmas traditions. We all look forward to seeing them on the tree.  But like us, some of them are showing their age.  Some of the ornaments have not fared well through the years.  A couple of the ornaments have writing that is difficult to read, and some of the writing is smudged.  But all are still hung on the Christmas tree each year, those that can still be hung.

There are a few ornaments whose hanger has broken, and they now are displayed on an easel. This Christmas, those were displayed on the kitchen counter near the Christmas trees.  Perhaps because they were in a location where we spent a lot of time, the kitchen, the Christmas ornaments were the topic of much interest and conversation.  Uncle Barry commented more than once about how wonderful is Mike’s Christmas ornament tradition.  He and others looked at the ornaments to find when they first became a part of the Christmas ornament tradition.

Granddaughter Elsie was looking at the ornaments on the counter and noticed a name on an ornament that she did not recognize, Dotti.  Dotti is my mother who died in 1998, who Elsie, born in 2007, never knew.  Elsie asked how old my mother was when she died, and I answered, “64.”  Elsie replied in a loud voice, “Nana, you are 66!”  I felt her concern.  We then had a brief conversation about age and health and my mother.  The Christmas ornament taught me a lesson.  I had not made sure that our granddaughters knew their maternal great-grandmother through stories, even though it was not possible for them to know her in person.

As our family has grown in number, it has become harder to get all of the information to fit on the ornaments.  Last year and again this year we had this problem.  Once again, the innovator Mike came up with a solution to that problem.  He bought two of the same ornaments and had the names written on both sides, then glued the two ornaments together.

Christmas traditions, ornaments, and memories.  When we look at our family’s Christmas ornaments, we go down memory lane.  In 1983 when Mike and I were engaged and about to marry and combine our families, our ornament of that year recorded our history.  In 2017, our ornament is the recorded history of our expanded family, our two daughters and their families, including our three granddaughters, Mary Grace (12,) Elsie (10,) and Virginia (5.)  Our 2017 ornament also includes a new family member, our soon to be born grandson Drew, due February 20, 2018.  What blessings!

 

May you and your loved ones continue to create memories and traditions of your own.  It is our memories and traditions that ground us and that keeps us connected.  This is more important than ever before, as our world is increasingly more disconnected.

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A Magical Time of the Year!

Posted on December 21, 2017 by Patti Fralix
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One of our two Christmas trees this year!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!  You are probably singing the lyrics of that song while you read those words!  Most people would agree that this is a wonderful or even most wonderful time of the year.   There are many reasons for this, the least of which relates to the presents we receive.  Now the presents we give, that is another matter.  It is better to give than receive, although there is nothing wrong with receiving.

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The second of our two Christmas trees this year!

But let’s put presents aside for a moment and talk about the other ways in which this time of the year is magical.  In fact, presents are not even a part of some of the celebrations enjoyed at this time of the year, nor are Christmas trees, although they are in our home.  Different cultures have different celebrations and that is to be honored.  In fact, I am fine with saying “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas.”  I do not agree that either greeting should be problematic, as long as we are all respectful of others’ rights to believe and celebrate those beliefs in whatever manner they choose.  I even accept that others have a different opinion about this!

The beauty of the season is one way in which it is magical.  While I usually do not look forward to the work involved in decorating, once it is done, the beauty brings me joy and I decide it is all worth it. I am always amazed at how bare our home looks when the decorations are taken down.  I decorated more in years past, and miss some of that, but I have scaled down and am okay with what is missing.  While I do miss some of the decorations, especially the Williamsburg style apple wreath that graced the front door, I do not miss the time it took for those.

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Patti as a child at her grandmother Grace’s house.

While many people spend hours cooking and baking at this time of the year, I do not.  I certainly enjoy the fruits of others’ labors and do cook some meals and bake some, but not to the extent that some other people do.  I do not need the calories I would consume!

