Being Careful Who We Follow

Posted on March 29, 2022 by Patti Fralix

Leaders have followers. In fact, it is the followers who make leaders powerful. It is important that we follow leaders who take us to places we should go, and not to places we just want to go. Leaders we follow have great influence over us, and we should want that influence to be positive and aspirational.

The beauty of nature as Spring bursts forth in all its splendor.

Readers who have been with me for a while most likely have heard my concern with profanity, and especially its use from the platform, including in writing. I see no reason at all for one to have to resort to the use of profanity to make a point.  But it happens all of the time, even from people in high places who otherwise seem to be decent people. Some people are even stooping to other “lows,” including violence. The debacle at the recent Oscars is a great example of this. Enough already. Let’s get back to decency.

Think of the people who you esteem as leaders. What are their characteristics? What is their character? How do they display decorum, integrity, and honor? How do they display decency? Is their behavior worthy of having followers?

Mary Grace, Virginia, and Nana at Camden County High School’s play, Anastasia.

Mike and I were in Georgia this past weekend. The main reason for the trip was to see our seventeen-year-old granddaughter, Mary Grace, in the school play, Anastasia. (It was great, and so was Mary Grace!) We were also able to attend two soccer games that our soon-to-be ten-year-old granddaughter, Virginia, played in while her parents took our fifteen-year-old, granddaughter, Elsie, to play in a soccer competition three hours away. I am in awe of parents such as our daughter and son-in-law who spend countless hours and money supporting the efforts of their children in sports, dance, and other activities. I am also grateful for those parents such as our family who have the time and means to support their children in this manner and realize that all children and parents are not so blessed.

Is there a leadership lesson in parents (who are able to) spending their time and money on their children’s activities? Yes, I think there is. Parents who do so are showing that their children are a priority. These parents could be out pursuing their own pleasures instead of being in these healthy environments with their children. Children learn valuable life lessons in team activities. Parents who support these are leading by example. Even though some parents, especially those watching sports, get overzealous and seem to be competing with the coach by (inappropriately) directing their children and the team! And the life lessons learned from a coach who does not always seem to be fair in who plays and when is preparation for a boss who may be unfair once they are in the workforce.

Granddaughter Elsie on the left. Her team won their game and advances to the Fl Youth Soccer Association Presidents Cup semi-finals later this month.  

If there is an issue that bothers me more than profanity from the platform it is drinking alcohol to excess. Alcohol overconsumption has become a national hazard. I make this point fully aware that since I am now a non-drinker (for almost three years) some may think my point is against all alcohol drinking. That is not the case. I am not opposed to social drinking. I have decided that I should not drink socially because I did not usually stop with one or even two glasses of wine. I would too often have the third and even fourth glass. Although I usually did this drinking at home, there was still a problem. And the times that I drank and then drove, no, not after four glasses, and usually not even after three, but too many times after two glasses. Shame on me. I am so thankful that I never had an accident or received a ticket. I did not ever plan to drink, or certainly, I did not plan to drink to excess, for my mother was an alcoholic, as were other family members. But it became a habit. Until one day I decided, enough. I do not know if I will ever drink alcohol again, but at this point, I do not plan to.

Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the President of Ukraine, undoubtably most people’s choice for greatest current leader. 

Speaking of alcohol, let’s connect this to leaders. When I think of leaders, past president George W. Bush comes to mind. He stopped drinking alcohol in 1986 at the age of 40, convinced that his drinking was an unhealthy habit. He has not had any alcohol since. His story about this can be googled and is reported in his memoir, Decision Points. The fact that George W. Bush has talked openly about this, without being prescriptive about what he thinks others should do, is inspirational. Regardless of what one thinks about his politics, George W. Bush can be celebrated as a leader for recognizing his problem, being committed to the best solution, and staying the course. That is what leaders do.

I think I will stop before I get too “preachy,” although I may be there already! The point I have attempted to make in this post is not really “anti” anything, other than profanity and anything done to excess. I am opposed to behaviors and choices that do not represent characteristics worthy of following.

A great resource on Leadership.

Leaders are important people, and when we choose to follow them, they should be worthy of our respect. Their behaviors and characteristics should be those that help us become the best version of ourselves.