While I have not sent Christmas cards for many years, I usually do send New Year’s cards, although our list has gotten shorter through the years.  We have only sent a Christmas letter once that I recall, although I do enjoy receiving them.  We have never sent a Christmas card or New Year’s card with photos of us and/or our children or grandchildren, although I enjoy receiving those also and we may change that this year.  I have kept many of the photo cards of family and friends and enjoy going down memory lane looking at those, amazed at how the children have grown into adults.  This year I may send a photo of Mike and me with our granddaughters in our New Year’s cards, at least to family and friends that we do not see often, assuming I get the photos printed in time!

 

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Our three precious granddaughters Mary Grace (12), Elsie (10) and Virginia (5) make Christmas so special!

 

The real magic of the season to me is the time spent with family and friends.  Like Thanksgiving, the best part of Christmas to me is the “being together” part.  We attend the Christmas Eve candlelight service at church, then have dinner, usually at home.  Most years, the children and now grandchildren open one of their presents on Christmas Eve.  Christmas Day, watching the granddaughters get so excited opening their presents, having a leisurely breakfast, and preparing for our family Christmas dinner are some of our Christmas Day traditions.

Traditions.  What are your traditions for this magical time of the year?  How do you celebrate? It really doesn’t matter how we celebrate, but it is important that we do.  After all, we have much to celebrate.  Many of our celebrations are secular, and there is nothing wrong with that. But many of us celebrate this season for another reason, an even more important reason, a spiritual and religious one.  Whatever your beliefs, make time for celebrating them.

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Granddaughter Virginia said her drink is “like Jesus’s blood, Holy Christ our Lord!”

In the midst of our blessings, let’s remember to give to those who give to us in service through the year, and to those who are less fortunate.

May your 2017 holiday be magical!

 

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What We Say Matters

Posted on December 15, 2017 by Patti Fralix

Redeye Grill

I just returned from a very quick (one day!) trip to Manhattan.  I love being in the city, especially during the Christmas season.  So, going for one day is better than not being able to be there at all, especially at this time of the year.  The beautiful Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center, the window displays in so many stores, and the magical feel of the hustle and bustle of the city all beckoned to me.  Although this trip was especially short, I was glad that I went.  Even with 18-degree weather and air traffic delays, it was more than worth it.  And this time, there was another reason that made the trip special.  The service of a restaurant maître d.

 

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My favorite store’s window displays.

 

Redeye Grill is a restaurant that Mike and I have enjoyed many times through the years.  The food is always delicious, the décor is inviting, and the service has always been good. This time, we expected no less.  We probably did not expect anything out of the ordinary, however.  I certainly did not expect to hear six simple words that would create an excellent customer service experience, one that I will long remember.  But that is what happened.

We did not have a reservation, and would not have been surprised if we had to wait before being seated.  After all, this is a very busy season.  When we arrived at the hostess stand, I was expecting to be asked, “Do you have a reservation?”  Instead, we were greeted with a “Hello,” a smile, and the words, “Did we know you were coming?”  The tone of voice was warm and friendly, and those six simple words, “Did we know you were coming?” was a much better way to ask, “Do you have a reservation?”  I hope that you can hear and feel the difference.

I have taught and spoken about customer service for many years.  In those sessions, I have recommended against what I refer to as “Smiles Training.”  You know the drill.  The service provider says, “Have a nice day” when it is 9 o’clock at night as he throws your food across the counter!  And, how many times have you been asked, “Did you find everything you were looking for?”  Smiles training.  Ineffective in creating a positive memorable experience.

 

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The beautiful Christmas tree in Rockefeller Plaza.

 

Think about the difference in “Do you have a reservation?” and “Did we know you were coming?”  The words “Do you have reservation” puts the burden on the customer and is more of a negative experience if the customer has to say, “No,” recognizing that it is easier for the establishment and the customer if a reservation was made.  The words “Did we know you were coming” puts the responsibility more on the establishment.”  Hear the difference between “Did You?” and “Did we?”  A simple, but powerful difference.

Surprisingly, we did not have to wait to be seated.  And right after being seated, the same customer service expert maître d brought us each a glass of champagne!   The food and service that followed continued the excellent experience.

 

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A few of the many Christmas baubles that line the streets.”