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Every Chance I Get

Posted on March 23, 2022 by Patti Fralix

I listen to podcasts a lot, usually when I am walking. On my walk earlier today, I heard one of Hoda Kotb of the Today Show’s podcasts with Wintley Phipps. I had never heard of Wintley Phipps, but I was most impressed with him on several levels. He has numerous YouTube videos, some of him singing Amazing Grace. I am so glad that I listened to this podcast of Hoda Kotb and him. His message on the podcast was just what I needed to hear today.

Wintley Phipps’ words inspired me and comforted me. He was just what I needed today to be able to get outside of myself and think of others. I don’t know about you but sometimes I can wallow around in my problems and fail to remember how blessed I am. A first-world problem.

We can be those who make others smile.

On the podcast Wintley Phipps talked about Purpose, asking the question, “What Was The Reason You Were Created?” He then talked about Purpose from the standpoint of us being the best version of ourselves. Wow. I have long thought that I know my Purpose, which is helping others be their best selves. My avenue for this has been my Leadership Development Business, the Fralix Group, through Speaking, Consulting, and Coaching, inspiring and developing others.

A good self assessment.

Well, I have to be honest and admit that I haven’t been doing much of that lately. I certainly have not inspired and developed myself. And I know that we cannot give to others what we ourselves do not have. If I have inspired and developed others lately, it is circumstantial. It is time for me to get serious again about this issue of being my best self, if I plan to fulfill my purpose.  

One of the things Wintley Phipps said on the podcast is “Every chance I get, I’m going to try to put some light in someone else’s life.” He then said, “We find light when we are giving to others.” He also discussed that our highest purpose is to be the best version of ourselves, which is the reason we were created.

I encourage you to listen to the entire podcast, which is Hoda Kotb’s most recent one. And perhaps you will join me in living your purpose, being the best version of yourself.

I am going to work on me. Every chance I get I’m going to try to put some light in someone else’s life.

Wintley Phipps

So, how can I be of more help and light to you, my dear readers?

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The Leadership Model

Posted on March 18, 2022 by Patti Fralix

The focus of this month’s blogs is Leadership. I define Leadership as Inspiring and Developing Others. Leadership is being played out on the world stage with what is happening in Ukraine and around the globe. It is also being played out in families as parents inspire and develop their children to lead in the next generation. It is important to mention that leadership is not a position of authority, that refers to management. Also, it is not uncommon for one to be a great manager and yet not so great of a leader and vice versa. Management and Leadership skills and behaviors are different.

Through my Leadership Development business, The Fralix Group, I have been speaking, consulting, and coaching on Leadership since 1993, almost thirty years! I have often used a model I developed, The Leadership Model, for this purpose.

At the top of the Leadership Model is Strategy, which includes Vision, Mission, Values, and Goals. Vision is direction, where we are going. The biblical verse, “Without vision, the people perish.” (Proverbs 29:18) comes to mind. One reference mentions this phrase as the importance of vision in Leadership, stating, “Without a long-term plan-without a vision-people are doomed to wander aimlessly.” This phrase has, of course, broader implications of faith, not merely referring to leadership in business. But in the context of this article, our focus is business. One example of a popular company’s vision is: “… to be the premier purveyor of the finest coffee in the world.” Can you guess which company this is?

Mission refers to purpose, the purpose of a business. Vision and Mission are usually developed by executive management and shared with others throughout the organization. Can you guess whose mission statement is: “To bring the best personal computing products and support to students, educators,…around the world?”

Values are behaviors. There are many examples of behaviors that are important in organizations. For Values/behaviors to be meaningful requires that they be developed with staff at every level in an organization. Examples of behaviors include integrity, (a complicated word, but often a value of organizations) customer-centered, authenticity, compassion, trustworthiness, and sustainability. There are many others. It is important to note that organizational values are not personal values. It is possible that the organizational values are not the same as the values of the individuals within the organization. That is fine, as long as the individuals do not behave in a manner inconsistent with the organization’s values.      

Goals are intentions/targets. Like Values, these are often established with individuals throughout the organization. These are specific, and to be effective, one should follow the SMART philosophy. “S” is specific; “M” is measurable; “A” is achievable; “R” is relevant; and “T” is time-bound. Goals should be long-term and short-term. Given the rapidity of change, most long-term Goals are no longer than five-year goals.       

The top of the Leadership Model, Strategy, is the accountability of executive management. While others may be involved in developing aspects of the organization’s Strategy, executive leaders are accountable for them. While executive management can delegate the responsibility of developing Values and Goals to others in the organization, they cannot delegate their accountability for them. This is an important distinction.

The left side of the Leadership Model Triangle is People. People in all positions are needed to be Confident, (not arrogant, but confident,) Competent, (in human skills and technical skills,) and Committed (dependable being more important than loyal.) This is the individual aspect of the Leadership model.

The right side of the Leadership Model triangle is Systems, which can be thought of as anything outside of the individual that is necessary for individuals to get their work done effectively. Management is a system, and when the management system is not working well, individuals are adversely impacted. Teamwork is a system. Communication is a system. There are other systems as well.

In the center of the Triangle are the Customers, both internal (staff) and external (paying customers or those the organization serves.) It is often asked which customers are most important, the internal customers or the external ones. My answer to that question is, “It is foolish for an organization to expect the internal customers to treat the external customers any better than they perceive they are treated by the organization.”

As one considers The Leadership Model, assume that if there is a weakness in any of the three parts of the triangle, Customers will not be well served.

Think of Strategy, People, and Systems as the key determinants of Leadership. And not just for companies, but for your life as well.

Do you have a Strategy for your life? What is your Vision for your life? What is your direction? What is your Mission, your purpose? What are the Values/behaviors most necessary for you to accomplish your Vision and Mission? What are your Goals?

Are you Confident, Competent, and Committed? Do you have Systems in place that are necessary for you to be successful?

Leadership is all about inspiring and developing. Is it possible that the most important person for us to lead is ourself?

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Leading Oneself

Posted on March 9, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Something to consider.

Leadership is all about inspiring and developing others. Those considered leaders make a (hopefully positive) impact on the lives of other people. This is done when one has a life worthy of inspiring others. I don’t know of anyone who leads others who isn’t worthy of following.

Think about the qualities you value in others. It is possible that these are the same qualities that you value in yourself. A simple exercise is to ask someone who knows you well to describe you. While there can be great variety in words used to describe us, it is likely that if we ask several people to do this, there will be some cross-over in the words that are used. Try this exercise and see if it provides you any insight into qualities others see in you. Once you have done this, decide if these words are qualities that you see in yourself and if these are qualities that you value.

The Barnes and Noble Bookstore in the Village in Raleigh, is a great example of change. Not the typical physical layout.

I did this, and words that someone used to describe me are: wonderful, dedicated, strong-willed, loving, and serving. As I consider these, the one that is the hardest for me to evaluate is “wonderful.” What makes me wonderful, I wonder? Not knowing what to do with that word, I put it aside, and thought of the other words.   

Dedicated, strong-willed, loving, and serving are words that I am glad are associated with me in this person’s mind. They are also words that I think are positive, not negative, although if one is too strong-willed, that can be negative. I did not give any instructions to the person regarding the words used to describe me, other than when asked, “How many”? I asked for one more than had been given.  

Does this mean women are better leaders?!

As I thought about these words, I then evaluated whether they are qualities that I value. Dedicated to what? Loving in what way? Serving how? Strong-willed as positive, or is it also negative in this person’s opinion? These are questions that I asked myself; I did not verbalize them. These are qualities that I value. Also, I am not surprised that these words were used to describe me, although I am not sure that I would have come up with the same words.

Are these qualities, dedicated, strong-willed, loving, and serving qualities of a leader? I am not evaluating whether I am considered a leader. That is for others to determine about us, not for us to decide about ourselves. But are leaders usually dedicated, strong-willed, loving, and serving? What do you think?

More behaviors. Which ones are most important in personal leadership?

Another exercise is to think of someone that you know, and who you consider to be a leader. Identify qualities you see in that person. I did this, and the qualities that came to mind are dependable, humble, hard-working, committed, and fair. These are different qualities than those identified for me. While dependable and dedicated are similar, none of the other qualities are. What does this mean? Simply that there can be great variety in qualities people think of when considering the behavior of others. What does this have to do with personal leadership?

Leadership is first and foremost personal. Think of yourself, and what qualities others might identify for you. What do those qualities represent? Do you like what you see? Are these qualities that inspire and develop others, including those in your family, such as your children? Are these qualities that would make you proud if they were used in your eulogy?