 

I do not know if the Redeye Grill has trained its staff to say, “Did we know you were coming?” instead of “Do you have a reservation?”  That does not even matter to me unless it becomes so rote that it is meaningless.  What matters is that those six words created a positive and memorable customer service experience that will remain with me.  That is more important than the champagne, although that nice touch further enhanced the experience.

I am encouraged to listen to my own words and find ways to make them more positive and engaging.  It is such a simple thing, but certainly not easy.

I will remember how I felt when asked, “Did we know you were coming?”

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Keeping Less, So Others Can Have More

Posted on December 7, 2017 by Patti Fralix

This time each year I find myself in a funk.  It is between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  While I know there are many people who now decorate for Christmas even before Thanksgiving, I cannot do that.

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Just one of our Thanksgiving patterns.

 

Thanksgiving is such a big holiday for us, this year including 57 people, which is down three people from the high of the last two years.  I am still putting away tables and chairs and turkey plates at the same time I am trying to decide how much (or how little!) decorating to do for Christmas. Also, the fact that my birthday is on November 29th has resulted in me delaying any Christmas decorating until at least December 1.  It is now December 6th, and I am just beginning to see the light at the end of the turkey holiday and able to begin to prepare for Santa and his elves.  And I am in a funk because I know that at best, again this year, we will only have two weeks to enjoy the efforts of all of the Christmas decorating work.  In recent years I have asked myself is it worth it? So far, the answer has been “yes.”

Last year, I came close to not putting up a Christmas tree.  In addition to all of the other variables just mentioned, we were going to daughter Tara and family’s in Georgia for Christmas, so we would have less time in Raleigh than even usual.  As much as I tried to talk myself out of it, I succumbed and put up a tree, and was glad that I did. (You can read about that and even see the tree on the December 15, 2016, blog post.)  And this from one who loves the beauty of Christmas, and who for many years decorated three live trees!  But that was when we hosted at least two large Christmas parties, and it seemed to make more sense.  (Why, I do not know.  Is decorating for others more important than family?)

 

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Granddaughters Mary Grace, Elsie, and Virginia with Dr. Danks (Mike) and Nana (Patti).

This year we will be in Raleigh for Christmas, and the grandchildren (and their parents, of course!) will be with us.  That makes me want to decorate more, but I am having a slow start. Is it age?  Perhaps.  I remember the years that our parents chose to only have a table top tree, and I thought that was sad!  Have I become them?  Maybe.

 

But there is another variable.   Excess, and the feelings created by dealing with the magnitude of holiday stuff.  In my recent move to clear some clutter, I know that I need to get rid of some of our holiday stuff, and I feel myself resisting that. There are many memories in all of that holiday stuff.  I can remember where most of the ornaments came from and the memories are what I want to hold on to the most.  Is that possible without the tangible stuff? I hope so.

Ornaments and other holiday decorations should be viewed as clothes we no longer wear. If we did not use them last year, should we let them go?  Surely in those memories are decorations that no longer fit who we are now.  We should give those up to others who may in fact not have enough decorations.  This can be thought of as “Having less so others can have more,” which is similar to “Live simply, so others can simply live.”

 

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Many of these ornaments will remain in our collection.

 

I must stop writing and get to work separating ornaments and other decorations.  I will Keep Less, So Others Can Have More.

 

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Full Retirement Age

Posted on December 2, 2017 by Patti Fralix

 

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A lovely birthday dinner at my favorite restaurant, Margaux’s. 

I passed an age milestone this week.  On November 29th, I hit Full Retirement Age, which for me, is 66 years old.  The years keep coming faster and faster.  While aging has its challenges, it also has its benefits, and many would add Social Security benefits among those.   There isn’t always agreement among Americans regarding when it is best to begin receiving Social Security benefits. But regardless of one’s decision regarding this, reaching Full Retirement Age is a rite of passage.  I made it; I am there.

We only have one more month left in 2017.  Another year will soon pass.  2017 has been challenging for me.  In March of this year, I had a serious car accident.  Although the physical effects of the accident are almost gone, the emotional effects are not.  I still do not enjoy driving and my confidence about driving has not returned.  In early August, I had another car accident.  Thankfully, there was no physical damage from this accident, but I was shaken, nonetheless.  Soon thereafter, I was a passenger in a car with a friend when something flew off of a truck in front of us, flattening the right front tire.  We were not hurt, just delayed, and thankful that the only damage was to the car. Then on September 6th, my husband, Mike, and I were in St. Maarten when Hurricane Irma struck. The worst hurricane recorded in history.  We were not hurt, just inconvenienced, but this event had a life-changing effect on me.