Our children change and grow so fast. Our grandson, Drew, who was just born yesterday, is now 4!

As long as we are alive, we can change what we want to change about ourselves. Behavior change is not easy, but we can change most of what we want to change if we work at it with dedication and commitment.

Leadership is being played out on the national stage with what is happening in Ukraine. Closer to home, leadership is also being played out in our families.

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Leadership in Real-Time

Posted on March 3, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Sunflowers are the national flower of Ukraine, and now a symbol of solidarity.

The focus of this month’s blogs is Leadership. Leadership is one of the three areas of emphasis of The Fralix Group and has been for all of the twenty-nine years of the business. What is Leadership? The dictionary defines Leadership as “Influencing or Guiding Others.” My definition is somewhat stronger. I define Leadership as “Inspiring and Developing Others.” Hopefully, you can see the difference between “Influencing and Guiding” and “Inspiring and Developing.”

Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy.

Leadership is being played out on the world stage in real-time with what is happening in Ukraine. One only needs to see what the President of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zelenskyy, is doing to see Leadership in action. The people of Ukraine are also showing Leadership in action, fighting diligently to save their country from being taken over by Russia. Against all odds, the people of Ukraine and their leader are showing leadership in action. It remains to be seen if they will be successful. But success is not the gauge for leadership, action is. If all of the valiant efforts of Zelenskyy and the people of Ukraine fail, they still will have exhibited leadership in action. Their courage inspires the world. Their leadership is positive. Unfortunately, all leadership is not positive.

Brave Ukrainians fighting for their country.

Mike and I travelled to Russia in April of 2019, spending several days in Moscow. Mike was there on business, and his hosts invited me to accompany him, at their expense. It was a wonderful trip. I had wanted to see Russia since Dr. Zhivago, and I was thrilled to be there. We stayed at the Metropol Hotel, which is in the heart of Moscow, near Red Square. Our hosts were very gracious, showing us the best of their city. Having been a guest of Russians in their beautiful city, it is hard for me to fathom what is happening to Ukraine at the hands of Russian President Vladimir Putin. I refuse to put our gracious hosts in the same category as Russian President Putin.

Mike flanked by our gracious Russian hosts.

We can see from the example of Russian President Putin that all leadership is not positive. President Putin is certainly a leader, that point cannot be disputed. But Putin’s leadership is the dictator type, and his “inspiring and developing others” is negative in nature. While many people follow Putin because of fear, they still follow him and are doing his bidding in horrible ways. But hopefully only for a limited time. As U.S. President Joe Biden said in his State of the Union speech this week, “Freedom will always triumph over tyranny.”  

Hand carved wooden Russian Santas, my favorite souvenir from our trip to Russia.
The lovely market outside of Moscow where I found the beautiful wooden Santas. 

We are not all called to a world stage as leaders. Leadership occurs in many places, many of them less lofty than a world stage. This does not make them any less important. The parent who inspires and develops a child, or doesn’t, has as great of an impact as a world leader.

I often read a book discovered in another country. This is a great book I read while traveling from Russia. 

Leadership occurs in many places. Some of these places are a world stage, such as Ukraine. Others are a home stage, such as the ones where many reading this live their values and inspire those looking on.

Prayers for Ukraine and its leaders, and the rest of the world as decisions are made about how involved other countries will be. Prayers for family leaders. Prayers for leaders everywhere.

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Traditions and Memories

Posted on February 26, 2022 by Patti Fralix
At Winona’s in Steamboat, our breakfast tradition on our departure day.

Another month is soon to end, and another year is well underway. Time passes on, and changes continue to occur. In our part of the country, one change that is happening and that is greeted with appreciation is the relaxing of COVID restrictions. I am grateful that our family has (so far) escaped the virus, and do not take this gift for granted.

At Winona’s in Steamboat two years ago. The children have grown, and some of us have aged!
January 2018 at Winona’s. MoMo was with us on this trip.

Speaking of family, one only needs to look at our children to understand the power of change. Mike and I just returned from our (almost annual) family trip to Steamboat Springs, Colorado. While our daughter  Tara and family travelled to Park City last year to ski, Mike and I did not make that trip. Most years our daughter Tara and her family and Mike and I travel to Steamboat Springs in January or February, although some years other family members have been with us. One year Uncle Barry was with us. Daughter Chatham has been to Steamboat with us a couple of times, and her husband Johnathan was along for the trip once, but grandson Drew has yet to make the trip. Our dear friend MoMo has also travelled with us to Steamboat and has a skiing injury to remember that year by!

This photo of (Left) Mary Grace (soon to be 17!) and (Right) Elsie (15) shows how much they have grown. I am so thankful for our traditions and memories.

As Mike and I have aged, we have spent more time indoors in Ski Town USA, as Steamboat is known, than outside in the snow. We are fine with Tara, Stephen, Mary Grace, Elsie, and Virginia skiing while we sit by the fire and enjoy our surroundings. Although we did ski in our younger years, we have decided that it is not worth the risk to our older bodies to get on the slopes at our current ages.

A winter wonderland in Steamboat
Virginia on the slopes.

Our family has enjoyed traveling together and creating traditions and memories. Photos are an important record of traditions and memories. As I look back on our trips to Steamboat, I am amazed at how much we have all changed. One can certainly use the word “aged” for the changes we older ones have experienced, but words that better express the changes our children have experienced are “grown and developed.” Our photos of our trips to Steamboat through the years reflect these changes better than any other tangible example. These changes reinforce to me the importance of making time to be together, creating traditions and memories that will last forever. And of course, our traditions and memories can be made at home, they do not have to involve traveling to ski resorts.

(Front) Virginia, (Left) Elsie, (Center) Mary Grace, (Right) Tara, and (Back) Stephen shopping on Lincoln Avenue in Steamboat, the only day not on the slopes.

This blog post completes the posts for February, whose theme has been “Relationships.” I began the month with a focus on relationships with ourselves. In this last blog post of the month, the relationship of focus is family.

A wonderful message found at the entrance to Winona’s, our favorite breakfast restaurant in Steamboat.

What traditions and memories has your family created? It is never too late to get started.               

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Celebrating Special Days

Posted on February 19, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Some of my Valentine’s roses and photos of a past family skiing trip in Steamboat Springs, Colorado, where we often spend the Presidents’ Day holiday. 

Special days come around quite often. We just celebrated Valentine’s Day earlier this week, and the upcoming Monday is President’s Day. While it is tempting to think that these special days are mainly for retail’s benefit, or to give us an extra holiday from school and work, they are really more important than that. We should recognize these days for their true meaning.   

Mike and me celebrating Valentine’s Day February 2021 at Duffers at Oak Island Golf Club. Valentine’s Day 2022 we spent at home.

Valentine’s Day is all about love and relationships. If you didn’t show your loved ones what they mean to you on this day set aside for this, you missed an opportunity. While some do bemoan Valentine’s Day and refuse to participate in what they see as just a poorly fabricated holiday that benefits retailers, Valentine’s Day is more than that. While you may have supported the florists and chocolatiers, perhaps you were more creative and chose a gift that was not one given by the masses. Regardless, how you showed your affection to loved ones is not the point, as long as you did. It would be a shame if you let Valentine’s Day pass and failed to show your affection for your loved ones. And although a tangible gift was not necessary to do so, the giving of a tangible gift is the more common route chosen. Now that Valentine’s Day 2022 has passed, you have a full year to prepare for next year’s Valentine’s Day.

Presidents’ Day is an American holiday, established in 1885 to honor the February 22nd birthday of our first President, George Washington. In 1971, the holiday was moved to the third Monday in February, creating more three-day weekends for workers. At that time what had been known as Washington’s Birthday became Presidents’ Day, honoring all presidents. Also, some states have expanded the celebration to include honoring others than presidents, those considered leaders past and present. The day is also specifically targeted to give retail the opportunity to have Presidents’ Day sales. Car dealerships in particular have long weekend sales, although that may not be the same this year with the shortage of cars to sell.

At the shoppes at the Venetian in Las Vegas in 2020.

Many people in our country are polarized, especially over politics and vaccines. Perhaps we should remember the words of our first president, George Washington. Washington left us many lessons after he left office, perhaps the most profound found in these words, “Observe good faith and justice towards all nations; cultivate peace and harmony with all.”

The retail expert on the Today Show recommends furniture, mattresses, and appliances are the purchases to make this Presidents’ Day weekend. 