As I think about the challenges of 2017, I feel the pain of those events all over again.   I also feel gratitude that none of those events resulted in permanent damage, not even lasting emotional damage.  Even from the hurricane experience.  For a month after experiencing Hurricane Irma, I was depressed, the first time in my life that I was depressed.  I had friends tell me that I had classic signs of PTSD.  For the first time, I truly understood being depressed.  For the first time, I had empathy for those suffering with depression.  While I thought I had understood and empathized with those dealing with this previous to my own experience, I felt the difference when it happened to me.

Then, the fog lifted.  I did not need medicine to get through what was for me short lived depression.  I am aware that some people do need help from medication and other resources when dealing with depression and other emotional challenges. When such is the case, it is important to take advantage of those.  But that was not my experience.  I needed, and received the love and caring of family and friends.  I learned first-hand the power of loving relationships. I am so thankful to those who were there for me.  I am thankful for the calls, the emails, the texts, and the visits.  I am also thankful for the conversations and the patience, and that no one told me to “just snap out of it.”  The love and caring of others during my time of need taught me how to be a better friend.  To all of you who were there, and you know who you are, I express to you my sincerest gratitude.

 

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My birthday dessert with the love of my life at The Red Monkey. 

 

Being 66 is a gift, a gift of life that I do not take for granted.  Even in the midst of our challenges, we can always find others who are not faring as well.  Many reading this feel the loss of a loved one who is no longer alive.  Some reading this are suffering serious and life-threatening conditions, even at much younger ages than 66.

The benefits of reaching Full Retirement Age extend far beyond Social Security.  The greatest benefit is being alive and healthy.

Given the gift of aging, it is my responsibility to take better care of myself.  I have written about the extra twenty pounds that keep finding me.   It is now time to do more than write about them.

I am ready for 2018.  A new year, and a new me!

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Thankful

Posted on November 26, 2017 by Patti Fralix

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Thanksgiving has come and gone for another year.  Of our 57 relatives and friends who graced our tables, only Tara, our oldest daughter and her family, husband Stephen, and daughters Mary Grace, Elsie, and Virginia, and Uncle Barry remain.  They will all be gone by Monday and I will be left with lots of laundry, but even more blessings.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  Mike and I have been hosting our family’s gathering for more than 30 years.  Family comes from all over the U.S., gathering in Raleigh for a few days of love and food and making memories that will last a lifetime.   My heart is overcome with joy to see them all come and pain to see them go. We never know what our lives and circumstances will involve before we meet again as a large group.  But for these past few days in Raleigh, we reconnected, knowing how blessed we are to have each other in this circle of life.  While reflecting on this year’s family celebration, I note the things for which I am most thankful.

 

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Granddaughters Mary Grace, Elsie, and Virginia and cousin Wyatt were among the first to arrive.

 

I am thankful for the gift of life and health, having suffered a couple of life-changing events in 2017.  In the midst of all of that, I was thankful and remain so.  I am thankful to have made it through all of that and to be physically and emotionally able to enjoy Thanksgiving.

 

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Dad and Uncle Barry at Sawmill, our first meal together for the Thanksgiving celebration.

 

I am thankful for the love of family and friends, love that sustained me through difficult times and nurtures me during times of celebration, such as Thanksgiving.  Positive and supportive relationships are so important.  I am so blessed to have them.

 

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Cousins Virginia and Kennidy had a great time together when they weren’t fighting for control!

 

I am thankful for the willingness and ability of our family from Maryland to Florida, (and some years, California) including soon to be 94-year-old Dad and Mum Rosie, to travel many miles to be together.

 

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Cousins Ethan, Virginia, Griffin, and Chase.

 

I am thankful for the love of our family of cooks, who come together and prepare meals for this large crowd of discriminating eaters, knowing that as soon as one meal is finished there are hungry mouths ready for the next.  There is never a lull in the kitchen and the dishwashers, both electric and manual, are always busy.

 

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Our last event of Thanksgiving was a celebration of Beverly Martin’s birthday at Seasons 52.

 

I am thankful for where we have evolved as a family.  Some of us have reconciled some differences years ago, making it possible for our family to take priority over our individual pride.  As I watched our children and grandchildren play together, laugh together, and work together, it was clear that all of our effort to make family unity a priority is more than worth it.

 

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Fralix Fun Run, Scavenger hunt, and other activities on Thanksgiving Day planned and executed by cousin Lisa.

 

And at this late hour, when most of our loved ones have arrived home and we are left with the memories of our time together, I am also thankful for the night, which calls us to rest.

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Living Intentionally

Posted on November 8, 2017 by Patti Fralix

 

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My passion

 

I am preparing for a speech later this week on Living Intentionally and must begin by commenting on the terrible shooting Sunday in Texas.  Another shooting.  How many devastating shootings will we have before we begin to solve whatever problems are causing these tragedies?

Living Intentionally may not have helped the victims of yesterday’s shootings at all.  Someone took their choices away from them.  The unbelievable has happened again and in another church.  A church, where people go to worship, not that the location makes the tragedy anymore or less understandable or acceptable.  How are we to begin to understand this?

I have no words of wisdom for those affected by these tragedies; only thoughts of grief.  I, and likely you cannot affect these situations.  But we can affect what happens in our lives, or at least, much of what happens in our lives.  There will always be some things outside of our control.  Not as much as we think, however.  But things such as the most recent Texas massacre, and the massacre in Las Vegas, and in New York City, and all of those before, are probably outside of our individual control.  What we have more control of is what happens in our own lives.   And unfortunately, many of us do not pay enough attention to what we can control.  Living Intentionally has everything to do with this.

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Living Intentionally is about being our best self and making living our best life a priority.  It is about choosing our best even when there are forces all around us that can distract us from this.  It is about recognizing when how we are living is no longer working for us, and not just recognizing it, but changing it.  It is about having the courage to make a personal change, which is the hardest change to make.  It is about living a life that is authentic, one that is in concert with our values.

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But how do we start?  Where do we begin?  This is probably the easiest question to answer.  We begin where we are and we decide who and where we want to be.   While it is tempting to think that we must continue along the same trajectory that got us to where we are now, such is not the case.  We can totally change our lives if and when we decide that who and where we are now is no longer working for us. To do so, however, requires that we be vulnerable, that we accept our vulnerability.  We have to face our discomfort before we can begin to change.  Nothing changes unless and until what we want is stronger than what we have.  The pull to stay where we are is so strong that what we want cannot occupy the space it needs to until what we have moves over to make room for it.

There are many steps in this process, and they can vary based upon one’s circumstances and one’s desires.  But the first step must always be to decide to live an intentional life.  This step cannot be skipped.  It all starts with this decision.  There will not be any clarity about the rest of the process until this decision is made.  And it cannot be just a desire.  It must be a decision.

My Hurricane Irma in St. Maarten experience in September was the point at which I made this decision, the decision to live an intentional life.  The decision came easily to me at the moment that I thought I was going to die.  It came to me with absolute clarity.  It was my “why.”  It has been said that when we know our “why,” our “how” follows.

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More time with friends and family is part of my intentional living decision.

 

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More time for eating nutritious and delicious meals.

 

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More time for reading, which is needed to get through Hamilton!

 

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And of course, more time with these precious granddaughters!

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During my Hurricane Irma experience in St. Maarten, when I thought I was going to die, I decided to really live.  While all that means for me is not yet known, the mystery is beginning to unfold.

 

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Part Six of Our Hurricane Irma in St. Maarten Experience

Posted on October 31, 2017 by Patti Fralix

 

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A most welcome sight!  Daughter, Tara, and granddaughters, Mary Grace, Elsie, and Virginia, welcoming us home at the RDU Airport.