Peace and harmony can be found again among all nations and all people, if we are willing to set aside our differences and grant others the respect and dignity which we all deserve. Perhaps we can combine the lessons found in Washington’s words with the love for others expressed on Valentine’s Day.

Our first President, George Washington.

Let’s let love, good faith, and justice for all guide our hearts and our actions.                 

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Relationship Matters

Posted on February 9, 2022 by Patti Fralix
Having relationships with those who make our heart smile helps our heart and our life!

February is Heart Month. Heart month is about the relationship that we have with ourselves, and with our most vital organ, our heart. If we don’t feel good about ourselves, we do things that can abuse our heart, such as not eating well and being a couch potato. We must have a healthy relationship with ourselves to make decisions that protect our heart. Our relationship with ourself is primary to our other relationships.

Relationships take work!

Next week is Valentine’s Day, a day set aside each February that celebrates romantic love. Some espouse that Hallmark created Valentine’s Day, and that it is a day that benefits florists, candy makers, and Hallmark more than anyone else! Christmas and New Year’s have barely ended before the stores are decorated for Valentine’s Day and are full of trinkets to give our loved ones. More about romantic love next week.

An important reminder that will keep friends friends!

Valentine’s Day has been expanded in recent years to include showing affection for relatives and friends. It is unfortunate that we need a day each year that encourages us to show others how much we care about them. But the reality is that many of us are so busy that we often fail to pay attention to those who mean the most to us. There is nothing wrong with joining the throngs of others who get caught up in the Valentine’s Day celebration and focusing on the importance of our relationships. Not in a manner that is created by florists and others who benefit from what can be an artificial recognition of this celebration. But by careful acknowledgment of the importance of our relationships with others.

Loved ones show up at times of sorrow. Mike, neice Judy, and me at Uncle Barry’s graveside service. 

What is the most important way that we can show our affection for others? By giving of our time. Not by just our physical presence, but by giving our attention to those we love. It does no good to be in the same room with our children if we are all on our devices. Or worse yet, at the dinner table. We should really monitor the behavior we are showing others when we spend more time on our devices than we do truly connecting with those we say we care the most about. Or taking photos and missing the moments.

Those who are fortunate enough to have parents still living have an opportunity to spend quality time with them, regardless of the miles that may separate them. Regular phone calls are an important way to keep in touch, as are physical visits. If we do not make time for our parents while they are alive, we will have regrets when they are gone. I speak from experience on this one. How I wish I could see my mother waving at me from her window one more time.

Best friend MoMo and grandson Drew. MoMo spends quality time with all of our family!

Letters and cards are an inexpensive way to visit with those we love. I realize that handwriting is a dying art, but it is so important to take the time to put pen to paper and let those we love know that we are thinking about them. Not just by sending a card for a special event but by sending a card or note just because you are thinking of them. I was struck by the smaller number of Christmas cards that we received this year. I so enjoy receiving cards with handwritten notes from some we rarely see throughout the year. There were fewer of those this past Christmas. I sent a few notes, but not the number that I normally send. Has COVID dealt a death blow to this as well as so many other things? If anything, COVID should have given us more time at home, not less; time that can be spent writing notes and sending cards. 

Friends are an important relationship that needs to be nurtured to thrive or to even survive. It is so easy to get caught up in family priorities and to neglect our friends. We will never find the time to stay connected to others, we must make the time. We need to prioritize our friend relationships, or we may find that they are no longer present.

A sweet friend dropped off this surprise on my doorsteps recently; a mask necklace and specialty coffee. Thank you, dear Laura. 

Can you think of a time when someone, a friend or even an acquaintance, reached out and did something special for you? I am not referring to a tangible gift, although that may have occurred. It can be as simple as a “thinking of you” card or call. The example that comes immediately to mind for me happened in 1983. I had been divorced for several years and was not dating anyone. You know how Valentine’s Day can be when you are not romantically involved; lonely. A co-worker of mine gave me a Valentine’s card with the sentiment that she was thinking of me, and that she knew that I would find love again. I was so touched by her thoughtfulness, and to this day I can feel how special that was. Thank you, Jeri. I will always remember that. That gesture required Jeri to get outside of herself, to think of me, and to not just think of me, but to show me support in a very tangible way.