 

After surviving Hurricane Irma in St. Maarten, four days after the hurricane hit, on September 10th, we were evacuated by Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.  We sailed on Adventure of the Seas to Aruba, disembarking and overnighting there.  The next day we arrived at the airport in plenty of time to fly from Aruba to Charlotte and then on to Raleigh.  Our family would meet us at the airport at midnight, so eager to finally see that we were truly safe.  But one, then the second American Airlines planes both had mechanical problems, and we were not sure when we would finally be able to leave Aruba.  So, we waited.

Finally, an announcement was made that the mechanical problem had been resolved on the plane that had arrived earlier from Charlotte, and we were ready to board.  Screams of relief could be heard as we made our way to the gate.  The boarding process went quickly and smoothly.  We were in the air about 8pm headed to Charlotte.  We would stay overnight in Charlotte, scheduled on an early flight to Raleigh the next morning.

We arrived in Charlotte around midnight and the American Airlines staff at the gate were ready for us.  We were given vouchers for food and a hotel confirmation and were told that our bags would remain at the airport and boarded for our flight the next morning.  We picked up an amenity pack and boarded the hotel shuttle that carried us a few miles to a Days Inn.  After about four hours of not so good sleep, we were back at Charlotte Douglas International airport.  I used the food vouchers for food that could travel with us.  Our flight took off from Charlotte uneventfully and arrived in Raleigh on schedule.  Our ordeal was almost over.  We were soon to be home.

I have felt joy many times in my life, but none more heartfelt than the joy of seeing our daughter and granddaughters waiting for us as we came into the public area of the Raleigh Durham Airport.  Tara, Mary Grace, Elsie, and Virginia were holding, “Welcome Home Nana and Dr. Danks!” signs. (“Dr. Danks” is their special name for Mike; the story about that another time).   Daughter Chatham picked up our luggage and Dr. Danks and drove them home, while I rode home with Tara and the girls.  At home, there were many other “Welcome Home” signs, as well as balloons, fresh flowers, and a special treat for Dr. Danks.  Mike loves pork rinds and there was a bag of pork rinds on the kitchen counter for him!

 

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Our “Welcome Home” sign, that has become permanent, and flowers and pork skins!

 

There was much hugging and tears; we were finally home!  This was Friday, September 15th.  Hurricane Irma had devastated St. Maarten early in the morning on Wednesday, September 6th.   We had been evacuated from St. Maarten on Sunday afternoon, September 10th.  It was now Friday, September 15th, and we were back home in Raleigh.

 

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Granddaughter Elsie holding one of our “Welcome Home” balloons.

 

 

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A homemade cake by granddaughter Elsie especially for our homecoming dinner

 

In addition to feelings of joy, I had other emotions.  Feelings of relief were dominant, as well as physical and emotional exhaustion.  Feelings of sadness came later.  Then depression.  But for now, we were enjoying being safe and home with family.

Mike was not on the same emotional roller coaster.  He rebounded from the Hurricane Irma experience quickly, seeing it more as an adventure than a crisis.  I will not judge that or even analyze it.  Mike left on a business trip to Taiwan less than twenty-four hours after we arrived back in Raleigh.  I understood completely that he had to make the business trip, and was glad that he was able to get home in time for that.

I spent the next few days enjoying being home, letting Tara and the girls, Chatham and Johnathan, and MoMo cook and care for me that weekend.  This was the only time that I remember being unable physically or emotionally to care for others.  I needed being cared for by others and gave into it.

 

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Daughters Chatham and Tara and granddaughters Virginia, Mary Grace, and Elsie.

 

Then Monday came, and everyone’s schedule had to get back to normal.  Everyone’s but mine.  I had a new normal.

 

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When I thought I was going to die, I decided to really live.”

 

This blog completes the “Hurricane Irma in St. Maarten Experience” written as a blog.  The blogs written about this experience have had much interest.  Some people have even written and/or said, “You need to write a book about this!”  I have decided to do just that and to have the book for publication in early 2018. The Hurricane Irma in St. Maarten experience resulted in so many lessons, so many more than can be chronicled in a blog.   I will keep you posted.

Thank you so much for your interest; it is appreciated more than you know.    

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