Some readers spend time on Facebook, “connecting” with “friends.” I enjoy Facebook for what it is, but it isn’t really “connection” in the most meaningful way, and some of my “friends” are really acquaintances. The time some spend on Facebook could be spent reaching out and truly connecting with friends in a meaningful manner.

Traditions are important with family and friends, such as this Christmas lunch at City Club Raleigh with daughter Tara and granddaughters (L) Elsie, (Front) Virginia, and (R) Mary Grace.

What about texting? Is communication by texting a meaningful connection? I suppose it can be, to a point. But texting is a form of written communication, and usually quick, best used for passing information back and forth, which is different than connection. A phone call will always be more connection than a text. While texting does have some benefits, such as it does not have to be an interruption in someone’s day. One can read the text and respond when it is convenient, which can be later than when it was received. (How much later is appropriate is a subject for another blog post.)

If relationships are important to us, we make time for them. Use this Valentine’s Day to show those who you care about how important they are to you. And not just your romantic partner.

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February is for the Heart

Posted on February 4, 2022 by Patti Fralix
I haven’t read this yet, but I am so looking forward to this latest work by one of my favorite authors.

February is all about the heart. It is American Heart Month. Also, Valentine’s Day, the holiday that celebrates love, comes in February. February 14th is Valentine’s Day, as most, maybe even all, readers know. In the spirit of celebrating the heart, I decided that my February blogs will be about relationships.

Our first relationship is with ourselves. How we feel about ourselves, our emotions, determines in large part our actions. If we have a healthy relationship with ourselves, it is easier to take good care of our heart. Taking good care of our heart includes making sure that we are heart-healthy. It includes eating healthy foods, foods that are good for our heart. It includes exercise, so that we stay physically active as long as possible. It includes having regular checkups, so we know if our cholesterol is out of control and if our blood pressure is in control, since both of these can be corrected with our behavior, and when that no longer works, with medicine. It also includes taking care of our emotional health.

A heart-healthy option for exercise.

What are healthy foods? You probably know this, even if you do not always eat healthy foods. Heart-healthy foods include foods that are low in fat, such as fish (especially salmon) vegetables (especially broccoli and Brussels sprouts,) fruit (especially blueberries) beans (especially garbanzo beans,) and olive oil (2 tablespoons/daily), and oatmeal (and other whole grains, such as quinoa.)

Exercise that is best for heart health is aerobic. Examples of exercise that is good for the heart are walking, jogging, bicycling, rowing, cross-country skiing, and swimming. Safety is a concern, especially in the winter, when ice that isn’t easily seen can accumulate. I personally do not enjoy exercise machines and gyms. I had a gym membership several times when I was younger, and after realizing that I do not like machines and gyms, I no longer even attempt to join a gym. Walking is my preferred exercise, and when it is too cold for me to walk outside, there is always the mall. Walking in the mall also breaks up the monotony of walking, since one can sightsee, and yes, even shop, if we are so inclined. When I am able to walk in my neighborhood, it takes less time and effort (and saves money!)

A heart-healthy meal, and so delicious!

A discussion of heart health should include a focus on emotional health. Our almost two-year experience with COVID has resulted in some damage to the emotional health of many. We are, hopefully, on the other side of COVID, but not out of the woods completely yet. Dependent upon where one lives, and the restrictions on gathering and masks, our emotional health related to this, can vary considerably. I am basically very healthy and am vaccinated and boosted and have felt safe to go to restaurants and gather with friends and family since mid-2020. As such, I have not suffered the extreme loss of connection that those who have not been as active can feel. Even so, some of my friends have not felt as safe to gather, and I have missed being with them. Also, our world has changed dramatically, and some of those changes have adversely affected me and Mike. Life is not as easy as it was pre-COVID and may never be again. We do have a new normal, and those who can and do adjust to the new normal are better equipped emotionally than those who can’t and/or don’t. 

What are healthy emotions? Joy is the healthiest emotion, and yet joy escapees some people, in part due to the changes we have been experiencing. COVID is not the only change. Aging is another change, and since I recently became 70 years of age, I am dealing with this change. Another healthy emotion is happiness. Happiness is more external whereas joy is more internal. Positive experiences can cause happiness, yet joy can be felt just by feeling gratitude.

The only one we can really control is ourselves!

All healthy emotions are not positive. Sadness, disappointment, and grief, while more negative emotions, can be heart-healthy. What is most important regarding emotions is to express them in a healthy manner, to not suppress them. The value of talk therapy cannot be overrated, whether the talk therapy is with a supportive friend or a professional therapist. Sometimes the use of medicine is appropriate to treat conditions such as depression and should be coupled with talk therapy with a professional. This is my opinion and is not intended to be medical advice.

When we have a healthy relationship with ourselves, we are better able to have positive connections with others.  We are a relationship-oriented species, so connection with others is very important. So, it is time to look in the mirror and decide if we like what we see. Do we like ourselves? Do we value ourselves? Now, this does not have to mean that we like everything about ourselves, but that in general, we are happy with who we are. If so, we are better able to take action on being heart-healthy, such as healthy eating and exercising, so we can better take care of our most vital organ, our heart.

How is your heart?

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Business Success

Posted on January 27, 2022 by Patti Fralix
A very important message now with so many businesses short staffed.

In today’s world, standing out from the crowd is preferable to being an also-ran. With COVID-19 still among us, supply chain challenges and staffing shortages are adversely impacting many businesses’ ability to be successful. Anything that can positively differentiate a business and make it stand out above other like businesses is important. Being a commodity does not differentiate one from others, and businesses that are more commodity-driven are at greater risk.

A business with a specialty niche has a greater chance of being successful than a commodity does, all other variables being equal. However, having a specialty niche does not guarantee success. Business is much more complex than that.

9-year-old granddaughter Virginia readied our room when we visited recently, including preparing our linens. She knows more about service than many adults!

Knowing one’s customers and what makes them one’s customers is critical to business success. It is not possible to consistently meet your customers’ expectations if those aren’t known. Knowing your market is also necessary. If your market is the luxury market, your customers have different expectations than those of a commodity market.    

Cash flow is critical to a business’s success. Many good businesses have closed due to cash flow issues. In today’s times, this may be even more important than ever. During the past two years, many businesses have not been able to serve customers due to mandates related to the pandemic. Many of those were not able to make it through these times. With fewer paying customers able to purchase what the business was selling, cash flow problems put the nail in the coffin of many businesses. The food service industry has been hit especially hard in this regard.

Why do some brands make it difficult and time consuming to know how to launder their garments?! This helps to decode the symbols.

All have certainly not been doom and gloom during the pandemic, however. The pandemic created new jobs and new businesses, such as the making of masks and the increase in the need for hand sanitizers. These items quickly became commodity items, with style as the main differentiator, followed closely behind by cost. As such, the demand for any particular brand is limited, and the growth in these commodity items alone cannot provide sufficient profit to make these businesses strong.

Weight Watchers (WW) has tools posted to help its customers by reinforcing important messages. 

Quality has become even more important during the pandemic than it is during “normal” times. Quality is often related to cost and value, and poor quality is costly. With many people having less disposable income and holding tightly to what they have, fearing the unknown, they have not been as likely to replace items that are in good condition as frequently.

One of the many positive motivational quotes posted in an elementary school where Virginia played basketball this week. This school is providing excellent service to its students with these affirmations. 

It is probable that some of our buying values have changed during the pandemic. Before the pandemic, we had already seen a shift from buying tangible items or things to interest in and purchasing experiences. In the past two years of COVID, this trend has accelerated. While engaging in experiences has been limited in part due to COVID and especially travel restrictions, it is clear that the interest in time spent with loved ones has increased significantly. For many people creating memories through experiences has taken on greater meaning. Now that we are finally beginning to see positive changes in COVID numbers in many states, we can expect the interest in travel, including international travel, to peak. Many people are more than ready to get out and engage in life again at a different level than has been possible these past two years.

A great idea! This allows customers to open doors without touching with their hands. Found in a convenience store and McDonalds in SC. 

Is your business positioned for the return to more normal business activity? Or are you still posting “Help Wanted” signs, using lack of staff as an excuse for a variety of business problems? If so, and your business is a commodity business, expect your competition to figure out solutions that will render your business obsolete. If your business is a specialty business, expect your customers to have greater expectations of you. If you meet or exceed those expectations, the business you experience can be exponentially appreciated.

Of these, commodity or specialty, which provides a greater opportunity for success? Where is your business positioned, and if you do not like the answer to this question, what will you do to change?

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